To be freaked out by this? 3 year old's memory

[birdynumnums]

7 months ago, we had to rehome our lovely dog because he was so mad he was knocking DS1 (3.5 year old) and and Ds2 over all the time and we were constantly having to lock him in the conservatory when the children were up. DS1 didn't have anything to do with the dog apart from waving at him through the glass for at least a year before he went. It was very upsetting but dog is in a lovely home now. At the time, he asked where Jacob the dog was but didn't seem overly upset by it.

Tonight, he woke up screaming, demanding to know where Jacob was. Then though fits of tears, he said 'Jacob is in grandad's car'. His grandad came to drive the dog to his new home 7 months ago. Ds1 has severe speech delay so it surprises me when he says many things let alone things that happened 7 months ago. Is this weird? Or do I just think it is because of his speech delay?

Fuck me! It was a dog that kept knocking over her kids!! Which despite best efforts did not improve. Did you expect the OP to keep her children in danger because of a dog?! Yes we all love our pets, but we love our children more surely. Too many people on very high horses here.

Lovely memory story though op, and how lovely to get a string of words if he is speech delayed. Sounds like a lovely child.

Blimey, I love my dogs but if I had to rehome them for the sake of my children I would do...with a sad heart but a clear conscience.

I vividly remember my second birthday.

My dad had hired a video camera and I remember my mother waking me up and being confused by the camera at the door and not really understanding it was my dad holding it (think huge 1980's video camera). When I asked where it came from they told me 'a man' had brought it and was coming to collect it later... I spent most of the day thinking there was a man lurking just out of sight waiting to get his camera back. I remember opening my cards, my present, my cake (stealing the cream off it when my mother had gone to get the lighter for the candles) and my grandparents and uncle visiting. It's not one continuous memory but it's all my true memories, it didn't suddenly appear one day when someone told me about the day... I've always remembered.

I also remember being in my buggy to go feed ducks, breaking my toy buggy at 2 by sitting in it, knocking a cupboard on myself in the house we lived in for 6 months when I was 2.

dp has a memory of lying in his cot looking up at curtains fluttering over his head. When he told his mother and described the curtains she almost died of shock as he was describing curtains they had in the caravan where they lived when he was a baby, they moved out of it when he was 1.5 and never had curtains like that anywhere else.

It's when your 2 year old starts talking about their life "when they were a little girl before" it gets really freaky

My goodness, some ridiclous and cruel posts from people. I also rehomed a bonkers dog in a very similar situation to you OP, he ended up staying in the conservetry for most of his time and it wasn't fair on him. We did wonder about simply rehoming the children, but after much deliberation, decided it was probably better to send our dog to a lovely home in devon where he is a much loved and adored member of someone elses family :) He's happier and so are we, and so probably are you, you did the right thing.
Memory is a weird thing! dd is now 7. When she was around 2.5 we went on holiday, went on a fishing boat and caught mackrel which we cooked and ate. 3 YEARS later, I'm cooking dinner and she suddenly comes out with, "remember when we were on holiday and we caught that mackrel?"
I nearly fell over. We hadn't talked about it (certainly not within the last 2 years!) and we didn't have a picture. The oddest thing can trigger memories, but it is freaky when a child suddenly comes out with something so random!
Sounds like you're handling it well tho, telling your ds that Jacob is driving tractors etc, it's not surprising that he's upset by the memory, but that image will certainly help :)

I could draw a plan of the layout of our house which we lived in from when I was 1 until I was 3.

I could describe the wallpapers, the glass in the doors, the garden including where everything was.

Children do absorb a lot of stuff. My mother always said she was amazed at my memory but tbh I think it's normal. There are certain things I hope my children don't remember though

When I was 4.7, my little sister died (3.2yo). I have a very clear memory of not being allowed to go to the funeral, due to being too little. I spent the day with my Granny, at our home, waiting for them all to get back. My big sister did go to the funeral.

It's all nonsense. My mum can tell me exactly where I stood when the coffin was lowered into the grave, which toy I had with me, whose hand I was holding, whose lap I sat on in church, when and where I cried, what i said to her when she cried.
I cannot remember even having been there. For a long time I was convinced I hadn't. It was only when I asked my mum, as an adult, why they didn't take me along, that I realised that my memory was somewhat faulty.

I'm clearly not a prodigy regarding childhood memories ...

A friend's 2 year old knew that the cat had gone to the vets to be made better.
Sadly the cat died but nothing was said to the 2 year old , who seemed to have forgotten.
When he was 4 he asked when the cat was coming back from the vets.

And as for re-homing, an intelligent lively dog is far better off in a home with company, rather than shut in a conservatory all day.

write/make a picture story explainingg that dog has gone to a new and lvoely hoem and is happy there. read it to him everynight til he ok with it.
get a photo of dog in enw home if you can. show him that yes dog has gone to new home and is very happy.

Meita, I'm sorry you lost your little sister. How very sad.

And it's sad about the dog still being at the vet's a few years later, too...we went to have our chicken put to sleep by the farmer last week. Ds2 (who is 4) keeps asking how long it will be until she is better.

I keep having to explain that she isn't coming home. He was there and saw her being killed, just didn't register what was happening I think

ps severe speech delay may indicate a child with other parts of brain more developed eg memory.

my son with ASD/severe LDS/no verbal speech has amazing visual spatial memory - could remember routes travelled by car since age three or four - eg would indicate roads to get to nursery - if told we going to nursery adn we took differnet route would fuss and point .

when he last ran away i was able to tell police likely walking route and he was found outside my sister's old flat ringnng their doorbell. two miles from place he escaped from.

Yy to cestlavielife

My son has severe autism and learning difficulties.
He seems to be able to remember almost everything that has happened to him.

When he was 2 1/2 we were living in Kent. Ds1 had a birthday party in a hall we had never been to before, nor visited again.
We moved shortly afterwards. When we were driving through the area again about 5 years later, ds2 gestured at the road leading to the hall (although the hall was not visible) and said "birthday party, shark (ds1s cake)"

He also has a photographic memory which makes his OCD really hard to work around because if you move his stuff he will know.

Exactly what DoinMeCleanin said:

"In defence of Coccyx it's an excuse people in rescue hear often and a little questioning reveals that the owners 'who love their dog dearly' have not made much effort to make things work.

They don't, for example, hire behaviouralists or book the dog into training. They haven't made any efforts to get the dog into a new baby friendly routine before the baby comes and to be fair you have almost 10 months to plan, even longer if you are TTC rather than being surprised. They haven't trained the dog before the baby comes. They've gone out and bought a very demanding breed of dog knowing full well that they are within child rearing years and will most likely be having a child or two during the dog's life time. It's very sad when you have to deal with it day in day out.

A dog is a living, feeling being, you cannot, as most people seem to, just expect them to slot into your new life as a parent if you aren't willing to put in a bit or a lot (depending on the breed) of effort. People just don't think and at the end of the day it's the dog who has no choice in matters who pays the price. That wee staffy pup in the pound pays the price too, because your 'mcuh loved family pet' has just taken his space in rescue and his 7 days are up.

I have no idea how much the Op actually tried to make things work. She's never said. I do know that no behaviouralist on earth would reccomend locking a dog in a conservatory for a year. I find that very cruel and sad.

OP I wouldn't take your DS to visit the dog. It will be confusing for both dog and child."

Birdy I'm sorry I hurt your feelings; I should have kept my opinion to myself, since you weren't canvassing opinions on the dog. I'm glad the dog is happy now. Hopefully your DS will forget over time.

About the dog thing.

Completely agree that rehoming a dog is the best thing to do in these circumstances.

However I must say I do wish people would think ahead a bit more. I have heard of many couples who get a pet and then a year or two later they start having children. Surprise surprise, when the children come along the pet turns out to be incompatible and has to be rehomed. Surely this could have been predicted? Wouldn't it be better to wait until you have your children, and then work out what kind of pet will be compatible with them?

(This may of course not apply to the OP but I do know a number of instances where this has happened).

Cross posted with Amanita

They've gone out and bought a very demanding breed of dog knowing full well that they are within child rearing years and will most likely be having a child or two during the dog's life time.

My point exactly.

Ah sorry that was Dooin's point rather than Amanita's!

"When I was 4.7, my little sister died (3.2yo). I have a very clear memory of not being allowed to go to the funeral, due to being too little. I spent the day with my Granny, at our home, waiting for them all to get back. My big sister did go to the funeral.

It's all nonsense. My mum can tell me exactly where I stood when the coffin was lowered into the grave, which toy I had with me, whose hand I was

holding, whose lap I sat on in church, when and where I cried, what i said to her when she cried.
I cannot remember even having been there. For a long time I was convinced I hadn't. It was only when I asked my mum, as an adult, why they didn't take me along, that I realised that my memory was somewhat faulty.

I'm clearly not a prodigy regarding childhood memories ... "

Oh, meita- this is such an important post. I hope it doesn't get lost.

As a side point in agreement with Dooin & mini - I really wish that people would research the breed of dog that they fancy, before they get it. I've met so many people who complain about how demanding/over excitable/boisterous/destructive their dog is, when it's a breed that has been genetically refined over years and years to work all day - 8 hours of physical and mental stimulation. Then people wonder why they have problems when the dog is understimulated and underexercised. Getting a dog is a 10 -15 year commitment. If you can't commit, don't get the dog.

I wasn't having a go at you again OP - it's a general observation.
I'll shut up now.

". Getting a dog is a 10 -15 year commitment. If you can't commit, don't get the dog."

And are you absolutely certain what you life will look like in 10 years time?

It depends on so many factors. What if the dog is a rescue dog and people choose it thinking they will always have it - even if they are planning children. You might have an idea what the dog is like, but most people don't understand what having children is like until they have them!

It can be a real shock how much it doesn't work out. And if you've given that dog two or three years of happiness even if you then have to rehome it again, it's better than it having stayed in the rescue centre all that time, surely? Or being put to sleep.

I rehomed a cat I had adopted from a sanctuary. It was a poor old thing, had no tail, and it developed a flea allergy which suddenly required two separate treatments every month, neither of which I could afford at the time...and I was about to have a baby. I sadly asked the sanctuary to take it back.

It was suffering badly with its skin and I didn't have the money to pay for the treatments - yes, I had insurance but they never cover flea treatments, I found out.

I like to think he was happy for the year or so he was with me, at least. There was no way to predict his medical needs when I took him home, he'd just arrived at the sanctuary in a right state, but I loved him. I still regret not being able to keep him, not finding a way to. I miss him.

I had already fostered loads of cats from the rescue centre I used to volunteer at.
We got one from a family who no longer wanted her when ds was 1. She is still with us, aged 12 now, beautiful and sweet and well cared for. circumstances can change, you have to do what you can.

I do get what you are saying Aminita and thanks for apologising. The things is though I can't predict the future. I do admit we were naive when he got him. I was in my early 20's and the thoughts of having children were very far away. I thought by the time I did have children, he would have calmed down a bit. We did take him to a training group but were not successful. He knew all his commands and was eager to please but it didn't stop him dashing and sliding around the house manically. My dad who is very good at training dogs took him for a couple of months to try but even he couldnt do much with him.

We didn't just get rid of him as soon as I got pregnant. You can see from my post that my son is over 3 years old and Jacob didn't go to his new home until 7 months ago.I had visions of the kids growing up with him and playing with him. We even moved house purely because we thought we could keep him if we had more room but then we realised it wasn't space he needed, it was the company. He wanted to play with the kids but it would always end in tears. I can say with 100 percent clarity that we did our best and it's all worked out in the end. Dog is happier than ever. Kids are safe to run around without being knocked flying. We have another dog who is a collie cross that we have had for years who is fine around the kids so you never know how it will all pan out.

ooooh, my first experience of the dog nutters too. Most interesting. No wonder I don't like dogs

birdy I have no idea why you are justifying yourself. You didn't post for advice on dogs, you posted about your DC's memory. Stop explaining, it's your business alone why you rehomed your dog.

Funnysinthegarden, you are right I know. Some of the comments have been a bit upsetting this morning though.