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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ridiculously scared of episiotomy?

143 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 27/11/2011 20:34

...And I do mean ridiculously, because I am not even pg yet.

It is honestly one of the things I dread most about the idea of having a child. Do they ask consent, given what stage things are likely at by the time they decide to do one? Can you refuse? (I have read that in some countries, obv not the UK, they routinely do them without maternal consent Shock). Do they anaesthetise or just figure you're in enough pain anyhow, so meh?

OP posts:
Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 28/11/2011 09:31

JAm - okay my initial post was flippant, admittedly! Possibly bad wording. I think experience is the key thing - it was the trainee bit rather than the 23yo bit I was worried about really.

I hear what you are saying about lazy consultants etc but stand by my desire to have someone experienced at the reins if poss - again, the trainee who mucked up my hand had a consultant standing right behind her BUT she was the one doing it, it only takes a second for a nervous first-timer's hand to slip or for a clumsy stitch to be set. Someone who has been doing it for 20 years is more likely to be able to 'do it in their sleep'.

Anyhow, enough, I think we are not too far apart :)

OP posts:
puzzletree · 28/11/2011 10:02

I had one with my first after a loooooong labour and it was fine, it meant he could be born without further intervention. I had local anaesthetic. The stitching up was a bit uncomfortable but it healed really well, and when I had my second baby I tore along the same line, it was stitched and again healed well. All in all it was a pretty insignificant event, just another of those surreal things that happen in labour, birth, looking after a newborn!

ClaimedByMe · 28/11/2011 11:13

Looking back I think I wouldn't have cared/noticed if I had a 90 year old midwife, a student midwife, the cleaner or jack the ripper help me deliver

ClaimedByMe · 28/11/2011 11:14

Oops

Deliver my babies!

Kayano · 28/11/2011 11:41

See my earlier post...

Sad I just got sent home from work for having an anxiety attack. I thought I had made such progress

puzzletree · 28/11/2011 11:50

kayano unfortunately there is a lot of uncertainty with childbirth and lots of possible scenarios that may or may not require a needle or other medical intervention. you really need to discuss this with the people who are helping you prepare for the birth. good luck.

UnexpectedOrange · 28/11/2011 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 28/11/2011 11:58

I have but part of my phobia is the 'lack of control' which just
Makes it worse. I was due to finish work in3 weeks anyway but it's just hit me like a 'YOU NEED TO GIVE BIRTH TO THIS CHILD' freight train this week Sad

puzzletree · 28/11/2011 12:14

kayano my friend was also terrified of childbirth, she did eventually manage to get a planned c-section, which was the right decision for her. would that be an easier scenario for you? or is a surgical delivery just as worrying? the prospect of giving birth is a lot of pressure to have on your shoulders as a pregnant woman and as a mother, and although I haven't felt the anxiety you have, I think the fear is understandable. I think I got my feeling of control from making the decision not to use any irreversible pain relief if at all possible, and luckily i was able to manage with deep breathing, and then with gas and air which you yourself control. it's a difficult thing to plan for though, especially with your first as you just don't know how you will feel when it's all actually happening, but you can make some theoretical decisions and plans in advance. really hope you manage to feel better about the birth soon, and that all goes well for you.

posterofagirl · 28/11/2011 12:21

I had one and then still had to have an EMCS, I can honestly say I never noticed the episiotomy once after it was done.

And it was the only bit of my labour I didn't feel.

picnicbasketcase · 28/11/2011 12:28

When DS was born, I was all loopy from all the G&A, epidural, pethidine or whatever else they gave me, so I didn't know I had had an episiotomy until it had to be stitched up afterwards. I have no idea if I was told it was going to happen, or if I was asked for permission or anything. All healed fine. Didn't need one with DD, and didn't tear either, thankfully.

I think it's one of those things that sounds horrfiying but you don't actually care whilst it's going on.

ClaimedByMe · 28/11/2011 12:28

kayano I also suffer anxiety and panic attacks and was also very worried about the lack of control, I did not under any circumstances want an epidural for that very reason, if I needed a section a wanted a GA, I put that in my notes and told my midwives. What helped me through the end of the pregnancy was telling myself that where was baby's head was and where the exit is is only a small space, the baby doesn't have far to travel, how hard can it be, I repeated this to myself over and over until I convinced myself it wouldn't be hard!

I also took total control of my labour, my midwives were supportive, once you have had your baby you will feel soooo proud of yourself, I never once felt out of control ( except when my canister of gas and air ran out)

AllBellyandBoobs · 28/11/2011 12:31

I was also terrified of one and had told my partner he mustn't let it happen. After 4 hours of pushing I was told that I would need to have one as they needed to make more room for the baby to get out, I agreed immediately Grin. I was given a local anaesthetic and the midwife still gave me a bit more time to see if we could manage without. We couldn't, she did it, I felt nothing more than a twanging sensation, baby came out, I was stitched up and everything healed beautifully.

Now, next time I have one I'm going to refuse to go through the crowning stage...

MiraNova · 28/11/2011 13:08

2 of my DC were born with their hands alongside their heads, and the third was big at 10lb 4oz and briefly got stuck with shoulder dystocia. Despite that, I got away without any tears or episiotomies. I am sure that massaging my perineum with almond oil during each of my pregnancies really helped, so definitely recommend trying that.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 28/11/2011 13:37

kayano, can I just say that I feel dreadful that I have started a thread which has caused you so much distress :( I did it because I am quite anxious about it myself but don't want to inflict psych damage on another woman. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad, but think other posters' comments about maybe an elective CS are an idea?

Also google EpiNo and perineal massage, do, apparently they make a lot of difference. And pls make a midwife/ GP appt to discuss this, I am SURE there are things they can do if you feel so strongly. If you want to PM at any point, if that woudl help, please do.

OP posts:
WibblyBibble · 28/11/2011 13:45

YANBU. I've a huge scar and nerve damage from mine. I didn't know such a thing even happened until I was already pregnant. If you were a man asking about someone hacking at his genitals in a way well known to cause future complications, everyone would be on at you to sue whoever did it, but because you're a woman and it's not a penis, it's seen as being perfectly ok and unimportant. If they are going to carry on with it, they need to do proper research on curing the damage afterwards (also the damage from tears, though on average these have been found to have fewer long-term side effects) and then provide it on the NHS instead of casually dismissing women who suffer from it.

ArtVandelay · 28/11/2011 13:53

I had one because DS couldn't come out. I was so off my chops on the epidural and pethidine I didn't feel a thing. If you can't feel a baby stuck in your flue for 10 minutes, you can't feel this! It was a bit sore for a while but they did a brilliant job on the stitches and there is nothing there now.

YANBU to think it sounds horrendous but its not the worst thing that can happen to you and IME once you've had loads of gynae appointments and are in a live birth it won't seem so wierd and scary.

CailinDana · 28/11/2011 14:10

The MW said I needed an episiotomy with my DS, I said no way. He was born about half an hour later with no intervention and I had a tiny tear that needed a couple of stitches.

lukewarmmama · 28/11/2011 17:50

WibblyBibble hear blooming well hear, well put.

kirsty75005 · 28/11/2011 20:11

I had a reassuring experience: forceps delivery, episiotomy, the works short of an EMCS and it really wasn't anything like as bad as I'd imagined. Didn't feel the episiotomy at the time (didn't realise they'd done it) and didn't feel the stiches particularly. A bit painful for a week or two afterwards but OK after that and after a course of 10 sessions of post-natal physio (which is standard over here, I don't know whether it is in the UK - in any case it's a wonderful thing) feeling absolutely no different from before the birth.

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 28/11/2011 20:29

I'm afraid I can't do much to allay your fears as i've had terrible experience of episiotomies and am still suffering as a result but can't get a repair until i've finished having children :(

Mine was a non-consent under dire emergency no anaesthesia type and it hurt to fuckery at the time and I couldn't sit down properly for 3 weeks after, then the stitches burst and that means i now need repairing.

But baby was born safe so I guess a damaged vag is a small price to pay.

my2centsis · 28/11/2011 20:43

yabu in the fact that being in labour hurts waaay more the an episiotomy, 4 women i know including myself have all had 1, with no anaesthetic, they did it at the peak of a contraction which you are in so much pain your dont actually feel them cut. it heals alot better then tearing as well :)

so if anything labour would be something to worry about rather then a episiotomy, but in saying that it is all soo worth it :)

LillianGish · 28/11/2011 20:43

YANBU to be scared (although possibly getting a bit ahead of yourself if you are not even pregnant yet!). It was something that worried me when I was pregnant with my first dc. In the end I had to have one as the cord was wrapped around her neck and it was not nearly as bad as I'd imagined. I'd had an epidural so I didn't feel anything at the time, it was a bit uncomfortable afterwards, but certainly not so bad that I even gave it a second thought when I had ds (I didn't need one with him).

smartyparts · 28/11/2011 20:51

Yanbu, and, as you aren't pg, I say this with impunity.

My episiotomy and the horrendous aftermath were bloody awful.

RufousBartleby · 28/11/2011 21:04

OP - you are right to be worried - they can be fucking awful, but for every really awful one there are tons of people who have them with no problems.

Mine got infected, broke down and I was left with dead tissue and a gaping hole that had to be cut away and repaired under general. I have never experienced pain like that infection before, couldn't sit down or walk because it was complete agony. (I'd rather do the labour part again than have an infection like that). Took me really quite a long time to recover (way longer than friends who had c-sections) I had physio for a year and I still have continence issues now.

To put this in perspective though, my midwife told me that this had only happened twice before in her entire career, so I think its like most things - the worst case scenarios can be grim, but for most people its fine.

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