To ask what you think about young Christian marriages?

[Ihavewelliesbutitssunny]

So over the last few years I've known a lot of young Christian couples who've got married at about 21-23 years old. The classic situation is Christian boy and girl meet at the CU at uni and then get married when they graduate. Obviously part of this is the belief that couples shouldn't have sex before they are married but I think another factor is that they have prayed through and considered their decision to get married and trust that if it is the right decision they should just go ahead and get married. There seems often to be a critical and confused response to this idea of getting married from non-Christians so I was interested to see the mumsnet response. I suspose the idea of waiting for sex and getting married young is something that a lot of couples did in the past and many of us have grandparents or perhaps parents who married young and have had very long (and in most cases) marriages.

Also, not all Christians believe in male headship and female 'submission'. I certainly don't and that's not how my marriage works. I agree that it can be a huge issue with potential for abuse and control but that's not just a Christian thing.

I'm still at uni and a christian girl from my course just got married, a year after meeting her partner. (she was 19, he's 25).
We still have 2 years left of the course and if you're married, you student loan amount is based on yours and your partners income, whereas un-married students is baed on their parents. So they rushed their marriage so she got a lot more money! Not very Christian imo!

"Seeker; Yes, of course religion is a form of control, and what's wrong with that? You're being controlled by the state every minute of the day. Religion is merely a set of rules in which it's followers live their lives by. Most religions do place men as head of the family but again that doesn't have to be a negative, although in most modern marriages men and women are seen as completely equal. Tony and Cherie Blair are Catholics - she's not exactly downtrodden is she."

It is of course wrong to have the man enshrined as head of the family.

And The Blair/Booth relationship is not exactly what most people would think of when thinking of a "young Christian marriage"

ry have you completely lost the plot??

They were young once - or do you think Tony was born at 45?

Of course th were young once. But a "young Christian mqrriage" as described in the OP is not what the Blairs ever had. The CU is not usually a haunt of Roman Catholics for a start! And they show no signs of adhering to traditional Christian mqrriage rolls.

roles. Bloody auto correct!

JAMW I'm not sure thats the sole reaosn (unless they're not that bright) you can also legally dissolve yoursefl from your parents (less hassle than a wedding) and then your student loan is based on your sole income, which would've got her more than being married would.

Hully - do you want me to list the ways in which you are being controlled by the state?

No I didn't mean that! I meant the idea that a young Christian marriage is quite niec and doesn't matter much as we're all controlled one way or another.

Well in a way that's true isn't it - the pope isn't telling me I can't smoke on the bus, I can't drink in a pub past 11.00pm, I can't drive faster than 80mph,
I can't work past 65, He's not messing with my clocks every March and October is he - I'm controlled less by religion than I am by the state - religion is a moral framework mostly.

If I am honest, I kind of roll my eyes a bit and consider them lesser in some way (the marriages, not the people), less romantic, less something to celebrate, more something they should do from duty than necessarily want to from love. There are exceptions, of course, but I find it more romantic to marry someone you really know, warts and all, than someone you have pussyfooted around doing the right thing, for a couple of months.

It is not so much the faith or obvious sexual reasons, but that the people just seem so unformed, naive and not fully grown into adults (usually less so than their peers). It is like they have skipped the lessons everyone else has learned on who you are and how to be a good partner and they think the bible provides a sort of short cut to life. I think I find that sad, like trying to make life more boring. I don't think "lurching" between relationships is always a bad thing, most people I know would be much worse off if they had been stuck with their first boyfriend. Saying that, they have probably grown up with different expectations, so perhaps I just can't relate - I know my friend in an arranged marriage would no more rather have my life than I would hers.

Ry. He is telling people in Africa that condoms don't prevent aids though. For example. That's pretty terrible imo.

The state put fluoride in the tap water because it didn't trust people to look after their own teeth.

Xpost MrGin - I'm talking about control in the UK.

he said condoms are not a solution to the aids problem- which technically is correct.
even so, Only catholics listen to him, not all christians.

Not sur where we're going here, but the Pope does tell Catholic women they can't control their fertility, and all Catholics that they can't protect themselves against HIV. A bit more significant than telling you what speed you're allowed to drive at!

Seeker; Do you really think modern Catholic women take any notice of that?
if they did they'd all have 14 kids and that's just not happening.

many Parish Priests have beliefs which conflict directly with the Popes, and have let that be known. Catholic women clearly use contraception in most cases, and the relative lack of aids in countries such as Ireland and Italy (in comparison with say, Africa, India) illustrates that a jolly large number ignore the advice about condoms.

Its amazese me how many non Catholics believe catholics do everything the Pope says without question, like they believe the vatcian police might come and arrest them if they find out you're on the Pill. People have their own ways of following faith.

rycooler. You see I get confused at this point. people say they're a Catholic but then say they don't follow the Papal edicts on X,Y,Z . I don't really get it.

I don't there is anything different between marrying young and marrying old from a feminist perspective, unless you are getting married for the purposes of having children. In that case, there are obviously going to be fertility issues for more women who marry in their thirties. The fact that many couples now seem to be marrying at a later age because of social convention, either deliberately, or because people can't find a partner who is serious about them because many people now think it is okay to treat relationships in their twenties as transient, is not a particularly good trend for women. If people are getting married later out of personal choice, entirely removed from social judgements about the 'right time' to get married, that is great for them.

As for needing a partner who allow you space to grow and change, that remains true at every age. I thought psychologists claimed that personality was pretty much fixed by early twenties, although I read that a long time ago so it may not be the case. I would have thought what really changes people is having children, at whatever age you have them.

I think many people need stability and family more in their twenties than later in life, but I suspect we all attempt to justify our own choices on these threads, and I had children young.

Nonono
There is a history of various church people with influence saying that the HIV virions can get through condoms
Also that there are question marks over whether or not HIV is the virus which causes AIDS. (Thabo Mbeki believed this, not sure if he still does)

Both are manifestly not true

(Sorry that's O/T, just responding to a couple of random posts I wasn't involved in!)

MrGin - there's a lot of hypocrisy in religion - you don't need me to tell you that, but weighing it all up I'm glad I have it in my life.

MrGB You're looking at it in a very simplistic way. Maybe you don't get it, that doesn't mean its wrong.