to be completely fed up with one child in dd's class getting selected for EVERYTHING!

[jollymollie]

There is a girl in dd's class (year 4) who ever since reception has been selected for everything. She is always the lead in every school play, she is on the school council, her entry is selected to win every school competition she enters and so on. A lot of the other parents are getting a tad fed up with this. DD came home today with the school play lines and once again the SAME child has the lead. I really resent spending another evening watching and applauding her performance whilst my dd and others don't even get a line to read. I am aware she may be the most confident or the best at remembering lines but surely the other children should get a chance. Other girls in the class are starting to feel that they are not as good as this one girl and some are quite upset that they have once again been overlooked. Does this go on at other schools and should we address it with the head?

You may as well get used to it - every year group has one! Ours had an insufferable mother who was super-pushy and used to talk in a very loud voice about how fabulous, clever and gifted he was at everything. Not only did we have to tolerate him being picked for everything, he actually won everything at sports day as well, which was super-annoying as of course that was down to his own ability and not skewed by adults who were dazzled by his all-round wonderfulness.

The worst thing was that he was actually a really nice little boy so it made it hard to hate him.

Prize day always wound me up as well - I got so sick of seeing the same three or four children winning everything I boycotted it in the end. Sod's law each time any of mine won anything it was in a year where we'd finished school a couple of days early to go on holiday.

Oh, and when my son has a birthday party once, this boy sent a 'thank you' letter to me for having him to the party before I'd even mustered any interest in DS for writing his own 'thank you for my present' notes! Trumped by him at every fucking turn.

I remember my mother and other parents complaining about this when I was at school. But, from my perspective, in the class, the chosen boy and girl were just that much more charismatic and talented. Some people and children are. It didn't translate into their adult life, but I think they were precocious at school. Parents probably can't see the difference like a non biased teacher can.

There is NO WAY any school has a 'best girl in year 3' prize. no way at all. they may have a 'most community minded' or something that gets interpreted by the kids/parents as 'best girl'. but that's a different matter.

Unfortunately it does happen everywhere. On the one hand you don't "punish" the talented allrounder by leaving them out but you would think that the teachers would have enough brains to pick plays etc. that involve total class participation.

It it is a lot more work.

I remember my DS doing a wonderful art work when he was 6. He said "Do you think I'll win Mum"

I said "No. The person who wins will be the one whose mum has done the best work"

Sure enough, the boy whose mum worked in the school library and who admitted to us that she had done the art work, won.

DS got a "Highly commended" and a beautiful book for his work and he was exremely happy.

I just cannot understand why the Teachers who are the judges of these things are so intimidated by some pushy parents.

Maybe they do it for a quite life.

Over to you teachers. Can you shed some light on the subject?

Maybe that should be quiet life

' It is such a shame that every child cannot, at some time in every school year, be given this kind of positive reinforcement - it makes such a difference.'

They should be, wherever possible. I can't envisage a scenario where it isn't.
Or if it isn't happening, then either the system is unfair or the range of opportunities is too narrow and the school should widen the available options so that everyone gets the chance to be the best at some point. At a class level and at a school level.
And for those, like me, with poor memories? Tick lists. Then you can see who has had the chance, and who needs an opportunity created.
The spawn of Beelzebub in my class has just created a magnificent pizza, best in class. The photo of him holding it is up on the wall, and his merit certificate.
Maybe he won't get into a scrap next week, maybe he'll be outside the office again.But everyone applauded him this week.

We have one like that - Her mum is super pushy.

Her best effort was on a school trip. My DD was picked to meet the author. So teacher took her up. Super mum grabbed her daughter and muscled in too!

It makes me (and others) dislike her DD.

I can't wait until it comes to choosing head girl....

We had a child like this in DD1's first school. Her father was the drama teacher. New Headteacher was as fed up with this as the parents and told him that in the next production, his DD was to be in the chorus. He threw an absolute screaming fit and resigned shortly afterwards.

my ds is currently being picked for everything...because his peers chose him for school council and before its first mtg he threw up in the tomato beds with nerves. so they seem to be confidence building with him...and choosing him for stuff to get over his nerves. i now take wet wipes to school in the morning, but he is getting to trust himself better and speak up adn get on with it.

at our school the children picked for all the performances (not mine) were very very talented and also hardworking and conscientious about learning their lines, so I can kind of see their point

dh was at school with a lad who was always picked to play the leads too. His name was Hugh Grant...

Sure we've had a thread similar to this recently. I don't think it's anything to do with having parents' on the PTA/Governing Body.... It might be that those type of parents tend to have good all-rounders. Please don't shoot me down on this one! I would just say that the type of parents who do generally 'do' for a school are the very same parents who will ensure that their children do try to achieve their best, if our representative parents and their children are to be observed.

At the end of the day life is like that. I think that state schools have over-bought into this 'fairness' thing in some ways but at the end of the day, any teacher will want the child(ren) who speaks loudly, clearly, confidently (doesn't get stage fright) to make their production/assembly etc... a success.
But at DCs school the ones who tend to perform well in productions are not necessarily the ones who perform really well academically and they are usually not the ones picked for the sports teams.

I was one of the people who was good at things at school, was chosen for things etc.

You are just being yourself.

But you are resented by other students who try to pull you down, bully you for being interested in learning, or try to outdo you when you hadn't thought of it being a competition, or their parents have told them to try to be like you.

Low self-esteem and depression follow, and a wariness to do your best or trust anyone. These effects can last a long, long time. It's not fun.

Even now I wonder if anyone who looks me up will be pleased that I've finally lost my ability and enthusiasm for success, due to all the bullying.

At my DC's infant school the children selected for everything were the offspring of pushy parents. I sometimes felt I should be bloody awkward a little more forceful to get my children selected.

When they moved to juniors (a separate school) the head took no notice of parents. A couple of the more vocal parents withdrew their children when they weren't placed in the top set/given the starring role... Certainly some children get picked for plum jobs more than others. But the selection criteria seems fair - the best children get it.

As a parent I don't feel guilty for not kicking up a fuss, because I know that it would make no difference.

On the subject of school plays, Ds1 (now 14) was a shepherd for years and years - starting at preschool, right up to around age 7.

It got to the point where I conceded defeat, and made him his very own shepherds smock, with a picture of a woolly sheep on front and back, and a shepherds crook. But tbh - there wasn't much more he could bring to the part...

One evening, we went to the crib service at the local church. We are sitting there awaiting proceedings, when the vicar runs up to us and says "Help! Can we borrow your son for the nativity procession - one of our shepherds has let us down - we've got a spare costume!!"

Ds1 rises wearily out of the pew, turns to me and hisses sotto voce " You know what? I shall be expecting my own border collie for Christmas at this rate!"

When Ds2 started pre-school, they announced to him that HE was to be a shepherd.... cue Ds2 squawking "NOOOOOO - Thats my brothers job - HE'S always the shepherd - I want to be a king or I'm not doing it!" He was so alarmed at following into the family shepherding trade!!

This year, Ds2 (now 8) has been demoted from his original role of narrator, to a sheep! - pmsl! Something to do with his expression, tendency to gaze around distractly, and wave at an imaginary audience I assume, so they've made him a sheep to keep him out of harms way.

He was a bit disconsolate "Never mind son!" I soothe as I sew fur onto white thermals "We've never had a sheep in the family before - we're breaking new ground on the livestock front!"

A sheep!! Still cackling about it now!

Bewildered - this has made my morning!

Mocking jay: honestly schools do have best girl prizes. My DS school which I love for everything else used to have 'best boy' 'no 2 boy' and 'no 3 boy' in each class then an overall prize for each year of the boy who most exemplifies the school values..........< vomit emoticon>

Glad to say they have moved on a bit and now in the younger years everyone gets a certificate but there is still the all-rounder prize.

UnexpectedOrange - are you having a laugh? this is a primary school production we are talking about not bloody Broadway. I don't want to be wowed, just given an opportunity to see my sons doing the best they can! so-so performers my arse

I don't believe most of these stories. And I would want hard documentary evidence before I change my mind. Especially the "best girl in year 3" trophy.

I think people put two and two together and make three. I also think they take as gospel truth everything their children say about what happens at school. I also think that many people confuse causation and correlation.

causation and correlation? I'll look that up then.

To be consistently favoured is actually damaging for that child. re mistletoe's experience . It is so bad for them. ds had a girl in his class who was chosen for everything and I wish I'd had the courage to talk to the head about it - it was so damaging for her. It's not hard to makes things more fair for all the kids, shockingly bad for them all for one to be chosen and lauded above everyone else.

Bewilderedmum, that's a wonderful giggle in the middle of a bad day here!
Especially
'Ds1 rises wearily out of the pew, turns to me and hisses sotto voce " You know what? I shall be expecting my own border collie for Christmas at this rate!" '

Op my son is a sheep this year, I am proud of him and no matter what Part he gets.

Hmm I know one of these too, since reception he's been in everything, you can guarantee he'll be in every single newsletter somewhere. It's always his poem/painting/essay that gets picked (and no he isn't a child genius), or there will be a photo of him grinning cheesily. It's a bit of a game in our family to spot him first!
This year he is head boy...

pixel Of course he is head boy me and my daughters play this game too its fun

with my eldest daughter her head boy was a bit of a junkie people complained about him to the school as they thought he wasnt a role model for the school , yet he stayed till the bitter end ,