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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to make dd wear braces ?

88 replies

readsalotgirl · 29/11/2011 23:51

Have posted in preteens and WWYD but need some advice quick. DD is 12 and needs braces as top jaw is much further forward than bottom. Dd was NOT keen to have braces at all but after much arguing, persuading and some bribery agreed on condition they were fitted at start of school hols so no opportunity for any teasing at school.

Fixed braces (traintracks) fitted at start of hols, dd appeared reconciled to idea and was getting on well. We told her how pleased we were etc and there were some rewards.

Now she has to have removable/functional applinaces which are supposed to be in at least 16 hours per day (including overnight). Tears at dentist, major meltdown in car which led to me saying " well take them out then" which she did. Then after she had calmed down and I had bitten my tongue she put them back in of her own accord. Again we said how pleased we were, lots of encouragement etc. However after 4 days she has now said she does not want to wear the braces and will accept her teeth as they are. I am upset as she is getting this done on NHS and I am sure when she gets to 17 and DOES want it done she (we)'ll have to pay. I'm also cross that she 's wasted the 5 months of wearing the traintracks and is probably denying some poor kid who really does want their teeth fixed the opportunity.

Am I wrong to think we need to make her do this ? I think (and dh agrees) that she will regret it when she is older if she doesn't do it now. I also think she is too young to make this decision - what if next week she decides she doesn't want to go to school ?

How do we persuade her to - or should we make her do this ? Help please

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 30/11/2011 07:13

I had one of those plastic retainer type braces, I hated it but did wear it. I was then offered more treatment (train tracks and a special hat) at aged about 15 but refused, my mum allowed me to refuse which makes me think there must have been a cost involved, as if it were free I'm sure she would have made me!

Anyway, I now have crooked teeth.

lljkk · 30/11/2011 07:16

They take time to get used to, I would just keep coaxing to get her to wear as much as possible, and especially overnight. We let DS take them out for meals, though.

Whatmeworry · 30/11/2011 07:20

12 yo kids do not know best. Can you have permanents put back in?

Chandon · 30/11/2011 07:29

oh, interesting thread. My DS dentist (DS is 9) has already mentioned he may need braces when he is older.

I was planning to leave it up to DS to decide...

DH has slightly wonky teeth, but never had them fixed.

If it is a purely cosmetic issue, I'm not sure I will push it. If it is a long term problem, not just esthetic, then maybe.

I may well change my mind in a few years!!! As everyone says you have to fix it!

I don't agree with insisting she understands how "lucky" she is to get it on the NHS, or about "robbing some other kid of a chance" if she doesn't persevere. That's neither here nor there.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 30/11/2011 07:32

As everyone has said, they do take time to get used to. DD has her's in all the time except for eating. 10 months in and they have made a huge difference. Her message would definitely be 'it's hard at first but stick with it'

We had a crisis day with it on day 3 when she said she wasn't going to wear them and I sort of made her. But the reality is if they don't want to wear them they won't when you aren't looking. I use a mix of cajoling and I insistence .

We're off to Orthodontist this morning for final check before they come off ext year. I'm quite looking forward to going, big change from eat days !

kreechergotstuckupthechimney · 30/11/2011 07:38

I like the idea of listing after braces.
I think my DD is next in line for these. She has horrendous teeth (thanks DH), her jaw is too small for the number she'll get.
She has already had four removed to make way for the secondary ones, none have come through yet and it was 18 months ago she had them out.
Since we moved to England, she's had one dentist appt where the dentist said she would refer her to an orthodontist at the next visit.
DD seems quite ammenable to the idea, the reality will be something else I fear.

QuietNinjaTeacup · 30/11/2011 07:38

I wish my mum had overridden my vanity when I was a teenager. I was told I could have a brace purely for cosmetic reasons and I said no as didn't want to look silly (I was a bout 12 at the time) I really regret it. My teth are horrible, wonky and difficult to floss as there is no space. I couldn't afford to get them fixed now so I hate photos of me smiling showing my teeth.
You have to encourage her to wear them, she'll thank you later.

SoupDragon · 30/11/2011 07:52

Surely at 16 hours per day wear she doesn't need to have it in at school?

Does she realise the speech part improves fairly quickly if she wears the brace?

Personally I would make her. I have been really very mean to my two DSs and made them wear theirs - full on evil mummy mode and I hated every minute of it. I once spend two hours with ds1 sobbing because he wouldn't put his back in. It was hideous for both of us but he did it and has beautiful teeth and a fabulous jaw line with no hint of the receding bottom jaw/chin he had caused through thumbsucking. it has been worth it.

Groovee · 30/11/2011 07:54

I know numerous adults who regret it. DD will need braces when the other 10 teeth finally fall out. She will be made to wear them as her teeth are extremely squint.

SoupDragon · 30/11/2011 07:54

I am seriously considering having mine done. If can overcome my dental phobia!

DialMforMummy · 30/11/2011 08:02

I would insist she gets them. Yes, it is sometimes a bit painful and always unsightly but my god it is a godsend especially if it's free. If you have treatment later in life it is not always as effective and a lot longer. No brainer for me.

mumofthreekids · 30/11/2011 08:11

I wore braces at your DD's age, and now I have lovely straight teeth and people tell me I have a nice smile!

I do sympathise with your DD though as I remember how painful it was. The night after a visit to the dentist (when my train tracks had just been tightened) was worse than any period pain I've ever had. Agree about talking through the retainer too. Tell her it's worth it!

CailinDana · 30/11/2011 08:26

I had orthodontic treatment for about 5 years to correct incredibly crooked teeth. I wasn't bothered about getting braces but my mum insisted and I am so so glad that she did. I actually get complimented on my teeth quite often now! The orthodontist said I was her most diligent patient and that really pays off as it makes the treatment so much more effective. If you go at it half arsed then it takes so much longer. Also, my sister had similar treatment but she didn't stick to wearing the retainer (plastic thingy) and as a result her teeth became slightly crooked again. She does nothing but moan about that now but it's entirely her own fault. I had the whole shebang - train tracks for two years, head gear which made me look like an alien, retainers, teeth removed, the whole lot. It was worth every single bit of it.

I don't know if it reassures your DD but I met my DH while I still had my braces (I got them in my late teens) and actually had to wear my headgear at night when I was staying over with him. He wasn't bothered in the slightest and it clearly didn't put him off as we're still together ten years later!

SoupDragon · 30/11/2011 08:30

Not that is love :)

LIZS · 30/11/2011 08:31

We have the decision to make with ds now - he's 13 - and I'm worried he'd kick off similarly. It is hard for them to see that short term pain woudl lead ot long term again but hten in the future it will be even less acceptable to have odd teeth as so many kids have braces now. My teeth are terribly crooked despite attempts to take teeth out to make room rather than fit a brace and now dentist suggests I could still have one (my bite isn't good either) but £££

pointydog · 30/11/2011 08:37

Ask her to wear them from 7pm till 8am, 13 hours a day. More when she can.

HSMM · 30/11/2011 08:38

I had a retainer when I was 12 and hated it, because I couldn't speak properly and my name has an 'S' in it, which always came out as a hiss.

My DD is now 12 and just about all her friends have braces. She feels like the odd one out not having them. I listen to them having debates about their braces, etc.

Try and win this one, because it is very unlikely that your DD will be in the minority wearing braces and is therefore more likely to get understanding than teasing. She would be much more self conscious about them at age 15 or older.

Like others have said - get the dentist to help you with this.

wolfhound · 30/11/2011 08:50

I wish my parents had made me when I was that age. Finally decided I wanted metal braces at age 35, and it took 5 years to get my teeth into order. Very pleased with them now, but it was VERY expensive and a right old pain (giving birth with braces and elastic bands and stuff clogging up your mouth when you want to shout...)

Hard to explain that to a 12 year old though, so I sympathise.

GiveMeStrength2day · 30/11/2011 08:56

Agree with everyone who is saying you must convince your DD to stick with the braces. DH didn't wear braces when he was young (I suspect he refused) and his teeth were criss-crossed and wonky. About 5 years ago he paid to get them fixed with (necessary) extractions and a fixed brace to the tune of £5000! Of course it didn't matter to me what his teeth looked like but it's a shame that in all our wedding photos he's doing his "pre fix" closed mouth smile Smile instead of showing the huge grin he was sporting in between photo shots Grin

MrsHoarder · 30/11/2011 09:01

Just something to consider: I had the overbite, traintracks then retainer. I then had 2 years of speech therapy afterwards, have had problems with my jaw joint ever since and still have a noticable overbite anyway, just that I can now "stretch" my jaw forwards when necessary.

Although now you've started down this road it may be best to see it through, I'm going to be asking some very tough questions of the othodondist should DC ever need to go there.

Avantia · 30/11/2011 09:02

Blimey what a couple of years age difference makes to attitude to braces.

My DS age 9 has just had a brace fitted , albeit an removable one, he could not wait to get to school and show his mates - he is very good at cleaning it and have had no arguments about it.

Hope all works out with OP and her DD.

kitkat1967 · 30/11/2011 09:09

Hi - my DD (aged 11) had functional applicances fitted at the start of November - they are horrible !!! - much worse then standard removable braces (to be honest we didn't know what we had let oursleves in for) - she cried solidly for about 2 days and in the end I took her back to the orthondist and was told they we 'build up too much'. So after adjustment they were better but a month on she still cannot speak clearly and they are a pain as she cannot eat or drink anything with them in.
However - they stoppped hurting after the adjustment and she is resigned to wearning them for about a year. the saddest thing of all is that she has decided that she will not speak in class until they are removed as her speach is not clear Sad.
I hate them but she knows it is not an option to not wear them
And when this bit is done we are onto traintracks with elastic bands...... then the retainer....

CailinDana · 30/11/2011 09:17

The traintracks take a bit of getting used to but they're not nearly as bad as the removable ones. I actually quite missed mine when they were taken out - took me ages to get used to how naked my teeth felt. It is an ordeal definitely but your DD will appreciate it when she's older kitkat.

Bonsoir · 30/11/2011 09:18

You absolutely mustn't give in on this.