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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU regarding money he owes me?

97 replies

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 12:08

I was very certain that I was being reasonable but as DP is so adamant that I'm not I've started to doubt myself.

When DP was looking for a job (we didn't live together at this point) I helped him out a lot financially, I didnt have a lot of money but had a bit more than him so I helped him out and gave him a lot of money over a period of about 5 months. We agreed that once he was working he'd give me it back at £100 a month until he'd paid it all back, which worked out well for me as he gets paid a week before me so I get that money in my 'skint week'.

He gave me £100 last month and I was obviously expecting it this month too as we'd agreed and as I had to get a winter jacket and some new warmer clothes for DS I was quite skint and relying on it. He was paid yesterday and when I asked for it he was shocked and said that I shouldn't be expecting it this month as he'd taken 3 sick days (not actually sick just had another job interview and wanted to prepare) and hadn't been paid for it so had lost £130.

He says I'm being unreasonable for expecting the money when he'd been underpaid, but I didn't know that would happen and was relying on it, I've only got 1 more student loan payment before Christmas and am now going to be £100 down.

Am I being unreasonable and should I not complain about being £100 down as he was underpaid or should he stick to what he agreed and give me the money he agreed to?

OP posts:
lassylass · 27/11/2011 13:00

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SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 27/11/2011 13:02

Seriously I?m still thinking about it, my friend is very high flying, when she went for her current post (national head of her dept. in a big company that is also male dominated) she did a bit of reading for a few evenings, took a few hours to prepare a presentation, and she?s a perfectionist

3 days= piss-take.

lassylass not supportive, bollox, how supportive is he letting them go without warm winter coats???As for your comment about a present, yes she would be quite right to feel shity as it will be a present bought with HER MONEY.
MONEY that he OWES her

SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 27/11/2011 13:03

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WorraLiberty · 27/11/2011 13:03

YANBU

But he hasn't been 'underpaid'...he's been paid the correct wages for the days he bothered to turn up for work.

It's not your fault he decided to treat himself to a 3 day holiday.

He should have budgeted for that.

ihatecbeebies · 27/11/2011 13:05

Winter coat and warm clothes were for DS not me, he's taken a big growth spurt, the interview was for marketing analyst. He thought he would be paid for the days off but it wasn't in his contract so he didn't get paid.

I've spoken to him again about it, I explained that I wouldn't get my student loan until the 7th so was relying on that cash, he said he'd give me it as i'm skint and thought he'd be giving me it as arranged but now I can't get a birthday present (my birthday is in december) as his finances won't allow it.

OP posts:
lassylass · 27/11/2011 13:07

NO BIRTHDAY PRESENT!

RED FLAG RED FLAG!!!!

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 13:07

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SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 13:09

Not even a box of chocolates or something?

So he's punishing you because you "made" him give you the money that he had promised to give you to buy clothes for your son.

Is he a nice person generally?

WorraLiberty · 27/11/2011 13:10

Why is he even considering buying you a birthday present if he's skint?

Sounds like a red herring to me.

Just tell him to pay you his debt and if he wants to celebrate your birthday, he can cook you dinner.

tallwivglasses · 27/11/2011 13:12

Well that's you nicely punished then. He's a twat. I won't say what I think about lassy's attitude or this post will be deleted.

MissMogwi · 27/11/2011 13:13

So you would have been paying for your own birthday present anyway?! I'm sure you'd rather have the £100.

It sounds like you are very supportive IMO as you financially supported him when you could. He's being very passive aggressive and how big of him to give you the money because you're skint. He owes you it!!

Doha · 27/11/2011 13:16

So he intending spending £100 on your birthday???

Tell him this month you will accept £50 towards the debt and he will then have enough to buy you a birthday pressie Smile

Lets see how he reacts to that one.

dawntigga · 27/11/2011 13:18

He is, for example, a cock lodger.

WouldMoveOnAndNotThinkAboutItTiggaxx

MardyArsedMidlander · 27/11/2011 13:18

It doesn't matter whether the £100 was for a winter coat, or whether you wanted to blow it on M&S ready meals and alcopops- the point is, it's not HIS money- it's YOURS.

If somene owes you money, they have no right to dictate what you spend the repayments on. And as was said above, imagine telling the electricity company you 'had' to take 3 days off and so wouldn't be paying your bill!

Two words- Cock and Lodger.

Kormachameleon · 27/11/2011 13:20

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SmellslikeDEMONcatspee · 27/11/2011 13:20

he said he'd give me it as i'm skint how gracious of him. . . not.

He needs to be giving you the money because he owes it to you and that was the agreement. If he had got his pay pack and said I?m sorry I thought that I would get paid more this month I a bit short can we make an alternative arrangement either re: loan or celebrate your birthday in Jan?
that would have been annoying, but the grown up way to deal with it, instead hes making it your issue/fault

Funny now how his inability to budget/ read his contract correctly is becoming your problem. (And I wouldn?t hold much hope for the ?new? job as being a Marketing analysis involves being responsible for preparing accurate data & improving quality of data, been very detailed focused, but he can?t read his contract correctly. . .)

SardineQueen · 27/11/2011 13:20

Is he nice generally OP?

Going on what you have said on this thread he sounds not very nice.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 27/11/2011 13:23

No you are not being unreasonable. He is. You don't have joint finances and run the 'one pot, family money, each takes what they need' system. If you did, I'd say you were being unreasonable. But you don't. He owes you the money. He made a committment to repay it each month and he cannot just say oh, I'm not going to. That is taking the piss.

He has a debt to you which he must repay.

Do you find that you are paying the bulk of the bills, by any chance?

pixiestix · 27/11/2011 13:27

He doesn't sound like much of a catch OP.

How many months is it going to take him to pay you bac?. I would seriously consider re-evaluating the relationship once you have your money back, if I were you.

pixiestix · 27/11/2011 13:27

back

MigratingCoconuts · 27/11/2011 13:28

...I'd save money at christmas and NOT get him a prezzie either...

I'd tell him to fuck right off too

lassylass · 27/11/2011 13:31

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MissMogwi · 27/11/2011 13:35

There is no question, the OP can spend on fags and gin if she wants. Because it's her money. I'd rather have money I was owed than a present bought with it TBH.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/11/2011 13:38

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lassylass · 27/11/2011 13:42

Oh yeah - apologies OP - misread your post. The coat is for DS.

Did you buy your coat already then?