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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to cut my maternity leave short and go back to work asap?

100 replies

TheCokeMachine · 26/11/2011 19:04

DD is six weeks old, she's my first. She screams and cries all the time, I've not had more than two hours uninterupted sleep since she was born - I guess this is normal.

She whinges all day, I make sure she is clean, cuddled, fed, winded ad infinitum. She still whinges on all the time - I sing to her, we spend hours dancing around the living room to chill out tunes - yesterday I spent an hour driving her around the north circular just to calm her down...the minute I parked the car she started screaming again.

I feel like a sack of shit and I'm sure she doesn't even like me anyway.

I get three hours of peace every day between 3pm and 6pm when she takes a nap - that is the only time I can take a shower and do a few little jobs around the house (bare minimum stuff, like washing dishes and emptying tuble dryer). DH works long hours and leaves house at 7am and gets home at 9pm - I have no one else to help me.

AIBU to hire a nannny at 3mo and go back to work? I've had enough of this baby stuff, it's unrewarding and feels like nothing but drudgery.

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 26/11/2011 19:10

High five! I couldnt stand being at home - I was out the door ASAP. Do it. Do what ever makes you feel better.

Although I would suggest you have her checked over incase of colic etc - that makes them scream. So might an umbelical hernia. Check the medical causes first.

I just couldnt hack being at home

NinkyNonker · 26/11/2011 19:11

It will get better, she is still very tiny and you're both still adjusting. Right now all she needs is you, and it may feel like you can't do anything right but go with the flow, take it day by day and you'll get there. Just keep cuddling, take care of yourselves and chin up!

noblegiraffe · 26/11/2011 19:13

1 3 hour nap doesn't seem like much, is she napping at other times throughout the day? 2-3 hours between naps would be more usual I would have thought. I found my DS much easier once I figured out that he needed forcing to go to sleep regularly because he wouldn't otherwise, would just get angrier and more upset.

Have you ruled out things like colic? Tried infacol etc?

thebigkahuna · 26/11/2011 19:13

I felt like this but I got through it and was gutted when I had to go back to work when DD1 was 13 months old.

It does get easier and better as they grow and interact a bit bit more and start to grow out of the fussiness.

I had a grizzly baby first time round too and I found a couple of things that helped were white noise which was an absolute godsent - try putting the hairdryer or hoover on when she is grizzly or overtired and see if it calms her down.

Also, stripping her off and putting her on a towel (in a warm room) so she can kick about nappy free often cheers them up.

I make no judgement on returning to work - each to their own and whatever works for you - but I promise you it gets easier and at 6 weeks you are just about to come out of the toughest bit x

blackoutthesun · 26/11/2011 19:13

do whatever you think best, but i would get dd checked out by a gp first. the screaming could be colic or reflux

Wafflepuss · 26/11/2011 19:13

You poor thing, its hard work isn't it. I was alone all day with my dd too at ths age and its a hard slog. It might be worth getting her checked over to see if there's anything bothering her, relux maybe? It will get better I promise, by all means arrange to go back at 3 months if that's right for you but once she's a wee bit older and more aware of you and her surroundings you'll hopefully enjoy her company much more and be glad you're still at home with he.

Wafflepuss · 26/11/2011 19:16

Also meant to say I found a sling was brilliant, kept dd close and comforted and she slept for ages in it. Your dd might need more sleep? 3 hours a day at 6 weeks seems not enough, no wonder you're exhausted.

timetoask · 26/11/2011 19:16

No it's not normal, I think you should try and find out why she is crying so much.

NinkyNonker · 26/11/2011 19:17

I didn't really enjoy the newborn stage either, but once she started getting a little bit more interactive and I started getting the hang of it I felt more confident and like I was coming into my own as a mother. Now she is 16 months she is amazing.

NinkyNonker · 26/11/2011 19:18

And yes, I absolutely second a good sling. Dd got what she needed, and I just carried on normal life...brilliant. Am definitely going to use one with the next one in the Spring.

lovelyredwine · 26/11/2011 19:19

I was in your shoes when my DD was born at the end of last year. For the first few months I hated EVERY second of it. She seemed to cry all the time, need feeding every 1.5 hours and as I breast fed her I felt that I could never be away from her. She had reflux and vomited on me, the floor, other people, the cats... all bloody day. I did, in all seriousness, think that we had made a massive mistake in having her as our lives had gone from being great to being totally shit (feel awful about that). I also considered going back to work early for a break from it all.

I didn't go back to work early - she is now 11 months old - I'm back to work just after Christmas and the thought of not being with her makes me well up a bit - I would not give her up for the world. I am looking forward to having some time with adults and know she'll love being with granny and at nursery, but still...

Stick with it - it gets LOADS better. I was very fortunate that most of my friends already had toddlers and they reassured me endlessly after many teary phone calls that it was shit for them too in the beginning. I didn't quite believe them when they said that I would actually enjoy being with her eventually, but I do now! If you've got friends with kids - speak to them for some support - it does help.

You are over the worst. It gradually gets better as the weeks progress. Time really is the answer to this one.

I've not given you any practical help so I'm sorry for that, but just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. YANBU by the way!

thebigkahuna · 26/11/2011 19:19

I distinctly remember saying to my friend when DD1 was a few weeks old "thank god I have a job to go back to".

Now I'm a SAHM of two and hoping toDH will want a third. It's SUCH a learning curve with a newborn, but I do tihnk it's a bit of a delayed gratification thing - it gets more and more rewarding.

lovelyredwine · 26/11/2011 19:20

Oh yes- agree with everyone who said get a sling. I did loads with her in it - even went to the loo whilst she slept in it.

dearprudence · 26/11/2011 19:21

Agree with others about getting her checked out. Six week old babies don't "scream and cry all the time". It's no wonder you're finding it hard, but you need to find out what's making your baby cry so much rather than just think about getting away from her.

SillyOldHector · 26/11/2011 19:26

Troisgarcons , how despicable that you 'high five' someone who wants to get back to work ASAP because of their baby. You sound like it was an achievement to get back as soon as you could.

RandomMess · 26/11/2011 19:28

It's not normal, my 3rd was like this and it drove me to the brink, the drs and HV fobbed me off. It was silent reflux in the end.

Please seek help they shouldn't scream/cry all the time relentlessly. I also recommend cranial osteopathy in case she's got a headache/pain from being born - I know of babies who screamed constantly and the first treatment alone saw a huge improvement.

Oh and YANBU to want to go anywhere to be away from it, having a miserable baby is a hideous experience !

Almostfifty · 26/11/2011 19:29

It's not normal for the wee soul to cry all the time. Do babies still have six week checks? If so, tell the doctor how hard it is, and hopefully he/she will find a reason that's easily remedied.

Keep your chin up, it wil get better.

wisebird · 26/11/2011 19:29

Poor you. I had exactly the same - I went back to work when DD1 was 16 weeks and it saved my sanity. She never, ever once slept during the day and I was beside myself with tiredness and boredom.

BUT looking back, I am now sure that she must have been in pain of some sort and wish that I had sought help for her and for me. I thought that all babies must be like that and that nobody tells you otherwise you would NEVER have one. After DD2 (blissful, sleeping, smiling quiet child) i realised it was not normal. Please get your DD checked over. Book cranial osteopathy (people swear by it), try to find a creche where you can get an hour or two for a coffee - a few times, I went to our local leisure centre, pretended I was swimming, put DD1 into the creche (until they expelled her for "not settling") and in fact spent an hour or two sobbing into tea in the cafe - and tell your DH how hard it is and that you need more back up for a few weeks. Having done all that, getting a nanny and going back to work might just be the answer but be careful to pick a very calm and patient nanny who will not lose her temper with a difficult baby.

Incidentally, it really does get better eventually, but that can seem like a very long time when you are going through it (sorry). Good luck.

Thruaglassdarkly · 26/11/2011 19:30

"I feel like a sack of shit and I'm sure she doesn't even like me anyway".

Sounds like you have some PND lurking a bit there OP. I think you need to both get yourselves to a GP and Health Visitor to address both her crying and your feeling like shit. Could be colic - in which case there are remedies for that around.

You get bugger all gratitude from a newborn - they can hardly see you for the first few weeks even. It's all about feeding for them, basic survival - not about liking people or not. They don't become winsome social little creatures until later.

I wouldn't rush back to work yet. You sound like you're expecting too much of yourself. For many new mums, it's a bloody big achievement to both be dressed sometime during the course of the day. Can you get someone to help you with the chores instead a few hours a week? OR just accept yur life's been turned upside down for a while. It all passes and things settle down within a few months. You'll never get this time back with your daughter though, so it'd be a shame to go back early.

Please make that GP appointment.

TheRepublicOfDreams · 26/11/2011 19:30

I think there is a theory that the newborn crying peaks at six.weeks, but I would get her checked over just in case as it does sound excessive. You also sound exhausted, you poor thing!

sweetsantababy · 26/11/2011 19:32

I would get her checked out for medical issues, reflux? She could just be a 'cross' baby. It sounds tough. Personally I would hang in there, hopefully will get better soon.

Can you get some help, p/t nanny, maternity nurse, mothers help, doula? You are sleep deprived and coping virtually alone.

I don't think its neccessarily normal though.

YANBU if you do decide to go back to work.

Ahhdodo · 26/11/2011 19:33

Def get her checked for reflux or colic. But I'd also suggest maybe giving her a soother to help her nap. Worked wonders with my DD when she was going through the exact same thing.

mamalovebird · 26/11/2011 19:34

I feel for you. I felt exactly the same at 5 weeks. DH came home to me bawling my eyes out saying I couldn't do it, I wanted to go back to work. The combination of all the tiredness creeping up on you can make you think crazy things.

I'd get her checked over and please know it does get better.

DS started sleeping from 10pm-4am at around 10-11 weeks and my God just that uninterrupted sleep made it seem that little bit more do-able.

I had to go back when he was 7 months and hated it by the time I'd got the hang of things. You will get through it!

NoGoodAtHousework · 26/11/2011 19:35

I had a very similar thread to this a short while ago. I love my son to bits but if I'm honest I find the whole newborn thing a bit tedious....although hes definitely developing. Such a personality which makes it easier. But most days I really can't wait for DP to get home for 5 min break.
I'm going back to work when he's about 7 months old and hell be going to a childminder, I feel a little guilty sometimes but I know I need it. I've already used 4 KIT days and he's only just 4 months!
Definitely see if there's a medical reason for the crying, but other than that, all I can say is it does get easier and if the crying gets in top of you just put her down and let her cry while you take a breather. It won't kill her to cry and bizarrely my DS actual calmed down when I left him alone (on playmat or whatever).

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/11/2011 19:36

I feel your pain but 6 weeks is a shitty time and certainly not the time to make decisions. You might organise to go back to work at 3 months and love it, but equally you might organise it and be devastated. Get her checked out, get yourself checked out and give yourself a little time. If you feel the same when the storm blows over then YANBU to go back to work at all.

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