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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ridiculously scared of episiotomy?

143 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 27/11/2011 20:34

...And I do mean ridiculously, because I am not even pg yet.

It is honestly one of the things I dread most about the idea of having a child. Do they ask consent, given what stage things are likely at by the time they decide to do one? Can you refuse? (I have read that in some countries, obv not the UK, they routinely do them without maternal consent Shock). Do they anaesthetise or just figure you're in enough pain anyhow, so meh?

OP posts:
thebigkahuna · 27/11/2011 20:36

You can have one without consenting, and without adequate pain relief, which is what happpened to me.

But I have been assured that that is rare and unusual and that a local anesthetic is generally given and is effective.

DownbytheRiverside · 27/11/2011 20:37

I learned about these a month before I was due with my first and the idea terrified me. I told them I'd rather tear than be cut, unless it endangered the baby, and that's what happened.
I didn't feel it at the time and healed up very neatly.

Pursang · 27/11/2011 20:38

YANBU...I was too. I even wrote in my birthplan 'Episiotomy: Don't you fucking dare'. Luckily, I didn't have / need one for either of my two.

dogindisguise · 27/11/2011 20:38

I would try not to worry too much. I had one and it wasn't too bad. I would rather not have had one, but the midwife said I needed one (who knows if things would have been different if I'd been able to move around more during labour?) and I didn't argue with her. You have it under local anaesthetic. I was slightly sore for a few days, but nothing too bad. I thought the rest of childbirth was a lot worse.

If you are really worried perhaps you could read up on how to reduce the likelihood of having one.

HeidiKat · 27/11/2011 20:40

For me the episiotomy didn't even register on the pain scale, I wanted them to do whatever the hell it took to get the baby out and make the labour stop. Getting stitched was sore but then I'm thinking it would be the same for a tear rather than a cut.

PinkSchmoo · 27/11/2011 20:41

Nope.

One of my biggest fears pre preg through 2 pregnancies and did end up with one first time round. By the time it came round I really was beyond noticing. Wasn't nice to recover from compared to second time round and a first degree tear but really not too bad.

So yanbu but it's not as bad as you imagine.

cwtch4967 · 27/11/2011 20:41

I wish I they had given me one - really bad tear which was difficult to heal - older midwife who stitched me said a clean cut would have been much better for me!

GingerWrath · 27/11/2011 20:41

My DD wouldn't have come out without one, better to be cut than tear as it is controlled.

They gave me a local but TBH I was in so much agony, they could have done it without. I just wanted DD out.

TadlowDogIncident · 27/11/2011 20:41

YANBU. I was, and my birth plan said I'd rather risk a tear unless the baby was in danger. I also said at every midwife appointment in the second half of my pregnancy that if there was any reason to suppose I was going to have trouble, I wanted a planned Caesarean as I didn't want to risk forceps, a serious tear or an episiotomy, or an emergency section after days in labour. In fact I was damn lucky and had a straightforward delivery and a totally intact perineum, so the question didn't arise.

DownbytheRiverside · 27/11/2011 20:41

Didn't feel the stitching either, they did it ASAP and I was still flooded with endorphins.

PinkSchmoo · 27/11/2011 20:42

And btw more memory of stitching with tear.

VFVF · 27/11/2011 20:42

I had one, it was fine. I didn't like the look of the local anaesthetic coming towards my fanjo but I honestly don't remember actually being cut so it can't have hurt! It was a bit tender afterwards although I can't imagine a tear being any better. It healed well and didn't cause me any bother. I wish I'd had one sooner TBH, I spent ages pushing DD (who kept getting stuck) but as soon as I'd been cut she just popped out!

Bet01 · 27/11/2011 20:45

I had one with DS 9 months ago. He had a big head and came out quite fast (well the ruddy labour took 3 days but the pushing bit was quick). The midwife said 'I think we need to give you an episiotomy otherwise you're going to tear. Is that ok?' So yes, I was asked but wasn't in any position to say no really. I already had an epidural but she still checked whether I could feel anything and I asked for some extra local anaesthetic as I wasn't sure. So, I didn't feel anything at all. The stitches afterwards didn't hurt either and I had no problems with them later on.
Tbh you'll have other things on your mind if and when it happens so try not to dwell on it too much.

RunWorkCook · 27/11/2011 20:45

I had an episiotomy with my first as they were worried about him and wanted to get him out quickly. I was asked then given some local anaesthetic as I hadn't had any other pain relief.

It was fine- I wasn't even sure whether they had done it or not- without being too graphic I think the stretching involved makes it a very different proposition to what you might imagine pre childbirth.

Mine was so fine that I asked for another one during the crowning part of my second labour- which I wasn't given.

My stitches healed well and I don't think anyone would be able to tell I've had one!

I know being told not to worry isn't that helpful when you're frightened, but hopefully you will hear plenty of other positive (or as positive as you can be on this topic!) experiences.

It really isn't like you would imagine...

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 27/11/2011 20:45

riverside did not give you a local then?

bigk do you mean they didn't do a consent form, or do you mean, someone just actually took a pair of scissors to your fanjo without saying a word to you first?

OP posts:
Pippinintherain · 27/11/2011 20:46

I was terrified at the the thought of it.

When it came to it I couldn't have cared less, I was in horrid pain and if they'd told me they needed to cut my arm off I'd have agreed.

stripeywoollenhat · 27/11/2011 20:46

i had one, the midwife thought i was going to tear quite badly, it was pretty sore for a few weeks after the birth but otherwise untroublesome. i think it must be quite unusual to have this done without consent or anesthetic though: apart from anything else, surely there would be legal concerns on the doctor/midwife's part?

jenrendo · 27/11/2011 20:46

At the end of the day I didn't care by the time it happened because I was so exhausted and worried for my baby that I just wanted to get him out safely. It all happened very quickly. I went from pushing to being very quickly prepped and given an epidural. I was frozen from the boobs down and didn't feel a thing. Yes, it is sore for a couple of weeks and it took me three weeks to actually look at it (!) but after a couple of months everything was back to normal and we had sex when DS was 10 weeks old and it was just the same. I still had the skin to skin as soon as he came out and he was tucked under my gown for over an hour before they weighed him etc. It certainly hasn't put me off having another. You've got to do what you've got to do to get the baby to arrive safely. However, if you do end up getting one make sure your husband doesn't look down that way. My DH was sat up at my head but glanced down at one point and it was very messy :)

PenguinArmy · 27/11/2011 20:46

I didn't even notice it, the stitches hurt more (but they took ages and had to be redone).

Mine was to avoid tearing along previous third degree tear and I was aware that it was always a possibility. Only thing that freaked me out was that I didn't know they used scissors. I imagine in say a forceps emergency they might not deal with consent and a local as well.

I thought the evidence now was that regular cuts do not prevent risk of bad tears.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 27/11/2011 20:47

Runetc thanks, the stretchy bit makes sense and does make me feel a little better :)

OP posts:
BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 27/11/2011 20:47

YABU. Not in a nasty way, but its really not something to be that scared of! :)

I had one with DS with no anaesthetic and didnt feel it.
No anaesthetic for the stitches either and if it wasnt for the doctor sat there sewing it up I wouldnt have noticed!!

DH saw the doctor do it though and still goes pale at the memory (he was fine with the rest of the birth) Grin

No problems with healing or anything. Walking was sore, but realised a few days later that actually it was my piles that were the problem, not my fanjo Grin

callmemrs · 27/11/2011 20:48

I had one with dc 1 with a local anaesthetic and with dc2 ( no pain relief) I tore.
Ime tearing was infinitely more painful. At least with an episiotomy you have the local anaesthetic which numbs the area to A degree, and the cut is controlled. A tear is uncontrolled and obviously no pain relief- you don't know its going to happen. I found tearing awful tbh so I don't think you should fear episiotomy. If you need one just trust that it will be good

NinkyNonker · 27/11/2011 20:49

I had one, under a big epidural so didn't feel it at all. It healed with no issues, but it was painful for a while, which is to be expected I guess!

Worry is normal, and healthy if you channel it into researching etc...but don't let it overtake you cause at the end of the day most things are out of your control! I ended up having my worst fears, forceps, a spinal for the epidural and an episiotomy. But you know what? It was fine. I was fine, dd was perfect. Am due again at end of April and am starting prep/thinking now...eeek.

GlitterySkulls · 27/11/2011 20:49

i stated very clearly i didn't want one, the mw did it anyway. no anaesthetic, just the gas & air (which didn't work anyway) i was already huffing on. (she was really really shit in general, though, i'm sure no other midwife would be anywhere near as bad as her)

in the grand scheme of the labour, it wasn't the worst thing, iyswim.

i wouldn't get worked up about it, no-one knows whats going to happen until they're actually there & its happening.

DownbytheRiverside · 27/11/2011 20:50

My first labour was 4 hours from start to finish, so no, I didn't get a local.
I really didn't notice the tear or the stitching. I had my DD to look at, nose to nose, skin to skin and everything else just faded out.

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