Dss, his mum, sickness and a little baby, AIBU? I probably am.... <sigh>

[MrsRhettButler]

hi, dss is 7, our dd1 is 6 and dd2 is 12 weeks.

Dss happens to be one of those children who is ill quite a lot (mainly normal snuffly nose stuff) dd1 is never ill unless she catches something from dss. (no exaggeration, she just doesn't pick things up from school and I think she only catches bugs from him as they are so close and always have their heads together over some book/computer game) I will admit to this annoying me, especially in the past when dd1 was younger but hey ho, these things happen, children catch bugs.

So now we have 12 week old dd2 and dss was dropped here yesterday and within 5 mins of him being here I noticed that he had a bad cough, very raspy voice and snot streaming from his nostrils. I noticed this after he had already kissed and hugged dd2.

Now, AIBU to think dss's mum should have AT LEAST pre warned us and really offered to keep him home this weekend? (now I know he is dp's son and that includes when he is ill but we are all very flexible about weekends and will swap and change whenever it suits any of us so no point saying 'but it was your weekend')

I'm actually quite annoyed that she didn't even warn us and he's also turned up without a coat, hat or gloves

YANBU to feel protective towards your DC, but sadly your first post does suggest that you see your DSS as a visitor rather than a son.

I've read all posts - YABU.

He is your partner's son. If dss developed an illness when he was staying with you, would your dp say to the mum 'He's ill - shall I keep him here til he's better?'. No? Then why should his mother. Babies catch colds so what?

You do know that at seven, your dss can pick up snatched bits of conversation, vibes and an overall sense that he's not wanted around? And that that could be very damaging for him?

I feel quite angry about this. Especially as your responses have suggested you are not listening to a word anyone is saying.

Ok, as the mother of 2 children who visit their dad for 24hours each weekend, heres my two penneth worth.

YABU to want to swap weekends for a cough or cold. Sickness bug is completely different. I would (and do) expect the kids Dad to have them even when they are full of cough and cold, or with ear infection etc. However, if one of them was physically vomiting I wouldnt expect them to go there - and equally I would pick them up early from their Dads. They would want their mum and their home comforts.

However, YANBU to expect to be forewarned. When I hand over the kids we have a quick discussion about whether they have eaten well, slept well, need medicine etc. It helps the other parent gadge whether a child is likely to be hungry/sleepy/miserable etc.

I have this to come as the resident parent - Ex and his girlfriend have a baby due in the New Year. However, we will have a slightly different scenario as baby has been diagnosed as having life threatening health issues - so of course I will have to be more flexible with things like colds etc at first. If it were just a newborn however, I would expect the kids to go to their dads as normal.

Proudnscary, I have listened to what people have said, the majority say iabu so I have accepted that I was. The thing is there is no point people analizing my relationship with dss from a few posts on the internet.
If his mum had a little baby and he fell ill here of course I would offer to keep him until he was better! I'm quite angry that you would assume I wouldn't! I don't just have these views because its my baby, as I said upthread if it were the other way round I would have rang and checked before I sent dd anywhere ill.
I know about vibes and things like that and all I said to dp (when he came in at 11pm) was that I thought his mum could have told us and that he didn't have a coat, he was asleep by 11pm.
We've had a nice weekend.
Apols for any typos I'm on my phone

Sorry jelly, I meant to reply to you too.
I do love dss very much and what your 'friend' said about innocent dc is shocking and very sad.
At the end of the day the important person (dss) knows that I love him and I know this because we have little chats and he confides in me about school and problems he has with his friends and stuff like that, children won't do that unless they feel comfortable with and loved by someone.

You know now yabu!

well done for recognising that.

It's natural to want to protect a baby, but you know realitstically that dss wont bring in all the bacteria.