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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with Ds's friends parents?

128 replies

barnowl · 26/11/2011 19:03

DS1 age 8 has been to a friends party where he has watched a 12 rated film, we weren't told it was going to be a film party and the parents didn't ask if it was ok to show them the film. If we'd known in advance we would have declined the invitation. AIBU to have expected the parents to have made their party plans clear on the invitation?

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 27/11/2011 09:57

I know exactly where OP is coming from, but wait until they get to teenagers and friend's parents are far more relaxed about film ratings, game ratings and alcohol. It isn't easy.

runningwilde · 27/11/2011 09:58

Good God - some people in here are so bloody rude! Just because the OP would like to be told it doest mean that she is precious and people telling her to 'unclench' are so bloody rude.

Op of course they should have checked - it is the polite thing to do.

Bunbaker · 27/11/2011 10:02

"Bunbaker - can I ask why your DD had had the Harry Potter books read to her rather than reading them to herself?"

Because we started reading them to her when she was 6 or 7. I can't remember which exactly. She is a good reader, but isn't drawn to reading the way I am and very rarely picks up a book to read unless she has to. She just doesn't get the same pleasure out of reading that I do. Yet she attained level 5s in her KS2 SATS and does well in reading comprehensions. I can't understand it.

I still read to her at bedtime because that is our time and we are on book 11 of the Lemony Snicket series and we both want to know what happens.

I remember being read to at high school when I was 12 and loved it, so I don't see why I should deny DD this pleasure either.

Bonsoir · 27/11/2011 10:08

Fair enough. I have a friend who is reading the Harry Potter books to her 8, nearly 9, year old; her DS isn't particularly good at reading (quite a lot less fluent than my own just 7 year old) and I cannot help but feel that my friend reads so much to her children that they don't get enough practice for themselves!

Bunbaker · 27/11/2011 10:17

You may be right, but DD is a fluent reader. At 10 she had a reading age of 12.

bananamam · 27/11/2011 10:28

Oh dear my 4 year old has watched Harry potter....not all of them though. I never even looked at the ratings on them. I generally watch DVDs first and decide if they are appropriate for my children. I would play it safe at sleepovers I have to say and only give age appropriate, or check with the mum first.

I think you are being a bit precious tbh but NU

exoticfruits · 27/11/2011 11:36

I think that it is often a lot different if the 8yr old is the eldest. Lots of 8yr olds are the youngest and so parents don't think about it.If you have a 12 DVD you don't tend to lock the 8yr old out while it is on.

cat64 · 27/11/2011 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

exoticfruits · 27/11/2011 19:02

I always err on the side of caution-I think that you have to with other people's DCs.
I am just pointing out that backgrounds are very different. e.g. when DS was 8yrs old he had a baby brother and it was very different to DS3 who was living in a home with an 18yr old and a 10yr old when he was 8yrs.
Still no excuse for not telling parents the intention. However OP then has to decide-does she just decline? I'm not sure that I would, my mother was very protective and it wasn't easy as a DC.

MitziKinsky · 27/11/2011 19:07

YANBU to be annoyed.

12 films are a 12, and not a PG for a reason. If you want to show a 12 to your own 8 yo, go ahead, but you don't show it to another child with out the parents permission.

cheesesarnie · 27/11/2011 19:12

has he been effected by the film?

imo yabu unless hes upset as a result of the film.

startail · 27/11/2011 19:23

The 12 rating just seems to be a bit wooly and mostly seems to mean might scare a 7 year old or contain material that might raise questions in a child that doesn't know the facts of life.
I think it was agreed to stop the censurers being tempted to slap 15 on things.

fedupandfifty · 27/11/2011 19:33

I think if you let your C's go to someone else's house you should accept that things may go on that you wouldn't allow yourself but would be entirely acceptable to others. I think you are overreacting a bit, to be honest. In an ideal world they should check with you, but hey! life's not perfect, is it?

Sirzy · 27/11/2011 19:35

Sorry fedup, if you have another childs house at your house you should respect other parents wishes in the sense of things with a clear age limit on them.

Yes many parents use common sense when deciding what is allowed but you shouldn't try to decide what another parent would think was acceptable. Surely a quick phone call or text wouldn't have been hard?

exoticfruits · 27/11/2011 19:42

The real problem is that once a DC gets to 8yrs they go out and mix with others, many parents have a very relaxed attitude, e.g. I am very strict on computer game ratings and yet I know other parents who don't know what I am 'fussing'about.
You can try your best to ensure that every parent feels similar, but you really can't control when you are not there. The lesson to be learnt is ask first-but even then you only get the intention and not what might actually happen.
It isn't easy.

MasterOfTheTriforce · 27/11/2011 19:47

Crikey,my mother is a proper horror lover, even when we were little she'd stick them on, I remember watching IT when I was six and being scared shitless. I think the worst she did was 'I spit on your grave' or something...I'm fairly lax with films, but I know what will scare my kids and what won't. I wouldn't show other people's kids some of the films my lot watch so I don't think YABU, I do think you need to unclench though.

MasterOfTheTriforce · 27/11/2011 19:48

I don't really limit computer games either, COD/MW Halo/dead rising etc are fine, even bioshock but I refused to let DS1 who is 8 play dead space. That is freaky.

helendigestives · 27/11/2011 19:50

That reminds me of the school holiday where the teacher - who hadn't the film - said it'd be fine if we (a bunch of ten/eleven year olds) watched GoldenEye (12). The first ten minutes has Natalya Onotop doing her best screaming orgasm impressions... we were embarrassed/confused.

Tiggles · 27/11/2011 20:01

OP YANBU.
DS1 (9) has a video day in school in a couple of weeks and they have been asked what they want to watch. DS was telling me the films that some kids have requested. Some are definitely 12As I will not be impressed if the school show them 12s just because some kids have requested it.

MitziKinsky · 27/11/2011 20:03

So do you all have the same attitude to car seats and alcohol?

"Oh, he wasn't involved in a car crash, so don't be so pfb"

"Oh, he didn't throw up or have a hangover - 14 is fine to be drinking alcohol IMO"

bruffin · 27/11/2011 20:25

There is a difference Mitzkinsky - it is not illegal for a child under 12 to see a 12a, they only have to be with an adult at the cinema not even their parents.

It is illegal for a child not to be in a car seat.

It is also not illegal for a 14 year old to drink alcohol in their own or a friends home.

redwineformethanks · 27/11/2011 20:48

I'd be annoyed, I think it's up to you if you're willing to allow your child to see a film when they're under the age limit. Am surprised that people on here say you're being precious about it.

youarekidding · 27/11/2011 21:01

I think it would have been polite for them to check with you.

However I have let DS watch some 12's without realising they were 12's (Harry Potter for example). Also he has watched some PG's (Mrs Doubtfire for example) which has some dire language on it. But it's an older film so think they certificated differently then?

I would let DS (7) watch Transformers just because kids hos age love playing with them and wouldn't imagine it could be that unsuitable - I may be wrong though!

AKMD · 27/11/2011 21:22

YANBU. Batman: The Dark Knight, is a 12 and that gave me nightmares when I saw it at the cinema. I am in no way squeamish or overly sensitive.

Whatever film it was, the parents should have checked with the parents of the other children before they showed it.

SixFeetUnder · 27/11/2011 21:39

I think it's a bit weird that they made Transformers a 12 anyway seeing as most of the merchadise seems to be aimed at kids younger than that, can't imagine many teens wanting to play with the toys (although I'm probably wrong - not got that far yet).

My two are 3 and 4, have seen both Transformers and will be getting the third when it comes out - BUT - they will only be watching it once DH and I have watched it first to vet it. I wouldn't make a habit of letting them watch older films, they don't tend to want to anyway but they love Transformers cartoons which is why they asked to see the film.

So for that reason, YANBU because you should have the judgment call on what your child watches, only you can tell if a particular thing will play on his mind.

If your son seems OK though I would maybe just chalk it up to experience and in future ask the parents let you know if they're going to be watching a film so you can make up your own mind.

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