to want to cut my maternity leave short and go back to work asap?

[TheCokeMachine]

DD is six weeks old, she's my first. She screams and cries all the time, I've not had more than two hours uninterupted sleep since she was born - I guess this is normal.

She whinges all day, I make sure she is clean, cuddled, fed, winded ad infinitum. She still whinges on all the time - I sing to her, we spend hours dancing around the living room to chill out tunes - yesterday I spent an hour driving her around the north circular just to calm her down...the minute I parked the car she started screaming again.

I feel like a sack of shit and I'm sure she doesn't even like me anyway.

I get three hours of peace every day between 3pm and 6pm when she takes a nap - that is the only time I can take a shower and do a few little jobs around the house (bare minimum stuff, like washing dishes and emptying tuble dryer). DH works long hours and leaves house at 7am and gets home at 9pm - I have no one else to help me.

AIBU to hire a nannny at 3mo and go back to work? I've had enough of this baby stuff, it's unrewarding and feels like nothing but drudgery.

Another one suggesting it may be reflux, look up they symptoms (there is a great thread here in ff/breast feeding topic) and if it sounds like your lo then tell the doctor that it is reflux and make sure you get medicine. Go armed with info as some don't know what reflux is. I also recommend cranio sacral therapy.

Good luck op, it does get better.

don't tall yourself she doesn't like you - she's at an age where she has no way of showing love. She won't have evne separted you out as two separate people in her mind yet. As far as she is concerned, you are the whole world, and she is the total population of one! Saying she doesn't seem to like you is a but like the UK suddenly standing up and saying you haven't shown it any love recently, of course yuo haven't, why would you, it is just the world you live in and you wouldn't know how love to a thousand miles of rock and soil! Sorry if that sounds daft, just trying to get you to see that the concept of a baby this age not liking her mother is actually coming from your mind, not hers.

She will love you madly, and once that starts to show, everything will seem better.

Meanwhile, much love and sympsthy, this stage is exhausting, and it sounds like in your case particularly so. Get as much support as you can. friends, family, health visiters, etc. Don't feel bad about your feelings, you are sleep deprived! Your partner can do more housework after getting in at 9pm. you should be sleeping during those three hours you can garantee quiet.

having a new born baby is hard and exhausting work did you not think of this when you decided to have a baby?

i think you need to go get your baby checked out as it sounds like she may have reflux/colic and TBH it kind of really grates me that you keep referring to her as whinging she is 3months old and most likely in pain and shes crying because she wants her mummy to make her feel better.

Being a sahm is not for everyone, if its not what you want to be doing, then yes please hire a nanny as it sounds like you do not enjoy being at home with your dd and im sure your dd will feel that.

Poor you. I felt like that when ds was 3 months. By five months it was sooooo much easier, so hang on in there. Could you stretch to a cleaner so you can spend even part of her nap time mumsnetting doing something for yourself?

Also, I agree, try and find a sympathetic gp. Ds was a terrible sleeper at this point and I was almost deranged with exhaustion, I would beg gp's to help but I think they thought I was being fusssy, and wouldn't let me talk about hiss eczema. In the end we discovered he had mulltiple allergies as well as his eczema, and his sleep improved tons when we cut them out of my diet, and my enjoyment of him improved in parallel to his sleep.

That said, I went back to work part time when ds was 8 months and am much happier with the balance in my life since then.

Poor you. I felt like that when ds was 3 months. By five months it was sooooo much easier, so hang on in there. Could you stretch to a cleaner so you can spend even part of her nap time mumsnetting doing something for yourself?

Also, I agree, try and find a sympathetic gp. Ds was a terrible sleeper at this point and I was almost deranged with exhaustion, I would beg gp's to help but I think they thought I was being fusssy, and wouldn't let me talk about hiss eczema. In the end we discovered he had mulltiple allergies as well as his eczema, and his sleep improved tons when we cut them out of my diet, and my enjoyment of him improved in parallel to his sleep.

That said, I went back to work part time when ds was 8 months and am much happier with the balance in my life since then.

I second getting her checked by a cranial osteopath. SIL did this with her DS and he was like a different baby. I would also make sure she does not have reflux as this can be distressing for a baby.

God 6 weeks is the worst, all the tiredness kicks in and if you are bf they usually have a growth spurt.

I went back to work at 3 months after both children, certainly after DS1 I was in a hurry to get back because being in the house in the winter was driving me round the bend.

However do bear in mind that going back to work with a tiny baby is not such and easy option either, in my first week back I got horrible flu which I think was worsened from the exhaustion of doing it all.

With DS2 I went back in May, which was 1000x easier because the weather was nice, and summer was on its way.

I do agree with all those saying check for something medical, DS2 had reflux and originally the doctors etc. told me his crying was normal, as a second-time mother I knew it wasn't and in the end he was diagnosed and we got proper medication.

Good luck with it, I also know the feeling of "my baby doesn't like me" - I totally had that, it does go away!

Coke - hang in there. My daughter is now six months, and was always a very grizzly, high needs baby, slept very very little in the day (tho did conk out at night). I had her checked out for reflux, colic etc, and everyone pronounced her well. I spent hours and hours carrying her, pushing buggy and thinking I'd made the worst decision of my life. It DOES get better (and better and better). You will get there. She will smile at you and your heart will fill up. She'll learn her own patterns to sleep and eat. She will feed less.

My advice is not to get back to work as soon as you can...it's too soon to be making such a decision and you're still post natal and tired. Can you afford some help - someone to come to the house a few mornings a week and give you a hand.

Come back on this thread and talk to us...lots of us have been there (recently!) and can perhaps give you some coping tip.s

A big hug, you must be feeling low.

A friend kept repeating to me "it gets a bit better at six weeks. And then better again at 12". I didn't believe her, but it was true.

Agree re the crying - get her checked. Colic can also be helped by baby getting less stimulated during the day. Certainly, on quieter days with some sleep ds cried less at night. Reflux just hurts them so medicine is v important.

Are you bf? If so, can you try introducing a bottle at least once a day? If dh can do a bottle after he gets home so you can have a little uninterrupted sleep you will be amazed how much easier it is.

Good luck. It's hard. I found first 12 weeks very very difficult and only really started enjoying ds at about 16 weeks. It will get better though, I promise.

What an unkind and unhelpful post my2centsis. Clearly the OP is struggling and unhappy, not surprising if you have a 'whinger'. No one knows what it is going to be like with a newborn first time round and if you have a difficult baby and little support it must be hell.
I think OP needs sympathy and encouragement not snide posts insinuating she is failing her daughter at the age of 6 weeks!

At six weeks, someone said to me, "it will be better at 8 weeks", they may as well have said in three years, and they were lucky I didn't ask them to leave!

But, this is normal, it is toughest at this time, what you are feeling is totally normal. However, that is not enough sleep for a small baby, as others have said, get to the doctors on monday and tell them, get them to check for the usual reflux type things. It is probably something really simple - in my case DD was just more hungry than I had realised, it made the world of difference. How awful did I feel.

Its totally up to you if you want to go back to work, but you need to fix this first. Its a hard decision, I didn't and it is bloody hard work at home, some friends did and I see them doing the nursery>train>office run and that is blinking hard work too. You are tired, not the time to make big decisions, it is the time to ask for help though - do you have any family nearby who can give you a few pms off? What about hiring a "mothers help" for a month?

My2centsis I find your response totally unhelpful, you don't knowthe child is in pain, or what she wants. This is the hardest stage of parenting, I think most people agree, because at no other stage is there so little communciation with your child, and do you miss so much sleep. I'm sure the op planned and still does plan to do eveything in her power to give her daughter the best possible childhood. She is quite naturally struggling with a very difficult situation right now, and needs to know she is not alone, NOT to be told she id doing things wrong, when she quite plainly ISN'T.

Thanks everyone - just going to get dinner (takeaway not homemade haha) and then I''ll read the replies in full and respond. Thanks again!

We thought DS1 was "just a cry baby". It was exhausting - physically and mentally. He cried all the time and puked all the time as well. After a few weeks (and lots of weight loss) we took him to specialist. It turned out he had serious reflux from the beginning. This experience changed my view of babies. I don't believe there is such a thing as "a cry baby". When babies cry it is for a reason.

Maybe look at her routine and see if there are any triggers (is it after / during a feed, or when she lies down etc). It will give you something concrete to work with and an indication of what is going on.

Also, reassure yourself that a baby that cries a lot and is awake a lot is usually a bright baby (I read it in the Baby Whisperer).

Hang in there - with DD1 my DH and I had a conversation in the first few weeks saying 'what have we done?' And she wasn't even a grizzly baby. It's bloody hard being sleep-deprived and everything seems dreadful, relentless and unrewarding. The first 6 weeks were the worst, by 12 weeks I was in more of a routine and it all seemed more manageable. Don't rush into going back to work, it's hard doing a day at work if you've been up half the night. Get her checked out for any medical reason and sleep when she is napping.
Also, did you make any friends at ante-natal classes? Any baby groups you could go to? I found it saved my sanity getting out of the house and chatting to other new mums who were finding it just as hard as me. Of course you will meet people who have angelic babies, who slept through the night from 2 weeks and never cry, but most will be feeling just like you. Good luck, it WILL get easier.

Firstly, please ignore all those on here who are criticising you and the language you have used. They are clearly so bloody perfect that they have forgotten that we are all individuals, as are our children, and what works for one family doesn't alway work for another.

Six weeks can be terrible. A really, really tough time. I remember feeling that I'd lost control, when I thought I'd taken to things very easily. Finding time to shower and get dressed suddenly seemed impossible, but that phase passed quickly. During week six, DD and I had a few days in bed, with a couple of DVDs, so the moment she fell asleep in the Moses basket I could roll over and try and get some sleep too. DH made sandwiches and things for me before work (his hours are very long like your DP's, but it was all hands on deck). They were there, on a plate in the fridge, so I just had to open the fridge door when hungry.

You sound like you definitely need a break. Can DH take her out of the house tomorrow, even if just for a walk, so that you can sleep?

Having said all that I've just gone back to work (DD is nine months) and it's like a new lease of life. It was horrible saying goodbye to her the first few times, but I suddenly feel human again and the time we do have together is wonderful, with few of the drudgery aspects you describe. But, of course once you're back, you're back. Depending on your job, and indeed your financial situation you can't just stop work again if you change your mind, so don't make any rash decisions when you're knackered!!

Good luck. It does get easier. Honestly.

1. Check there's no medical reason for her crying, as so many posters have said.
2. Could you be suffering a touch of PND? I know I did, without realising that was what it was called.
3. It only seems like forever now. In a few weeks it will seem like it flew by. I didn't believe my mother when she told me that, but she was right, grrr...
4. If the budget can be stretched, get some help, so that you can sleep when she does rather than run around doing housework.
5. And takeaways are wonderful! Hope you enjoyed yours.

At 6 weeks old I was ready to dump DS (and DD at the same age, come to think of it) on the steps of an orphanage or something because I'd just about had enough.

It did get better though. I can't actually pinpoint when but DS is now 5 months old and hate the thought of leaving him for any length of time.

Whatever you decide don't let anyone or anything make you feel like a bad mum- you're not.

I reckon 90% of mothers are going 'what the fuck have I done?' at six weeks. Newborns are selfish - they're all take, take, take. Thankfully, they grow.

I wouldn't make a big decision about returning to work right now. Apart from anything else, you'll be exhausted as you'll still be getting up in the night and it won't help you learn how to cope with her. You need to get to know to each other - this takes time.

Be patient, it will be worth it, promise.

It is not your fault you feel this way. Please ignore any perfect parents who feel qualified to judge you. Caring for a baby is bloody hard. Please ask for help from your GP, HV, friends, family and acquaintances. Most people love helping our in whatever way they can. Does your DH have any annual leave? If not can he ask for special leave? I'm a line manager and would definitely do what I could to help in this situation. Remember all things pass and it will get better.

Here. Have a hug. And a . And a sleep. You deserve them.

First off, YANBU. Do whatever works for you.

But... 6 weeks is TOUGH. I could have written your post six weeks ago (in fact, if you look in the sleep or breastfeeding topics you'll probably find one; it was such a blur I can barely remember!) I distinctly remember lying in bed after one night feed around then and deciding that I was going to leave the next morning. I have no idea where I intended to go or what I expected LO to do without me. I just knew i needed out. Of course, the sun came up, LO smiled at me and the world suddenly made sense again. That smile remains my 'light at the end of the tunnel'

It will get better. I promise. LO is now three months old and while it is still bloody hard work (I won't lie!) my gosh, it's amazing. He smiles and laughs much more than he cries and whinges and it's sooooo lovely seeing him grow and develop. I still moan to DP about having no sleep; I can't remember the last time I straightened my hair or read a book; I crave adult conversations that aren't about babies; BUT I love him so much and I am sooooo glad I get to spend this time with him.

Some practical advice if you decide not to go back to work:

between 3pm and 6pm when she takes a nap - that is the only time I can take a shower and do a few little jobs around the house

Please, please, please, use those three hours that she naps to sleep or rest. Don't do the 'little jobs' while she's sleeping; they will wait till DP gets home or can be done while she's awake. Once I figured that out with LO my life got loads easier. For showers, I put his change mat on the floor and let him kick around on that. For cooking / washing, I have a bouncer in the kitchen and so long as I keep talking to him, LO will sit and watch me. For some reason he thinks folding clothes is hilarious and laughs every time I do it! You can - and will - work out your versions of this.

I have no one else to help me.

Then get someone. Employ a cleaner if you possibly can. Get out to baby groups even when you're shattered as the mums you meet there will become your lifeline (your local Sure Start will have free ones, as will the nct and if you look on netmums you'll find a list of local groups)

Good luck OP. I hope you get some rest soon.

Newborns are selfish - they're all take, take, take. Thankfully, they grow.

Kitchentiles - was it you who said this to me a few weeks ago? If so, thank you. It helped me find a little humour at a tough time.

coke machine, my ds1 was like this. He cried all day and from 6pm to 1am. The only things that stopped him were the hoover being on near him and also driving in the car. I thought he hated me too. Turned out I had PND. And he had reflux. Now Im not saying you have PND or that your baby has reflux but it is worth investigating. It is bloody hard work being with a baby who cries all the time and having a partner who working all the time. Can you talk to your health visitor or join a baby group. Sometime when we were having a crying day (DS or me!) seeing a friend or just someone to chat too really helped.
On the doing jobs round the house, well you shouldne be doing too much as your baby is only 6 weeks old. Try not to be concerned about that. I remember one day when I literally sat on the sofa all day while DS fed. I think maybe I got up to go to the toilet and managed a sandwich and that was it. DH returned home to find me in the same place he left me in my pjs. However it does get better and easier as time passes. If I could make a suggestion is that you just set small goals e.g go for a short walk each day and do something nice for yourself as well. For me it would be a bar of chocolate and to shut my eyes while baby is sleeping but it might be something different for you. Be kind to yourself coke machine because you are doing a great job and your baby is lucky to have you.

Yup. I'm with you. I found the first 6 weeks with dc1 to be very hard work; I even wondered one day (at about 3 weeks) id I'd even wondered if I'd care if she fell off the bridge and into the river one day as I walked home. (I didn't try it but that day was the pits).

Child 2, DS is now 7 weeks. Cranial osteopathy has been wonderful for both of us. He had a hard birth so we've been going since he was 3 weeks old. The osteopath identified his reflux at 3 weeks although its taken to the 3rd gp to agree with her (even though he's not prepared to treat it). DS is better after each treatment. His osteo also counselled me through the death of my mum and is utterly wonderful for boosting my confidence, pointing out his responses that I've over looked, highlighting what he does as being his own volition not just luck - reaching out for me as a pass him to her for treatment because he loves me etc...

She also gave me the confidence to push for the reflux diagnosis. Sinbecause it's only mild (which is true), I've changed my diet and over the last few days I've stopped eating dairy and DS is a changed person. he's smiley and alert for longer but still very snuggly in between. he's gorgeous and I love him to bits. It's much easier to feel that way now he will sleep in his own bed (this is night 3...) and I don't have to sit up until 5am holding him!

Hang in there. It does get better.

Also, home start might be worth contacting. Your local children's centre might be a good place to find them. They may be able to help you out by sending you a mum to visit on a regular basis who can do some of your chores, allowing you to get some rest or possibly drink your tea, eat your biscuits and help you gain a sense of perspective!

Where abouts are you in the country?