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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that 6am is too early for the family to be getting up?

95 replies

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 07:36

especially if we were up late?

basically dd1 2.5 woke at 6 this morning. She had been up until 9pm and got up at 6am.
I told dh to give her a little milk and act as if it were still say 4 or 5am because she was up so late and we all needed some sleep yet. DH said it was no problem and that he'd get up with her... I said she was up late, she'll tantrum all day if she's tired and you know she doesn't nap during the day any more.
Plus, tbh I want her to think 6am is early because during the week when you're gone I cannot cope with her getting up at 6 because I have the baby to deal with too and if dd1 is up and being loud then dd2 cannot sleep and then before long I have 2 screaming kids and I find it very difficult to cope especially as I'm also tired. So please, just give her some milk and lets all just doze for another hour or 2...
He got up and started playing with her which further woke up dd2 who was feeding and now we're all up. Dd1 is whiny and tantrumy and dd2 keeps trying to doze off but the tantrums are waking her back up. :(
I'm feeling very snarky because of it all. I'm a 'single parent' during the week because dh works away from home M-F. And I really feel a bit miffed that I feel undermined by him a lot during the weekends. I'm trying to get things sorted so that I can deal with it during the week...yet on the weekends everything seems to go to pot and it takes until Wednesday to recover...

What do you say? AIBU? Should I just deal with it?
What time is it still 'night' in your house until? What time is it acceptable to be up? Do you encourage your kids to stay in bed when it is still early? Or do you just get up with them whenever they get up?
I admit that if dd1 had gone to bed at 6 or 7pm and woke at 6am I would be less inclined to put her back to bed because I know she'll have had enough sleep and won't tantrum all day... but being as she was up late....

anyway let me have your judgements on his head or mine...

OP posts:

DownbytheRiverside · 03/12/2011 08:10

What is she whining about?
Perhaps she's bored.

MrsJamin · 03/12/2011 08:11

Daytime officially starts at 6am here as DS2 (nearly 2) is awake at 5am. Every family is different, I think we are on the early side unfortunately (yawn, I have been awake since 3.50!!)

fotheringhay · 03/12/2011 08:13

I don't think YABU at all! Surely he realises the negative impact this will have on your week? He's not the one who has to deal with the fall-out. Shows a lack of consideration on his part. I hope he apologises and agrees you were right if she does tantrum all day, and doesn't do it again.

Sirzy · 03/12/2011 08:13

I would be amazed if any 2.5 year old would go back to sleep at 6am without a massive fight!

whatdoiknowanyway · 03/12/2011 08:16

No, I'm with you bebe. Mine are grown now but I still feel the pain. DH would insist on getting up with the DC at crazy oclock instead of training them to stay in their beds as it was still the middle of the night. He'd never leave them to try and settle when they woke in the night either but was up and interacting with them at first whimper. So they never learnt to self settle.
Drove me mad.

cwtch4967 · 03/12/2011 08:16

Wow - you sound a bit controlling. I sent them to different corners? He is a parent to and sometime you need to leave DH to it to find out the hard way!

fotheringhay · 03/12/2011 08:17

I think there's two issues going on here. You're asking people when is morning in their house, and getting their answers.

But I reckon the bigger issue is that you say you "feel undermined by him a lot during the weekends".

south345 · 03/12/2011 08:17

Our 2 get up around 7.30 but ds woke up around 5 this morning as he was cold and had kicked his covers off so he just got in our bed and went back to sleep, don't think I could cope with 5.30/6 starts!

skrumle · 03/12/2011 08:18

YANBU to object to him wrecking your entire day - other people's routines are neither here nor there, you presumably know your child well and if you say she would have settled for a bit and then been in a better mood all day i'm going to assume you're right and he's an arse for ignoring you...

and i agree that 6am is too early if there's another option!

SparklyGingerbreadMuffin · 03/12/2011 08:19

YANBU.

I couldn't sleep now either. Make him Ask him to take them out later on today and have an afternoon nap? Or if dd2 is bfing then he can take dd1 out and you can rest/ sleep while the baby sleeps later?

Being tired sucks.

fotheringhay · 03/12/2011 08:19

I don't think it's being controlling, if the reason for separating them in the house is that he's shouting. Sounds more like OP's protecting the dc.

Original poster

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 08:22

I did not mean to offend you Kitty, which is why 'single parent' was in quotes... I am very sorry.
I know I'm not a single parent when it comes to the money that he brings into the house and the support we have during the weekends. However from 5am Monday until 9pm Friday it is all me, no one to help or wake up with the Dd1 at 2am which seems to be the new norm or to feed dd2 every 3 hours.

I am a morning person, but 6am has become too early for me to function properly and keep a even keel especially when the girls are feeding off each other's unhappiness and both screaming...

As I type this dh has fallen asleep on the couch and dd2 on the breast... DD1 is now watching Dumbo which I put in to distract her... off to put dd2 to bed...

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 03/12/2011 08:25

YANBU

Much easier for him on the back of 4 nights of solid sleep in a hotel!

In this house anything before 7am is night during the week, and anything before 8am is night at the weekends unless we need to be up sooner.
DH is better at mornings than me, and generally gets more sleep than me at night because I'm feeding DS2.
So we've had a bad night with DS2 who is poorly, and DS1 woke at 7.45 this morning. DS2 is now fast asleep in his own bed (sod's law!) and DH has taken DS1 downstairs quietly and I'm in bed about to have another 45 minutes sleep and then DH will bring me a cup of tea in bed.

I don't understand why your DH didn't whisk whichever child was awake downstairs and get them some milk and put a DVD on quietly while the rest of you carried on sleeping?

Sirzy · 03/12/2011 08:32

Perhaps he wants to make the most of the limited time he gets with his children?

Original poster

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 08:37

Controlling when it comes to separating them :) :) I am when it comes to yelling. :)
I grew up in a house full of yelling when I was a child. I do not like yelling.
One should only yell if one is trying to get someone's attention that is a long way off . I do of course understand slightly raised voices. Or firm voices. But there is a point when it gets too much, a tone of voice, that means nothing productive is going to happen... (Imo the difference between constructive criticism for instance and just criticism, or authoritative parenting and authoritarian parenting) at this point I intervene.

OP posts:

Original poster

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 08:39

:) LOL ...
Dd1 just climbed on him and he woke up and said: You got me up so early, I'm tired Moo. Poor guy

OP posts:

tunnelmaniac · 03/12/2011 08:40

I just cannot understand why the hell people allow their DCs to get up at ridiculous hours. Just put her back to bed, firmly. It may take a couple of weeks, but she'll get the message, even if she just plays in her bedroom.
When she's old enough to understand, show her where the pointers on the clock have to be before she can get up. Mine even stick to the rules on Christmas morning, which means that Mum and Dad are so much less grumpy because they've had some sleep.
Having said that, 6am can be normal getting up time for us country people, especially in summer.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 03/12/2011 08:40

Sirzy - fine, but do it quietly?

I'm also of the opinion that any decent husband would realise that he needs to balance his desire to see his kids with his wife's need to get some sleep and have some continuity maintained over the weekend so that she is not left with exhausted children to deal with on her own all week.

bebe I do think you need to sort this out actually, because once she is at preschool then she won't cope if things just go out of the window every weekend. I am not a stickler for routine, we have always kept DS1 fairly flexible so that we are not tied too tightly with mealtimes and bedtimes, but I keep things within hour windows unless there is a very particular reason such as a holiday or family party or a special day out.

frumpet · 03/12/2011 08:40

Whilst i can totally see where you are coming from with regards to your DH , i get up at 6 every day ,except when im working then its 5. So i would say 6 really isnt that early

RedHelenB · 03/12/2011 08:44

6 O'clock isn't early in this house, it's the time we have to get up for work & school!! Hate summer mornings & 5am wake ups though!!

If dd won't nap during the day, let her have rest time in front of a dvd.

MaeMobley · 03/12/2011 08:47

We always treated 6 o'clock as still night time right from day 1. Now the DC are 5 and 7, they wake at 8 during the week and 9+ at the weekend,

Original poster

bebemoojem · 03/12/2011 08:50

Ali- interesting you should say that abt the routine as that's pretty much how I try to run things too...

OP posts:

KittyFane · 03/12/2011 08:51

Bebemoo no, you didn't offend me! I'm not a single mum!

I just think it's hard to let someone else do something (let the DC get up) when you know it's not the best idea and you are used to a different routine in the week.
I suppose what I am trying to say is - don't be mad at DH for making an effort, you could have the opposite- a man who says "I've been out working all week, I'm sleeping in at the weekend, you sort the DC out"

Marne · 03/12/2011 08:53

YABU, i have been up sinse 3am with dd2 (5), 6am is deffently a lie-in in my house .

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 03/12/2011 08:56

It works well for us, I could not be doing with one of those toddlers that starts whining at 12 noon on the dot every day because that is lunchtime, it would drive me mad, but on the flipside you cannot expect kids to eat proper meals and go to bed when you want them to if every day is totally different in terms of timings.

Can you sit down and discuss it calmly with your DH? Not easy I know when there has been a shortage of sleep all round!

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