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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be freaked out by this? 3 year old's memory

153 replies

birdynumnums · 01/12/2011 23:31

7 months ago, we had to rehome our lovely dog because he was so mad he was knocking DS1 (3.5 year old) and and Ds2 over all the time and we were constantly having to lock him in the conservatory when the children were up. DS1 didn't have anything to do with the dog apart from waving at him through the glass for at least a year before he went. It was very upsetting but dog is in a lovely home now. At the time, he asked where Jacob the dog was but didn't seem overly upset by it.

Tonight, he woke up screaming, demanding to know where Jacob was. Then though fits of tears, he said 'Jacob is in grandad's car'. His grandad came to drive the dog to his new home 7 months ago. Ds1 has severe speech delay so it surprises me when he says many things let alone things that happened 7 months ago. Is this weird? Or do I just think it is because of his speech delay?

OP posts:
JaneBirkin · 02/12/2011 07:49

I agree that sometimes pets do not work out.

It's hardly reckless and feckless to keep trying for a whole year and move house and then decide that the situation is untenable.

It's not like the people who keep a dog in cruel conditions for YEARS knowing it is unhappy but refusing to admit it's too much for them/not suitable for their family/can't be arsed to even try and train it.

There are too many dogs in the world for people to care for them all, that's where part of the problem lies, and also yes some cruel people who mistreat dogs.

I think from what I can gather the OP may have made an error in choosing the dog however she did her darnedest to put it right before making sure the dog went to a brilliant home. She didn't just ditch him in a sanctuary, well it doesn't sound like it.

I wish people would stop breeding dogs. And cats. And everything else. Well maybe not children, so much, but still.

Mishy1234 · 02/12/2011 07:51

That's amazing OP, I'm not surprised it freaked you out!

hester · 02/12/2011 07:52

When did the dog lobby emerge on MN? Why now? I don't remember all these threads about canine rights a few years ago. I am genuinely baffled by the explosion of your-dog-is-as-much-a-part-of-your-family-as-your baby comments.

moogster1a · 02/12/2011 08:01

I know no one is going to believe this but I'm going to tell you anyway.
When my DS was just talking properly ( about 2 and a half I think ) I asked him if he remembered being in my tummy. He said yes, it was dark and swimmy. i gave him a leading question of what toys were in there and he said none, it was just dark and full of water.
very very freaked out for a long time. He said it was nice though. I'm going to ask ds 2 when he can talk.
DS1 can't remember now of course, he's 5.
Anyway, shouldn't have mentioned it as no one in RL believed me either!

Incroyable · 02/12/2011 08:02

OP you did the right thing re: rehoming the dog IMHO, and would like to add, I believe that dogs live "in the moment" and although they will realise they are living in a different place with a different family, I just don't think they have the emotional range to feel rejection and have their feelings hurt..

BiancaStroud · 02/12/2011 08:04

I am currently on my 27th foster dog. I take them mainly for the reasons people have said on here. Many of them just can't be arsed but there are also lots of families who have tried everything and are devastated to give up the dog. It is not fair to lump all rehomers together. I love dogs to bits but ffs, have had arguments on here before with people who don't think an aggressive dog should be put to sleep. That's crazy, dogs are great, I wouldn't be without them (would love a few less!) but at the end of the day my family come first. I think it is important OP not to feel guilty now, especially because the feeling of relief can be overwhelming, I have had that with a few of my fosters and felt terrible. The dog is happy the new owners are happy and maybe when your boy is a little older you could adopt a calmer dog who would fit in with your family.

LalasMama · 02/12/2011 08:12

OP, you totally did the right thing rehoming the dog. It wouldnt have been fair on Jacob to keep him as you obviously didnt have the time to train him with your DCs.
I rehomed my goreous Daisy dog when I was 6months pregnant with DC1. Purely because she required so much attention. My uncle offered to take her in, he had the time for her so I knew it was the best thing for her. It was the worst day of my life and now 2 years on (to the day) I still cry for her sometimes. I see her every few months and she is SO happy. Im sure that Jacob is too.

To all those nasty people having a go at OP for rehoming the dog - would you prefer that poor dog stayed locked in a conservatory than be given a good home with someone who has time for the dog? Children have to come first.

TandB · 02/12/2011 08:23

When I was about 3 I kept asking my mum where the 'angel in the sky' had gone every time we went into town. No one had any idea what I was talking about.

A few months later there was a newspaper article about the return of a statue of an angel to a tall stone pillar in the town centre. It had been taken away for restoration when I was about a year old but I must have seen it from my pram and remembered.

That freaked everyone out a bit!

FoxyRoxy · 02/12/2011 08:23

Op of course you were right to re home the dog, I don't know why that's even being questioned.

My DS is 10 and remembers things from when he was 3, really random stuff! He forgets to have a shower if he's not reminded every day though Hmm

I remember when my younger brother was born and I was 2.5, I have other memories from that age too. The years between 16 and 21 are hazy though...

OP your DS is normal :)

CountingDown321 · 02/12/2011 08:25

For the record, am not part of the dog lobby. Have never had a dog and never will.

But the thought of that poor dog in the conservatory most of the day for OVER A YEAR while a toddler looked on is thoroughly depressing.

If anything, OP should have rehomed much sooner.

nokissymum · 02/12/2011 08:27

To coccyx et al
Last time i read this kind of nonsense was the poster arguing that the poor boy from Eton mauled to death by a bear should have sacrificed his life instead of fighting for it, and the bear shouldn't have been shot Shock

What a load of sanctimonious crap! What should OP have done with the dog ? Got rid of her children perhaps ? Because the life of a dog in your crazy world comes before that of a child or any human.

I like dogs and animals in general but in my book dogs come a lot further down the pecking order than humans, OP did what a good mother should do, she is NOT lazy (Angry how dare you!

Well done OP! Hope your little ones can roam freely at home now.Smile

Northernlurker · 02/12/2011 08:30

So basically the conversation goes:

OP - 'I have rehomed our dog because our family set up wasn't working for him or us. He went to a safe and exciting home where his special 'bounce' is an aset not a problem'

Dogpeople - 'You are an evil lazy monster'

Hmm

Give it a rest - that is a ludicrous position! This sort of absurdity is exactly what has given dog loving mumsnetters such a dodgy name and it means that when there are genuine welfare issues at stake, far too many people respond with 'ignore the dog lot'

lesley33 · 02/12/2011 08:31

I am pretty amazed at those criticising the OP for rehoming a border collie. Border collie's are very hard work - they really need a job or at least lots of attention, walks and stimulation. They do not make good family pets for this reason. It wasn't a good choice of dog to get in the first place, but with children around it did make sense to rehome it.

StandingAlone · 02/12/2011 08:41

It sounds normal TBH, although very Sad that your DS seems to be so upset about it, it would be nice if you were able to take your DS to visit Jacob the dog.

My DD1 still talks about the time when my mum let DD's balloon float away from her, she was 18 months when this happened. DD1 still berates my mum (It's like a little joke between them now) about it. DD1 has just turned 4.

Grumpla · 02/12/2011 08:42

I can remember my sister being born (I was 2), my dad having a vasectomy and me headbutting him in the groin by mistake (I was 2.5) Blush and plenty of stuff around that time.

When we were kids I often recalled being at particular houses / places before and I have a really strong object memory - I remember where things came from, who gave them to me etc. I am fairly scatty and my short term memory is crap.

My sister on the other hand is much more organised than me but has a notoriously poor long-term memory!

Different peoples' brains obviously work in very different ways!

MabelLucyAttwell · 02/12/2011 08:48

troisgarcons

I agree. I can remember being taken to a photo studio (in Melton Mowbray)when I was 9 months old. I was put onto a cushion, sitting up, and I remember pointing to the photographer's lamp and asking what it was. Obviously I was talking babble but I distinctly remember my mother telling me what it was so she must have understood me. (I have the photograph so I know my memory's right).

Moominsarescary · 02/12/2011 08:50

I remember a photographer coming round to take my picture I was around 2.9 at the time

coccyx · 02/12/2011 08:52

Dog ownership takes time and effort. The OP could not be arsed, best to just say so. Let others take on your problem.
Pathetic to say 'oh i am pregnant time to get rid of our much loved dog. ' Not loved that much.

MabelLucyAttwell · 02/12/2011 09:01

I've thought of something else among my myriad of childhood memories .

I was 2 or 3 and walked along a path in my grandparents' garden. The dahlias were the same height as I was and some were taller. It was some years before I realised that it was because I was small not because they were tall!

babybythesea · 02/12/2011 09:01

Can I just add my two cents worth to the dog debate?

I love dogs, always had them, they are definitely part of my family and my little shadow that is currently residing in my house (who moves from room to room as I do, and who makes me laugh because of the indignant looks I get when I pop into one room to do something, she follows me in, settles down and then is astonished and put out when I move rooms again) is one of my best yet.

But if I felt she wasn't getting the best possible care because she had proved to be unmanageable around my dd, I would rehome her. It would break my heart, but she would deserve to be somewhere where she could be happy, and central to the family's life, not on the edge always locked away.

Well done for that OP.

Moominsarescary · 02/12/2011 09:02

How the actual fuckery would you know? Would you rather my dog had been locked in the house every day on it's own for months, which was causing it destress, if that is the case your Obviously not much of a dog lover yourself

MistressFrankly · 02/12/2011 09:04

Coccyx how do you back that statement up? Do you have cameras rigged up in OP's house to enable you to make such a comment?
You don't know OP and cannot judge her decision. She says she did what she thought best for her family and rehomed the dog, she didnt put it down or lock it in a shed. And she was asking fir advice on her DS not the dog.

MistressFrankly · 02/12/2011 09:10

OP all i can suggest is take DS to see the dog if thats an option. He can then see it is happy in his new home.

I have some pretty early memories that i would put at about 2 1/2. I can vividly remember that my dads garden shed was bolted with a pink toothbrush (Confused). When i mentioned this to my mum she was astonished i could remember that as we moved from that house before i was 3.

I cant however remember where i put my house keys or what i went upstairs for Grin

LePruneDeMaTante · 02/12/2011 09:22

Good on you for rehoming the dog and making sure he was happy and well cared for in his new home. I am sure the dog has absolutely minimal memories of you Grin and your children will be fine.

DS (8) still remembers things from when he was 2. It's really disconcerting but also lovely.

LePruneDeMaTante · 02/12/2011 09:25

One of my earliest memories is of massive vases of gladioli. Forests of them. Whenever I see them in the supermarket I am Shock by how small they are.

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