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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to think a four year old should be allowed to eat cake at a birthday party?

116 replies

BabyGiraffes · 30/11/2011 12:50

AIBU to think that a mother I met at a birthday party was a bit precious about her daughter in not allowing her to eat a small cup cake because 'there's sugar in it'.. Hmm My dc have a very balanced diet which does include some sweets and yes Shock cake at a birthday party. I know that what she does is none of my business but apart from feeling sorry for the poor little thing (she's 4!) I also did not like the way this woman made the rest of us feel a bit uneasy about our own dc enjoying the party.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 30/11/2011 14:41

why do you care about other people's choices?

if it made you feel bad, perhaps that was because you know that sugar is shit but wanted to feed it to your child and not feel bad.

can't have it both ways.

Loie159 · 30/11/2011 14:49

YANBU to think that it is odd, but some people do have quite strict ideas about what their children eat. Personally and this is only IMO, I think a well balanced approcah is far better. It is very strange the way some people are...... they wont give their kids sugar, but give them honey and maple syrup which is almost as bad for them. Same as people who wont take their kids of McDonalds but take them for nice "middle class" burgers and chips like Gourmet Burger! I think it is wrong to make a child stand at a party if they have no special needs, dietry requirements etc and watch every one else eat cake and not let them have any. It is of course totally different if they have autism, diabetes etc. But thats me... my kids eat cake and drink squash, but also drink home made smoothies, brocoli and cabbage..... so persoanlly I think you are just asking for problems if you insist on enforcing something so rigid that is essentially just not necessary

TinyArmy · 30/11/2011 14:57

I think sugar as an occasional treat is fine. My mother was one of those people who wouldn't let us eat sugar. The GP had to have the "She has fainted twice now because she is hypoglycemic. Some children need more sugar than others. No, you don't need to feed her brightly coloured sweets that are made of poison. Just put honey on her toast. She won't get fat FFS."

That mother is entitled to decide whether or not her child gets sugar but I do hope she is making an informed decision. My own mum fixated overmuch on my diet, I didn't get the nutrients I needed as per my medical condition and I still have a messed up relationship with the food I eat.

And I doubt the OP felt bad about the other mum's comment because she feels guilty about giving her DC sugar. I feel bad about the other mum's comment because it singles out her daughter to the other kids. I remember being teased because my mum didn't allow sugar and I used to do all manner of underhanded things to get other kids' sweets.

tigerlillyd02 · 30/11/2011 15:34

YABU If she doesn't want her daughter to eat cakes etc, that's her choice.

If people hadn't interferred with my child, he wouldn't have had the taste of sweet stuff yet either - everywhere I took him people were trying to stuff him with biscuits. cake, sweets etc and I was made to feel bad and cruel for not allowing it - so I applaud her for sticking to her guns!

Although part of me thinks that in moderation it perhaps doesn't do any harm - another part of me thinks it's also pointless. Children don't need these foods so why give it them.

Whats to bet her child isn't one of these fussy eaters who just demands junk (something I watched on "My child won't eat" last night).

difficulttimes · 30/11/2011 15:44

This woman sounds a bit 3 fingered why bring a child to a party hen she's not allowed to eat anything, verges on cruel really.

was she implying the other parents were being careless OP??

BupcakesandCunting · 30/11/2011 15:47

"I remember my cousin's 4th birthday when one of the mums said that her son 'never' ate cake. We found him literally head down in the middle of the Ninja Turtle birthday cake, seemingly trying to eat his way out!"

Grin

Going against the grain, YANBU. I don't like this joyless parenting, either. I trust that she had a pouch of raw edamame beans in her Boden change bag to sate her child's appetite for a snack?

Pagwatch · 30/11/2011 15:47

The bit I find interesting is that her chouce made you all feel uncomfortable. Is that why you are cross with her?

Clossaintjacques · 30/11/2011 16:49

I WAS that child, it made crave sweet things so much. I ended up eating my way through so much cake and chocolate when I turned 18 and left home I ended up with 12 new fillings by my 21st birthday.

YANBU

Clossaintjacques · 30/11/2011 16:53

Oh! and if the child was diabetic the mother could have always got a sugar free substitute so the child didn't feel different or upset.

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 16:56

A little sugar is fine in moderation. I would rather that than sweeteners etc, I don't let dd (ok, only 16 months) have chocolate etc but home made flapjack ok.

reup · 30/11/2011 17:10

I don't think anyone can make your child have a sweet tooth. Breast milk and formula are hardly savoury! I read somewhere, but have no idea of its veracity. That people have sweet tooths because on hunter gatherers times it would help you eat the ripe fruit.
I met a mother who smugly told me her son had never eaten a biscuit whilst he was scoffing a whole packet of organix crisps as if they have much nutritional value.
My friends nerve was brought up on a strict macro biotic diet. At 9 they found about 50 bars of chocolates and sweets under her mattress. She now suffers from bulimia.

Original poster
BabyGiraffes · 30/11/2011 17:12

Wow, this thread has taken off... only just caught up. Just to answer a few questions: the woman is a friend of a close friend of mine which is why I know the little girl is perfectly healthy and has no underlying condition. I didn't comment in any way by the way but it has been prying on my mind the last few days, enough to vent my thoughts on here. And yes, what annoyed me I guess is the way she announced very loudly that her daughter was not having cake because it was full of sugar.
My toddler had no cake either - her choice because she is not a cake person. My four year old stuffed herself Grin. It's a party!
It is each to their own really and it's interesting to read all your replies. I am pretty strict on squash 'with no added sugar' but full of sweeteners because it makes my four year old bounce off the ceiling. She's not allowed it at school but if she wants to have some at a party I wouldn't object.

OP posts:
LineRunnerSolsticeLover · 30/11/2011 17:15

My breast-fed precious darlings only ever ate homemade organic vegetarian meals for their first years on earth ... you get the drift?

Fast forward to their current teenage years ... they in my DD's bedroom with a friend scoffing Yorkie cookies and coca cola.

You can't stop anti-progress. Wine Smile

EauDeLaPoisson · 30/11/2011 17:18

Diabetic children can eat things with sugar in. Banning sugar is a thing of the past ya know, people give x amount of insulin units depending on what they eat and it's fine!

daytoday · 30/11/2011 17:34

A birthday cake is about sharing the birthday child's day. Like a wedding cake is about sharing the couple's joy.

WilsonFrickett · 30/11/2011 17:42

It's only sugar. Not crack cocaine. FWIW my child has food ishoos and I would love him to do something as normal as eat a bit of cake at a party, instead of announcing to the entire room that 'I don LIKE that cake, it looks FUNNY'

And honey is sugar. So is grape juice, agave and all the other substitutes. The only thing that isn't sugar is artificial sweetener, and that's full of aspartme. And the only 8 yo I know who has fillings never had sweeties, but only ever had raisins, the devil's sugar cubes IMO.

ChrisMsBrian · 30/11/2011 17:45

Wilson yours too?

usualsuspect · 30/11/2011 17:47

YANBU

She sounds like a loon

WilsonFrickett · 30/11/2011 17:49

Oh yes Chris. Oh yes.

See also juice, sweeties, anything iced, anything that looks home-made, chocolate milk (though milk and chocolate are fine), party rings (PARTY RINGS!) and any crisps that aren't Walkers Ready Salted.

I love parties, me.

liveinazoo · 30/11/2011 17:49

its an individual choice but if you go down the food police route then avoid birthday parties that arent with like minded parents so kids/parents dont feel awkward

liveinazoo · 30/11/2011 17:53

p.s one of mine sugar junkie despite being raised in a house with sugar free homemade cakes.its not treated as a big deal.parties arent every day and they have sweets weekly

ZZZenAgain · 30/11/2011 18:00

IME it is unusual to not allow a dc to eat cake at a birthday party. I have only met one parent who was like this. Her dd is now 9 and whenever there is a buffet or food of any kind on offer, she will rush up and choose for her dd what she can eat: "Here you can have this wholemeal sandwich and a slice of apple" whilst everyone else, including all the dc takes what s/he wants. She is the only person I have ever met who does this and she always does it. She and her dd are both slim and healthy looking. Perhaps she is right, dc do get an awful lot of cakes, biscuits,sweets and chocolates handed to them at every opportunity and it can be a battle to limit it. Around Easter and Christmas , everywhere you go, it seems they have some sugary treat ready to hand out to dc, it adds up.

Whatmeworry · 30/11/2011 18:15

And yes, what annoyed me I guess is the way she announced very loudly that her daughter was not having cake because it was full of sugar

Thats it exactly. If they were genuine they would say nothing, swop out the cake and not be noticed. But no, we get Loufd parenting.

I have been known to Loud Parent back :o

Miggsie · 30/11/2011 18:26

I was at a birthday party where a significant number of parents hovered over their child's plate and ripped the fondant icing off the cake and hurled it aside as though saving their child from the sting of a scorpion.

The children did look somewhat disappointed, and had to watch the children who still had icing happily munching away.

Oh, and the parent who weeds the party bag before their child can open it to remove all the sweets, yes, had them too...in the end at the next party we didn't put sweets in the bag so we didn't have to see the crushed looks of the children whose parents pulled them out.

daytoday · 30/11/2011 18:29

They were invited to the party. Its very important to be a good host and I would hate anyone to feel uncomfortable. But it's also important to be a good guest too.

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