to want to cut my maternity leave short and go back to work asap?

[TheCokeMachine]

DD is six weeks old, she's my first. She screams and cries all the time, I've not had more than two hours uninterupted sleep since she was born - I guess this is normal.

She whinges all day, I make sure she is clean, cuddled, fed, winded ad infinitum. She still whinges on all the time - I sing to her, we spend hours dancing around the living room to chill out tunes - yesterday I spent an hour driving her around the north circular just to calm her down...the minute I parked the car she started screaming again.

I feel like a sack of shit and I'm sure she doesn't even like me anyway.

I get three hours of peace every day between 3pm and 6pm when she takes a nap - that is the only time I can take a shower and do a few little jobs around the house (bare minimum stuff, like washing dishes and emptying tuble dryer). DH works long hours and leaves house at 7am and gets home at 9pm - I have no one else to help me.

AIBU to hire a nannny at 3mo and go back to work? I've had enough of this baby stuff, it's unrewarding and feels like nothing but drudgery.

Yep I could have written your post!

Agree with Iggly, I now have a 6 mo DD and both overstimulation and reflux were our issues.

The reflux turned out to be food intolerances to dairy and wheat and with overstimulation, a routine.

Before she arrived, I used to think we would just feed and sleep on demand but DD thrives on a strict routine - it took me many months to learn this!

Contrary to advice people with 'textbook' babies think, some babies need a lot of help going to sleep. Even at 6 mo, I have to start winding DD down at least half an hour before her nap with quiet cuddle time in a darkened room with white noise for sleep. Our routine makes things quite restrictive but I have a happy non whingey baby so it's worth it for nice time and my sanity.

But.. It gets better! I look at her every day now and think how amazing she is.

Oh and I found the baby whisperer book helpful.

I've been there too! At 6 weeks I would have given anything to get back to work. It is hard, day in, day out and you get "nothing back". It will get easier and this is such a small part of her life and your life as a parent.

I've been there too! At 6 weeks I would have given anything to get back to work. It is hard, day in, day out and you get "nothing back". It will get easier and this is such a small part of her life and your life as a parent.

Thanks everyone, I was half expecting to be flamed for being a bad mother and told to suck it up. I love my career and it just feels as though I'd rather be doing something I know I'm good at than learning a new skill at my age.

The advice on reflux, settling and routine has been very interesting - I will make a doctors appointment on Monday to discuss reflux, I'm not convinced that it is the problem, but it's certainly worth investigation.

I don't think I've got PND, I think I'm just worn down and in shock at the whole life change that has happened in the last few weeks.

I'm having a 'me' day today - DH took the baby all last night and I slept in the spare room for 10 hours, and now he's taken her out for a couple of hours while I get ready to go and have a boozy Sunday lunch with a couple of my girlfriends - I'm even going to wear clean clothes and put on a bit of lippy!

Thanks again - I really appreciate the support and suggestions. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who has ever felt like this!

I think it is very normal. I would also very much look at getting a cleaner or something a few hours a week, and definitely just sleep or chill when she does!

It is a skill, but long term it is also an instinct. And that will come!

Is there something wrong with her? Have you tried the doctors, generaly babies do not cry all the time if they are happy.

glad you're having a good day today - you deserve it :)

Ah, this stage sucks! Do you have anything coming up to look forward to? If not could you plan a date night with DH or a day shopping or just any little treat?

I find I need to dangle a carrot for myself and have some me-time every couple of weeks, even if it is only for a few hours and that pulls me through the complete drudgery the tough times.

X-post! So glad you're feeling better - it's amazing what a bit of makeup and a few hours sleep can do for your state of mind!

Glad that you've had a good nights sleep and a day off. I really suggest that you read up on the reflux first to see if you recognise any of the symptoms. Doctors can be a little clueless, often it gets blamed on colic.

Have a great day out. Enjoy every second! Also if you have health insurance check you policy may include a cleaner for 3 days after giving birth! God send after having DC.

How did your day out go?

Looking back at photos of DD when she was this age DH said" you look so worn out you look like an addict!". Doesn't sound nice but gives you an idea of how most new mums if they are honest look (and possibly feel at 6 weeks).

It does get easier once, you start getting some sort of routine- theirs not yours:).
I'd agree- the bouncer where you are doing jobs so they can hear your voice- the radio as some white noise- Any familiar tunes you listened too when pregnant might sooth her? Freash air- even if its only 10 minutes for you especailly a this time of year with little sun light. people foregt how vital sunlight is for your mood and how easily if wears little 'uns out!

Food in the fridge- DH did this and stuff on the coffee table to grab quickly.
Mother and baby groups so you can get some support and know that others are in the same boat and the tricks they used to get through this bit. I found that you can be your own wore enemy at beating yourself up about what you should be doing- other mums are far more forgiving of you.

I can honestly say at points I didn't know which way was up but once DD was settled into some kind of routine it got easier. I'm not fan of 5.30 but she is so thats when I now get up.

And don't feel bad if you have to leave her cry to do things- you need to go to the loo, have a drink etc. I felt so bad the day I left her in the bouncer and walked out of the room as I couldn't take the crying much longer. I sat upstairs, had a cry of my own and she was fine when I came back 5 minutes later.

I can't wait to go back to uni next year, (had DS when I was 20 and completed second year just before he was born, am taking a year out and going back next year). I need the intellectual stimulation!

For the time being, make sure you chill out and have time for you when she is having her nap. I used to rush to get things done etc, but I needed that hour to do my wii fit/ catch up on eastenders just to keep my sanity.

If you need to get stuff done, try putting her in a baby carrier. ds lived in his until about 8 weeks, it is an art bending to empty the dishwasher but it really relaxed him! Or a baby einstein DVD and a bouncy chair/bumbo. I swore I'd never put him in front of the tv but you just need a break sometimes!

Go to baby groups as well. I never considered I'd even want to be part of the clique, but it's soooo relievieng to talk to others in your situation! Even at 3/4 months DS is now, it's so nice. The sensory room at the sure start also chillaxs DS.

Make sure you get out of the house on lots of walks (not just in the car). The more my DS does (even just observing from the pram) the more tired he is!

It does get better and once she's three months you'll start to enjoy her! It's so much better when they laugh back at you and interact!

Can you employ a sitter/nanny NOW before you go back to work so you can get a break OP? with your dh working those hours I'm not surprised you are shattered, tbh it just sounds like you need a break from the relentlessness of it all.

AIBU to hire a nannny at 3mo and go back to work? I've had enough of this baby stuff, it's unrewarding and feels like nothing but drudgery

Go for it. I'm firmly in the happy mother = happy child camp.

go and have a look at the high Needs Baby thread OP, you are not alone.

You should also read "How not to f**k them up" by Oliver James, and stop feeling guilty if you do go back to work. One of his messages in this (very interesting) book is that some mothers will be happier if they go back to work rather than care for their babies and this happiness will make them better mothers than the mothers they would have been had they stayed at home being miserable. That's a bit convoluted, but I highly recommend this book.

CokeMachine I could have written your post at 6 weeks, it was a really shit time. Exhaustion has well and truly set in, the novelty/adrenalin/whatever of this being new has worn off, and it's just a drudge. I hated it. I would have given anything to turn back the clock and not have had a baby. I think expectations have a lot to do with it, especially because a lot of people said 'the first 6 weeks are hard then it gets better', which just made it worse as for me 7-8 weeks was my real low point and I was looking round thinking 'everybody said it would get better'.

DD had silent reflux, which meant lots of crying, and I had mild PND (do get both of these checked out), which made everything worse, and yes, I absolutely regretted having a baby. I remember this was around the time DH and I both said we felt black inside.

But it changes! It does! Around 8 weeks your DD will start to smile at you, and do things, and from around 3 months you will start to see a personality budding. My DD is 9 months now and I adore her.

This is going against the mn grain a bit here, but once DD had her reflux meds sorted, both she and I were much better off with a fairly strict routine. Not all babies just drift off to sleep when they're tired, not all babies feed well on demand, some babies need to be carried around all the time, others sometimes just want to be put down. I went fairly GF-ish at about 6 weeks and it worked really well for us. I'm not saying this is the right thing to do for you, but I am saying that don't be afraid of trying new things if things are not working out for you, even if it is something that you feel is not quite the current thinking.

I had to go back to work at 6 months for financial reasons, so we're now all settled into our routine, but I miss her! I would have come back at 6 weeks if someone had offered me the opportunity, but it would have been the wrong thing to do, as I don't think I would have 'come through' it, rather run away from it, IYSWIM. I don't mean you're trying to run away, I am just reflecting on my own experience. Work is a walk in the park compared to all day alone with a baby, but I think if I had come back at 6 weeks, I would never have fully trusted myself that I could handle the motherhood thing.

Anyway, I can totally sympathise, I felt just like that, and it does get better!

D

Don't go back to work just because you are finding everything overwhelming - life gets 10 times harder after you start work again.

If you've no help I'd recommend getting a couple of nursery sessions a week so you can get some time off. I heavily relied on family and friends when DD was tiny to get some time away from her, I think I would have had a nervous breakdown otherwise and DD was a spectacularly easy baby, I can't begin to imagine how awful it would have been if she cried all the time. This might help you to enjoy her more as you will know that you have a few hours here and there to get the house straight/go out for coffee/study/whatever you like to do

Babies do get a bit more interesting and less claustrophobic at about 10 weeks.

God yeah I felt like that... I lost myself and couldn't see anything good about having kids for at least the first year.. Trouble is, when you do go back to work not only do you have to deal with a small baby waking throughout the night, but you also then have to get them ready in the morning, plus yourself AND do a decent job whilst you are at work.

Maybe you could hire a childminder for a day or two a week to allow you a bit of time to yourself (it's amazing the difference a sleep and a shower will make)

I went back to work after 10 months and that was about right for me. I felt I'd spent long enough with DS to ensure she had a good start in life and long enough I didn't feel a failure of a mother. She's now 4 and I couldn't imagine life without her, they do get loads more fun the older they get, the first 6 months is hell if you're not the maternal type :D

god you have to get yourself some more and long-term help and support - it's unreasonable to expect yourself to cope with a baby completely alone, particularly for a first when you have no idea what to do - this is not how humans are designed to work, you know. i had a really helpful mum and hands-on partner at my beck and call for the first 2 weeks and i was still shattered, paranoid, guilt-ridden and frightened. give yourself a massive hug for managing so well for 6 weeks! then ask your HV to assess how you're feeling, you sound really hard on yourself and IME that's a bit of a flag for PND. call on everybody and anybody to do exactly what your DH just did for you, weekly, for the next 6 months minimum. imagine if you got that level of support all the time, how much better you'd feel.

def get little one checked up, look at colic remedies, check out the threads on here. it's normal to find motherhood hard. it's not normal to be at the end of your tether and just have to suck it up.

whatever you do, don't read Oliver James' pseudo scientific nonsense

you want to go back to work, GO! Life is too short to sacrifice yourself. I was in your shoes, my DD did not sleep till she was two, I had sod all support. She was miserable for the first two years of her life, and so was I. I'm not going to get that time back. You enjoy your work, you love your baby, you can afford a nanny, and you can have it all
and so you should

With both my girls I have loathed the first 10 wks or so. I would regularly feel very jealous of my husband going out to work. BUT with both it just suddenly got better about 10/11 wks.

At about 3 months they got squishy and gurgly and could be happily on their play mat or bouncy chair whilst I got on with things. We got our evenings back and feeding times became predictable.The smiles and chuckles I got made it all worthwhile.

So I totally understand you wanting to go back to work ASAP but this is just the newborn stage which will pass. By all means make plans but I would just make sure you can change them easily if you find this easier and more pleasurable in a month or two.

Babies don't cry like that all the time unless there is something wrong with them. Have you taken her to the GP?
All my DCs did in the first few weeks is feed and sleep! I found it more tiring when they get mobile.

Will she like a sling? My DD practically lived in one until she was about 6 months. I don't remember her ever crying.

But don't feel guilty if you want to go back to work early. I went back to work after a year, and by the end I was really looking forward to it, especially after the 2nd DC as I had 2 under 2.

Although my mantra is happy baby = happy mother, not the other way around

I went back when ds was 5 months, it wasn't a moment too soon - YANBU