to be cross with my 38 year old husband for not being able to cook

[nicecupofteaplease]

My husband's repertoire consists of omelette and at a push stir fry. As a result, I always cook. I like cooking, so generally I don't mind. But now and again, it would be nice to come home from work and not cook (and get to eat something other than an omelette).

Last night he said "I'll cook for you if you want, what is there?" - he decided upon a lasagna. Great. Then he asked me to show him how to make a lasagna, which I did. I essentially made both the sauces and he chopped things up. I left him to his own devices to do the layering and said more than once "remember the last layer should be lasagna, topped with cheese sauce".

I was really hungry, and a bit crochety anyway, and I'm afraid I went a bit beserk when he took the lasagna out of the oven and it was topped with a crunchy layer of mince and contained only one lonely layer of lasagna. He'd used two sheets and put the majority of the lasagna sheets back in the fridge (as apparently he'd decided that lasagna does not merit the inclusion of pasta sheets).

I feel a bit sorry for him as he'd wanted to make me dinner, but I am just so frustrated that a 38 year old man cannot make something as simple as a lasagna. It was just a dish of cheesy mince with a slither of pasta somewhere in the middle. Even if he didn't know how to make it, I helped him and gave him pretty easy to follow and clear instructions. It's not rocket science. I'm peeved that he ruined the dinner when I was really looking forward to it, and wasted 3/4 of a pack of lasagna sheets for no good reason. And just once I would love not to cook AND to eat something resembling a decent meal. Is that unreasonable? I probably shouldn't have shouted at him, but for God's sake, how hard can it be?

If, as I suspect, you come to the conclusion that IABU and should've eaten the cheesy mince with a smile on my face, what can I do about it?? Not the lasagna, the lack of any sort of cooking ability.

"If he has ever eaten lasagne, he knows there are more than two layers. Surely self evident to anyone with eyes!"

My DH is like this. If I ask him to make something outside his comfort zone (about 4 dishes) he struggles, and some of the things he struggles with infuriate me. E.g., if he's making pizza and wants something to go with it, he'll ask, "What shall I do with it? What do we normally eat with pizza? I can't think." It just makes me think he pays no attention at all to what's on the table in front of him.

There are some things that DCs should be able to do that are non negotiable e.g. swim and cook spring to mind.

I'd agree with that, but its the "level of" that is at issue. Swimming butterfly and cooking lasagna are non essential.

Likewise I think there are a bunch of traditional "men" skills women should have non negtiably.

Fred Fresh pasta still absorbs some liquid, it is not 100% hydrated. Plus the pasta would add bulk to an otherwise almost liquid meal. One layer of pasta in a lasagne would make a big pile of slop in the middle of your plate. I think the OP was pissed off with the lack of common sense, which is what would piss me off. If my partner did something as silly as only one layer of pasta in a lasagne I'd assume it was done on purpose because lets face it, it's a no brainer if you have eaten lasagne before.

Wow, I really wasn't expecting so many replies. Thank you all.

It seems there are two distinct discussions -

1. Husband not being able to cook and my behaviour in 'encouraging' this by doing all the cooking and then getting cross when he did try.

On this point, fair dos, I do feel bad. I guess I was frustrated at the lack of common sense more than anything, and the waste of food. Probably exacerbated by hunger. I get hun-grumpy.

2. The proper construction of lasagne.

This has made me chuckle. Jamie Oliver says on the subject "...then repeat the layers, finishing with a layer of pasta covered in white sauce"

To clarify, it was fresh pasta. I am not so insane as to keep dried pasta in the fridge.

I was in a grump about the fact that there was only one layer of pasta, not the order of the layers. This was impossible to discern TBH!

Anyway, it tastes much better the day after, I have apologised to DH, bought him Jamie's Ministry of Food and am going to aim to teach him 5 new dishes in the next few months. Also like the idea of a whiteboard!

Blame yourself you knew he couldn't cook when you married so who did you think was going to be doing the cooking.

Its a pity when they can't even throw something together when your I'll but you did know this BEFORE you married

I knew my DH couldn't cook before I married him. He was in his mid 30s and had lived off ready meals for years.

My DH is wonderful at DIY. However, he likes DIY as each time you do its different and you don't have to do it everyday. DH hates the chore of cooking. He hates thinking about what to cook, having to buy the food and then cook it. I have no idea why he thinks I enjoy doing it every day either.

I've tried buying the Jamie book last Christmas - I've cooked lots of recipes from it he has not tried one. I've allocated him a Sunday evening to cook me a meal - I've offered to order the food he needs if he could let me know.

Drudgery - cooking, housework, laundry DH shuns. It says it all.

maypole1 I knew when I married him that he couldn't cook? What so I shouldn't have married him? And does that mean I have to cook every meal we eat together for the rest of our lives?

It's very unusual that someone CANNOT cook. In his case it is more the issue that Chestnutx3 raises - he just shuns things that he sees as drudgery.

And I am not sure cooking every meal, every day really compares with putting up the odd shelf once every few months. I love cooking at weekends, but we both work and during the week it turns into a chore I have to do every single day. I would just like the odd day off and still be able to eat something nice/healthy. Is that too much to ask?

My DP also cannot cook and it is driving me slowly insane. As I am a single mum it would be lovely to have a meal cooked now and again. It is also not my favourite thing to do although I can and do. TBH it is putting me off letting him move in as don't really need someone else that needs looking after as well as kids/pets etc. Bought the Jamie book but of course it is only me that has done anything out of it! My 13 year old does better!

DP can cook, basics very well and more compicated with a recipe, but he has built up and gained confidence since I have met him.

Oh, don't teach him, I'm quite sure you've got enough to do already; and if not, I'm sure you can fill the time quite happily drinking gin tea with your feet up.

For the record, Mr Inferior couldn't cook when I took up with him when he was 34, which I found a bit weird as every bloke I'd ever gone out with before was an excellent cook. He's learned. I haven't taught him a thing, but as Seeker says literacy is a useful tool here.

I'm not at all sure that I would marry someone who couldn't cook.

teach him worked for me...

Oh, I haven't married him . I have produced two of his children, for whom he regularly cooks quite nice food.

And when I said don't teach him, I mean he's perfectly capable of learning without you taking on this motherly role in his life. I learned cooking out of books, actually. My mum (an excellent cook) never taught me. That nice Mr Slater has I believe fulfilled the major tutoring role in DP's Journey To The Kitchen.

my mother and father taught me...

my dad taught my mum if truth be known....no big deal

And ask yourself, OP: a nice gin and tonic/cup of tea with your feet up or a cooking instruction session? I think we know the answer, don't we...

I think include a meal that is super easy - a board with naice ham, salami, cheese, a loaf of good bread, some olives, a bowl of soup and optional pombears. Food should not be such a big issue.