to be disgusted at these mother's behaviour in Sainsburys cafe?

[rhondajean]

Popped in with DH and DDs at lunchtime.

Three women at the table behind me with five children between them.

All small children, one in buggy, but the rest around 3 -5 years, so not babies.

The children were picking food to pieces and throwing it on the floor. Now I have raised two small children, I know they make crumbs, but this was unreal. They were shovelling food onto the floor, followed by two innocent smoothies which they tipped half of on floor, followed by the cartons, followed by whatever else they could put down.

The mess when they stood up to leave was utterly disgusting and not one of them made a move to clear it up at all. If it was my children, the mess would have been stopped, but I would have been utterly horrified. They continued to talk to each other through the entire incident and didnt stop once to tell the children to stop and pick up after themselves.

Some poor cafe worker had to deal with that after they left. Am I wrong to be appalled? I cant help feeling judgey. Do they let the kids do that at home??

Shocking. And seriously annoying for all the parents who DON'T let their children behave like that, as it means cafes and restaurants are less likely to be keen on having families/children in them and will not go out of their way to attract that kind of custom.

YANBU. I work at a similar supermarket cafe, the mess some people leave is vile. The other week I saw a child throw his full plate of food all over the floor...I rushed over to clean it up and reassure the mum that it was fine, I'd sort it, it happens. She completely ignored me, didn't say a word or move to help or anything.

YANBU. I don't understand why anyone allows their children to throw food on the floor in the first place. Table manners should be taught as soon as they start sitting at a table in my opinion. DS has just turned 2 and I've never had that problem - because I taught him from when he was weaning. It's needless and pointless.

Anyway, if a child does anyway then it's only right you clean up after them. Or get them to do it themselves. Either way, it's nobody elses responsibility.

The time I wanted to say something was the little darling slinging custard creams at his push chair frame while mum chattered away.

Rockandhardplace, get real. What are the chances that these women were in the same position as that man? What sentimental rubbish.

Yanbu.

And - I don't care if I get flamed for saying this - but even if the children had SN, why couldn't the parents cleaned up the worst of the spilled food?

Tbh, I'm not sure that the 'the child might have special needs' thing entirely excuses what went on here - because that wouldn't stop the mum at the very least apologising for the mess and offering to clean it up, would it. I absolutely agree that families with children with special needs should be out and about in society enjoying themselves and living a normal life - and if you spend your every waking hour cleaning up after a child then it is natural that you wouldn't leap to do it in a cafe that has staff - but none of that stops you apologising for the mess and making a token attempt to clear up.

Actually, I suspect that most parents of children with special needs would apologise and offer to help clear up - the fact that these mothers didn't, suggests to me that the children were just badly parented and badly behaved, and the mums just didn't care.

Snap, ronx - great minds think alike!

I take my two with SN out and always clean up after them, it's just polite!
I guess the only time it would be an issue would be if dds starting having major meltdown and we have to leave quickly but even then I would say sorry to staff (only ever happened twice)

i would judge too but i think it can be slightly ridiculous to start picking up food off the floor (though sometimes I will) - the cafe workers are going to have better equipment like a broom to do so. The children should have been told to stop doing it in any case.

no that is not ok, my 3yr old ds4 will sometimes make a bit of a mess and dd 11mths is int he throw things on the floor stage, i always pick it up and have been known to ask for and use a dustpan and brush is there are lots of crumbs, food debris on the floor! children do make a bit of mess, but allowing them to make a big mess is NOT ok and you dam well clear up after them!

ShengdanRoad, wow, BIG reaction there! The chances are actually pretty high that there are other circumstances involved, people in general don't tend to not follow social expectations to that extent unless they are stressed or troubled in some way. There are really quite a lot of ways that people can be pushed to their limit, and the chances that someone is having a worse day than you can imagine are statistically not at all small. Why is it more "real" to assume the worst of people?

How rude. I would never expect someone to clear up after my littlens. Sadly though, it's all too common place these days...

Disgusting creatures. YANBU at all to be appalled. It's not the behaviour of normal, civilised adults.

Give it a break rocksandhardplaces. The statistical chances of all 3 of those women and 5 kids going through a bereavement at the same time is practically nil and before you say it, I also doubt that all the women had hidden disabilities and all the kids had SN.

Some people are just cunts. No mitigating factors, they are just entitled nobs who think that there is a lesser being who is only to happy to clear their mess up.

But surely this goes beyond cleaning up spilled food?

I couldn't sit there and let/watch/ignore my 3yo pouring/crumbling food everywhere wherever she was. I'd take it off her and not give it back until she was prepared to sit up properly and eat/drink it, or she wouldn't have it at all.

I find it really funny that someone would be upset at a poster suggesting you could consider the possibility that people were having a hard day!

I have been threatening miscarriage for weeks now. It's not a bereavement but it's been distracting. To the best of my knowledge, I haven't behaved like a pig in any cafe of late but I do know I rushed out of somewhere about a week ago because I started cramping.

Why focus on bereavement? If you think of the huge amount of things that go wrong in people's lives, there is a good chance that people could be having a harder day than you can see from the outside. Losing your job, losing your house, unplanned pregnancy, threatening miscarriage, mental health difficulties, SN, an anniversary of a tragic bereavement, relationship breaking down, domestic violence etc. God knows what they were talking about.

Does it make people feel better to only focus on one negative possibility - that these people are scum - than the possibility that you just don't know what the hell was going on there? It's just an alternative suggestion, it's not a statement of fact.

I think MN is just so full of this bilious hate towards strangers it is bizarre. What's to be gained from all this spitting scorn towards people you don't know and will most likely never see again? They are blithely unaware there a whole load of folk online debating their cafe-attending habits while people become more and more riled on here about these anonymous and unknown folk who left a mess behind them in a sodding cafe.

I know MN's about the small stuff but seriously, chill out.

HoHo - you would be amazed how appallingly entitled people can be when they are paying someone else to clean up after them. I used to be a chambermaid in quite an upmarket chain of hotels and I cannot tell you how vile some people's behaviour is in that situation.

I'm sure they don't live like that at home so can only assume there is something about paying for a service which means they feel they need to get their money's worth.

So what bupcakes said basically

I hate threads like these. Who gives a flying toss if a child makes a mess in a cafe? I hate the fact that everyone comes out with smacked arse faces about how THEY wouldn't let THEIR kids behave like that tut tut tut...

And before you ask, I always clear up after my kids in restaurants but it's someone else's choice if they do or don't. That's the beauty of paying to eat in a cafe, surely. It's Sainsbury's Cafe, not the Ritz.

YABU

Is it though, leQueen? Surely they're pretty much on an average, when all variables are considered and without further facts. There is a lot of anguish in the world. There are a lot of slobs. There may well be anguished slobs. Nonetheless, if one person wants to think that they are more likely to be anguished than slobs.... so what?

I think, in the end of the day, it doesn't much matter what point of view you take. The crumbs are still on the floor. Being outraged by people's behaviour in public places is bad for blood pressure and if you want to give yourselves alternatives to keep your stress levels down, well, what's wrong with that?

"That's the beauty of paying to eat in a cafe, surely. It's Sainsbury's Cafe, not the Ritz."

And here we have it.