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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 6am is too early for the family to be getting up?

95 replies

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 07:36

especially if we were up late?

basically dd1 2.5 woke at 6 this morning. She had been up until 9pm and got up at 6am.
I told dh to give her a little milk and act as if it were still say 4 or 5am because she was up so late and we all needed some sleep yet. DH said it was no problem and that he'd get up with her... I said she was up late, she'll tantrum all day if she's tired and you know she doesn't nap during the day any more.
Plus, tbh I want her to think 6am is early because during the week when you're gone I cannot cope with her getting up at 6 because I have the baby to deal with too and if dd1 is up and being loud then dd2 cannot sleep and then before long I have 2 screaming kids and I find it very difficult to cope especially as I'm also tired. So please, just give her some milk and lets all just doze for another hour or 2...
He got up and started playing with her which further woke up dd2 who was feeding and now we're all up. Dd1 is whiny and tantrumy and dd2 keeps trying to doze off but the tantrums are waking her back up. :(
I'm feeling very snarky because of it all. I'm a 'single parent' during the week because dh works away from home M-F. And I really feel a bit miffed that I feel undermined by him a lot during the weekends. I'm trying to get things sorted so that I can deal with it during the week...yet on the weekends everything seems to go to pot and it takes until Wednesday to recover...

What do you say? AIBU? Should I just deal with it?
What time is it still 'night' in your house until? What time is it acceptable to be up? Do you encourage your kids to stay in bed when it is still early? Or do you just get up with them whenever they get up?
I admit that if dd1 had gone to bed at 6 or 7pm and woke at 6am I would be less inclined to put her back to bed because I know she'll have had enough sleep and won't tantrum all day... but being as she was up late....

anyway let me have your judgements on his head or mine...

OP posts:
northernwreck · 03/12/2011 08:56

Ha ha ha! It's funny that all the posts at 7.30 am are from people who got up at 6 a.m! In about another half an hour you'll get the other lot!

I totally agree with alibaba. Especially about the DH taking them downstairs queietly.He might be exited to see her, but he does have to balance that with regard for his wife!

In my house anything before 6.45 is night during the week and I am not to be disturbed at the weekend until my alarm goes at 8 a.m.
Those day/night kids clocks are good as they tell them when it's OK to get up, and 2.5 is about the right time to start using one.

If you were a single parent you would be getting militant on dd1's ass right now so that you get to stay sane!

redridingwolf · 03/12/2011 09:07

YABU - not necessarily for wanting your DD to get up later, but because you put her to bed late and then expect her to sleep in. Children's bodies don't work like that. If you put them to bed late, they often get up earlier than usual, in fact. If your sleep is so important to you, make sure she has a consistent bed time.
(We consider 6am a bit of a lie-in in our house...)

Original poster
bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 09:14

Red- dd1 is put to bed regularly btwn 7-8 during the week (and 7.30- 8.30 on weekends) tho I'm trying to get dh to agree we should still try to get her in bed the earlier time... last night she ended up at her door until 9 at least (I think because she was excited abt dh being home and she didn't hadn't gone poo during the day...once she poo'd she went straight to bed)

OP posts:
NotMostPeople · 03/12/2011 09:25

I also have a dh who is mostly away during the week, but desparate to be hands on and with his family at the weekends. It can be tricky. Obviously it's great that he loves being with the children and really cares about making up for the time he's away. However it can be hard when you are in charge during the week to then have to share it during the weekend because he doesn't know all the ins and outs. Dh is very aware that he's not around much and sensitive to feeling pushed out. I feel that we should sing from the same songSheet the problem is that the songs sheet has been written by me, so he doesn't know all the songs.

I've found the best thing to do is to talk things over with dh once the dcs are in bed, maybe over a glass of wine in a way that makes him feel that it's joint parenting. So in your case I might say 'what do you think is the best way for us to tackle dd1's daytime routine? Do you think her day is too long? Any ideas about how we can reduce the tantrums?"

Don't tell dh, but 9 times out of ten we end up agreeing on doing things the way I'd prefer. Although to be fair thats often because I've already been thinking it through whereas dh tends to react rather then have a plan.

Overall it's much much nicer having a partner who loves being with his dcs and being a full part of the family rather than the type who sits hiding behind a newspaper.

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 09:32

Even if you are on your own m-f it's still nothing like being a lone parent.....you have no idea

Throw away remarks like that are ridiculous

callmemrs · 03/12/2011 09:38

6 am seems fine to me

molly3478 · 03/12/2011 09:41

We get up at 6am monday til friday so often DD wakes up at that time at weekends. We usually just take it in turns to get up, or maybe let her lie in bed with us where she usually climbs all over us whilst we attempt to sleep or sometimes on rare occassions she goes back off.

It doesnt really bother me tbh and if I get really tired I might have a nap in the afternoon. However DD does go to bed at 6pm every night even on weekends.

molly3478 · 03/12/2011 09:44

Also I do think it depends on how old you were when you have kids. I dont think getting up at 6am every day makes me too tired particularly.

Original poster
bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 09:47

moll- you're calling me old! Shock Grin Wink Next you'll be calling me fat... sigh Wink (unfortunately the latter is closer to the truth -but I'm working on that) :)

OP posts:
molly3478 · 03/12/2011 09:52

haha no Its just I mean every morning at ours we are all left the house by 6.30/6.45 me, DH and DD to all be at work. I think you just get used to t after a while, but if I were you I would put the kids to bed earlier the night before then you get some chill out time. We still hardly ever go bed earlier though. Also if I were you I would take it in turns on weekends if you feel really tired.

northernwreck · 03/12/2011 10:03

Molly, every time I see you on a thread you are banging on about how much it matters that you are young when you have your kids.
I really don't think it makes all that much difference!
Different people need different amounts of sleep.

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 10:04

Is Molly really old then?

I find as people get older they get up earlier

TeamDamon · 03/12/2011 10:10

DS has always been an early riser so 7 am is a blissful lie-in for us. We get up at 6 am Monday to Friday anyway, and usually 7 at the weekends now he is old enough to amuse himself when he wakes. It can be very hard to reset a child's natural rhythm.

One thing we have learnt over the years is that when DS has a late night (so normal for him now at age 8 is 8 pm until 6/6.30 am) it can take a couple of nights for the effect to kick in - so if he has a late night on Friday, say, he'll be up usual time Saturday and Sunday and then suddenly need a lie-in on Monday Hmm

molly3478 · 03/12/2011 10:11

I think its just life experiences northern here the only mums that seem to care about getting up early is the older mums on school run, at my work etc. Have your kids young else you will feel knackered, if you had them at my age etc is all I ever hear

WinkyWinkola · 03/12/2011 10:13

6am is the norm for us too. I don't know if you're bu but I know how it is to feel so weary and just wish for an extra hour asleep.

I feel your pain about having everything down pat M-F and your OH being at home all weekend and things going quite differently - sometimes it works, sometimes it's just chaos and distressing.

It's all potentially so annoying and definitely exhausting BUT maybe a 9pm bedtime for the grown ups once or twice a week will make the pain a little easier?

And make your dcs run run run, swim, run, scooter, outside, lots of exercise and fresh air today. Wear them out!

UnexpectedOrange · 03/12/2011 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 03/12/2011 10:15

I do feel sorry for you because when you feel as if you are sleep deprived it is hideous.
It doesn't matter what times others are used to, nor how little they manage on really. If you Ferlinghetti knackered, you feel knackered.

But, and I say this in the hope of being productive, there is the smallest sniff of the burning martyr about what you have written.
Having to intervene because your dh just can't cope and having to get up because it is just too noisy..

Go back to bed and put the radio on low. That blotts out much of the noise that triggers us.
Tell him how you feel about yelling and work to find a route through that involves a united approach to parenting.
And contemplate the fact that if every time it goes wrong you step in and take over then he never will figure out how to do it. Or do you assume that if you had the flu and couldn't leave your bed then the sky would fall in.

Seriously. I say this in the hope of assisting. You are dooming him to failure and to early mornings for the next five or six years. Let him do it his way. He'll figure it out and your child won't break

northernwreck · 03/12/2011 10:28

Hmmm. I dunno Molly.
My friend who had hers at 19 basically couldn't get up in the morning, and would leave her 2 yer old to fend for himself out of the breadbin most mornings! I remember thinking when I had a pregnancy scare at 18, that I just couldnt get up in the early morning, so how would I cope? Teenagers biologically need to sleep later-s'true.
Also, at 18, I was much less fit and healthy than at 28. possibly because I took fewer drugs

molly3478 · 03/12/2011 10:31

Im not 18 I am 27. I am talking about the very small amount of mums who have kids in late 30s/40s we have so few here and all they do is say cant cope no sleep/minimal sleep or how you cant have a social life etc.Its depressing!

shewhowines · 03/12/2011 10:51

Just got up!!! Remember the bad old 6 o'clock days with horror!! The only piece of constructive advice I can offer for when she is perhaps a bit older but still too young to read is this: Stick a post it note over the minutes of a digital clock so only the hour is showing. Write a 7 on the post it note and teach her that when the numbers match then she can come and wake you. Before that she needs to play in her room. Worked a treat for us.

valiumredhead · 03/12/2011 11:08

We used to be up at 6 when ds was 2 but he still had a nap in the afternoons. By the time he was 3 we got a clock with bunny ears and they popped up at the time set - I used to set it for 7 but if he was up earlier he could play or look at a book but wasn't to get out of bed. It worked well. Saying that it doesn't really matter what time he went to bed he would still be up the same time the next day.

NinkyNonker · 03/12/2011 11:22

Odd, when I was younger and working I could be knackered after 9 hrs sleep. Now I can bounce out of bed after 5 or 6, so in my experience at least age only has an effect in the opposite way to Molly's insinuation. (I can only assume you have been on the receiving end of comments about being a younger mother Molly so feel the need to strike back where possible.) Certainly out of everyone I know the older people/parents tend to wake earlier and sleep less...my parents are normally up by 5!

Personally I don't find 6 hard as I was regularly up before that for work, and our DH's alarm goes off at 0640 every day anyway, but everyone is different.

shewhowines · 03/12/2011 11:23

We also had the bunny clock but it wasn't accurate and you had to remember to set it late at night because it wouldn't set at say 8pm for 7am because it was too close to the time. The alarm would go off as you set it. (12 hour clock). Post it note worked much better.

hazeyjane · 03/12/2011 11:25

6 seems normal to me, I don't think we'd get everyone breakfasted and dressed and ready for school, if we didn't get up around 6ish. At the weekend, dh and I take it in turns to go back to bed for a bit, but we have to get up a lot in the night with our ds, and he often is up at 4.30/5am (which is too early!)

Molly, I am one of those older mothers you talk about, but assumed that the reason i am knackered is because i have 3 little children, one of whom requires a lot of extra care, and is up half the night - I think I would be knackered whatever my age tbh.

nikon1968 · 03/12/2011 11:33

How old is an old mum, I do not know if I am one or not.