To be freaked out by this? 3 year old's memory

[birdynumnums]

7 months ago, we had to rehome our lovely dog because he was so mad he was knocking DS1 (3.5 year old) and and Ds2 over all the time and we were constantly having to lock him in the conservatory when the children were up. DS1 didn't have anything to do with the dog apart from waving at him through the glass for at least a year before he went. It was very upsetting but dog is in a lovely home now. At the time, he asked where Jacob the dog was but didn't seem overly upset by it.

Tonight, he woke up screaming, demanding to know where Jacob was. Then though fits of tears, he said 'Jacob is in grandad's car'. His grandad came to drive the dog to his new home 7 months ago. Ds1 has severe speech delay so it surprises me when he says many things let alone things that happened 7 months ago. Is this weird? Or do I just think it is because of his speech delay?

Our son is 3.10. We had a van until just before his second birthday (sold it, too expensive to keep) He still asks occasionally where dads van is. He got sad about it the other day and asked if we could buy it back (Iwish ;0 )
It is amazing what they can remember. I have a shite memory & cant remember anything from before I was about 6-7 years old.

Whats the deal with all the dog crazys?
I thought it was just cat owner that were nuts...

"The OP could not be arsed"

Could not be arsed to do what? To totally change the character and needs of the dog? Which is, as another poster said, a working dog and not really a good family pet? What was she supposed to do? It's not a question of 'training', the dog was wholly unsuited to sedate family life and is now much happier in the more appropriate setting of a farm. Your attitude is just .

we had to rehome our cat when we moved to Germany (decided it was best for all as we'd be moving around quite a bit even after the short move there.) Dd1 was 19m when we rehomed the cat. When driving up to the new families place we gave the cat food in a little blue bowl (first and only time it was ever used for that purpose) which somehow did not end up leaving with the cat.
She is now 32m old and still calls it the kittykats bowl (she plays with it in the garden).

In defence of Coccyx it's an excuse people in rescue hear often and a little questioning reveals that the owners 'who love their dog dearly' have not made much effort to make things work.

They don't, for example, hire behaviouralists or book the dog into training. They haven't made any efforts to get the dog into a new baby friendly routine before the baby comes and to be fair you have almost 10 months to plan, even longer if you are TTC rather than being surprised. They haven't trained the dog before the baby comes. They've gone out and bought a very demanding breed of dog knowing full well that they are within child rearing years and will most likely be having a child or two during the dog's life time. It's very sad when you have to deal with it day in day out.

A dog is a living, feeling being, you cannot, as most people seem to, just expect them to slot into your new life as a parent if you aren't willing to put in a bit or a lot (depending on the breed) of effort. People just don't think and at the end of the day it's the dog who has no choice in matters who pays the price. That wee staffy pup in the pound pays the price too, because your 'mcuh loved family pet' has just taken his space in rescue and his 7 days are up.

I have no idea how much the Op actually tried to make things work. She's never said. I do know that no behaviouralist on earth would reccomend locking a dog in a conservatory for a year. I find that very cruel and sad.

OP I wouldn't take your DS to visit the dog. It will be confusing for both dog and child.

It sounds as though he just had a dream about the dog to me. We all dream about random things don't we. Still, hope he settles soon but they do have tremendous memories, my kids come out with all sorts, out of the blue, from yonks ago! As someone said, they don't have too much else to think about, you know compared to us grown-ups!

It's like 2 parallel threads

I love dogs, dogboard myself now and again and would never abide cruelty to any animal, but some of the pro-dog comments on here are absolultely ridiculous. Children and family life has to come first!

I've had a couple of moments where I've been astounded at dc's memory. I don't think we (or certainly I) give them full credit for it.

Dd1 just before she was 2yo saw a picture of a Chrismas tree. "That's Christmas tree," she said, "it goes there and..." and she continued talking about Christmas with her memories of it, and they were all correct. Little things we wouldn't have talked about she had remembered. She was not quite 14 months at the previous Christmas.

Ds suddenly said "why don't we go to that house any more?" He was about 3.3yo. It was our old house which we'd moved from when he was 1.5yo. He then started talking about the tree in the back garden.

Someone once told me that children can remember being inside mother's tummy and labour until they're about 3yo, when they lose that memory. I did try asking mine at the relevant age and dd2 did a very convincing description of it... but she does have a very vivid imagination.

My earliest memory was waving my dsis off to playgroup. Chap used to come and pick up about 20 children in his car including 2 on the front seat without a belt. She left playgroup when I was 1.9yo.

Dog threads on here are becoming worse than breast or bottle debates.

Some of you are coming across as utter loons.

OP - nothing to add, it's all been covered but my DD also 3 woke up screaming the other night about a sandwich she had eaten 4 months ago! "BUT MUUUMMMY I MIIIIIIISSS MY SANDWICH"

I am with BiancaStroud. I am a 'dog person', used to work with them until I had children and personally could never be without them as part of my family, but I would never judge someone like the OP for having made a very difficult decision that was in her judged opinion best for both her children and her dog.

None of us has enough information to judge how the rehoming was done and the OP reassured us that her dog is very happy and settled in its new home. Yes, its always sad when people have to rehome their pet, for whatever reason and its a shame that it ever has to happen, but sometimes there is just no alternative and we are lucky that dedicated people like Bianca and others involved in dog rehoming and rescue are there to help on these occasions.

Some people treat dogs as if they are possessions, some people beat and abuse them - but then some people do the same to children and other people. There are bad people in this world, plenty of them, for plenty of reasons - but its not right to rant and rail and treat every person that has to rehome their dog as if they are one of them.

I fail to see how all this dog-related ranting helps anyone, it just sets up a 'them and us' situation whereby there is always going to be a fight on every thread that so much as mentions dogs and in the process, stops people who genuinely need help and support with their dogs from asking questions of the very people who could help. As a 100% committed dog person, personally, I am sick of it.

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Now - back to the OP.

My ds1 has an incredible memory, he is 9, has AS and can clearly relate things that happened in his first year of life that I had completely forgotten about. He can also describe our first house in fine detail, despite the fact that we moved when he was 13 months old and he's never seen any photos of it and can talk confidently about the holiday we had travelling around the West Coast of Ireland for 6 weeks when he was 16 months old. However, if I ask him what happened at school today, or for example, on the sad occasions we have had to ask him to explain exactly what happened when he was bullied at school, he can't do it. He gets confused about what happened in what order and simply can't find the right words to explain.

He's also amazing at remembering facts and can relate facts he learned when he was pre-school age with ease, alongside all the new ones he loves cramming his brain with on a daily basis. He's a bit of a walking encyclopedia really!

I suspect it has something to do with his AS related 'different wiring', in that his long term memory works really well, particularly with definite facts, but the part of his memory related to organisation, timescales and anything connected to emotions (eg the bullying) isn't as well connected and is therefore less efficient.

Moogster, that's lovely!

I remember being in a highchair and watching Only Fools and Horses on TV.

ds 7 amazes me with his memory, he has ASD long term memory awesome, short term memory terrible. He will go upstairs for something and by the time he gets there he has forgot what he went for.

Last year we visited Crocky Trail, the last time we went was when he was 18 mths old and non verbal. When we told him we were going he was able to describe everything there in perfect detail and order.

He records every sponge bob programme and every now and again I have to delete some to make room. There are pages of episodes when I have a clear out he looks and reels off the names of the episodes I have deleted. He also knows the words to any programme he has ever watched.

My son remembers everything 'bad' I have ever done with amazing clarity.

"Mummy, do you remember when you were cross and shut the door very loudly and made me cry?"

"Mummy, remember when you forgot to write in my reading book?"

"Ooh Mummy, look. That's the wall you made me sit on to calm down when i was upset and you were angry..."

I quite like animals at a distance, and would never be cruel to them (I'm vegetarian and everything) but think it's weird and dirty to have them in your house, especially when you've got kids.

Voodoobarbie, you ds sounds very similar to mine.

I am slightly concerned - my dd has never said anything that she remembers much before yesterday!
The 'big' occasions (like holidays) she may talk about for a few months afterwards but at nearly 3 she doesn't seem to have any recollections of, for example, Christmas last year.
She did recognise a 'star tree' when we saw one in our local Tescos a few days ago but to be fair we were still looking at pictures of star trees in August - Christmas never really went away until well into the summer in this house so it's not that amazing as a feat of recall.

Will start her on some of those quizzes, I think - you know, the ones to help improve memory that the Daily Fail recommends. Come on dd, time for your sudoku - you need to keep your brain active....

Oh just go away, insane dog people.

Birdymum-my 10 year old vividly remembers his grand dad's funeral and he was 18 months at the time. He remembers getting a new car to play with and seeing his sister carrying a "flowery shape" .

Dd remembers her grandma sitting her on the draining board in her kitchen and letting her kick bubbles all over the floor. She wasnalso less than two. She's 15 now.

Wow, some people have left some very nasty and strange comments to my post which was an incredibly brief summary about what happened with the dog. How do you come to the conclusion from what I posted that I am lazy and couldn't be arsed? You know nothing about me or my family situation.

Actually, I can say rehoming the dog was one of the most difficult and unselfish things I have ever done. It was very upsetting but we knew it wasn't fair to lock him away and obviously I couldn't let him hurt the children. A breed specialist rehomed him for us and she occasionally sends us an update on how he is doing and it sounds like he is having such a fantastic time.

I know 100 per cent we did the right thing in the end. I posted last night because I was worried my DS was secretly traumatised and thought Jacob was trapped in grandad's car for eternity.

He's also amazing at remembering facts and can relate facts he learned when he was pre-school age with ease, alongside all the new ones he loves cramming his brain with on a daily basis. He's a bit of a walking encyclopedia really!

i think a lot of kids are like that, i know mine are, and they dont have any problems. Kids just love learning

My nephew was 2 y 3months when he was out with my mum and her car broke down.

That car has since been sold and at 3 he still tells us about how nanas blue car broke and the man couldn't fix it.

As for the dog, IMO if you don't feel you can give the dog what he needs then rehoming is the kindest option.

I remember things about the house I moved out of before I turned 3 and relatives who died when I was very young.

I think when something triggers a memory it is amazing the silly little things we remember.

Birdy, it sounds like you did everything you could and rehomed in the right way, nobody has the right to judge.

I wouldn't put too much stress it - it was probably just a dream.

If he wasn't majorly attached to the dog at the time, I would just have a reassuring chat with him about how the dog is having a ball living in his new home and is very happy and in fact that means that everyone is happy because he's not jumping around knocking him over anymore.

Dcs are very clever, they just can't express themselves properly at that age.

My ds was 1.5 when we moved here. When he was around 5 we saw an empty shop in town. He said maybe a fish shop, as there wasn't one here and there was one in the old town. I was amazed he could remember a fish shop from that age, but he said it was next to the ice cream van, which it was!

He also used to fret if I didn't tell him where we were going and why when I put him in the buggy from a very early age. I do think this is a the root of a lot of toddler frustration, people underestimating dcs who are not great verbally.

Dogs are very clever, too, we underestimate them too.

Er, AntiqueAnteater, I wasn't implying that only children with ASD can remember facts - I don't really get why you felt it necessary to quote me in bold!

Fwiw, I have 3dcs and ds1's factual memory is much greater than the other two - so, in my personal experience and I have to say the experience of many of his teachers, his memory is unusual.

I knew I shouldn't have posted in AIBU.