WIBU to make dd wear braces ?

[readsalotgirl]

Have posted in preteens and WWYD but need some advice quick. DD is 12 and needs braces as top jaw is much further forward than bottom. Dd was NOT keen to have braces at all but after much arguing, persuading and some bribery agreed on condition they were fitted at start of school hols so no opportunity for any teasing at school.

Fixed braces (traintracks) fitted at start of hols, dd appeared reconciled to idea and was getting on well. We told her how pleased we were etc and there were some rewards.

Now she has to have removable/functional applinaces which are supposed to be in at least 16 hours per day (including overnight). Tears at dentist, major meltdown in car which led to me saying " well take them out then" which she did. Then after she had calmed down and I had bitten my tongue she put them back in of her own accord. Again we said how pleased we were, lots of encouragement etc. However after 4 days she has now said she does not want to wear the braces and will accept her teeth as they are. I am upset as she is getting this done on NHS and I am sure when she gets to 17 and DOES want it done she (we)'ll have to pay. I'm also cross that she 's wasted the 5 months of wearing the traintracks and is probably denying some poor kid who really does want their teeth fixed the opportunity.

Am I wrong to think we need to make her do this ? I think (and dh agrees) that she will regret it when she is older if she doesn't do it now. I also think she is too young to make this decision - what if next week she decides she doesn't want to go to school ?

How do we persuade her to - or should we make her do this ? Help please

Take her back to the dentist and get him to explain exactly why she needs it done.

And get him to show her pictures of how it will look if she doesn't.

PP has a good idea. I don't know exactly how I'd handle the situation.

But, if it were me I'd personally be making her wear them. It's for her own good in the future - and she really will thank you when she's in her 20's. Kids don't want to do all sorts of things. It's up to us parents to decide whats right for them :)

i'd make her wear them- easier (on her & your purse) to get them over & done with now.

Yes, push for it.

My parents never took me back to the orthodontist after I insisted aged about fifteen I didn't want a brace and I bitterly regret it to the tune of about four grand now!

Thanks - good idea Nannyogg If I can persuade her to persevere until the next appointment in January I'll ask him to do that.
Tigerlilly - that is how I feel but it's very difficult when faced with all the dramatics and being accused of blackmail and "forcing" her to do something because we hate her and want to ruin her life.

Dh wants to take a softly softly approach because she was very stressed/upset over the whole idea earlier in the year and at the same time had another problem which made her very sensitive about her appearance and was moving to secondary school. She has struggled a bit socialy at primary but has settled really well at secondary and the other problem seems to be resolved.

Thanks - think I need to hear someone else say they'd make her do it as I was beginning to doubt myself and think I must be a dreadful parent. was so much easier when you could pick them up mid tantrum !! ( she's as tall as me now )

Thanks to you too Glitteryskulls and Christmas . It makes me really cross that she doesn't seem to get how lucky she is to be getting this done on the NHS and I have already told her the cash won't be forthcoming from us in the future.

for what its worth, i had the train-tracks, and afterwards the plastic shield-retainer thingy- tell your dd, yes, its a pita, yes it hurts a bit at first, but it really is worth it- i used to have vampire-like fangs instead of eye teeth, with a lovely big madonna-esque gap between my top front teeth. my teeth are lovely & straight now- no-one would ever know that it wasn't always the case.

Thanks again Glittery. She seems to find speaking really difficult with the retainer thing in - is this normal ? Neither dh nor I have had braces so have no experience which also makes answering the " but you don't know how awful it is" awkward.

Also she had some overlap of top 2 fron teeth which now looks better after 5 months with train tracks but there is now a bit of a gap between these 2 which I assume will be corrected by the end of the whole experience .

From my experience, I totally see where your daughter is coming from. I had braces fitted when I was 12, initially I wanted them, actually I was quite excited, but that all changed. Once they were fitted and the usual comments from other children began I became quite withdrawn. I refused to have a boyfirend until they were removed as I was scared of kissing while wearing a brace and thought no one would want to anyway. And above all, it was quite painful. I remember at one point going to the dentist once a week for 2 months as I had that much treatment!
But, looking back I am so pleased that I had it done

In contrast my DH needed a brace (he had severely bucked teeth), but refused to have one and his parents didnt pressure him. He too became very withdrawn, to the point where he would cover his mouth when he laughed, wouldnt go in a pub first etc. He finally had them rectified when he was 26 at a cost of £5000, he now feels he has a new life because of it, but unfortunately he has many lasting scars from the years of torment at school, football, work etc

Thanks dimple - good to have the experience of people who've had braces as neither dh nor I have.

Don't think there has been any teasing/comment - in fact dd has commented on how many kids have or are getting braces so she is quite reconciled to not being the only one with a brace.

I think she's been freaked by the difference between the traintrack and the removable appliance - she's finding it difficult to talk with it. We just need to get her over this hump - just the tears and strops are so wearing.

BTW dh has told her she's not having a boyfriend till she's 35 so he'd be horrified at the thought of her kissing anyone !!!!

You know right or wrong. dont think I have ever seen an american with non straight teeth. They all seem to wear braces. And have lovely teeth as adults.

My mum thinks all teens should have braces. And as a result will have lovely looking teeth in the long run.

Not saying she is right or wrong. But I'm sure in the next 12 mths or so will look into it. (pre teens son).

YANBU. Your daughter is lucky to qualify for NHS treatment. Functional appliances are very bulky, and do make speech difficult, but this will improve if she perseveres. They are very effective at reducing protrusions, especially at your daughter's age, although they do need compliance to work. I'm interested to see that she had the fixed braces first, at work we normally use the functionals first then finish with fixed if necessary.

A possible alternative to the functional appliance is wearing elastic bands to correct the bite, however this will prolong treatment. It may be worth asking your orthodontist about next time you go.

I fitted my own daughters braces in August (she didn't qualify for NHS treatment), and have had to endure the moaning here too. She as an adjustment booked on Thursday, thankfully she's going to her Dad's for the weekend!

The gap between the two front teeth is a good thing at this stage, and will definitely be sorted out later.

Hope you manage to persuade your daughter to carry on with her treatment, orthodontics really does change lives.

from what i remember, the plastic-retainer thing is quite rigid & painful at first, but it's a case of the more you wear it, the easier it is- could you maybe do a compromise that she only has to wear it at home & overnight just now, & when the xmas holidays come then she has to increase it up to the full 16 hours- theoretically, by the time she goes back to school her speech will be fine as she's had time to adjust, with no embarrassing encounters in front of her classmates?

Thanks again to everyone. Mardy thanks for the info re the gap as I was a bit about that. I am now more convinced we need to pesuade her to persevere.

Glittery and Natasha - she was wearing them overnight which was getting in a good 10 hours but it's building up the rest and convincing her that the more she speaks the easier it will become. I think Glittery's idea is a good one and may well be the way forward.

She's not a bad kid really and she has been really godd about some quite dificult things this year so I may well show her this thread as the message is consistent and from people who've worn braces.

Thanks again to all - off to bed now in preparation for a family discussion tomorrow

I had braces and retainers at about that age. Hated them. They were painful and irritating but I am eternally grateful to my parents for making me wear them.

Remember that you can have worse problems down the line. Crooked teeth are hard to clean properly and a misaligned jaw can cause functional issues in adulthood.

I had a removable brace thing (wire guard on a clear resin shield that went over my palate) at 10 then train tracks at 12. I found it so difficult to talk with the removable one as it was quite thick but I did get there in the end - it just took some getting used to.

Very embarrassing memories of eating school dinners and forgetting to take out the brace though.....

To OP - Sorry - I'm a bit confused...

Who's the parent ?
And exactly how spoiled is your kid ?
Have you COMPLETELY lost sight of the most basic and fundamental stuff ?

All this nonsence about negotiting is utter nonsence - BE A PARENT and do the right thing for your child. It's NOT her decision and she should have no part in the decision making process. She's 12 - a KID. A CHILD.

The "softly softly" bit is how you handle TELLING her what is going to happen next - not a "hand wringing agonising discussion with opinions openly aired" with a CHILD.

DO YOUR JOB - FIX HER TEETH.

..... Think readsalot comes across as a lovely responsible parent :)

With a 12 year old, it is in my opinion always better to pick your battles. Yes, this is one you need to win, but there are ways....

If you can work WITH them as opposed to dictating the situation (particularly in a situation such as this which requires ongoing commitment and discomfort) it encourages the child to develop a sense of achievement and responsibility. IMO a 12 year old is certainly old enough to be reasoned with, encouraged and involved in her own treatment. Often as the OP is doing, if the child is involved in the decision making process they are more accepting as they understand WHY!

In my relatively limited experience orthodontists are also very pro and experienced in getting kids onside.

Being a parent is not a job or a dictatorship! Breathes sigh of relief minimonty is NOT my parent :o

Braces have become a lot more common place again now. There was a while where no one seemed to have them. Nearly (over exaggeration!) every teen I see has them these days. A lot of adults do too.

So she needn't feel she is different from her peers in that respect. I would imagine they are damned uncomfortable though which is probably the root of her misery.

I had braces starting from when I was 10, going on for several years. I had a removable one first, then train tracks, then another removable one.

When I first got the plate, I listed a bit, it was hard talking properly. But with a bit of practice and a little concentration, I learned how to talk normally around it. It was also sore at first after an adjustment, but so were the train tracks.

I went along with it at the time, because I was that sort of child. My sister rebelled a bit (she was that sort of child) and now my teeth are reasonable straight, and hers are still crooked. Crooked enough that it's noticeable. I also know someone about my age (40s) who has braces, and wishes she'd had it done earlier.

Has she actually been teased about it as t school, or is she just being self conscious about yt? I was very apprehensive about it, but in the end found it didn't make much difference. In fact, some kids were understanding about it - quite a few have to go through it at some point.

But, definitely try to get DD on board, rather than trying to force her, otherwise she'll just take the thing out at any opportunity. Maybe point out to her that if she gets it sorted now, it will be done and finished earlier.

When i got the plate, I lisped a bit.

I'd encourage her to wear them now.

I didn't have braces when I was a child. I should have had braces. I ended up having invisalign braces mid 30s and went through a lot of pain and discomfort as a result. I wish I had had my braces years ago.

We are going through this with DS now - he was reluctant at first, but after explaining to him the benefits etc, he's ok with it (he's 11 and discovered some of his friends are having them too!)

Bloody hell, MiniMonty calm down, dear...

We are just about to start the braces road - my DCs are fairly enthusiastic, but who knows how they will react when reality and discomfort set in