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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contemplate dumping my boyfriend on New Years Eve, or maybe day?

111 replies

lovelydogs · 29/11/2011 23:01

We were both just sitting on the sofa, me finishing a job application that has taken all day, he was paying attention to the news.

I heard something along the lines of..."bonuses to public service jobs cut to no more than 1%" and then the voice of the newsreader turns slow and grave "Benefits claimants money rises 5%"

It was the start of the news so it was repeated a few times, EVERYTIME he sighed, made a vocal noise of discontent and shook his head at the benefit bit. 5%? This reflects the cost of living I think, inflation? 5% on £60 is £3, yes?

£3 a week more. I don't think I could get a pack of loo roll for that. Maybe some more carrots, fruit etc. I can't think of any one thing that I could get with this increase that would make a huge difference to my standard of living. A tube of toothpaste? Which is fine, as it is just meant to reflect the cost of living.

But the thing is he acted like it did. Why would my boyfriend, who can see how hard I am trying to get a job, act like this in front of me?

My blood is boiling, I feel a hatred that I haven't felt before (well maybe I have) so AIBU to dump him?

OP posts:
minimisschief · 30/11/2011 09:33

You are reading far too much into a sigh. Us blokes really aren't that complicated lol.

Sounds like a great relationship though ..

reallytired · 30/11/2011 09:37

I hope you get a job soon. It is grim for job seekers at the moment. I am in a similar situation to you although I am not on benefit because I left my public sector job because it was making me ill.

Working people have bigger expenses than benefit claimants. Fuel has gone up astronomically. I have found that the savings in me not working are greater than expected.

I feel for the lowly paid public sector workers like our dustmen in Hertfordshire who are having a pay cut and sick leave on full pay is being scrapped. Some public sector workers have been treated worse than others.

I think it does sound as if you and your partner have no real future together. I feel it would be kinder to tell him now. Christmas parties often give the opportunity to meet other people. He may even enjoy the office parties more knowing that the is a free man.

TandB · 30/11/2011 09:52

You are not really painting a terribly flattering picture of yourself, OP.

You have been with this man for 7 years and I stead of working out the most painless way of ending the relationship with minimum impact on your child, you are thinking of doing it at a highly emotive time because it might 'piss him off'.

And before doing that, you are going to use him in order to not be alone over Christmas.

If the relationship is at an end then you need to have a serious think about where your priorities lie in terms of ending it. Pissing him off should not be particularly high up on that list.

Snorbs · 30/11/2011 10:01

You don't need a verified and qualified list of reasons to end a relationship. You're not going to be marked on it and, if you don't get a high enough score, you'll be legally forced to stay together.

You are allowed to simply say "This relationship isn't working for me any more" and then set a date by which time you will be moving out or, depending on whose name is on the paperwork, you expect him to move out.

EleanorRathbone · 30/11/2011 10:19

"If the relationship is at an end then you need to have a serious think about where your priorities lie in terms of ending it. Pissing him off should not be particularly high up on that list."

Well, quite. Adults don't factor stuff like that into their behaviour, teenagers do.

niceguy2 · 30/11/2011 11:11

Do him a favour and finish with him now.

Hardgoing · 30/11/2011 12:58

How incredibly odd to plan when to finish a relationship? Surely once you have decided you don't want to be together, you let the person know asap.

maxybrown · 30/11/2011 13:01

I could buy 3 packs of loo roll (good quality too) for £3 Grin just seeing as you menioned it OP!!

OrmIrian · 30/11/2011 13:03

Why? I mean why on NYE? Confused

If I was that angry I think I'd get shot asap.

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 13:10

OP just sounds a bit highly strung and hard work to me. Boyfriend will probably be glad to be dumped.

valiumredhead · 30/11/2011 13:23

What's Facebook? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Biscuit

cocoachannel · 30/11/2011 13:46

This thread is weird. Not very helpful, I know. It's the comment and very expensive carrots which have confused me.

But, incidentally, why is it fair for those on benefits to get a 5% increase but public sector workers, some of whom will be on very low salaries like my aunt who works PT as a dinner lady, to only get a 1% rise however hard she works? Rises in the cost of living apply to everyone.

If that's what your bf thinks though, he should have been honest about it when questioned.

EleanorRathbone · 30/11/2011 14:13

It isn't fair, but benefits claim to be the minimum amount on which you can live. If it's not upgraded in line with inflation, that means that the amount people on benefits get to live on, falls below the minimum amount on which anyone can live, which is contrary to the basic principles of the welfare state - that anyone, regardless of status, should have just enough to live on. (There's a good argument to say that benefit levels aren't enough to live on, but that's a separate issue - the principle is that people get the minimum amount. That's a completely separate issue from the pay freeze for low paid workers, but leaving all that aside, this isn't a debate thread about the unfairness of the coalition govt is it, it's a support thread for someone who's thinking of dumping her boyf, she says because he sighs heavily at a piece of news he doesn't like, but I suspect is because she senses that he doesn't actually respect her very much.

MrSpoc · 30/11/2011 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

MsBrian · 30/11/2011 14:46

This reply has been deleted

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ExquisiteChristmasCake · 30/11/2011 14:50

What's Facebook indeed Grin

MrSpoc · 30/11/2011 14:54

shall we have a guess who the Op realy is? Any takers

AvadaKedavra · 30/11/2011 14:56

This reply has been deleted

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MrSpoc · 30/11/2011 15:03

This reply has been deleted

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EleanorRathbone · 30/11/2011 16:41

"He has taken your child on for 7 years as his own" No he hasn't. And that phrase is so outdated and vulgar, it implies that women should be grateful that men are gracious enough to "take on" their kids. What a horrible expression.,

"You live together" No they don't. Which after 7 years, says something.

She might not be a troll. Lots of people are very odd you know. The longer you're on MN, the more you realise that...

mrsjay · 30/11/2011 16:45

I cant undersyand what you are on about , dumping a guy who sighed over the news Maybe you should ask him why he sighed , and itsnt doing in on NYE day a bit dramatic , if you want to dump him now before he gets you a christmas present and forgets all about the sigh .

MrSpoc · 30/11/2011 16:54

Get a grip mumsnet. why was my post deleted. i was not even bad.

MrSpoc · 30/11/2011 16:54

EleanorRathbone - it was the term she used her self. untwist ur nickers

ChrisMsBrian · 30/11/2011 17:06

Oooooh Mumsnet deleted me.... should I be worried? it's my first deletion....

OK so I take it OP is not a troll. My apologies.

Sorry I have no constructive advice.

AvadaKedavra · 30/11/2011 17:07

Ty MNHQ