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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think a four year old should be allowed to eat cake at a birthday party?

116 replies

BabyGiraffes · 30/11/2011 12:50

AIBU to think that a mother I met at a birthday party was a bit precious about her daughter in not allowing her to eat a small cup cake because 'there's sugar in it'.. Hmm My dc have a very balanced diet which does include some sweets and yes Shock cake at a birthday party. I know that what she does is none of my business but apart from feeling sorry for the poor little thing (she's 4!) I also did not like the way this woman made the rest of us feel a bit uneasy about our own dc enjoying the party.

OP posts:
PopcornMouse · 30/11/2011 12:52

It's personal choice, isn't it? She INBU.

StaceymAloneForver · 30/11/2011 12:53

ignore and be glad you have a balanced opinion for your kids. It wouldn't make me feel bad I do what I see is best for my child, she does as she sees is best for hers!

HarrietSchulenberg · 30/11/2011 12:53

Perhaps there was some kind of allergy problem?
If not then keep an eye on that girl - when she's 15 she'll be stuffing herself with sweets and cakes like there's no tomorrow, and all behind her weird, controlling mother's back! Honest!

YULEingFanjo · 30/11/2011 12:53

YABU - who died and put you in charge of what other families decide to eat?

Why do you feel sorry for her?

Firawla · 30/11/2011 12:53

yanbu that's ridiculous unless she is allergic to sugar. she will make her child have food issues. its one cupcake, and its a party not like having one every day. ffs, sugar is not actually poison!

mememummy · 30/11/2011 12:55

Was she diabetic?

MardyArsedMidlander · 30/11/2011 12:55

I remember my cousin's 4th birthday when one of the mums said that her son 'never' ate cake. We found him literally head down in the middle of the Ninja Turtle birthday cake, seemingly trying to eat his way out!

Original poster
BabyGiraffes · 30/11/2011 12:57

I just asked myself, why bring her to a party when the she's stood there looking like a lemon because she's not allowed to eat anything? To me this may turn into 'issues' with food long term, although I may be a bit dramatic about it. I'd have had no problem with it if she'd been a 1 year old, but she's 4. How long is the mother going to keep her from 'evil' refined sugar?
Oh, and there is no allergy, special diet, diabetes or anything, and the child is far from overweight...

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyGiraffes · 30/11/2011 12:59

Mardy I have a lovely mental image of that scene... Brilliant Grin

OP posts:
LemonDifficult · 30/11/2011 13:00

YANBU to think a four year old can have cake at a party (allergies aside, obv). Some people are insane about their children's eating habits.

My DS2 had a 2nd birthday party and their were children there who had never tasted chocolate. In fact, some of the other parents (of PFBs, natch) were quite vocal about the amount of sugar in cake/party rings/meringues. The rest of the parents thought they were a bit twattish.

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 13:00

If a mother had said that to me, I would have replied "oh, is she allergic or diabetic then?".. if the answer had been no to both, I would have just laughed at her and told her she was being ridiculous.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 30/11/2011 13:10

ROFL.

It's ever so slightly crazy to control your kid that much. This kid will end up fat when she has her own money to spend on forbidden foods as she'll binge on them. This isn't teaching her anything good.

MsBrian · 30/11/2011 13:15

I don't agree with this mum but, as other posters said, it's her prerogative to choose her child's diet. Let's hope she's aware of the dangers of going down that route.... poor child
What I would agree YANBU about is the unease she caused by making the comment loudly. She should be more discreet.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2011 13:16

Oh, and there is no allergy, special diet, diabetes or anything

How do you know if you only met the mother at the party?

StaceymAloneForver · 30/11/2011 13:22

my dd went thru a time when she was on a very strict diet (because she was on steroids and i didn't want her to balloon) so she could have very little sugary foods, even at parties, she was fine with this and was happy to only have a little of the nice stuff.
If you dont know them stop judging!

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 13:23

Thats crazy. Don't take any notice of her in future. I think she must be very insecure and confused about nutrition to adopt such an extreme stance against sugar. Children need a bit of sugar to run around and such.

Unfortunately, it is her little girl and she is entitled to feed her what she she wants as long as she's not harming the child.

3cutedarlings · 30/11/2011 13:31

So long as there was no allergies or other illnesses, then she just being ridiculously PFB. I have friend whos children arnt allowed to eat this that and the other. Then at EVERY party they eat so much shite, they must almost make themselves sick! at one party one of them ate a plate of chicken nuggets!, there was non left for the other children. That child ate more nuggets at that one party than my kids would eat in a year!.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 30/11/2011 13:32

You could have pointed out that if her DDs diet was truly completely sugar free, DD would die... human beings run on glucose.

Whatmeworry · 30/11/2011 13:34

I know that what she does is none of my business but apart from feeling sorry for the poor little thing (she's 4!) I also did not like the way this woman made the rest of us feel a bit uneasy about our own dc enjoying the party.

YABU, but... its the "assertive parenting" mode in which this is usually done that sets teeth on edge (probably to prevent DC (4) from wailing "But I WANT cake" :o )

youtalkintome · 30/11/2011 13:39

Her business I wish I had some of her bottle/resilience/patience whatever you call it, I hate my Dc eating too much sugar but can't stand being whinged at constantly so give in far more than I like.

rockinhippy · 30/11/2011 13:40

YABVVVU & Judgey Hmm

its not your place to either judge, or decide whats right for anothers DCs to eat -

for al you know the DC may be diabetic, or have candida problems after anti b's so the Mother is taking the sensible route for HER OWN DDs sake

having people look on all pompous judgey & patronising & offering cake whilst looking at the DC with pity is FAR more detrimental to the DCs enjoyment of the party than actually been told by her Mum - no cake

My own DD has allergy problems & its a situation I've been in many a time & trust me, it is NOT welcome - it's your attitude to the Mum saying no & "feeling sorry for the poor little thing" that makes the DC feel out of step with the other kids, not Mum saying no to cake

timetoask · 30/11/2011 13:45

I have a friend that has never given her dd anything with sugar, she is now 7yrs, they bake but only use honey to sweeten things. I really admire her for sticking with it all this time. It's her business.

BarfTheHeraldAngelsHeave · 30/11/2011 13:52

I also did not like the way this woman made the rest of us feel a bit uneasy about our own dc enjoying the party.

What you actually mean is "I didn't like the way that this mother did things differently to me".

Get over it. Her dd will have lovely teeth Grin

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 13:52

Timetoask or anyone else, I have a genuine question: What does it achieve (or what do people think it achieves)? Like in terms of health or discipline or whatever. I really want to know and I shan't argue against what you tell me.

timetoask · 30/11/2011 13:58

Hi art, I asked my friend why she chose not to give her dd sugar. Her answer was that sugar does not add any nutritional value to food, so she doesn't see the point. I did point out to her that unrefined sugar (which is the sort I use) has plenty of minerals.

I have to point out they they are a super healthy family, mum is a keen marathon runner, dad is a cyclist and mountain climber.

Personally, I don't agree with it, my motto is "everything in moderation." But I still admire her determination. Doesn't stop me from inviting her over, I just make sure I don't use sugar. No big deal.