To ask what you think about young Christian marriages?

[Ihavewelliesbutitssunny]

So over the last few years I've known a lot of young Christian couples who've got married at about 21-23 years old. The classic situation is Christian boy and girl meet at the CU at uni and then get married when they graduate. Obviously part of this is the belief that couples shouldn't have sex before they are married but I think another factor is that they have prayed through and considered their decision to get married and trust that if it is the right decision they should just go ahead and get married. There seems often to be a critical and confused response to this idea of getting married from non-Christians so I was interested to see the mumsnet response. I suspose the idea of waiting for sex and getting married young is something that a lot of couples did in the past and many of us have grandparents or perhaps parents who married young and have had very long (and in most cases) marriages.

My DH was married at 21 to a fellow student he met at CU at uni. They divorced when he was about 25 and he became an athiest ( for unrelated reasons) We married when we were 27 and 28 and have been married for 27 years, I'm a Buddhist ( not sure what this shows except the original marriage as described by OP didn't go the distance)

"Seeker; Do you really think modern Catholic women take any notice of that?
if they did they'd all have 14 kids and that's just not happening."

I don't use artificial contraception and I don't have 14 kids. I have 3, although I have lost five to miscarriage.

Natural contraception is allowed - Billings method, for example - and women are encouraged to plan their families. The teaching is that sexual activity within marriage should be open to the possibility of creating life. Artificial contraception clearly closes down that possibility. Natural contraception means that pregnancy is a possibility (albeit an unlikely one, due to timing).

I fully believe in the teachings of the church and do not just adhere to the ones that suit me and ignore those that don't. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle with and question my faith - to me that's part of being a Catholic, that I think about and try to understand the teachings.

I know one couple exactly like this. (Evangelican christians, met at uni, married at 23, never lived together or slept together before marriage).

As far as I can tell they are pretty miserable - or at least she is. He is the head of the household and everything is run around his views and what he wants to do (seemingly she does not get consulted). She does all the domestic stuff. He was a perfectly nice boyfriend but I think things changed once they got married, lived together and at that point they (and their families) expected them to conform to the traditional husband/wife set up.

Personally I think it's very risky to commit to spending the rest of your life with another person until you have spent at least several months (and ideally a year plus) living with that person.

Fascinated by the Pickn'Mix approach to Catholicism. I would love to know what St Peter will make of it!

"Fascinated by the Pickn'Mix approach to Catholicism. I would love to know what St Peter will make of it!"

I have no idea! I don't know and I don't want to speculate what other Catholics do and do not believe in. I can only talk with any degree of authority on what my family situation and beliefs are. I don't see the point of following a particular religion if you don't at least try to follow all that it teaches.

rycooler Oh I agree, and I have nothing against people having a sense that there is a greater force out there and worshipping it. I just don't understand why people define themselves as Catholic, for example, when they disagree with the edicts of their patriarch the Pope. Why not change denomination to a more conducive one that has the same views on birth control etc.

Serenitysutton I didn't say it was wrong, I just don't see why worship need be through an organized religious structure especially if one rejects some basic edicts of said religion.

Being catholic (or Jewish, Muslim say) is cultural. You don?t just stop being French because you don?t like the president, do you?
Anyway this is totally OT and I actually find IME that young Christians marrying (especially in the States) are more likely to be some other form of Christian rather than catholic (Baptist, Brethen, Quaker) I went to a Catholic school and don?t know anyone married under 25.

It's interesting what SGB and minipie say, because it ties into some stuff that I was thinking about my own situation. I'm very glad that I didn't marry young, because I think that for all couples, not just Christian ones, it's easy to fall into the traditional roles when you marry and particularly when you have children.

I'd lived a bit before I did either, and while it didn't change my personality, it did solidify it. I had tried out different relationships and learned how to actually have a relationship. I had learned that I was attracted to the wrong kind of men, and why, so that I ended up marrying someone who supports me, rather than is some kind of "project". And I also was single for various periods of time. Sometimes happy, sometimes hankering after some man or other. :) But I knew that I could cope without a man, and I think that that knowledge is very important.

Even so, since having children I feel that I've lost myself a bit. DH is very supportive and concerned and it encouraging me to do stuff for myself again. But I think that it would be a lot harder if I hadn't been myself for a good while before I found him. I wouldn't know who I am trying to find, if you see what I mean.

Being catholic (or Jewish, Muslim say) is cultural. You don?t just stop being French because you don?t like the president, do you?

Err. So a Muslim who converts to Christianity, is still a cultural Muslim ? Or someone who rejects their Catholic faith is still a Catholic ? ( rhetorical )

"Being catholic (or Jewish, Muslim say) is cultural"

Eh? So what makes a Catholic a Catholic?

I think you're just being delibertaly obtuse, I'm not explaining something which is common sense.

misstittlemosuse in my case its the oppsoite i think marrying young as you have nevr previously lived with anyone other than parents means you decide betwee you how things are going to be. There are many household tasks my husband knows I will never do and as it is the way it is always been it isnt argued about. It is compromises you make on the way to growing up togetehr and I think all the traditional type couples I know are the much older ones on marriage.

*I'm not explaining something which is common sense.8

I really do want to know what make a person a Catholic if they reject some fairly basic Papal teachings. That's all. Being defined as a Catholic isn't something that remains if you leave the church is it.

I don't think it's me being obtuse. But we are digressing.

hahahahahahahaha

at Serenity

the last refuge etc

Although not Christian Hubby and I married young three years ago I was 22 he was 29 we both were virgins until our wedding night. We were both bought up in religion but not overtly so.

Of course; there are millions of Catholics who are not regular church attenders. It's only usually non religious people who think you only have membership to a religion if you attend weekly worship.

But I'm happy to agree to disagree, I'm not going to spend time trying to get you to understand.

Why not Serenity?

Ok. There are basic tenets of the Catholic Faith- the Apostolic Church, Baptism, transubstantiation, the Virgin Birth,the infallibility of the Pope when he is speaking Ex Cathedra, the Holy Trinity......to name a few. In my understanding, these are fundamental to being a Catholic. Are you saying that's not true?

Serenity I am actually of the view that in order to commune with a higher being there is no need for any middle men, churches, patriarchs, edicts or dogmas.

It just confuses me why people define themselves as 'denomination A' when they clearly don't agree with some fairly fundamental aspects that define that denomination.

The 'cultural Catholic' argument doesn't hold.

Seeker, I must be missing the entrance exam into Catholism. Who checks all this out? Who throws you out if you don't believe in the virgin birth? I was born catholic into a catholic family, educated in the catholic church. Not sure who tells me I'm not catholic?

funny old catholic education you got Serenity. It certainly seems to have omitted a few essentials to your faith.

Were you not confirmed? Do you not go to Mass ever? Do you never say the Creed?

Serenity What makes a catholic a catholic isn't simply down to the school they attended or their parents religion. It's not like being Jewish.

Interesting reading follows!

...all the faithful of Christ must believe "that the Apostolic See and the Roman Pontiff hold primacy over the whole world, and that the Pontiff of Rome himself is the successor of the blessed Peter, the chief of the apostles, and is the true vicar of Christ and head of the whole Church and faith, and teacher of all Christians; and that to him was handed down in blessed Peter, by our Lord Jesus Christ, full power to feed, rule, and guide the universal Church, just as is also contained in the records of the ecumenical Councils and in the sacred canons.

... the faithful of whatever rite and dignity, both as separate individuals and all together, are bound by a duty of hierarchical submission and true obedience, not only in things pertaining to faith and morals, but also in those which pertain to the discipline and government of the Church spread over the whole world, so that the Church of Christ, protected not only by the Roman Pontiff, but by the unity of communion as well as of the profession of the same faith is one flock under the one highest shepherd. This is the doctrine of Catholic truth from which no one can deviate and keep his faith and salvation... [Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, Vatican Council I, 1870]"

Thankyou Seeker. You've answered my question.