WIBU to make dd wear braces ?

[readsalotgirl]

Have posted in preteens and WWYD but need some advice quick. DD is 12 and needs braces as top jaw is much further forward than bottom. Dd was NOT keen to have braces at all but after much arguing, persuading and some bribery agreed on condition they were fitted at start of school hols so no opportunity for any teasing at school.

Fixed braces (traintracks) fitted at start of hols, dd appeared reconciled to idea and was getting on well. We told her how pleased we were etc and there were some rewards.

Now she has to have removable/functional applinaces which are supposed to be in at least 16 hours per day (including overnight). Tears at dentist, major meltdown in car which led to me saying " well take them out then" which she did. Then after she had calmed down and I had bitten my tongue she put them back in of her own accord. Again we said how pleased we were, lots of encouragement etc. However after 4 days she has now said she does not want to wear the braces and will accept her teeth as they are. I am upset as she is getting this done on NHS and I am sure when she gets to 17 and DOES want it done she (we)'ll have to pay. I'm also cross that she 's wasted the 5 months of wearing the traintracks and is probably denying some poor kid who really does want their teeth fixed the opportunity.

Am I wrong to think we need to make her do this ? I think (and dh agrees) that she will regret it when she is older if she doesn't do it now. I also think she is too young to make this decision - what if next week she decides she doesn't want to go to school ?

How do we persuade her to - or should we make her do this ? Help please

I was supposed to wear braces as a teen and created merry hell and refused. I wish I had been told it wasn't an option.

I had my teeth fixed as an adult and it cost me dearly but I so wish I had braces when younger.

She will regret it when she's older and she becomes embarrased about smiling.

Have you told her that her teeth are in a right old state and look a mess? Does she actually realise they are bad?

My DD had to wear braces at 13 (traintracks). These were removed after 6 months (seemed a short time to me but dentist advice), and replaced with clear plastic retainer which she had to wear all day - so v similar to your DD op.
Disaster.
She didn't cooperate, teeth moved from their straightened position, looked bloomin awful. I have horrible teeth, so wanted to try to give DD best chance, and so at 15years old off to orthodontist instead of dentist as hadn't been happy with DD treatment. Long story short, needed traintracks back on again for 2 YEARS, cost me ££££

DD says it's the best thing I ever did for her (and I thought it was education...), she has a beautiful straight white smile..

My advice would be to persevere with DD, it's worth it in the long run.

dentist her ( but not orthodontist)

generally it takes 3-5 days to get used to new brace very very few people can talk or eat with them in initially but with practice it gets quite easy, she must wear it 16 hours though as that is 16 hours pushing in right direction 8 hours relaxing net effect is 8 hours is she only wears it 12 hours there is no net effect

it is clear from the type of braces that OP's DD does not have a simple mild problem of a small gap or a little tooth projection

unfortunately soceity increasingly judges by appearances ( not right but it is true) and your smile and confidence in smiling make a big impression

as someone else said you need to pick your battles with teenagers and this is one you have to win, it s not a hairstyle you don't like which would grow out, you need her Dad omside too, her teeth must have a fair degree of misalignment as otheriwe you would not be getting NHS there are simply not enough orthodontists around to treat mild cases only moderate to severe and severe malocclusions get NHS. However grown up she thinks she is; she does not really understand the long term consequences, teeth move best in flexible bone, done now it might take 18-24 months at 17 you can add an extra 3-4 months on and another month roughly for every year older; within the next 12 months a few more of her classmates will be getting braces too

Children whose top teeth are much further forward are at an increased risk of trauma the risk to teenage girls is roughly 1 in 12 for your DD it could be as high as 1 in 4

the best time for her to wear brace is roughly when she gets home from school 4pm to 8am next morning ( this also ensures brace not lost at school or squashed and broken) and she forgets it's in her bag and it gets thrown on floor, sat on or heavy book dropped on it, i would make sure you have strong plastic box for it, one of those clip and lock type, the first repair would probably be free but then they would charge , by keeping it at home it stops the "oops mom i lost it now I can't wear it hehehe!" type of discussion

I would make it clear if she loses it whether by accident or deliberately that her pocket money/allowance will be docked.... like teachers and homework ,, I have heard every excuse for lost fractured brace

good luck but put your foot down

Are braces not cool then, anymore? I was one of the first to get braces at 10 and I thought I was the bomb! (Mind you, the headgear I was, ahem, supposed to wear at home for a couple of years was less cool.)

I had a retainer or braces for the better part of 8 years and yes it is painful sometimes and a massive PITA, but as an adult I LOVE my near-perfect teeth. This is one where I wouldn't give her an option - as a parent, this should be your decision. She will thank you.

Hi everyone and wow thanks for all the replies and all the support. I'll update and fill in and hopefully answer everyone. DH is very definitely onside as he has wonky teeth which he probably should have had fixed but he was a kid in the "old days" before people were concerned about teeth. He has gently held me back from doing the "evil mother insists/tying dd to a chair while inserting braces" as he knows dd well enough to realise that this would not work.

He told her it would be discussed and then deliberately said nothing more until today when we announced together that we all needed to talk about it calmly. We told her plainly that we were in agreement with each other that it really needed to be done. I told her I'd posted here and that everyone said she should do it. We also told her we didn't want to deprive her of her PC, activities etc but that we would if necessary. We repeated that it is for her own good and that she will regret it if she doesn't do it now etc etc. We then said we would be willing to negotiate an incentive - " thats bribery" " no it's an incentive and a reward for the effort"

So she did listen, no-one got upset, no-one raised their voice and in the end she went off and put the braces back in - phew !!

We do feel we have won this one - as an earlier post said at this age you need to choose your battles. I am enormously grateful to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to post and I will let dd see the thread so she can see all those who regret not having it done and those who are glad they persevered.

Part of the problem is that her teeth do not look especially bad from the front but in profile her lower jaw is noticeably further back than her upper jaw and I am sure it will cause her problems as she gets older if not corrected. The dentist referred her in the first place becuase of the gap between her upper and lower teeth when she bites down as she felt it made dd's upper front teeth vulnerable to damage. DD does not spend much time looking at her profile so of course does not see the problem. I am quite certain it is not simply cosmetic as otherwise the NHS would not fund this.

Sorry to have been so long - again a huge thanks to all and good luck to all those in the middle of dental work or about to embark upon it . Naebody said it would be easy !!

Oh to minimonty - I was pretty appalled when the orthodontist asked dd wether she wanted her teeth fixed as I wouldn't have given her the choice.

However I do believe that the preferred end result of parenting is to produce responsible, sensible, mature adults who can stand on their own 2 feet - kids need to learn how to do this with support and guidance - and the intervention of adult parents when the child doesn't make the correct decision initially.

Oeufman - thankyou so much - I am very touched as I sometimes feel I am a hopeless parent - I wish there was a manual !

I'm glad she's put them in :)

Have you shown her photos of her profile?

I'm only Evil Mother with DS 1 because I know it will work. DS2 needs different handling.

Hi readsalotgirl, well done you :) It sounds like you are raising a lovely thoughtful girl who listens and considers her parents POV. Far more powerful and effective going into the turbulent teenage years with this type of respectful relationship.

Well yesterday morning had my DD at orthodontist and sounds exactly the same as your girl, underdeveloped lower jaw to be treated with twin block braces! Back in a few weeks for mould to be made and then fitting.

DD is very excited (she is 10). Orthodontist had her wrapped round his little finger, choosing colours for brace, demonstrating how her jaw will change and gently playing to all that excites and flatters a young girl. She is very excited, but I know we will have a few difficult weeks ahead when the braces are fitted.

We hope to reason with her - but realistically with such ongoing discomfort I know there will be low points which we will get through with reasoning, encouragement, hugs, unabashed bribery and ultimately like you we are more then capable (when all else fails) of pulling rank!

Apparently these devices are initially far more uncomfortable and harder to get used to then the tracks. Keep us posted on your DD. I my have some wobbles - and need a bit of encouragement down the line also!

Oh - our orthodontist suggest a photo taken side on every couple of weeks infront of same blank space. Allows DD to see progress and with a bit is uploading to right software can produce cool mini sequence showing change of lower jaw. My DD I think will be wearing for 1 year at least.

My sister refused braces; at 27 she is in danger of losing all her bottom front teeth.

I also have a friend going through this in her 40's after years of pain, far better to sort it now!

Whilst you are all here, I hope readsalotgirl won't mind me asking a question.

DD's jaw is now in right place and front teeth no longer stick out. Functional brace staying till Feb. Orthodontist saying train tracks 18 months top and bottom but that the top won't make much difference.

When she smiles now teeth look great as you can't see bottom teeth. Bottom aren't horrendous but one at weird angle. She has to pull bottomlip right down to see. DD adamant she doesn't want them . I'm tempted to push for bottom train track as it is being offered. But she has had a rough time with a lot to cope with. She has dyspraxia, has had OT, physio, SALT etc and has been bullied. Do I just be grateful that when she talks and smiles her teeth now look good or push it that bit further ?

Hi all and thanks once again. Ouefman hope all goes well with your dd and that you avoid the trauma we've had.

DD was only the second kid in her class to get braces and she was going through a fairly self-conscious phase at the time (and had been getting a hard time from one little charmer at school) which was why we agreed to wait until the start of the summer holidays.

Having had a fair bit of dramatics she was ok about the traintracks and quite delighted at choosing different colours. She did find the impression- taking rather traumatic as they do have to have the mould thing in for a few minutes and of course she couldn't shut her mouth or swallow while it was in. she had one set of impressions before the traintracks and then she had another set of impressions for these removable appliances - and that was also quite traumatic as the technician couldn't get the top mould out and was clearly a bit panicky, asking the other girl to call the orthodontist and tell him it was stuck !! DD says these 2 occasions have been the worst part. Certainly the traintracks don't seem to be as uncomfortable or difficult to get used to and have the added bonus of fancy colours!

Wynken Don't mind at all ! Not sure how to advise you tho - maybe one of the dentists could pop back and advise. I would be inclined to get the bottom traintrack too if it is being offered - I do think it is better to get all this sort of thing done and out of the way in one go. Our dilemma was that we didn't want to dd to get to 18 and regret not doing it - and the same thing applies to you in a way. Better to get it all done now and then it's finished - if you don't that one tooth will always bother you - and may bother your dd when she is older.

I do sympathise tho as dd has had a lot going on this year also and altho not bullied exactly was getting a hard time from one character - which was why we were anxious about the braces as well. Good luck to you too.

Think my DD's a bbit strange,but she she loves having her train tracks...because it makes her the same as all her friends (She's nearly 15). The downside is she can't play her flute as well as she could (she's heading for Grade 7),so that's a bit of a problem,but there's only another year to go...