... to think a four year old should be allowed to eat cake at a birthday party?

[BabyGiraffes]

AIBU to think that a mother I met at a birthday party was a bit precious about her daughter in not allowing her to eat a small cup cake because 'there's sugar in it'.. My dc have a very balanced diet which does include some sweets and yes cake at a birthday party. I know that what she does is none of my business but apart from feeling sorry for the poor little thing (she's 4!) I also did not like the way this woman made the rest of us feel a bit uneasy about our own dc enjoying the party.

cbeebies - some info here - it's healthier to eat dried fruit instead of chocolate or sweets, but my argument was against the person who thought a flapjack was better than chocolate.

When you consider all the combined ingredients in a flapjack, you're hardly making a 'healthy' choice. I mean, even the flour in a flapjack (which chocolate doesn't have) converts to sugar in the bloodstream. Plus, the actual sugar, the butter and the dried fruit...

And yeah, carrot cake is hardly any better or worse than chocolate cake. Most chocolate cakes have cocoa in them, as opposed to actual chocolate. Carrot cakes are laden with sugar - certainly enough to offset the 'nutrition' from the small amount of carrot.

This is what I mean - so many parents are deluding themselves with their choices. Psychologically they feel like they're doing the right thing and so feel smug good they're doing right by the kids, but at best it's no different from letting them have the odd piece of birthday cake (whilst also introducing them to the concept of sharing a social occasion), and at best it's harmful long-term.

I have a friend exactly like the mother at the party. She is extremely over-weight herself and I cant help but conclude it is all to do with her own food and weight issues.

Although I am not strict, I do try to limit snacks and hope I pass on a healthy attitude. DD has someting sweet every day tho (biscit or bit of chocolate/cake etc) and I do worry a little at times. What the heck is the best balance?!

DC1 all organic (before the stuff was easy to get, luckily I lived in Islington), no sugar, salt (I stopped cooking with it altogether).
Fast forward to
DC 5 nearly 20 years later.

Oh dear, oh dear oh dear

BUT you could think me horribly precious with DS2. He isnt allowed puddings at school or sweets unless we are at a party.

But he is obsessed and eats bags of sugar and packets of sweetners etc so we have to ration his legit sweetie consumption due to his ninja like raids on the kitchen.

Its purely to try and save some of his teeth.

It is all being discussed hereon the squash thread.
If a DC eats a healthy balanced diet at home then it really doesn't matter. Food isn't just a fuel, it is supposed to be sociable and enjoyable.

I have no problem whatsoever with parents attempting to control or modify their children's diets.

I have to do it myself for DD2 (she is on a restricted diet).

What really gets my goat is when parents do so loudly and publicly purely to try and achieve some moral high ground. And often their moral high ground has no basis in fact anyway!

No basis at all Sidge-they haven't a clue about the nutritional needs of a growing DC.

exoticfruits thanks for the link... will have a look (but the title puts me right off - I personally am quite sensitive to sweeteners and so is my dd who goes through the roof with hyperactivity, so squash is right out. Having said that my dd is allowed to drink it at birthday parties and I deal with the effect by lassoing her down from the ceiling later...
I'm with sidge and most others on this thread, it's all about the way it is done. If someone quietly turns down the cake and squash for whatever reason and makes no big deal out if it, fine. If it's done in a condescending way, not good.

It is quite simple at a party-ask for water-you do not personal organic juice!

Y are SO NBU!!!!

I used to host a Mums Tea (obviously the children were also invited ) and every. single. bloody. week one of the mums (a neighbor, so it would have been death to uninvite her - luckily we've moved....) would turn up with her. own. food so that he precious DS could avoid the sugar in the biscuits/cake that I bloomin' made myself every week! Ditto the supper I served - homecooked - that she wouldn't let him have (until she discovered that it was all grass-fed meat if it was meat-based and then he was allowed it). Twat. Seriously. I'm the twat too, though - I put up with her for literally YEARS!!!

YANBU at all, that is assuming the child did not have health issues which would be a different situation altogether. I don't care if people do think it's judgey I cringe when I see parents over controlling their kids like that at parties, not in general life, but on special occasions when others are having fun, enjoying the odd treat. Yes, many of us do eat too much sugar but sweet treats can be part of a balanced diet, demonising certain foods is foolish. I once taught a little girl whose mum had similar views and, yes, I'm afraid she did feel very left out, especially as her mum gave her her own food to take to parties.

Well it is her business-where I live some friends come round and look horrified if i offer a platter of fresh fruit as a snack which of course is also sugar if in a natural form- they are delaying introducing fruit as long as poss to try to avoid sweet tooth syndrome.Not what I do but as long as they do not preach to me I respect they have a different approach.
I go to a playgroup and we take it in turns to bring snacks- sugar in any form is forbidden even at festive pot lucks.

YANBU. and obviously from this thread people have a lot of misconceptions about sugar. i'm not a fan and avoid it in processed foods but I consider a bit of cake pretty crucial to survival. Also would point out that carrot and banana cakes can be healthier than others since you don't need to add as much refined sugar. The sugar in whole fruits is processed differently by the body than the refined variety (or juice) because of the fiber.

When you have been around a long time in the same area and you have seen the DCs from babies to adults you see what happens with those who have been strictly controlled on the food front.
Those who are slim and fit and have a healthy relationship with food are the ones with relaxed mothers who gave them a balanced diet, were a role model themselves (for portion size, healthy meals, cooking and joy of food) and didn't freak out at birthday cake.
The ones who have a very unhealthy relationship with food are the ones who were kept on a strict regime, whatever the occasion.

I was fed all manner of crap (1970s baby - we are the Angel Delight and fish fingers generation) and do love my veggies and fruit. I don't eat a lot of sugar (although I do love chocolate) and don't like salty food.

Mum was a really good cook so I learned how to cook from an early age and we had to do home economics and cooking at school.

I think it is a mix of how you eat as a child (if your family are foodies and enjoy preparing and eating food together) what food is like at home (if its home made or mainly processed) and if you can cook and enjoy doing it. I know a family with two girls who have terrible food issues as adults because of the constant 'you cant eat that, you will get fat' from their parents.

Ilove food, and enjoy cooking. I can whip up goodies fairly easily, and know how to make a reasonably healthy meal. I like experimenting and finding new ingredients in the supermarket. I know people who really hate cooking and rely on ready made foods, which also can cost a lot more than making it from scratch. Time is also an issue - if you can't cook/won't cook then the thought of coming home from work, doing the home work, launder, etc, then going into the kitchen to start cooking is a nightmare. I don't have a problem with fast foods and processed foods but think that people do rely on these too much. And Tesco own brand is yeeeeeughh, really ally yeuchhhhhhhhh.

Ok really got to go and get ready for interview. Step away from the iPad Wah...

She needs to get out more/get a life