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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contemplate dumping my boyfriend on New Years Eve, or maybe day?

111 replies

lovelydogs · 29/11/2011 23:01

We were both just sitting on the sofa, me finishing a job application that has taken all day, he was paying attention to the news.

I heard something along the lines of..."bonuses to public service jobs cut to no more than 1%" and then the voice of the newsreader turns slow and grave "Benefits claimants money rises 5%"

It was the start of the news so it was repeated a few times, EVERYTIME he sighed, made a vocal noise of discontent and shook his head at the benefit bit. 5%? This reflects the cost of living I think, inflation? 5% on £60 is £3, yes?

£3 a week more. I don't think I could get a pack of loo roll for that. Maybe some more carrots, fruit etc. I can't think of any one thing that I could get with this increase that would make a huge difference to my standard of living. A tube of toothpaste? Which is fine, as it is just meant to reflect the cost of living.

But the thing is he acted like it did. Why would my boyfriend, who can see how hard I am trying to get a job, act like this in front of me?

My blood is boiling, I feel a hatred that I haven't felt before (well maybe I have) so AIBU to dump him?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/11/2011 23:30

I ignored the 'what's Facebook' remark on the basis the OP must have been taking the piss Grin

signet2012 · 29/11/2011 23:31

Did you ask him directly if he was sighing at you?

May it not be coincidence? Maybe he doesnt include you in the benefits group? Maybe he is just pissed off with the state of the world at the minute?

Im very huffy and puffy. No good reason just like to sigh alot?

If its a big deal then you should have it out with him.

Regarding your DD. If your going to break up with him surely its better done now, than new years eve?

I understand your pissed off, but to stay with someone then "Because of how hurtful he is I feel like New Years Eve would be a good time to do it. Maybe piss him off a bit?" is a bit shit IMO

Original poster
lovelydogs · 29/11/2011 23:31

That's another thing that annoys me, when I questioned him and told him how much 1% was on his salary and how much 1% is on my JSA he got cross and denied huffing at that, he said he ws huffing at the bankers. But I heard him, with my own ears, at all the benefit bits! So he mumbles his dissatisfaction then denies it when challenged. Grrr

OP posts:
signet2012 · 29/11/2011 23:33

FWIW - My partner blatantly told me he didnt agree with a group of people's beliefs and thought they where all nutters.. until I reminded him I consider myself to be in that "group" of people.

His response was "yeah but I didnt mean you, youre not like them, youre trying"

Angelswings · 29/11/2011 23:33

Decided I needed to give BF the boot in December - mainly because he was a male chauvinist pig, but also because I'd just met the man I wanted to marry.

Decided it was mean to dump him before Christmas, so waited until NY day

Met him in a pub and we both dumped each other at the same time. Result

Now married to the man I wanted to, who understands me being on sickness benefit and doesn't expect me to do e ironing

Go for it lovelydogs

Original poster
lovelydogs · 29/11/2011 23:40

That's another one of his annoying things, he's sexist. We were at a petrol station the other day, he needed to get air in the tyres but a car was parked in the way, the driver not in the car. We waited behind the car. We must have waited no longer than 5 minutes. He was so cross and said it must be woman driver for obstructing the air pump like that. He was fuming. He went red and swore a lot. He said "If it's a woman who comes back can we give her the slow handclap"?

I said, "yeah sure cos if it ws a man he'd hit you wouldn't he you coward"
He didn't like that.

He just keeps doing things that I really dislike. But they are small. I don't know if I should ignore and get on with it or finish it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelydogs · 29/11/2011 23:42

And new year I guess because everything is over, I dont want him to be sad and alone over Christmas.

OP posts:
AgnesBligg · 29/11/2011 23:42

Yes I get the new year day thing, new start, spring's coming, erm single again.

Do you luff this sighing guy. Or is he just up his own arse too often?

Angelswings, there is nothing really kind with putting up til after xmas, because then they just think XMAS WAS A SHAM.

EleanorRathbone · 29/11/2011 23:42

Oh just dump him tomorrow.

What is the point of waiting if you're going to dump him?

What an unhealthy, miserable relationship this sounds.

You do know that you are supposed to broadly like, respect and enjoy the company of your partner, don't you? It sounds like you really don't like him very much. You're supposed to like your DP. Confused

But waiting for a certain date... that's just game playing IMO.

Original poster
lovelydogs · 29/11/2011 23:47

That's the thing Eleanor though, mostly I do like him. But something like this happens, a little too often maybe and I strt thinking he's not the one for me. Shouldn't we agree on fundamental things? There are times of laughter and happiness and then something like this happens and I doubt it again.

OP posts:
AgnesBligg · 29/11/2011 23:48

Sexist and sighing. Well in an ideal world it's all taraa see you later isn't it? But it's harder when all grown up with kids isn't it? But your daughter is yours right, and you don't live together? and you have you pressie already?

Oh do it then.

reallytired · 29/11/2011 23:52

If you want to end the relationship then end it tomorrow. It is childish and nasty to wait until new years eve just so that you can spoil a particular day of the year.

I expect that a lot of people share your boyfriends feelings. I don't know anyone who is working who has had a 5% increase. Why should people on benefits get such a massive rise? Money is tight for everyone in the country at the moment.

Original poster
lovelydogs · 29/11/2011 23:54

Agnes yes yes and yes! It seems so easy written down but so complicated in RL. If I told him my reasons he'd laugh in my face. But to me these issues are big and real.

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 29/11/2011 23:55

My friends fiance ended their relationship on valentines day! He gave her a card, then said 'we need to talk'! He said he had known for a while it was over. What hurt her the most was that he had waited, it was almost as if he was waiting for his pressie!

OP, if you want to end things with him, do it now! It's just pointless to wait!

AgnesBligg · 30/11/2011 00:00

I don't think it is childish or nasty to think about dumping someone who doesn't fit ideally. But, sigh! it's a tricky time of year when we are all fairylights and baubley, and supposed to be snuggly and loved up. As it were.

New years day, or thereabouts, is start of something new, so not a bad time to reassess. IMHO.

Original poster
lovelydogs · 30/11/2011 00:00

Reallytired, I'm not really here to argue over the increase, this is more of a personal issue. But I'm not naive enough to think this wont get a mention. I just think that my boyfriend shouldn't be quite so dismissive and treat me with contempt which is what he did then denied it.

Besides, how ever unfair it seems, he doesn't need a 5% increase. He is not living on the poverty line.

OP posts:
AgnesBligg · 30/11/2011 00:01

Valentines DaY! pfft. wanker.

daddoinghisbest · 30/11/2011 00:04

It's obviously a no-brainer. You've got your prezzie already, so if you give him the elbow now, you won't have to get him one. Never mind the seven years you've had together, any man that sits there sighing deserves all they get.

Original poster
lovelydogs · 30/11/2011 00:08

Dad, fuck the present, do you really not see the bigger picture here? Do you have a wife or partnerwho you agree with on the fundamental things in life? Do you have a big political divide? I'm sure some people do, does it work? Can people who are so different in their views stay happily together?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 30/11/2011 00:12

Confused and Biscuit

Original poster
lovelydogs · 30/11/2011 00:12

That's another thing that bugs me, to me Christmas is for children. Obviously I don't have a huge disposable income, he does, yet he still expects me to buy him a present. It seems ridiculous to me, anything he wants or needs he can go out and buy tomorrow without batting an eyelid. If he doesn't get a present, which a few times he hasn't if I hven't been working he sulks and keeps mentioning a lack of present for himself, knowing how hard it has been for me to provide for my child that year. Weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelydogs · 30/11/2011 00:14

Why are you confused and what does that doughnut sign mean?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 30/11/2011 00:22

I'm confused as to why someone would "plan" to dump their partner a few weeks hence rather than just get on and do it if they had taken umbrage.
And I don't really get why sighing causes umbrage - yes, yes I get all the supposed nuances you refer to but sighing is sometimes an involuntary response.
The "doughnut" is a biscuit - it means "no comment".
HTH

EleanorRathbone · 30/11/2011 00:25

TBH he does sound like a nob

You do know that you don't actually need a reason to end a relationship that you have outgrown, don't you? It doesn't matter whether he thinks your reasons for ending it are valid or not, it's what you want and think that matters.

Have you thought of couples counselling if you believe that this relationship is worth saving?

AgnesBligg · 30/11/2011 00:29

Lovelydogs, you sound weary, and being unemployed is so tough and application forms need a lot of work.

Regardless of the sexist, sighing and sulking (about your inability to get him gifts wtf when you are raising your child durr) do you want to stay with him, say if you get this new job, would it change things for you? Self esteem is at it's lowest when broke/no job. Would you feel differently, would the laffs outway the crappy stuff you have now?

hope you get a great job soon, you know.