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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to think a four year old should be allowed to eat cake at a birthday party?

116 replies

BabyGiraffes · 30/11/2011 12:50

AIBU to think that a mother I met at a birthday party was a bit precious about her daughter in not allowing her to eat a small cup cake because 'there's sugar in it'.. My dc have a very balanced diet which does include some sweets and yes cake at a birthday party. I know that what she does is none of my business but apart from feeling sorry for the poor little thing (she's 4!) I also did not like the way this woman made the rest of us feel a bit uneasy about our own dc enjoying the party.

OP posts:

MsBrian · 30/11/2011 13:59

Art don't you know that sugar is really bad for you? Ever heard of the "white death"?

ihatecbeebies · 30/11/2011 14:00

Yabu, my 4 year old can't have sugar, he has autism and sugar and other additives makes his traits a lot worse than if he didn't have any, but I don't want to explain to every parent that my son has special needs and the implications of this as it's none of their business so I just say 'I'd rather he didn't eat sugar.'

wasabisaucefortuna · 30/11/2011 14:04

looking at the state british kids are in (the fattest in the whole of europe!) it seems ironic that you even ask the question... well done to the mum. i know a few mums who have 4 year olds, 5 year olds even, who have never eaten (processed) sugar, and they don't miss it. YABU.

wahwahwah · 30/11/2011 14:06

Maybe when she has sugar she turns into a gremlin and starts bouncing off the walls.

When DS was little we had a birthday party for him in the church hall and I did 2 lots of food (happened to be on either side of the room) - healthy (crudites, fruit, sandwiches...) and the 'baaaad' stuff - jelly, squirty cream and sprinkles, cupcakes, sausages (ok they were Quorn but no-one could tell the difference) and had a bucket of haribo packs 'up high' so that the adults could get some for the children of they wanted to. The party bags had only 'healthy' goodies in there and I told the grown ups that they could help themselves to the 'bad' stuff to add to the bags if they wanted.

Wellllll... I was almost killed in the stampede of toddlers (parents and nannies being dragged by their heels), going straight for the jelly and cupcakes. The times I heard 'but you don't like that, darling' or 'mummy wont want you to have that' that day was quite amazing.

So the moral of the story is... if you make something taboo then that is what they will want. I would rather parents tried to encourage their kids to eat more fruit and veg and a varied diet than stress about sugar. If they eat healthily then the occasional chocolate bar or cake will not do them any harm, and they won't feel left out at parties.

WoTmania · 30/11/2011 14:10

I wonder if she is the type of person who refuses all sugary foods but then gives their child dried fruit as a 'healthy' snack?

wahwahwah · 30/11/2011 14:14

They are so bad for your teeth!

Like the mum I saw in a store yesterday with little babs in pram. On the phone 'oh yes, we are just having a lovely snack of a second ORGANIC museli bar'. Not sure why the emphasis on organic was so important but she practically yelled it out. I was trying to take a peek to see what the little un was munching and am sure it was the ones full of sugar (in its many forms) and palm fats. They probably tasted like poo anyway.

wahwahwah · 30/11/2011 14:16

timetoask - that was my dads favourite motto too (along with 'If I can't take it with me, I'm not going').

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 14:19

MsBrian hahaha - I didn't mean eat loads of the stuff! I was talking about the 'don't eat any at all' thing. I live in Germany and people here seem to think a few chunks of cake and a bag of sweeties are pretty much essential for child health. Then they chase them outside and make them run around in the cold for a few hours and burn it all off. I'm also aware its not so good for teeth but people as a rule here also have great teeth. I don't know any obese children so I don't know how much you would have to consume to get really big.

DeliaSucksStollen · 30/11/2011 14:22

YANBU. Some people suck all the joy out of life.
I wish there was a yawn emoticon that could be used for some of the responses on here.

wahwahwah · 30/11/2011 14:24

I don't think sugar is the enemy. It's when you see toddlers in prams (old enough to walk anyway) shovelling crisps from a large 'grab bag' into their fat gobs. The amount of salt and fat in there is a good recipe for a stroke.

Floggingmolly · 30/11/2011 14:26

Well my kids eat most things in moderation (they do have different tastes, but nothing is "banned", just limited) and they all have perfect teeth and are far from overweight. Was I just lucky, or is there some logic there?

edam · 30/11/2011 14:27

Timetoask - does your friend not realise that honey is pretty much the same as sugar? Same amount of calories, just as bad for your teeth...

As for sugar making children hyperactive, that's a myth. An experiment was done where children were invited to a party with normal party food, full of sugar and colouring. The parents all ascribed the boisterous, exuberant behaviour to the sugar - not the excitement of the party. Yet the researchers had tricked the parents - the food wasn't in fact sugar-laden or full of colourings.

daytoday · 30/11/2011 14:27

YANBU - if there were no underlying issues. There's a massive difference between being controlling and being healthy. Its great when they are little and you can hold back on all the junk - but the moment they start to socially interact I think you need to let them make their own choices at parties.

Allowing your child to s make their own small choices is so important and quite thrilling for them. Barging in and imposing a communist state of mind is not.

DeliaSucksStollen · 30/11/2011 14:29

Well put daytoday.

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 14:30

Yes, I'm a bit 'aaargh' about salt.

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 14:31

And trans-fats.

wahwahwah · 30/11/2011 14:31

Yup, it is a worse killer than sugar.

Angelswings · 30/11/2011 14:31

Life's too short

pigletmania · 30/11/2011 14:33

Unless there are allergies and intolerences than she is being very precious, I could understand a 14 month old but not a 4 year old, poor child!

AnaisB · 30/11/2011 14:34

Edam that's very true. It really hits my judgey button when people make "sugar free" cake with grape juice/honey.

MsBrian · 30/11/2011 14:34

Now seriously speaking, refined sugar is present in lost and lots of foods and the amount that sneaks into the average diet may surprise you.
Everything in moderation is a wonderful motto but define moderation......
I can see why some very health-conscious parents chose to eliminate refined sugars rather than risk getting the 'moderation' thing wrong. Their prerogative, as long as they do it in a way that doesn't cause issues for the children and doesn't annoy other parents at parties

MsBrian · 30/11/2011 14:34

doh - meant lots and lots!

HandMini · 30/11/2011 14:36

YANBU to think that it's a little extreme for a 4 year old to not be allowed a piece of cake at a party...I think the mum is probably in the minority here.

However, YABU to comment on it and to feel bad about it / sorry for the child. Let the mum get on with her sugar-free raising, and you should feel confident in your own decision to allow your children to eat cake or whatever.

MardyArsedMidlander · 30/11/2011 14:36

have a friend that has never given her dd anything with sugar, she is now 7yrs, they bake but only use honey to sweeten things

But it's the SAME! Your body cannot tell the difference between white sugar or honey or fruit sugars, it all gets converted to glucose energy anyway.

exexpat · 30/11/2011 14:41

If she's 4, it's probably about the last year the mother will have any say in it anyway, unless she's going to be the one mother who insists on staying at primary-age birthday parties to stop her child having any fun and eating the party food help.

And I expect next year the little girl will be the first one piling into the sugar-packed delights with added e-numbers that make up most party buffets.

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