to be disgusted at these mother's behaviour in Sainsburys cafe?

[rhondajean]

Popped in with DH and DDs at lunchtime.

Three women at the table behind me with five children between them.

All small children, one in buggy, but the rest around 3 -5 years, so not babies.

The children were picking food to pieces and throwing it on the floor. Now I have raised two small children, I know they make crumbs, but this was unreal. They were shovelling food onto the floor, followed by two innocent smoothies which they tipped half of on floor, followed by the cartons, followed by whatever else they could put down.

The mess when they stood up to leave was utterly disgusting and not one of them made a move to clear it up at all. If it was my children, the mess would have been stopped, but I would have been utterly horrified. They continued to talk to each other through the entire incident and didnt stop once to tell the children to stop and pick up after themselves.

Some poor cafe worker had to deal with that after they left. Am I wrong to be appalled? I cant help feeling judgey. Do they let the kids do that at home??

I would feel righteous about it! I would be thinking if the rest of us can behave like civilised human beings, what makes YOU and your children so special that you don't need to?

I don't know what's happened to responsibility for self. Oh yeah there's a waitress to clear MY mess up, I'll be damned if I'm doing it. Actually, clearing excessive mess isn't in a waitress's job description. Clearning tables, wiping them down, sweeping crumbs, yes. But actually having to clear up a revoting paste of smoothies and bread? Vile. These mothers wouldn't allow their children to make such a mess if they were going to be clearing it up at the end of it.

Some people seem to have a very rosy view of others. I've dealt with enough people in my work that wouldn't give a toss if a dog came and shat on their living room carpet to know that the most likely scenario in this example is that the mothers didn't clean up because they couldn't be bothered and have no manners or knowledge of how to behave in public.

Yes, they were probably en route to the Buckingham Palace Garden Party and were distracted from clearing up/admonishing their little brats darlings by the pressure of ensuring their fascinators were on correctly

I'm happy to get judgy about this. People should clear up after their children and encourage them to learn to limit their mess in the first place. I think it relates to everyone; I certainly don't enjoy being in cafes where children are making a huge mess, and I would guess that a lot of other people don't either. Not to mention the staff. Yes, a certain amount of clearing up is part of the job, but not shovelling up piles of spilled and trampled food.

I agree with Baubles; it's all about society, and whether we all contribute in small nice ways or small unpleasant ways. Also, shouldn't you take every opportunity to teach your kids how to behave around food and in company?

"I've never seen anything like the OP describes where I live, so I don't think it is a widescale problem that MN needs to educate people about either.

So you've lived ALL over the world, have you? "

See, this is what I don't get. So this thread is about manners and civilised behaviour, yes? And there is broad general consensus that certain behaviour is rude and shows the disintegration of the moral fibre of our country too?

So.. why, if it is the case that these threads are somehow here so we can all be outraged and feel righteous about the poor standards of social behaviour in our communities, is it okay to throw around these faces and generally seem, well, a bit rude because people have slightly different (and not particularly controversial) opinions? It doesn't marry well with the initial outrage! The strangers in the cafe are not here, but I am! I am having a very laid back and generic discussion that is not intended to slight or offend anyone and yet, somehow, just stating a random thought needs a face?

Playing waitress? By clearing up after your child?

I didn't mean the face to come across as rude.... AFAIK it means "sceptical", no? And I just thought it was a bit of a generalised statement to say that because you hadn't seen anything like what the OP has described, therefore it couldn't be a widespread problem.

Didn't mean to offend or attack so apologies if it came across like that.

Shall we form our own Judgement Corner LeQueen. I do believe we had similar views on the woman that stabbed her 3 children being given the let off because she "must have had issues"

ExquisiteChristmasCake - yes, kids do make a mess, but parents should try to minimise that mess by teaching reasonable table manners to their children. Anyway, in the OP, the children weren't dropping/spilling food by accident, they were doing it on purpose, which is utterly unacceptable. I'm sure that you are teaching your dc good table manners, and would be visibly cross with them if they deliberately poured their drink on the floor, or tossed rubbish on the floor - which is where you, and most reasonable people, differ from the mothers in the OP. And if my child had had a moment of utter manners-breakdown, and deliberately tipped food/drink on the floor, yes, I absolutely would clear it up. And anyway, I'd try to leave the table in a reasonable condition.

But unfortunately, the sort of person who will sit idly by and let their child do that, is probably also the sort of person who will waltz off and let someone else clear up the mess.

And I agree with LeQueen - I think it is highly unlikely that all those mums were in the throes of some life-trauma that rendered them unable to a} control their children's behaviour and b} clear up after them.

I would care too much about what people thought of the way I was dragging bringing up my children if I acted up like this whilst out and about.

YANBU - I'm sure the people concerned would not have been happy if their children were doing it at home. It's not on to treat any other place as a tip just because you won't have to clear it up. I'd expect my children to behave as I would expect at home.

Can I join too, please LeQueen? I like a nice judge badge!

It could be like Pedant's Corner - and people could come to us for judgement. I will wield the Sword of Damocles if you don't mind.

YANBU. I hate seeing this kind of thing too, because I see it as a complete lack of empathy with the person who WILL have to do the clearing up. Just because someone is employed to serve you your dinner and wipe your table and clear your plates afterwards, does not mean they are your servant, and you can treat them like crap. In fact, even if they ARE your servant, a decent person would not treat another like that.

It's a crappy attitude, absolutely regardless of what might be going on in the lives.

In fact, once when I was out with a group of mums and children in a cafe (where we met regularly), one of my friend's boys, who was being toilet trained, was spotted by his mum making "that" face! She grabbed him, picked him up and rushed to the toilets....and as she ran, little blobs of poo fell out his trouser-legs (She never put boxer shorts on him again!)

As everyone in the cafe stared in abject horror (including the poor wee guy behind the counter), I told friend to get son to the loo, and I then got out some dog poo bags and a packet of wipes and cleaned the floor. With everyone watching in horror. Which unfortunately inspired a desire in me to giggle uncontrollably while doing it. The guy at the counter was grateful x100. He told me that he thought he would have to deal with it and really didn't know how to! Why should he deal with it? i'm pretty sure it's not in his job description.

My point is, as a mum you are pretty used (or should be) to cleaning up after your child. It's second nature. OK, maybe one person (eg my poor friend!) might have something more pressing that means he/ she can't attend to it immediately, but according to the OP there were 3 mums there, so I can't honestly believe that there was some deeper, more pertinent reason for not making some attempt to clear up a bit, more that they felt someone else should have to do it. And I think that sucks. Even if it isn't me that's cleaning up after them. It's a complete disrespect.

This is a bit like that poster whose son puked up all over a restaurant table and about 6 grown-ups let the waitress clean it up whilst they sat watching her.

No problem Sayyule.. .

Anyway, I have talked enough shite for one day. Judgement corner would be fun if probably redundant as that's surely what AIBU is! It would be particularly fun if there was a DYJM corner rather than an AIBU, like "Do you judge me" or even better, "don't you juuuuudge me!" like My Name is Earl's former mother-in-law.

There would be no discussion in JC. Just me and LeQueen dispensing rough justice in our judgement pants

the very minute I see the word "disgusted" in the thread title one idea comes to my mind

cats bum mouth- digusted from Tunbridge Wells etc

appalled!! disgusted!!!! christ.....if this appalls you....

Ahem - I have applied to be in the Judgement Corner too, OhdearNigel!

I have a very Hard Stare, and am definitely the scary parent in this family, so I can do glaring at culprits.