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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think these people were selfish and rude.

415 replies

cakeoclock · 28/11/2011 14:50

The push chair v wheelchair on a bus just reminded me what happened this weekend.

I was christmas shopping with friends (one in a wheelchair) in Harvey Nicks Leeds and it was pretty busy. We stood waiting for the lift, the doors opened and it was rammed full of people (no push chairs). Not one of the miserable gits got out to make space for the wheelchair just looked away until the doors shut and we had to wait ages for another lift. There were escalators less than a minute walk from the lift.

AIBU to think that this is lazy, selfish and awful and to hope if any of you are reading you feel ashamed.

OP posts:
dancingmustard · 29/11/2011 01:46

Imagine hundreds of people being overly polite to each other in shopping centers caring for each others needs and putting everyone else fist?
Living in an over patronising world would be a nightmare.

Spermysextowel · 29/11/2011 02:26

Neuro, your French is a little odd, the Spanish is stilted. The language with all the numerals were a wheeze NEXT LIFT anyone?

As for the last? NEXT!

Oh, & it's beautifully.

mockingjay · 29/11/2011 05:11

Seems to me like it just won't have occurred to the majority of the people in the lift to get out.

When the doors open to another lift full of people, why would you not just ask politely if a couple of people would mind getting out as all the lifts are full and you can't get down another way? I bet people would respond.

NinkyNonker · 29/11/2011 07:39

I'm not sure if they would judging by this post. I'm sure they'd just be told to wait 2 mins for the next one.

Next time, I may run up to the top, ride down in the lift. When we get to my stranded mother I will get out so she can get in. Of course 1 person does not take up the space needed by a wheelchair, so I still may need the goodwill/common sense of others.

This thread has a totally different tone to the bus one, is that cause chair users would have to wait 4 minutes for the bus instead of 2?

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/11/2011 07:54

difficulttimes Mon 28-Nov-11 21:51:53

AGAIN WITH THE WAIT 2 MINS?

why on earth not everyone else has to,

No they don't have to.

They have the choice to use the escalators, stairs or be an utterly selfish PITA by using the lift and preventing a wc user with no other choice doing so. I really cant believe people find the concept so hard to grasp

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/11/2011 08:03

And where has anybody said able bodied people shouldn't ever use the lift? Nobody has as far as im aware. People have simply pointed out they have a choice to do so whereas a wc doesn't.
Any road, if you were in a lift and saw that a wc user wanted to get in but there was no room would you not have a shred of common decency and think 'i'll hop out and take the escalators' or stand there glowing with your sense of entitlement because you can

Pagwatch · 29/11/2011 08:22

Can I just congratulate oldmacEIEIO on the most spectacularly dense missing of the point I have ever read on here.
And considering the competition of barely coherent, rambling fools, that is impressive.

oimoomoo · 29/11/2011 08:35

Ok, i have MS - makes my balance unstable and hard for me to walk, my child is in a buggy, when i have the buggy i dont need sticks or if im out with anybody i dont need sticks.
ive only just found this out and im trying to deal with it, if i was in a lift with someone (having to link their arm to walk) and someone came and shouted at me - given i look normal when standing still i honestly could not say id deal with it very well. .
no not everyone will have a invisable disabilty but to the the person who said they would say something and deal with it if it turned out someone was ill,i cant believe people like you exist, you have no idea how you may ruin someones confidence, what if that person is coming to terms with the news thier life has changed and isnt strong enough to say anything back??

everyone has a right to lifts, i would never ask people to move or let me in, simerly i wouldnt move for a wheelchair, given i have more bad days than good at the moment

NinkyNonker · 29/11/2011 08:39

No-one is talking about shouting at anyone. Blimey. The point of the thread was if you are able to, you should offer space to those with no other options/wheelchair users. You are not able to, so the point doesn't apply to you. Phew.

Pagwatch · 29/11/2011 08:39

No one should feel they have to move. Especially if you are struggling yourself.
It is just shocking that so few people give a shit. Although it explains a lot.

Sevenfold · 29/11/2011 08:47

have to say that I have changed my mind due to this thread and now think yanbu op.
I never thought of all the 2 minuits people would have to wait, you could be waiting for ages.
people in WC have one way to go up, the lift.
people with no disability have many options.

Neuromantic · 29/11/2011 08:52

Good contribution Spermy, not at all pedantic, irrelevant and tedious. Hmm

I'm not seeking to change anyones mind (although I'm glad some have) or win any hearts. I'm just enjoying highlighting fuckwittery where I see it. Its fun, you should try it, unless you're too busy asserting the rights of the privilidged to do whatever they want?

Maryz · 29/11/2011 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 29/11/2011 08:56
Smile blimey sevenfold, that's a rare mn event.

I think it is really easy to think 'they can get on the next lift' without thinking that the next lift may well be full too.

And of course the irony is that the 'fuck em' brigade may well have mobility problems in years to come, or love someone who does. Except the empathy bypass means that they think that stuff only happens to other people.

Hullygully · 29/11/2011 08:58

There is a strong case for bungalows

TroublesomeEx · 29/11/2011 09:12

Seems to me like it just won't have occurred to the majority of the people in the lift to get out.

Tbh, I think you are spot on with this.

When the doors open to another lift full of people, why would you not just ask politely if a couple of people would mind getting out as all the lifts are full and you can't get down another way? I bet people would respond.

I've also thought this, but then considered that I wouldn't ask a lift full of people to get out so that I could get in, so I can see why no one else does. It would be a bit intimidating.

Unfortunately, people like Neuromantic make it less likely that people will change their minds or behaviour. Their attitude, language and demeanour certainly doesn't win any hearts and whilst this might not be their aim, surely the point of "highlighting fuckwittery" is that you hope to change it to change the very thing you are complaining about.

One person has already said that it will change the way they approach things. There are many people on here, on both sides of the argument, who've expressed themselves eloquently and I've certainly had "mm, I hadn't considered that" moments. And then posters like Neuromantic come along and people think "no, fuck it, you can wait after all."

Most people aren't rude or inconsiderate, but if something is so outside their realm of experience, they just wouldn't necessarily think about it. And that can be said of everyone.

TroublesomeEx · 29/11/2011 09:13

I think it is really easy to think 'they can get on the next lift' without thinking that the next lift may well be full too.

and that.

Pagwatch · 29/11/2011 09:21

Don't be stupid Hully. You could never fit a bungalow in a case.

FolkGirl
I really want to agree with all of that except that I think the world is pretty inconsiderate. And there have been a few on here articulating that.
But the general points, yes I agree

sozzledchops · 29/11/2011 09:22

People got frustrated that no matter what was said and how often it was pointed out the difficulties some people face when out and about. That if every lift is full then some folk with mobility issues whether it be someone in a wheelchair, a mum with a buggy or people with hidden problems will have a very long wait. Even with all this quite a few posters still think it is Everyman for themselves and that folk who find it difficult shouldn't have priority and just wait for another lift. A few have said that this thread has given them food for thought and made them think of things they hadn't before, unfortunately many others really don't care.

Hullygully · 29/11/2011 09:24

Carry a large horn and when the doors open blast it out really loudly and boom: "ALL OUT ALL OUT RASPBERRY COMING THROUGH!"

That'll shift them.

sozzledchops · 29/11/2011 09:26

Folkgirl, you are right. Many people don't think and don't mean any harm as they haven't considered the issue. Then there are those who having read this thread do now have something to consider but will choose to carry on as before.

Maryz · 29/11/2011 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TroublesomeEx · 29/11/2011 09:37

Tbh, though sozzled, in my earlier post I detailed my position clearly and said that I wouldn't get out for someone waiting in a wheelchair. Given that I've only really used lifts when I've had the children in buggies or been unwell, it probably doesn't really apply to me all that much. But that has been my opinion - that at the time I have used a lift, I have needed to use the lift.

Clearly, that's not necessarily true of everyone who is using a lift. But I can only speak for myself.

It hadn't actually occurred to me that someone could be waiting for, literally, ever for an empty lift. Because I haven't experienced that, and my parents haven't ever experienced/complained about it.

Now it's been brought to my attention, it probably would make a difference, but given that my children are now older, I don't really use the lifts anyway. Sometimes the little one wants to as a novelty but, again as I've already expressed, I wouldn't presume to take priority over someone who needs the lift when waiting to get in anyway.

I would hope that, whatever people are expressing on here, it would give people more food for thought in RL.

I also think that attitudes like Neuromantic's are just making people belligerent and that might be part of the problem on here now.

FWIW, I've learned a lot about different SN and disabilities since being on MN. I do consider myself to be a reasonable, considerate and decent human being. I do perform random acts of kindness (and never tell anyone about them!) because I like to think that if I make someone feel a bit happier with the world, they'll then pass that on. But I'm not perfect. I can only guess and presume about things outside of the realms of my experience.

However, we've also got disabilities in our family, physical/visible and hidden and sometimes you do just have to realise that other people are just getting on with their own lives, don't mean anything by it and that if you want something and ask nicely, most people will oblige.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/11/2011 09:39

I think the notices, suggesting that people do not use the lift so that those who do need it, can use it, are a good idea. I would go a bit further, and suggest a notice on the walls of the lift, saying "If a wheelchair user is waiting to use this lift, please make space for them, vacating the lift if neccessary" - this would ensure people had no excuse for not realising/thinking.

I was thinking about this last night, in bed - and just as I would take the Priority seat on a bus or tube train, if it was the last one left and no-one actually needed it, but would vacate it at once if someone did need it, I will also carry on using the lifts if I need to, but will offer to get out if someone (ie a wheelchair user) is waiting for it.

nicknamenotinuse · 29/11/2011 09:39

yanbu, the people in the lift were rude and ignorant and anyone who thinks you are being unreasonable is just the same.