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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that 6am is too early for the family to be getting up?

95 replies

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 07:36

especially if we were up late?

basically dd1 2.5 woke at 6 this morning. She had been up until 9pm and got up at 6am.
I told dh to give her a little milk and act as if it were still say 4 or 5am because she was up so late and we all needed some sleep yet. DH said it was no problem and that he'd get up with her... I said she was up late, she'll tantrum all day if she's tired and you know she doesn't nap during the day any more.
Plus, tbh I want her to think 6am is early because during the week when you're gone I cannot cope with her getting up at 6 because I have the baby to deal with too and if dd1 is up and being loud then dd2 cannot sleep and then before long I have 2 screaming kids and I find it very difficult to cope especially as I'm also tired. So please, just give her some milk and lets all just doze for another hour or 2...
He got up and started playing with her which further woke up dd2 who was feeding and now we're all up. Dd1 is whiny and tantrumy and dd2 keeps trying to doze off but the tantrums are waking her back up. :(
I'm feeling very snarky because of it all. I'm a 'single parent' during the week because dh works away from home M-F. And I really feel a bit miffed that I feel undermined by him a lot during the weekends. I'm trying to get things sorted so that I can deal with it during the week...yet on the weekends everything seems to go to pot and it takes until Wednesday to recover...

What do you say? AIBU? Should I just deal with it?
What time is it still 'night' in your house until? What time is it acceptable to be up? Do you encourage your kids to stay in bed when it is still early? Or do you just get up with them whenever they get up?
I admit that if dd1 had gone to bed at 6 or 7pm and woke at 6am I would be less inclined to put her back to bed because I know she'll have had enough sleep and won't tantrum all day... but being as she was up late....

anyway let me have your judgements on his head or mine...

OP posts:

PaintYouByNumbers · 03/12/2011 07:40

Ooh where to begin.. well thats why I am sticking with one child, I am only going through this shit once!!

NinkyNonker · 03/12/2011 07:41

Hard. As a parent too he does have say, but could he not have taken her off and let you sleep? If she tantrums later, his responsibility to sort...but the odd break to routine shouldn't affect her long term pattern.

Dd often wakes at 0530, she comes in with us at this point and we are careful not to start the day until close to 7ish. Today she wasn't having it so I brought her down at 0645 as it is DH's turn for a lie in.

Bossybritches22 · 03/12/2011 07:42

..and breathe...!!

If everyone else is now up & your DH is around, go back to bed for an hour maybe?

Pagwatch · 03/12/2011 07:42

If he said 'i'll get up' couldn't you just go back to sleep?

Why are you up too if you are tired?

Crabapple99 · 03/12/2011 07:43

I am sorry you are feeling so miserable about this. I'm afraid it is pretty much par for the course - I wish I could have got my children to stay in bed until 6am any time before their 5th birthday! It isn't really the time the children wake up that is a probem for you, that is quite normal. It is the way you are feeling. You and your partner need to vcome to some sort of agreement about how the weekends are managed, so you feel supported and rested. Does he know you how you feel at the moment? It sounds like he wants to be prettu hands on, which is lovely, but may not realise the way he is going about it is unhelpful to you.

Mine are 10 and 12 now, they are still up at 6,and it would be earlier if I let them! but it is no longer an issue, as they amuse themselves, and bring me breakfast in bed!

best wishes

Yama · 03/12/2011 07:45

Well, I was up at 5.30 this morning. With the wind and rain at the moment ds has been getting up really early. Dh and I just take it day about.

It's different for us though as we both work full time and parent equally.

I would say 6am is normal. I would imagine that the energy it would take to try to get a 2.5 year old back to sleep would wake your dh up anyway. Sounds like he wants to be really involved with your dd's at the weekend. If it were me, I would encourage this.

Those are my thoughts based on the information you have given. I do feel for you though, being on your own all week.

snailoon · 03/12/2011 07:45

2.5 year olds can tantrum all day on a good night's sleep.

FredFredGeorge · 03/12/2011 07:46

YANBU to want to wake up later. But equally if he's wide awake and DD1 is wide awake, then they're NU to get up to play together as they don't get a lot of time with each other. As long as you make it his responsibility to deal with the tiredness in the day then I don't think you can complain too much about this specific instance as they were awake.

TheMitfordsMaid · 03/12/2011 07:47

Well, I'm afraid to say that our daytime has started at 6am for a long time. We've tried all sorts of strategies to get my two boys to stay in bed for longer but nothing seems to work.

What does work is going to bed earlier yourself so that 6am doesn't feel quite so bad (I'm not so good at that) and having quiet time during the day so even if your 2.5 year old doesn't nap, she gets a little rest. Cbeebies is good for this. ;-)

My 2.5 year old is ready for bed at around 6.30/7pm but tends to wake up earlier than 6am if he goes to bed too late. It will get better; my 5 year old always used to get up before 6am and start the day with a bang but now that he is in school he gets up at a far more civilised 7am - sometimes later.

TheBolter · 03/12/2011 07:48

Hmmm. As a mother of two older children, I would concur that six is ridiculous o clock. But actually looking back, there were times (long, stretched out periods of time ) when six o clock was a veritable lie-in as my two were big fans of the 5am graveyard shift, no matter how much or little sleep they had had the night before. It is one of my main reasons for not having a third!

So speaking as a mother who has gone through the mill of early waking, YABU. I doubt your dd would have gone back to sleep anyway, and today's wingeing will be just one of the unfortunate consequences of a late night.

I agree that your dh was a bit of a nutter to go and and play with her,but I guess he misses her during the week and couldn't wait to see her.

That said, I feel your pain. Just get through today as best you can and get an early night tonight!

echt · 03/12/2011 07:48

6.00.a.m. is normal for me. However, if I had to speak to anyone at that time, it'd be different story. I shuffle about, have brekkie, make my lunch and check emails.

I feel for you, OP. Hope it gets better soon.

fivegomadindorset · 03/12/2011 07:49

5.30 to 6 is usual in this house, very unusually we had a lie in until 7 this morning and I had to get DH to check on DS as he is still asleep.

And agree with snailoon, DS can tantrum on good nights sleep/bad nights sleep but I feel that we can handle it better if we can sleep until 6.30.

Crabapple99 · 03/12/2011 07:51

You are not going to get a very balanced view at this time of day! We have all been up, had breakfast, greeted the kids, maybe done an bit of this and the (HOUSE WORK I MEAN!) then settled down with a cup of tea for a break while the kids are settled.

Peolpe wo know how to make there children sleep until 8 aren't on Mumsnet yet!

NinkyNonker · 03/12/2011 07:51

Yep, no real conversations happen here. Warm dd some milk, coffee for me, MN on phone whilst supervising dd trashing the living room. Living the dream.

OnlyWantsOne · 03/12/2011 07:52

YABU really.... You can all have an early night tonight, go back to bed now and sleep if your DP was ok to get up with the kids.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 03/12/2011 07:52

Yanbu. Anytime before 7.30 is treated as night waking in this house, always has been. And she rarely wakes earlier.

I would be really annoyed if my dh got dd up earlier because as you say it would leave me coping with early wake ups all week.

billgrangersrisotto · 03/12/2011 07:55

Agree with pagwatch. Why did you get up too? Leave both DCs with DH and go back to bed.

IgnoringTheChildren · 03/12/2011 07:56

We started "training" DS1 that any time before 7 was still night time around that age. If he woke before 7 he could come into bed with us (so long as it was after 6, otherwise we settled him back to sleep in his own bed) but made it clear it was still sleeping time (although he rarely falls back to sleep after 6 but at least we got to doze!)

Personally I'd be very annoyed at being undermined and having family routine so disrupted every weekend but it must also be very hard for your DH. In your shoes I'd be trying to discuss things (calmly and without sounding like you're blaming him if possible!) once the DCs are in bed tonight. Your current arrangements clearly aren't working well - good luck fixing it! :)

billgrangersrisotto · 03/12/2011 07:56

Oh, and 6am is the cut off for 'morning' in our house. Anything before then is 'night'. Which is why I've been up for a few hours...

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 03/12/2011 08:00

6am is an ok time to get up in our house. We have been beaten by ds who is almost 5 and sees 6am as a positive lie in!

If he hadn't went to bed until 9 I would have tried to get him back to sleep but it wouldve been unlikely tbh.

I've been up since 4. Dd got up then with streaming cold - put her back in cot asleep at 5 and 2 second later ds got up. He's not well so not his fault but I am SHATTERED. Still, I was up at 230am yesterday so its an improvement! Dh working all weekend too :(

Iscreamtea · 03/12/2011 08:04

Peolpe wo know how to make there children sleep until 8 aren't on Mumsnet yet!

Very true! 6am is normal here too. DS (age 4) has only just worked out that if we're asleep in bed when he opens the door in the morning he should go back to bed not wake us up. He still often pops his head round the door before 6am.

Today I've been up since 3am with the baby. Ugh, not easy, but it does get better.

I agree though, if he's up with her you should stay in bed. No need for everyone to get up.

KittyFane · 03/12/2011 08:06

I was feeling your pain and remembering all of the 5.30/6.00 am weekend wake ups from the first 4/5 years of DD's life.
Then you said that you were a 'single parent' in the week because DH works away and that he got up with your DC even though it was early and this didn't suit you.
Well, if you were a single parent, you wouldn't have a DH putting money into the bank by working all week and you wouldn't have a DH willing to do an early wake up with DC at the weekend.
The only person unhappy about getting up is you.
I doubt you'd prefer a DH who lies in bed until 11 and let's you sort it all out.

Original poster

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 08:07

Right so it is me BU. :( Ah well.
Dd1 really only tantrums when she's tired. We do have some stubborn moments even when she does sleep, but she only gets to tantrum...throwing herself about and screaming... if she's tired. She is not a morning person (nor tbh is dh which is why I find it so odd that he doesn't try to get her to stay in bed longer) and so it's not like you can get her to do anything 'proper' until abt 11 and if she's got up at 6 it's pretty much not going to happen at all because she's so tired she just won't do anything.

It wouldn't be so bad if he could deal with her tantrums. But he doesn't/ cannot, no matter what I do to try to help him find good solutions to avoid tantrums or to stop them. In the end he yells and inevitably it ends up being me intervening and sending them both to separate corners of the house.
The biggest problem I see with all of this is the knock on effect it has during our week. I just don't get a break.

I do love that he wants to be with her and do things with her.

OP posts:

DownbytheRiverside · 03/12/2011 08:08

He needs to play with DD1, or take her out for a walk, or off to the supermarket and bring back breakfast in bed for you.
You should feed DD2 and both have a snooze.

'I agree though, if he's up with her you should stay in bed. No need for everyone to get up.'

Agreed, unless OP either wants to supervise his parenting or feel put upon and huffy.

Original poster

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 08:09

I wish I too could sleep through all the noise... I just cannot. Especially the screamy tantrums. If they were just watching TV it wouldn't be a problem...

OP posts:

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