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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with Ds's friends parents?

128 replies

barnowl · 26/11/2011 19:03

DS1 age 8 has been to a friends party where he has watched a 12 rated film, we weren't told it was going to be a film party and the parents didn't ask if it was ok to show them the film. If we'd known in advance we would have declined the invitation. AIBU to have expected the parents to have made their party plans clear on the invitation?

OP posts:
ragged · 26/11/2011 19:55

I would prefer my 8yo not see that film (or most 12/12A films), but I wouldn't worry about it.

I'd probably say something if it were a 15, though.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2011 19:57

So say you have ten 8 year olds at the party. You go to put Transformers on, realise it's a 12 and decide to ring all the parents and check. Say 8 say fine and 2 say no. What then? Or should it have been written on the invitation? Confused

lottielou39 · 26/11/2011 19:59

I know it's a problem Sparklingbrook and that's why I'd play safe with a PG rated movie because I know not all parents are as relaxed as I am, and I know that some children are more sensitive than others etc.

AgentZigzag · 26/11/2011 19:59

But trying to shield your children from things you think they might not be able to process in a rational way (like 'that's not real it's just make up') doesn't make someone a control freak keeping their child from learning about the world in everything.

It's reading the signs they're giving you to their development.

Explaining about sex in an age appropriate way is a long way from setting them free in a sex shop.

It's tailoring it to your own child, and that's my responsibility, not DDs friends parents.

squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 19:59

My mum took me to see Jaws when it first came out.. I think I was about 6. Didnt scare me, I always loved the film.

On the other hand, she also took me into the Chamber of Horrors in Madame Tussauds when I was about the same age.. (they might have actually put an age restriction on that area now, and if they havent, they should)... and that absolutely freaked me out and gave me nightmares for years...

I loved my Mother dearly, but she had some very serious lapses of judgement at times! Grin

AgentZigzag · 26/11/2011 20:00

That was to lottie too, sorry I keep forgetting to say who I'm talking to tonight Grin

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2011 20:04

I'm with lottielou. Especially the school stuff- now DS1 is at High School it is much more of an adult environment. I can't guarantee DS1 won't tell DS2 stuff he has discovered that I would rather he hadn't. I suppose someone will say actually I should be able to-what a crap parent.

lottielou39 · 26/11/2011 20:05

To Zigzag,

'But trying to shield your children from things you think they might not be able to process in a rational way'

But how do you know that they wont be able to process it in a rational way?
Obviously there's a difference between parents who know their children very well and know how sensitive they are and that Harry Potter would give them nightmares, and parents who enforce a blanket ban on all age inappropriate movies because they're stupid blindly obeying the rulz

AgentZigzag · 26/11/2011 20:14

I agree with what you're saying lottie Grin

I know, for definate, that 'Signs' would worry DD1 a lot so I told her she'd probably not want to see it, and she trusted me on that.

We watch loads of films as well and just judge whether she can watch them as they come up.

She's in to Twilight at the min Hmm

Grin

It doesn't worry her, but she took the picture we got her of Robert Pattinson (sp?) down because she didn't like him staring vampishly at her, which goes to show how random it all is.

Checkmate · 26/11/2011 20:15

I don't think YABU OP. Surely this is exactly the purpose of film ratings - to let carers know that this film is generally suitable for children age 12 and above (in this instance)? If parents decide that a film is okay for their younger children then that's their prerogative. Making that decision for other people's children is never okay - it is blatant disregard of the rating advice.

Dawndonna · 26/11/2011 20:19

We let my (at the time) 15 year old, watch a batman film, I think it was batman begins. We watched it with him. The rating was 12. Definitely should have been an 18. Messed with his head for ages.
They really should have asked first.

LittleMissHumbuggery · 26/11/2011 20:20

My eight year old has seen Harry Potters 1-4 and has asked not to see the next ones yet. She knows they get darker as they go along and has decided that she has no desire to see Order etc. at the moment. We work on the basis of parental judgement and talking with the child in our house, but you just can't do that with other people's kids.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2011 20:21

Just don't put any DVDs on when other people's children are round. Problem solved.
Plus tell all DCs friends parents not to put any DVDs on either.

DoMeDon · 26/11/2011 20:24

The pathetic statement that a parent who makes a judgment call over ratings knows their child 'better' than a parent who follows them is why i get to the point that I CBA with these thread every time they come up. Same old cliches trotted out by people who cannot make a logical argument.

PelvicF1oorOfSteel · 26/11/2011 20:39

I was really horribly freaked out by Gremlins, I can't remember exactly how old I was but I believe an embarrassing amount older than 8. I think it's a PG (or 12?) and clearly meant to be funny, rather than horrifying, but I had to sleep with the lights on for weeks. I'd make judgement calls for my own children (although they're currently 3 and 1 so it's not come up yet) but would never show anything older rated to other children, I wouldn't expect to know them well enough to know if they were as odd sensitive as I was.

ll31 · 26/11/2011 20:44

generally wouldn't make call for other peoples children - - for transformers tho - boys party - wouldn't see aproblem - - except perhaps that part 3 was v v boring imo

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 26/11/2011 20:52

Personally I think you sound a tad precious.

FWIW, DP once let our then 2 year old watch one of the other Transformer movies. She apparently enjoyed what she saw (between flinging herself at him and his mate who was there too) and wasn't scared. But all children are different. I thought Scream was hilarious when I saw it aged 12. My older sister who was 14 had nightmares for weeks though.

squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 20:55

I watched Gremlins last week.

I have seen it before a few times, but not for quite a long time, and I had forgotten it was actually a horror film. I really didnt like it at all, it wasnt the cute furry monster film of my memories at all. I found it quite scary, and I am 42!!

Sandalwood · 26/11/2011 20:58

yanbu
and I don't think young children not being scared is much of an argument that these films are fine for small children either - it's wrong how desensitised a generation of people are becoming to violence etc

4madboys · 26/11/2011 21:03

transformers 3 was a 12a at the cinema i took my ds2 to see it as part of his 9th bday treat, i am trying to remember if we took ds3 who is 6? i think maybe we did actually, both were fine with it but have seen the other films and love transformers.

we invited another child also 9 and they werent allowed to go as it was a 12a, thats fine its their parents choice.

i ahve to say i wouldnt show a 12 or 12a film to a child younger than the certified age WITHOUT checking with parents first, i just think its common courtesy and polite.

tbh tho given that it was transformers 3 i dont think its worth kickng up a huge fuss about but if he is invited again you know to ask/check if they will be watching any films and what they are likely to be? then you have the choice as to allow him to go or not :)

crepes · 26/11/2011 21:04

Oh dear I let my 5 year old watch transformers 2!!! Relax!

DingDongDialsMavislyOnHigh · 26/11/2011 21:11

DS is 8 and I take each film as it comes. The dark knight for example is an absolute no no, I just can't see how that film is a 12. To those that won't let their DC watch Harry Potter- would you not let them read the books either? Where do you stand on Dr Who? Those questions are not directed at people with DC who don't want to watch or read things like that. I would check before I put a 12 film on for younger children but wouldn't get worked up about DS being shown one at someone's house. I hate violence in films but think being a little bit scared by something that is obviously fiction is fun and exciting. DS's father lets him watch things that I wouldn't personally choose for him so that might be why I have unclenched a bit Smile

MrsHarryPearce · 26/11/2011 21:29

YABU and need to get over yourself. Any self respecting 8 year old girl won't give a flying f* about a load or cars/robots anyway. Shite choice of film but not because of certificate. Hardly Amityville Horror is it? She probably spent the whole time chit chatting away to her friends and HAVING FUN. Move on.

MrsHarryPearce · 26/11/2011 21:31

Aw bollocks. Got the gender of your child wrong. Still rubbish film though!!

BullieMama · 26/11/2011 21:58

"Bulliemama, when you say " some children are more emotionally mature" are you implying that the more mature children are the ones who don't watch films rated above their age? "

I meant what I said, some children are more emotionally mature than others in their peer group and are therefore able to rationally process what they are viewing.

Something that does puzzle me is why do tv schedulers give 'family time slots' for films that are rated 12 or 15 ?

I can remember when DD was approx 4 yrs old we all cwtched up as a family and watched Gremlins, it was on 4pm, DD loved it so much she cackled all the way through especially the scene when one of them gets squished in the microwave, that I decided to buy it on DVD for us to watch together again.

When it was delivered I was shocked to see it was rated 15 - personally I couldn't see why - it was all a bit Tom and Jerry slap stick for me and her but obviously when it was made it was seen very differently.