to be annoyed with Ds's friends parents?

[barnowl]

DS1 age 8 has been to a friends party where he has watched a 12 rated film, we weren't told it was going to be a film party and the parents didn't ask if it was ok to show them the film. If we'd known in advance we would have declined the invitation. AIBU to have expected the parents to have made their party plans clear on the invitation?

DS2 (9) watches 12 rated films because DS1 is 12 and they watch them together. Is that awful? And we have been known to let DS1 watch a 15.

Bulliemama, when you say " some children are more emotionally mature" are you implying that the more mature children are the ones who don't watch films rated above their age? Certainly watching films they are not ready for can stunt emotional developmenmt, although not nessessarily a one off occasion. It has to be the parents choice, because they know their child. The ratings are there for a reason.

you are wicked Sparklingbrook and apparently committing emotional neglect. They should only watch Disney until they leave home.

It's not being 'precious/overprotective/fussy/want to wrap 'em in wool for the rest of their childhood' to monitor what your children have access to lottie.

If you think it is, would you be OK with an 8 YO watching an 18?

If not, why not?

And fucking hell lottie, letting them watch fucking Disney is committing emotional neglect!

They shouldn't watch Disney at all Lottie,it's pap

People seem to ignore the studies which prove that exposing DC to inappropraite material can be emotionally damaging. It is not seen as Ok to damage your DC health through ignoring things like passive smoking, obesity, etc. Why is it Ok to ignore potential damage to thier emotional development?

I think they should have told you what the film was. I let dd2(6) watch Lord of The Rings (a 12 ) but I wouldn't let dd1 (7) watch it as she is way more sensitive, and I certainly wouldn't let random children watch a 12 movie at my house.

I play safe with other people's DCs, but I don't think the film in question is worth making a great fuss about. Just have a word in passing.

no, I wouldn't let them watch an 18. There's a world of difference between a 12 and an 18. We watch LOTS of movies in our family and I always check the parental advisory stuff on imdb first. I'm sure that 99% of 8-12 year olds can watch and enjoy 12/12A movies without any emotional damage whatsoever.
Kids see and hear much worse at school.

Where does everyone stand on Harry Potter then? Aren't they a 12?

12A is only applicable in the cinema, a 12A is a 12 on DVD.

Oh well if they hear worse at school - desperate argument. They hear and see worse because some parents have lost their way in terms of modelling good behaviour and acting appropraitely. Many DC swear because they hear it at home, see it on TV or hear their friends do it - would you just turn a blind eye?

I think DC should not watch Harry Potter 12 rated films until they are 12.

I would say there is a huge difference between an 18 and a 12 film. Massive massive difference.

The harry potter films are a bit too advanced I think though for a younger child. But I wouldnt stop my child from watching it at the age of 8 if they wanted to.

So you were just trying to pass off other parents trying to make the best decisions for their children as 'bubble wrap all of them' parenting, when you make the same decisions yourself for your own children.

I saw films I really shouldn't have as a child and there can be long lasting effects for sure.

My last post was to lottie.

yes, both of mine have been watching Harry Potter movies since they were 8.
If your children are genuinely frightened by the scary bits in HP (and other 12/12A movies) then obviously you don't want them to watch it and that's fair enough. But just deciding that your child wont watch a 12/12A until their twelfth birthday is a bit silly. It's an extension of bloody Nanny State, protecting them all the time, never letting them play out in the street with their friends, vetting what they read (some idiot berated me in Stansted airport for allowing my daughter to read Jacqueline Wilson), etc.. reality check- one day they leave home and have to fend for themselves.

'But just deciding that your child wont watch a 12/12A until their twelfth birthday is a bit silly.'

Totally agree, which is why you can't make the decision on behalf of other parents because you can't know at what stage their child is at.

There is no such thing as a 12 rated film. The cinema release is always a 12A the video will have just a plain 12 rating.

They don't leave home at 12 though do they. It is not an arbitrary decision either - there is an age limit. Playing in the street- OK, climb trees- OK, learn to coook, clean, converse, opine- all OK (more than OK really). Watch a film about witches and wizards or transforming alien robots - not OK or desirable or even important You are mixing reality and fantasy - maybe you've watched too many films

My older cousins took me to see Zulu at the cinema when I was 5..............it was f'ing terrible and I am grossly damaged

OP-was your son affected by the film?

I don't think it's the best way forward to wrap 'em up in bubblewrap and that's mostly because of the example described by the OP.

We can wrap 'em up as much as we like, but they're still going to get 'exposed' to stuff in life which aint U rated. For example, my eight year old was told about sex at school, by a friend, before we'd had the 'talk' at home. We can't censor their lives as much as like to think we can. And the more we restrict/ban certain things, the more they want to know about it and why it's forbidden. Forbidden fruit is tempting.

My eldest daughter has a friend who isn't allowed biscuits or sweets, but she regularly shares her stuff with this girl in her lunch break. Do her parents know that my daughter is pushing the evil sugar on her? I doubt it.

I'd have liked to have been told what film it was. I'd probably have let him see a Transformers film anyway.
We had a christmas party at school a couple of years ago, we had a film on the electronic whiteboard in one classroom for children to chill out with - there was noisy stuff in the other rooms, like Mario Cars on the Wii and a disco.
I went in to check up and found that someone had put Mamma Mia on. As the door closed behind me and my eyes adjusted to the light, I heard Colin Firth's voice saying 'Oh fuck'. And in front of me were nearly thirty tots ranging from 4 year olds up to 11, solemnly guzzling crisps as their knowledge of the English language was added to... I quietly changed it to The Incredibles.

I quite agree with you OP. For a start I don't agree in general with kids watching films when the kids are so much younger than the age rating on the film, but more than that, when you're looking after other people's children you have a responsibility to them and should err on the side of caution with regard to what you're showing.

Re some of the later HP films, DD2 definitely wasn't ready when she was 8, though DD1 would have been.

Obviously not everyone agrees with this point of view. DD1 had a classmate who for his 11th birthday invited lots of his friends round for a sleepover. They stayed up all night - literally - watching 18-rated films . Obviously his parents think this is a great idea for a party .