Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU regarding money he owes me?

97 replies

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 12:08

I was very certain that I was being reasonable but as DP is so adamant that I'm not I've started to doubt myself.

When DP was looking for a job (we didn't live together at this point) I helped him out a lot financially, I didnt have a lot of money but had a bit more than him so I helped him out and gave him a lot of money over a period of about 5 months. We agreed that once he was working he'd give me it back at £100 a month until he'd paid it all back, which worked out well for me as he gets paid a week before me so I get that money in my 'skint week'.

He gave me £100 last month and I was obviously expecting it this month too as we'd agreed and as I had to get a winter jacket and some new warmer clothes for DS I was quite skint and relying on it. He was paid yesterday and when I asked for it he was shocked and said that I shouldn't be expecting it this month as he'd taken 3 sick days (not actually sick just had another job interview and wanted to prepare) and hadn't been paid for it so had lost £130.

He says I'm being unreasonable for expecting the money when he'd been underpaid, but I didn't know that would happen and was relying on it, I've only got 1 more student loan payment before Christmas and am now going to be £100 down.

Am I being unreasonable and should I not complain about being £100 down as he was underpaid or should he stick to what he agreed and give me the money he agreed to?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 27/11/2011 12:10

It was his choice to take the days off not yours. Besides to be honest if the child is his why is he not contributing towards his coat?

He should tail back on other expenditure and pay you back this month.

FabbyChic · 27/11/2011 12:11

He should suffer the loss of the days off not YOU.

Original poster
ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 12:13

Sorry I should add that DS is mine from a previous relationship

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 27/11/2011 12:13

Get your money back and dump the twat who obviously has very little respect for you and your son.

Men like that make me so Angry

FabbyChic · 27/11/2011 12:14

Stick to your guns. He is taking the piss right on top of Christmas too.He clearly thought fuck it I take the days off and not pay you back so he suffers no loss.

Thats bollocks.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/11/2011 12:15

His being paid £130 less has no bearing on the pre-existing agreement that he repay you £100 per month. Particularly since he effectively volunteered to be paid less by taking time off work. Seriously, he couldn't prepare for an interview without taking time off work?

I take it you live together now? And he is this tight-fisted and mean already? It could be a blessing in disguise, to see this early just exactly what kind of a person he is. (Hint - not a very nice one.)

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 12:17

It doesn't sound like a partnership to me really, where people look out for each other.

Obviously at the moment your money is not pooled, and given his past borrowing and this now I would recommend not doing that!

I think he is BU to not pay you back the money that he has agreed to pay you back. If it's £100 a month you must have lent him a pretty significant amount and he should be grateful and looking to pay you back in a gracious manner.

In fact I am quite Angry on your behalf.

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 12:19

I mean - you look out for him - he doesn't seem to return the sentiment.

corlan · 27/11/2011 12:20

He's taking the piss and he will not stop until you put your foot down.

perceptionreality · 27/11/2011 12:20

YANBU - you had an agreement. IME people's capacity for rationalising why they don't have to pay money back knows no bounds.

lassylass · 27/11/2011 12:35

He took the time off to go to a job interview. Not being very supportive are you?

If you were relying on it you should have told him, rather than quietly expect the money this month without fail, where in previous months there hasn't been huge pressure for him to pay regularly. You are his partner, not his bank manager and no doubt he assumed he would get a bit of leeway as he got paid less.

You are going to feel pretty sh1tty if hes used the cash to get you a present.

SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 27/11/2011 12:39

3 days for an interview what job was he going for ffs. . .

Tough shit, that he's 'lost' money that is not your problem is it, you have an agreement and he has reneged, not just on you but also on your DS.
My OH can be a bit funny about money, (always looking to save) but would never ever see me go without, in the same way I wouldn?t see him go without, particularly when it?s for something as essential as warm clothes for your DS and you.

I would see this as a major red flag moment.

Really though what job was he interviewing for that he needs 3 days to prepare , am intrigued

frazzle26 · 27/11/2011 12:40

If he owed the money to the bank then he would still have to repay the money every month. What a cheek!! He is taking the p*!!

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 12:42

God some people really do bang the drum for the "woman know your place your man knows best so trust him to do the right thing even if all the evidence is to the contrary" don't they.

Gets right on my tits.

She needs a winter coat for herself and warm clothes for her son god how selfish is that.
A bloke who holds money back which he knows is needed to pay for a child's clothes doesn't derserve the benefit of the doubt Hmm

NatashaBee · 27/11/2011 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twinklytroll · 27/11/2011 12:44

I find it odd that you could live together and owe each other money . However of you live together you jointly take financial responsibility for children and therefore your dp is being unreasonable in letting your child go without a coat.

daveywarbeck · 27/11/2011 12:45

You don't need 3 days to prepare for a job interview when you only earn £43 per day. He is being a selfish twat.

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 12:45

I am also intrigued what this job was.

People I know going for £££ jobs don't take 3 days to prepare.

Unless he is an actor or something and had to learn a great big speech?

twinklytroll · 27/11/2011 12:47

Yes 3 days for a job interview sound excessive. I have taken 1 1/2 days when the interview was at the other end of the country

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 27/11/2011 12:48

he is BU not you. He needs to pay you back and then you need to ditch him. What a freeloader. Sad

ShellyBoobs · 27/11/2011 12:50

Why didn't he tell another of his creditors he couldn't pay them, instead?

He could have not paid the council tax, or the gas and electric, or something.

Oh wait a minute, they wouldn't have accepted that would they? Hmm

OP YANBU. He's being an arse. No way would a reasonable man see his DP and her DS go without warm clothes because he chose to take unpaid 'sick' days off work.

I'm Angry on your behalf!

lassylass · 27/11/2011 12:55

OP - I'm sure if you had told him you were going to blow the cash on a new coat then he would have forgone his future job prospects and paid you right there.

But as you didn't, YABU to pressure him for the money when previous repayment terms where quite relaxed.

I guess you can always wear last years coat until you get paid next week.

ENormaSnob · 27/11/2011 12:57

Yanbu

he is a sponging twat.

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 12:58

blow the cash on a new coat? And warm clothes for DS?

Yes what a WANTON EXTRAVAGENCE.

OP listen to lassy. Go and apologise to your man, grovel at his feet, write off the rest of the debt and send your son out in winter in his pants. You SELFISH woman.

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 12:59

"previous repayment terms where quite relaxed"

Nowhere in the OP does it say that, I think you've made it up.

How annoying.