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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ridiculously scared of episiotomy?

143 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 27/11/2011 20:34

...And I do mean ridiculously, because I am not even pg yet.

It is honestly one of the things I dread most about the idea of having a child. Do they ask consent, given what stage things are likely at by the time they decide to do one? Can you refuse? (I have read that in some countries, obv not the UK, they routinely do them without maternal consent Shock). Do they anaesthetise or just figure you're in enough pain anyhow, so meh?

OP posts:
Almostfifty · 27/11/2011 20:50

I had one with my first, and one with my third. If I'd had one with my second, I wouldn't have ended up with a catheter and nearly in surgery with a really bad tear near my bladder.

I can honestly say I never felt the cut either time.

Indaba · 27/11/2011 20:50

No you are not being ridiculous. It does sound scary.

But I have lots of mates who have had one and they have said it was fine.

Good luck! :)

NatashaBee · 27/11/2011 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FourArms · 27/11/2011 20:50

I was incredibly worried about having one, but when it gets to that stage you really don't care. I had a v.bad tear too, but 6m later all had healed naturally and 5 yrs later I can't tell it's there. I think a lot comes down to the skill of the repair job afterwards. Thank goodness for an older v.experienced midwife who cared for me over three different shifts (with time off in between!)

Gigondas · 27/11/2011 20:52

I had one - I had anaesthetic . It healed fine and at time/after didn't even register. I was worried too but now second child due and it hasnt crossed my mind to be bothered by having one.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 27/11/2011 20:53

Same as down though, my labour was four hours, less than two of those at the hospital. I dont think without anaesthetic is the standard :)

blackoutthesun · 27/11/2011 20:54

tbh i think it would be better to have one rather then tearing.

when i was in labour with dd the midwifes decided that they were going to cut me as dd had her hand on her head. i tore really badly (spend over an hour being stitched back up) so i would rather it be controlled then not

ClaimedByMe · 27/11/2011 20:54

I had one, the shock and the feeling of the cold sharp scissors cutting through my skin will never leave me, my birth was very quick, I only had gas and air but dd was in distress and stuck, I got a seconds notice that it was happening.

When I was pregnant again I was more terrified of getting cut than actually giving birth but it was fine, I tore a wee bit and they said I only tore due to the scar from my first birth.

I did take my mums advice which was don't get a mirror and look!

blackoutthesun · 27/11/2011 20:55

sorry meant to say that i gave a final push before they managed to do it

DownbytheRiverside · 27/11/2011 20:57

I'm sure it isn't, but everything happened so fast I didn't have time for any of my birth plan. No back rubs or mood music or nuffink.
But I do remember being constantly worried before about whether I'd cope with the pain and then I forgot how frightened I'd been until about a week afterwards.
So YANBU, just normal.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 27/11/2011 20:58

claimed yeah, that is what I am scared of :( can I ask how deep/ how far up the cut goes? Like, is it just the membrane/ perineum bit or further up?

OP posts:
MissPenteuth · 27/11/2011 20:59

As others have said, I was terrified of the thought of an episotomy before birth. That and a cannula were probably the things I dreaded most. But when it came to it, and I'd been trying to push out a back-to-back baby for over two hours, I honestly could not have cared less. They gave me a local anaesthetic and the only pain was from some of the deeper stitches.

ballstoit · 27/11/2011 21:00

I had 2 forceps births, oviously both with fairly large episiotomies which were done and stitched after I'd had epidural. They were uncomfortable after epidural worked off but never unbearable and healed beautifully.

DC3 was a home birth, went from 4 to 10 cm in 15 minutes and didn't tear at all but did get scratched slightly by MW as she caught DD and started to clear her airway. Honestly there was not much difference in the levels of discomfort afterwards.

By the time you've carried your baby for 40 weeks, you love them so much that if someone asked you to cut your ear off to help their safe arrival, you'd be helping them to look for the scalpel.

As with all things childbirth my theory is, if it was that bad, the world would be full of only children Grin

ViviPru · 27/11/2011 21:03

RP what are you doing to me?! I'm supposed to be plucking up the courage to open a dialogue with Mr 'Pru about TTC, not terrifying myself into stockpiling a lifetimes supply of Marvellon!!!

ClaimedByMe · 27/11/2011 21:03

I don't think it's very deep, mine felt all on the outside, I was given the routine finger up the bum to make sure they hadn't stitched too far Shock

lukewarmmama · 27/11/2011 21:05

Yanbu

I won't regail you with the issues I've had after mine (no consent given btw), but to be fair it's definitely not even on the scale of the worst things that can happen during childbirth. I think I've been spectacularly unlucky though, most births are fairly trouble free, so I'm led to believe!

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 27/11/2011 21:06

Sorry vivi Blush

Claimed.... I am going to stop asking questions now.....

OP posts:
fantagrape · 27/11/2011 21:06

I had one with no anaesthetic. Also no warning (probably for the best considering my previous statement!)

I won't lie, it was extremely painful. However once it's over you don't feel any more pain. You are stitched under local and given pain killers for it.

I wish it hadn't happened, but they wanted the baby out. I had been barely conscious and not pushing for quite some time at fully dilated.

The cut sort of propelled me back to consciousness and I pushed my baby out.

Fuchzia · 27/11/2011 21:10

I had one with my 10lb back to back vontouse delivered baby. The consultant informed me that if I didn't I would (imagine Indian accent) "tear from bladder to bowl" they made sure they had my consent but phrased like that would you say no? It was fine. No pain at the time obviously as was numb from armpits down but it healed without any probs or pains at all. Much better than tearing. I have been told since that mine was really well stitched up, do insist on the most senior person you can find to do the stitching.

jenrendo · 27/11/2011 21:11

Mine wasn't towards the back it was out to the side. Don't think it was very deep. And when I finally looked with a morror it wasn't nearly as bad as it felt!

averageyorkshiremum · 27/11/2011 21:13

YANBU for being scared. Everything is scarey before birth because it's unknown to some extent but really don't worry. I had one and i have to say it completely depends on your midwifes and doctor at the time. Mine were so organised and we knew my Ds was 10lbs plus and a labour progressing speedly(3hrs) so they were prepared and saved me a lot of trauma by doing it. The joy afterwards totally overtakes the soreness. Honestly everything is so numb by that point it's the least of your concerns and when Dc arrives you won't care less. And i can sneeze without weeing myself so that's always a bonus!

BertieBotts · 27/11/2011 21:13

It's more the norm to let you tear naturally, as I understand it.

I seem to remember the pain from pushing/crowning being so god-awful that I was shouting "Just cut me, please cut me!" because it would have been a relief.

natation · 27/11/2011 21:14

I had an episiotomy without pain relief or consent, I couldn't feel a thing actually, didn't know about it until the scissors went in, it was absolutely the right decision the midwife made. I caught my fingernail this afternoon and that was far more pain than the episiotomy, I am not kidding. Labour contractions were indeed the worst pain I have ever had, bearable because with every contraction, it felt like counting backwards to a goal, if I had thought of them in any other way, I would not have been able to bear the pain.

Northernlurker · 27/11/2011 21:19

I've had THREE

Two on one side and one on the other. I don't really remember any of them so I deduce it was not unpleasant. Local was definately used.

First delivery was very fast and I hadn't stretched. Second and third time the scar tissue got a bit uppity. I keep meaning to get my notes and read all about it in detail but I don't really need to. Healed fine. It was however a factor in deciding not to have any more dcs. I really don't think my scarred undercarriage could take it.

TruthSweet · 27/11/2011 21:22

I, too, have an episiotomy fear (my mum was cut front to back and then stitched up very badly without anaesthesia in the 70s) and DH was on 'Scissor Watch' during all my births.

I had an epidural/syntocin induction with DD1 that lead to a ventouse extraction. Apparently they 'have' to do an episiotomy but as I refused to consent to one the reg. did it with out.

Glad I refused as I just had skid marks (aka tiny tiny cuts not big enough for 1 stitch) and they stung like crazy when I wee'd so how painful must a epi be?

I took to running a big jug of warm water to pour over me when I needed to go as I hated the stinging

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