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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU regarding money he owes me?

97 replies

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 12:08

I was very certain that I was being reasonable but as DP is so adamant that I'm not I've started to doubt myself.

When DP was looking for a job (we didn't live together at this point) I helped him out a lot financially, I didnt have a lot of money but had a bit more than him so I helped him out and gave him a lot of money over a period of about 5 months. We agreed that once he was working he'd give me it back at £100 a month until he'd paid it all back, which worked out well for me as he gets paid a week before me so I get that money in my 'skint week'.

He gave me £100 last month and I was obviously expecting it this month too as we'd agreed and as I had to get a winter jacket and some new warmer clothes for DS I was quite skint and relying on it. He was paid yesterday and when I asked for it he was shocked and said that I shouldn't be expecting it this month as he'd taken 3 sick days (not actually sick just had another job interview and wanted to prepare) and hadn't been paid for it so had lost £130.

He says I'm being unreasonable for expecting the money when he'd been underpaid, but I didn't know that would happen and was relying on it, I've only got 1 more student loan payment before Christmas and am now going to be £100 down.

Am I being unreasonable and should I not complain about being £100 down as he was underpaid or should he stick to what he agreed and give me the money he agreed to?

OP posts:

MigratingCoconuts · 27/11/2011 16:32

it makes the thread look even more interesting than it actually was

SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 27/11/2011 16:41

[proud] first ever deleted post!!

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 27/11/2011 16:57

He is BU and he is a loser

NinkyNonker · 27/11/2011 17:04

If the job were of mutual benefit, good for family etc then fair enough taking time to prepare for it. But he should have asked you first if it was ok to not pay you. Of it were DH and I (wouldn't arise as joint finances) then I prob wouldn't take it, or would settle for half or something, no point you both being broke. But he shouldn't assume he can just decide to not pay back.

MigratingCoconuts · 27/11/2011 17:05

I've neveer been deleted!!!

Demon you smell like cat's pee

go-on, report me, dare ya!!

UnexpectedOrange · 27/11/2011 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carernotasaint · 27/11/2011 17:19

OP my ex was like this. He expected us to ride around on broken glass when his sisters car (which hed borrowed) was broken into. He said "we can just sweep the glass off the seats" because he didnt want to put any money towards a taxi = tight bastard.
Demanding i only take three minutes in the shower and then coming in and yelling at me that he had a water meter and yelling at me to get out if i took even one second longer = financial abuse.
Actually i class the first example as pretty close to it too as he didnt seem to care if i got cut to ribbons as long as he could save a few bob. I didnt get in the car and made him get a taxi in the end.
OP this may not be financial abuse at the mo but it could be heading that way. Sorry but he sounds like a tight disrespectful bastard and the fact that he was happy to have you help him for those 5 months and is now being awkward about it makes him a user too.

JinglePosyPerkin · 27/11/2011 17:40

carer - could he not have cleaned the glass up?

OP, like others have said - if he had asked you if you wouldn't mind not getting your payment this month and you'd been in a position to agree then that's one thing. Just expecting to be able to not pay you is quite another.

carernotasaint · 27/11/2011 17:56

Jingle when glass shattered it makes very small shards which can easily be missed.
He also realised that he couldnt move the car because he needed to report it to the police so he could get the crime number for insurance purposes. i had to point this all out to him because he just couldnt see beyond the not spending money. Believe me his sister would have made it much more expensive for him if his tightwaddery had affected her insurance! And because the glass was shattered some shards could have been very small and expecting me to risk being cut showed a basic lack of respect for me.

irnbruguzzler · 27/11/2011 18:39

As someone else said he's a cocklodger u and your ds are better off without

Original poster

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 20:00

Sorry for the late reply, he is looking for a new job as the job he is in just now was advertised as a marketing analyst but when he started he was promoted to brand manager yet he's not doing any marketing, and has been told unofficially by his regional manager that the director just hired him to use the title and make his company more attractive to companies he was trying to do business with (I still dont really understand it but apparently a few people are trying to leave including the regional manager and in 2 months 3 people have left and it's a small office).

Yeah that's the thing, if he'd said earlier that he was short for cash I'd have came to a different arrangement rather than waiting until he'd been paid and I'd asked and him then being shocked that I've asked IYSWIM. He isn't skint because it is Christmas Lass it is because he took those days off.

I think he'll probably get me something small for my birthday, card and chocolates or whatever, i cant see him getting me nothing, even just making me a nice dinner or something would be nice, either that or you'll be reading another thread soon, AIBU for throwing DP out for not doing anything for my birthday

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 20:04

What sort of company does he work for?

£35 a day and no pay for holidays seems terribly low pay and poor terms for a marketing analyst/brand manager role.

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 20:05

That's £5 an hour assuming a 7 hour day ie below minimum wage.

Original poster

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 20:09

He's a graduate (hence the period of unemployment and no money to fall back on) so he expected to be on a low wage to start with then after 6 months he thought it would go up but it's not looking that way either apparently. It is a company that looks at energy bills for charities and tries to get them cheaper deals.

OP posts:

Original poster

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 20:11

We were really shocked that he was given a position as brand manager as he's just out of Uni but the director had no intention of giving him any work involving marketing.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 20:21

What are his hours cbeebie?
He has a "proper" job with a "proper" company - assuming he works 9-5 with an hour for lunch he is being paid under min wage ie they are acting illegally.
Is he salaried?
Are you sure he is being honest with you about his income?
It doesn't sound right.

Original poster

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 20:35

He works 9 - 5 Monday to Thursday and 9 - 4 on a Friday, he only gets half an hour for lunch and no breaks and gets paid £14,000 a year. I've seen his pay slip too so I know he's being honest about it.

OP posts:

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 20:42

Fair enough

I think I forgot about tax or something!

SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 28/11/2011 19:27

MigratingCoconuts

you smell like nuts, and you're just well jel (or what ever the saying is..)

MigratingCoconuts · 28/11/2011 19:42

yeah...but I still haven't been deleted!!

AKMD · 28/11/2011 19:54

YANBU and he sounds awful, no matter how nice he might be the rest of the time. Run, lady, run!

kiki22 · 28/11/2011 20:25

sounds like an idiot.

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