to want to cut my maternity leave short and go back to work asap?

[TheCokeMachine]

DD is six weeks old, she's my first. She screams and cries all the time, I've not had more than two hours uninterupted sleep since she was born - I guess this is normal.

She whinges all day, I make sure she is clean, cuddled, fed, winded ad infinitum. She still whinges on all the time - I sing to her, we spend hours dancing around the living room to chill out tunes - yesterday I spent an hour driving her around the north circular just to calm her down...the minute I parked the car she started screaming again.

I feel like a sack of shit and I'm sure she doesn't even like me anyway.

I get three hours of peace every day between 3pm and 6pm when she takes a nap - that is the only time I can take a shower and do a few little jobs around the house (bare minimum stuff, like washing dishes and emptying tuble dryer). DH works long hours and leaves house at 7am and gets home at 9pm - I have no one else to help me.

AIBU to hire a nannny at 3mo and go back to work? I've had enough of this baby stuff, it's unrewarding and feels like nothing but drudgery.

I think every single woman I've ever known who actually tells the truth about the early days feels like this at some point-get me the hell back to work, at least I know what I'm doing there.....

But maybe you remember starting new jobs-the first bit is always shit, right? This new job you have, aka motherhood, is exactly the same. Teeth gritting may be required. It WILL get better.

I do agree that you might want to talk to your HV or GP about finding it all quite so relentless and also because baby should get checked out. That's THEIR job.

I now believe the house should go to wrack and ruin if it means you get a rest. Learned the hard way! Maybe your baby would sleep better with you beside her as well?

Oh and if in doubt, if all else has failed, skin to skin might help you both calm, down when worked up.

The first 9 weeks is hell. For the love of God woman-sleep when you can-whenever that may be!!
I agree, get checked for reflux. Mine had it and cried all the time at 6 weeks.
Tbh, he could only sleep when lying on my chest. I would sort of strap him on with a blanket and sleep too. Worked for us.
I am a bit concerned that you think your baby doesn;t like you..
He doesn't "like" anything yet-he just needs you. hang in there, take him to the doctor, get as much sleep as you can and know that it will get better.

YANBU. I went back after 6 months with both of mine and it was the best decision I ever made. I got my life and my bank balance back. Yes, I am sure my children suffer in some respect from having a working mum who quite frankly sees work as respite from the relentless shitty boredom of motherhood but the alternative was that I would probably have killed them both if I had had to stay at home. Now we all have fun when we are together.

If you child is 3 months now you can plan to go back in another 8-12 weeks, then end is in sight and you may well end up enjoying it! Also less seperation issues at that age.

I wish to God I had gone to the doctor at the 3 week mark and been honest about how low I was. I didn't and got no help, but if i did it again I would get all the help available to me. There is no shame in feeling the way you do, but don't let it carry on.

I really don't think you should make any rash decisions. Please get baby checked for colic/silent reflux etc. My son had colic and it was so hard. What you are feeling is completely normal. Please talk about how you are feeling with your HV and ask doctor about baby. Don't rush back to work, you and your baby need each other

cut self some slack it's v hard
get some help if you can afford it.sleep when baby sleeps
get yourself and baby to gp get checkover
and look after yourself, and your baby does love you they are programmed that way
if you want to return to work,it's no biggie but begin look now for nanny and plan your return

My DD is coming up to 5 months old and it's only been during the last 3 or 4 weeks that things have started to bear some slight resemblance to normality.

I second what truth says about sleeping when she sleeps and working out how to do jobs while she is awake. Also second all the suggestions to get a cleaner - we totally can't afford it, but we've just done this and it's brilliant!

Other things I found helpful were:

• making sure we got out of the house for a bit every day, even if just for a walk. I always felt more stressed and overwhelmed if I didn't go out, but short trips were much better than going out for the whole day.
• cosleeping. Not sure whether your are bf or ff, but if bf, this is an absolute life-saver. You can doze while she's feeding and she'll just drift straight back to sleep once she's finished.
• trying a few different types of slings. DD hated her Bjorn, but now that I've got her in a wrap sling she's much happier in it.
• eat well. I am tired and I need energy, therefore I will eat like a horse. A cake-eating horse.

-reading mumsnet a LOT helped me realise that everything I was going through was totally normal and as so many have said before 'this too will pass'

• talking to DP, whingeing at him asking for help, reminding each other 'we've just had a baby, we've got to go easy on ourselves'

Give it a few weeks before you make any major decisions. Once you go back you can't go un-back, and I think you only have to give 28 days notice of your intention to return, so perhaps wait until she hits 3 months and then if you still want to go back, you can be back before she's 4 months old.

Also - if she isn't sleeping at all between getting up and her 3-hour nap in the afternoon, the chances are she may be grizzling because she's tired (perhaps as well as reflux as others have suggested). DD couldn't stay awake for more than an hour and a half at a time until she was 3months, but I didn't realise to begin with and had several weeks of her getting progressively grizzlier all morning until she would just crash in the afternoon. If she starts the day relatively happy and settled, it might be a sign that she's getting tired? You could try taking her into a dark and quiet room every 1.5-2 hours to see if she'll drop off? I find if DD is fighting sleep and screaming a good loud low hum in her ear helps to get her off.

I'm not sure when the rage of pregnancy/post-birth hormones calms down, but you're no doubt still adjusting physically and emotionally to what you've been through. Do get checked for PND though, and be kind to your wee self. I think if people realised before having a baby just how hard it is and how much it affects parts of your life that you didn't even know you cared about, nobody would ever do it.

You are her world, and once she realises, she will love you like you wouldn't believe. Congratulations on your lovely baby.

(Sorry this is so long! It's just I've been there recently and really feel for you!) :)

Poor you. The first 6-8 weeks are shite, my midwife told me this, and I thought, 'really? how hard can a new born be?' It was TERRIBLE - no sleep, no time to eat, baby who cried no matter what I did, everyone thinking you should be happy. Utterly shite. It wasn't until I started talking to friends that I realised I wasn't alone. One friend told me she cried every day for 4 months, I remember walking over a bridge thinking if I threw him in I could just say I had PND. I really wanted to go back to work, being home alone all day was horrible. At week 9 I 'bonded' with my child, but to be honest I still found him quite dull until he was about 5 months old. He suddenly developed a sense of humour! At 14 months he was incredible, And now,at 3 years he is the funniest person I know. I still feel a bit guilty about those early thoughts, but Lots of people go through similar periods, but people don't often have the courage to talk about it.

Things that helped me;

1. Talking to other mothers about my feelings
2. Taking my child to the osteopath - I'm sure it helped, but I was just happy to have someone to talk to about my situation
3. Taking him to baby massage - it can help them to relax a bit
4. Reading about baby routines, I didn't necessarily follow them, but it gave me an idea about what to do. I didn't seem to have any natural instincts!
5. MOST IMPORTANT it's only a phase. These things don't last for ever, and it will get better.

By all means think about returning to work, but may be give it a few weeks to see if you feel any different?

Good luck xx

Agree with other posters- get the baby checked for colic etc.
Go easy on yourself. Sleep/rest when she naps. Other jobs can wait.

It WILL get easier. I know you don't believe it, but it will.

Your DD needs you, she 'loves' you as far as a 6 week-old baby can love anyone, and you will soon love her more than you thought it was possible.
(And btw, if you don't feel that you love her much at the moment, that is absolutely fine, a lot of mums find that it takes time to really develop maternal feelings).

Make sure your DH is helping as much as he can. Are you bfing? If not, he can do some night feeds, at least on Fri and Sat. Even if you are exclusively bfing, he can still help you to get more than 2 hours sleep, perhaps by taking the baby for a long walk as soon as you have fed her.

Please don't rush back to work. There's nothing wrong with mothers working, even when the baby is tiny, but I'm not convinced you'd be doing it for the right reasons. I think if you rushed back now, you'd miss out on all the fun stuff, and it would make bonding even harder for you.

I thought the exact same thing OP at 6 weeks. He's now 13 weeks and i only think it occasionally now! What saved my sanity is white noise, my DH is an apple geek and recorded white noise onto my ipod which we play to him in his cot. Sometimes its literally like a switch and his eyes just close and off he goes. Also the going for a walk thing helped with us too, i felt human being out of the house ( obviously if youve overcome the shower hurdle in the last 3 days or so!) and he slept whilst i was walking. Feel like we've turned a corner in the last 2 weeks, hes babbling and finally likes his activity mat which ive been forcing on him since birth! Hang in there, i can see looking back that it has got easier.

Just go back to work
Some babies are hell to be around
It will improve your relationship with her if you aren't so frazzled and resentful

Really helpful advice for the mother of a 6 week old there

Get her checked out with a doctor first. My DD cried and whinged a lot, then was diagnosed with silent reflux, given medication and was a completely different baby. I was so glad I didn't rush back to work when I wanted to.

If there is no underlying medical cause to her crying then try white noise on a loop and/or an electric swing - both of which helped my DD through periods of colicky crying jags.

OP
Do what is right for your family and do not feel guilty.
I work with a girl who cut short both her Maternity Leaves because she started to get very depressed while at home all day
coming back to work part time made her happier and thus her kids happier
she mixes paid child care, her parents, her DHs parents and her days off
it works

as well as colic/reflux it is equally possible that your dd could be over tired.

I was fortunate - I had a very easy baby, but if he missed one of his naps or went to sleep too late in the evening or was too awake when he woke for a feed in the night it was horrendous.

One nap doesn't sound enough tbh especially as it's so late in the day, and as well as anything else I would lay money on her being over tired.

You said that you spend all day rocking/singing/dancing round the lounge. What happens if you don't do these things?

When my ds was a baby (and he's nine now so all seems like a distant blur) I used to put him in his cot when I went for a shower/bath in the morning. he had a cot mobile and a light and sound thing on the side and I would put one of those on - it took five minutes to run through the music and invariably he would then fall asleep.

I would do the same in the late afternoon - pop him in his cot and switch on the mobile while I pottered around - he loved to watch it and would ultimately drop off for half an hour or so. The lunchtime nap just happened naturally.

Will she take a dummy? sometimes babies just need to be quiet long enough to fall asleep iyswim but they don't know how to do that, so a dummy may help.

One other thing I have friends who swear by is a swing. The first time I ever saw one (they are batter operated) I was horrified as it seemed to swing so vigorously. But apparently they are very good, and essentially it will do the rocking for you.

And lastly, don't be afraid to put her down sometimes. While I know people on here don't advocate controlled crying, if you can't take it, then pop her in her cot (she's safe there) and walk away. No harm will come to her if you just take five minutes out - as long as she's in a safe place.

And close your eyes and utter these words (and you will utter them many, many times over the years) "it's a phase, this too will pass."

in 13 years you'll have a lippy moo teenager on your hands instead!

Maybe hire a nanny and stay in bed for a few days (returning to work and still looking after a baby is still tiring)
Def investigate potential medical reasons.
I heard that the crying crescendos at 6 weeks if no other cause.
Invest in a swing and a sling
At that age they should be awake for 1.5 hours in between naps or you will have an overtired baby....
They also growth spurt every 3ish weeks so will feed more frequently (particularly bf babies - I think with ff babies you can up their oz's but no experience of ff so maybe someone else would know)

Big hugs - being a mummy is v hard

Madsx

PS v easy to overstimulate at this age so maybe after an hour of awake move to more calm activites eg swing, sitting and stroking etc to calm down for nap

Also swaddling- look up woombies as they are one layer so less worry about overheating and they allow movement within the swaddle, lo feels the comfort they miss from the womb and you get to have a brew and relax while they nap.

You sound very isolated, OP. Can your DH not take some time off?

Oh yes I remember this!

DS used to get easily overstimulated and had reflux. I remember pounding the streets with him and dh at 3am so he'd sleep.

What helped in the day was having a routine (for me). Up, shower and eat a proper breakfast with DH here. Meant an rely start but I felt human. Get DS changed - by which time he was ready for a nap (not always obvious with a newborn - we had many battles but the first nap after 45 mins of him being awake was always easiest to achieve).

I used a sling - rain/snow/sunshine I'd be out walking with him and he'dsleep for two hours so I'd eat lunch (he'd be in sling), then sit down, feet up and rest (him in sling). SOD housework.

Afternoons were trickier as the days wereshorter so it was dark and lonely. This is the time to meet people for coffee as it gets you through. I had a couple of neighbours but no NCT group which was hard. Do you know any new mums? You might feel too proud to invite them over or vice versa (I used to think everyone coped better than me) but don't. Just do it.

The sling helped get DS into a routine - and I could even put him down for the odd nap in his cot (at which point I'd waste the precious time flapping about not knowing what to do )

Try and get yourbaby to nap after 45 -60 mins of being awake, maybe 60-90 in the afternoon. Learn the early tired signs (looking away, glazed eyes etc). It takes a week to really work.

Also getthem checked for reflux but it could be they're easily overstimulated and then the screaming begins.

It's bloody tough so do ask for help - family, friends etc can come and hold baby for an hour while you eat.

A sling will get you out of the house. Fresh air can work wonders.

As can MN!

How are you doing OP? I can guarantee your baby loves you and needs you.Agree with everyone else, get her checked out for something causing this, hang on to the fact it will get easier (has she smiled at you yet?) and whether you choose to go back to work or not, be kind to yourself.

Peak crying time is six to eight weeks after birth. Crying tends to reduce a lot after this time.

You are at the lowest point and soon things will get better. Your baby is growing and developing very fast. And what you do for her - it's helping her, even if it doesn't look it.

Don't make any quick decisions. Give yourself another month or so.

At the end of the day it can be easy to lose the fact that the baby is crying/screaming in the annoyance we feel when they do. I would focus on alleviating whatever is causing it before escaping.

truth it probably was me! I say it a lot because I think it needs to be said. I reckon a contributing factor for PND is the shock of what a newborn is really like plus the expectation that it will all be happy and rosy. Which is what makes things like Mumsnet so valuable because you can find out the truth.