to be cross with my 38 year old husband for not being able to cook

[nicecupofteaplease]

My husband's repertoire consists of omelette and at a push stir fry. As a result, I always cook. I like cooking, so generally I don't mind. But now and again, it would be nice to come home from work and not cook (and get to eat something other than an omelette).

Last night he said "I'll cook for you if you want, what is there?" - he decided upon a lasagna. Great. Then he asked me to show him how to make a lasagna, which I did. I essentially made both the sauces and he chopped things up. I left him to his own devices to do the layering and said more than once "remember the last layer should be lasagna, topped with cheese sauce".

I was really hungry, and a bit crochety anyway, and I'm afraid I went a bit beserk when he took the lasagna out of the oven and it was topped with a crunchy layer of mince and contained only one lonely layer of lasagna. He'd used two sheets and put the majority of the lasagna sheets back in the fridge (as apparently he'd decided that lasagna does not merit the inclusion of pasta sheets).

I feel a bit sorry for him as he'd wanted to make me dinner, but I am just so frustrated that a 38 year old man cannot make something as simple as a lasagna. It was just a dish of cheesy mince with a slither of pasta somewhere in the middle. Even if he didn't know how to make it, I helped him and gave him pretty easy to follow and clear instructions. It's not rocket science. I'm peeved that he ruined the dinner when I was really looking forward to it, and wasted 3/4 of a pack of lasagna sheets for no good reason. And just once I would love not to cook AND to eat something resembling a decent meal. Is that unreasonable? I probably shouldn't have shouted at him, but for God's sake, how hard can it be?

If, as I suspect, you come to the conclusion that IABU and should've eaten the cheesy mince with a smile on my face, what can I do about it?? Not the lasagna, the lack of any sort of cooking ability.

Lasagne is a complicated and lengthy dish that not everybody is going to want to faff around with, so I think that the example you gave isn't very good.

How about teaching your DH to cook roast chicken with rice and vegetables? Dead simple and healthy.

Lasagne isn't hard.
Mince, onions, garlic, tomatoes, mixed herbs. (As a basic.)
Bechamel/cheese sauce. Not hard to make.
Pasta from a box.
Layer it up.
Cheese on top.
Oven.

I have a lot of sympathy. I am also living with a 37 year old who has a grand total of 2 dishes in his recipe - spag bol, or 'grilled meat and boiled veg'.

I hate cooking and find the whole process a chore. But so does he. I end up doing most of it because I work pt while he works ft and wouldn't be home in time to do it most nights. Even when he does volunteer to cook (once every couple of months) he then wants to know what to cook (out of his extensive range) and where all the stuff is. I tell him to go and look every time, but it doesn't stop him asking again the next time.....

I have showed him other dishes (scrambled eggs spring to mind, I think I've shown him half a dozen times now) but each time he claims not to remember. And he hates being 'taught' so tends to get irritable with me when I try. Left to his own devices, he eats ready meals (apparently you can get ready made roast dinners so you can even have a 'decent' Sunday lunch without effort????!!!).

So I cook, because I refuse to eat ready meals all the time. I might not enjoy it but at least I know we're eating reasonably well. And it's all tied up with finances too - have a very tight food budget and need to plan each week's meals and buy exactly the right amount so we don't waste money. It's so much easier to just get on with it rather than argue about it. He won't do planning either, as he says how can he possibly know on Saturday what he wants to eat on Weds.

Do get resentful sometimes but then I also remember that I work a lot less so maybe this is how it has to be. And he knows two more meals than the other men in his family so maybe I struck lukcy?!!

It seems odd to me that someone who "can't cook" would make lasagne, when they could have stopped halfway, boiled some pasta, and had bolognese and escaped your wrath for constructing it wrong

Lasagne is a faff because there's so many pans on the go AND an oven dish. Not the obvious choice for a first attempt. My husband can't cook either. Yes, it is irritating occasionally, but he can and does do a lot of other things that I can't or prefer not to do. I do get the longing for a home cooked meal that you didn't make yourself. Eh, I'm probably not perfect either.

If a bloke can't cook it's because of his mother and other half being idiots and pandering. We all have to learn. My DH couldn't cook when I met him, he is perfectly able now.

It irritates the hell out of me when boys aren't shown how to do the basic things in life by their mothers, and can't even use a bloody washing machine. It's like the 1950's or something where women are expected to look after the men. I stayed with a friend a few years ago, her brother at the time was 17, still in school (ireland) and they were rushing about everyday after working making sure his tea was ready for when he came home like he was man of the manor - the mum got cross at us because we hadn't put the potatoes on and "XXX will be starving when he comes home." I'm starving when I get in but I still have to cook my own bloody dinner not have it served to me on a silver platter and my warmed slippers presented to me upon a velvet cushion! He also went off to uni with no clue as to how to use a washing machine, my DH didn't know you had to separate your washing or how to use the machine or that the bathroom doesn't clean itself. WTF? Bah!

It irritates the hell out of me when boys aren't shown how to do the basic things in life by their mothers

What about their fathers?

Lasagne isn't hard, but its certaionly not beginners territory either, its an opportunity for a newbie to fail.

This also smacks of being a bit sexist TBH, how many women on here would be comfortable with a Mansnet whinge of their DW being unable to strip a boiler etc etc.

Well their fathers don't show them because they don't do it obviously! But good point. Add fathers to that rant.

My DH can't strip a boiler. I am much better at DIY than him (still can't strip a boiler). Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

In all seriousness, we want an equal society, and fair dos some people just aren't able to do certain things, but we all have the ability to give them a go.

If a boy under the age of 16 can't cook it's because he hasn't been shown by one or both of his parents.

If a man of 38 can't cook it's because he hasn't been arsed to learn a basic life skill. It is his own fault!!!!!!!

Why are men's deficiencies somehow always a woman's fault?

It's weird to me when men don't cook. My dad has always done most of the cooking, and I think his dad did a fair bit of it too. My DH does most of it now.

I've taught a cooking class for complete beginners (via sure start) - what they do NOT need is judgement. When you're a child you can't force a parent to teach you, and it's hard to learn yourself if you are short in time/money and most importantly if there's nobody to stand with you and give guidance.

Not saying everyone needs the encouragement factor - some people are perfectly happy to just grab a recipe book and get on with it. Others are less self confident.

babybythesea if he can make bolognese, show him how to make the sauce separately and form the mince into meatballs, or add chilli powder and kidney beans to make chilli. Play to his strengths, build on his basic dishes and he will feel accomplished and manly, and will be more likely to cook again.

I'm the same age as your husband and up until a couple of years ago, cooking for me was to fry some chicken & add a jar of something.

Chicken Dippers & smilie's with some boiled (frozen) veg was a healthy meal for the kids. Pretty poor considering I've been a single dad for a decade and it's a miracle my kids don't have scurvy or something.

Anyway, a friend of mine bought me this book Cookbook for Boys

Very very simple meals, starting from REAL basics like how to cut a carrot! Get this for your husband as a xmas present and get him to cook a couple of dishes. Jamie Oliver it is not but it's a start. Once I got the hang of the basics, I've moved onto more complex meals. But as with all things you must learn to walk before you can run.

Blimey, do all these people going 'lasagne isn't hard all you need to do is blah blah blah blah five million steps' realise how ridiculous they sound to someone who can't cook?

When I started learning to cook this year, I started with an omelette. I read the recipe carefully, looked at the pictures, fretted about how much salt and pepper should be going in, wondered how I would know when to stop whisking the egg and panicked all the way through the cooking process that I was going to put the cheese in at the wrong point. Was it undercooked or was it actually burning on the bottom?

Go back through your five million 'easy' steps for making lasagne and then think about how much experience and knowledge you are actually relying on for each of those steps. Easy? My arse.

I think all the people saying lasagna isn't hard are making it from..........jars!

More construction than cooking.

Plenty of women are helpless cooks too these days. In fact, in most couples I know (including us), the men do the majority of the cooking.

The thing that I don't get is why couples don't work as partnerships. In most couples each person has different skill sets and things that they enjoy or at least don't mind doing. Why do both people have to be able to do every single job? Much better to play to people's strengths and let them do what they enjoy.

And, en passant, cooking a decent lasagne needs quite a few cooking skills. It is far from simple. And, finally, why don't you ask your husband to buy a takeaway when it is his turn to cook. You get fed in a stress free manner.

Bar the cheese sauce, not much. Besides, it is all online! There are free vids and everything.

It's not can't, it's won't. Agree with the Delia How to Cook books for Christmas and at least one night a week where he cooks (and you stay right out of the kitchen except to do the washing up afterwards and at least a month where don't say anything negative about his cooking unless he asks for constructive criticism).

What job does he have?

Are we missing the point that the sauces were made? It's very passive-agressive to screw up layering stuff in a dish.

And no jars here. Though I used to use a sachet for Chilli till we didn't have one, then an online Gordon Ramsey vid on the laptop on the side in the kitchen saved the day.

My DP can't strip a boiler or make a lasagne. I'm the one with the plumbing skills(can't strip a boiler though).

There is no excuse for my DP's inability to cook. He's educated, intelligent, intensely practical(was a sparks before going to uni) and lived on his own for over 10 years before I met him. He still flounders in the kitchen when faced with anything more complicated then bangers & mash.

This shows that all parents should have all their DC in the kitchen cooking from an early age-the sooner the better.
You will actually have to do what his mother should have done-and teach him (how did he miss out at school?)
My 22yr old DS has moved in with his girlfriend and he gets in first so he does all the cooking.