just to sign the pre-nup, to end all the shit?

[smithfox]

DP and I and the 3 DCS (with one on the way) live in the States (in UK at mo though)

DP is from the US.

We are finally getting our act together and getting married (much to his parents chargrin)

My PIL (basicaly) really dont like me - i have corrupted their son, I'm only after one thing, i'm a gold digger (all said to my face on countless occassions)

DP has a difficult relationship with them anyway - because of me and the fact he doesn't do exactly what they want him to do etc.

DPs parents declared about a month back (before we flew out here) that we must sign a pre-nup before getting married. (they have legal standing in the US)
Now it cant include the DCs but will include money and assests.

We have been together since I was 19 and he was 23, we will have 4 DCs together. - not like a quicky wedding

We both agree that it is stupid and we are not doing it etc.

Except his parents are now saying that if I dont sign a pre-nup. DP wont get any of the money coming his way after their death (he got his trust funds at 21 and 25 but his inheritance if you like) and he can kiss his half of the company goodbye (he is already a partner but he woudnt inherit it - it would get sold either when they die or decide to sell - under the current rules underwritting it they cant just sell while DP and his brother are partners)

DP says stuff them - that no way is he making me sign a pre-nup
His brother thinks they are being equally ridiculos but they wont listen to him either

I dont want to sign - they are horrible people and i am certainly not marrying DP just to get my mits on his money

But this is getting silly - DP isnt talking to them, they wont see DCs till I sign and it isnt just the fact DP would lose out on the company he works very hard for (the money is neither here nor there really), but the fact that would mean my DCs would miss out inheritance and the company (if they would want it)

AIBU to just sign the bloody thing and end all this?? i am at the end of my tether with it all and feel like I'm ripping his family apart because of this

Sign it.

If anything goes wrong with the company or if DP ever goes bankrupt, the pre-nup can protect you. Pre-nups are actually very sensible things. It doesn't need to have any more significance than you want it to.

I don't think pre-nups are a 'bad' thing but I doubt that this one will be fair if it's been forced by the PILs. Far better I would imagine for the DP to get his own one drawn up - and in fact, I think this would be a good idea given the relationship between the ILs and the OP. If the DP died the day after the wedding (sorry OP!) it doesn't sound like the PILs would pay out any money due from the company, does it?

So I would do it, but on your terms, with a pre-nup an independent lawyer draws up. And while the lawyer is at it, I'd be getting them to review the legal standing of the family business too...

I think if you take control it's not you giving in to them. How great for DP to say 'WTAF are you on about, smith and I signed our pre-nup last week.'

Your DP is a partner in the firm, and so is his brother, presumably - so I don't see how his parents could sell the company out from under him. At worst, they can sell their share, but surely that would require the agreement of all other partners? Plus they would be able to buy them out?

As for 'his inheritance' - pffft, he doesn't seem too concerned by it, why would you be?

I agree with what many have already posted, that signing this contract will not be the end of "all the shit" - quite the contrary, it will be the start of it. Their blackmail will have worked once, they will be encouraged to use it again. And again. They'll be INSISTING they control every detail of your lives, e.g. what schools your children attend. What sort of a life would that be.

No, I agree with your DP, smithfox - stuff them.

Sorry, forgot to point out - since PIL are presumably going to draw up the terms of the contract that they insist you should sign, it's a given that these terms will be as far from being in your favour as it is possible to be. Should anything then happen to your DP/DH, you could find yourself royally screwed and unable to put a roof over your children's heads. It won't just be about you not inheriting personally, it will most probably be punitive. Why would you sign that?

I think it's worth remembering that pre-nups are so much more common in the US than the UK - so they probably see their request for one as being very reasonable and normal, and you refusing to sign it just "proves" to them that you are a gold-digger.

So I agree with WilsonFrickett - sign it, but make sure it is drawn up by an independent lawyer, not the PILs, and covers some of the eventualities mentioned by other posters. I don't understand what you mean when you say it can't include the DCs? Surely a pre-nup should allow for the fact you have DCs together?

But mumofthree, you're missing the point. Neither OP or dp want to sign. So it's irrelevant whether many or most Americans sign pre nups. They don't want to go down this route.

If you are really considering signing, get a lawyer to look over it first, it may not even be valid.

I'm not opposed to prenups if a couple decide to have one. English divorce law can be unfavourable to people coming into a relationship with money, compared to Scottish law where only assets built up during the marriage are split.
I'm concerned about his parents dictating the financial terms of your marriage though.
If the family firm and his inheritance are important to your boyfriend then I may sign after getting independant legal advice. I'd be inclined to try managing without them if possible, but wouldn't want to drive a wedge between my husband and his parents and ruin his career prospects though. Them forcing me to sign this for my husband's sake would mean I would resent them forever though and I would tell them this. Extended family happiness obviously doesn't mean much to them.

But proud given the DP works for the family firm there is a fairly big chance that, should anything happen to him, the OP will be left without any kind of income and IL's that lie through their teeth to ensure she is denied any kind of asset. That's why I think she should sign one, because it strengthens her and DCs position in American law. But she shouldn't sign their one, her and DP should get their own drawn up and take it right out of ILs hands.

I have no idea whether you should sign it or not -- it sounds like a bad situation all round.

However, I would definitely not sign it without taking competent legal advice in whichever US jurisdiction is applicable. It is the case that most US states enforce prenuptial agreements but this is a complex area of law and there will be consequences to signing it that won't necessarily be obvious on its face. And a good lawyer might be able to help you outsmart the in-laws.

Depending on where OP is (which state) the rules on pre-naps can be very strict. In some states the law dictates that the agreement is reviewed by a judge (not notary but a judge) to avoid any obvious disadvantage or duress of one of the parties. This is an interesting site to look at:

"What should be included in a prenup?

In order to best safeguard your union, there are certain key issues you should include in your prenup. Be sure to review the following with your soon-to-be spouse:

List all assets, liabilities, income, and expectations of gifts and inheritances.
Describe how premarital debts will be paid.
Resolve what happens to your premarital property in reference to appreciation, gains, income, rentals, dividends and proceeds of such property- in the event of death or divorce.
Decide who, or if both of you, will own the marital residence and secondary homes in the event of death or divorce.
Specify the status of gifts, inheritances, and trusts either spouse receives or benefits from, whether before or after marriage.
Clarify what will happen to each type of property, whether jointly or individually owned, such as real estate, artwork and jewelry.
Figure out alimony, maintenance, or spousal support, or provide for a waiver or property settlement instead of support (to the extent allowable by law).
Detail death benefits, stating what you will provide for in your will.
Decide on medical, disability, life or long-term-care insurance coverage."

Obviously nobody should sign anything if they disagree with the principle or the terms of the pre-nap, but as others said above , clarity in financial affairs can be a good thing!

This is the easiest problem I have dealt with today.

Sign two pre nups. The first, a bullshit heap of crap that can be sent to his parents that guarantees your perpetual poverty in the event of their son coming to his senses and leaving you. Send them a copy of this. They will love it. Then, with a very good lawyer and the entusiastic co-operation of DP, craft a new, private pre-nup that invalidates the previous pre-nup. Keep that one to yourselves, and stick two fingers up at truly dreadful sounding parents-in-law.

and possibly help out DPs brother so that they BOTH get their grown up rights to live their lives!

Anything drawn up by the IL's lawyer is not going to be of any benefit to the OP. I wouldn't sign this and more to the point, I wouldn't allow my children to spend time with people who were so nasty to me and my dh.

I know it's a lot of money, but if you agree to this, they'll be yanking your chain forever. Every time you make a choice that they don't like, they'll hold money over your heads.

Ask them if they'll sign a prenup of their own guaranteeing your dp's inheritance.

Dont sign.

If dp's own brother is saying dont sign then listen. He sounds a good sort, the type that, should everything come his way he would split it with his brother anyway so you would still gain in the long term.

Why on earth would you be bothered about these poisonious people having a relationship with your children.

I;d keep them as far away as possible.
.

Definitely get legal advice before making any decision.

I'm not sure a prenup signed under threat of disinheritance would even be considered valid. But anyway, you should find out exactly how much they could punish you. It may be much less than you think and assuage any guilt you might feel on behalf of your DC or anything.

They sound vile. I would not sign. I would not allow myself to be 'bought' by them. Fuck the money. It is not everything.

don't sign it.

I'd go one further than midoriway.

Sign it yes, get a new one that invalidates it.

Then tell the fuckers on their death beds.

Tell them you will sign the PreNup if they put his inheritance in escrow :)

I have no idea about any of the legal stuff but why would the pil's get given a copy of the pre nup? Surely with lawyer/client confidentiality they wouldn't be able to access a copy of it?

What vile people.

No idea what you should do. But I wouldn't want inlaws like them.

~I wouldn't sign.

Other people's money shouldn't influence what you do.

I personally wouldn't sign it it would be like them buying you and they have also gained the control they wanted , they sound horrific call their bluff say you and your dos love is not about money you can make your own money thereby quashing any goldigger claims and being he bigger person.

You are not ripng the family apart they are and who is to say they won't use the money against you in the future , if you have another child you won't get the inheritance if you move away etc etc
the money is the only power they have over you and it seems like they will use it at any opportunity I can't believe they are treating their son like this.

Ps it might seem obvious bu if you do sign it get a lawyer to go over it with a fine tooh comb I wouldn't put it past them to have it so you somehow lose out if you and dodie ever split .
Good luck and congrats on the pending nuptials

nex time they call you a goldigger just say it saddens me that you think I would only be with your wonderful lovely son for his money.