Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with Ds's friends parents?

128 replies

barnowl · 26/11/2011 19:03

DS1 age 8 has been to a friends party where he has watched a 12 rated film, we weren't told it was going to be a film party and the parents didn't ask if it was ok to show them the film. If we'd known in advance we would have declined the invitation. AIBU to have expected the parents to have made their party plans clear on the invitation?

OP posts:
DingDongDialsMavislyOnHigh · 26/11/2011 22:04

DS is terrified of Gremlins Grin

WaftyCrank · 26/11/2011 22:09

My DS is 4 and the Transformers films are his favourite films. The new film is on his Christmas list under Transformers toys.

I don't think I would be annoyed tbh but he's watched several 12 rated films.

bringbacksideburns · 26/11/2011 22:10

YABU.

mumeeee · 27/11/2011 00:59

12A's and 12'a are actually the same thing. They are 12A's in the cinema but 12's when they come out on DVD. There is a reason for that but I can't remember what. Transformers 3 is fine for an 8 year old.

RaspberryLemonPavlova · 27/11/2011 01:12

YANBU. Your child - your decision.

I feel the same about computer games - whatever I let my children do is my decision and I wouldn't presume to second guess/overrule how other people felt.

flyingspaghettimonster · 27/11/2011 01:43

I was made to watch Schindler's list in school in year 8 (11-12 years old). It is rated R and was so distressing to me that it put me off taking History for GCSE, which was one of my best subjects. As an adult I can watch it and not be so overwhelmed, and can process it better, but at that age I was too young and it was wrong that the school never even asked the parents' permission before showing it, however worthy the subject.

SO YANBU to wish to have been asked, as films can be too overwhelming for younger children to handle. Transformers, however, I think you can be safe with... my 5 year old watched it without problems.

tigerlillyd02 · 27/11/2011 02:03

YABU in my opinion.

kipperandtiger · 27/11/2011 02:10

Yes and no - I think if they'd planned to show the film (as opposed to it being a last minute measure because the outdoor games were cancelled due to bad weather) it would have been nice to just let parents know, but that said, Transformers isn't that dodgy a film. I'd say the worst thing might be that the child who's never seen it before gets so entranced by it that he comes home wanting a whole lot of Transformer toys for Christmas!!

Spermysextowel · 27/11/2011 02:46

A straw-poll of colleagues last week showed that the very whisper 'are you my mummy? Will you be my mummy?' can petrify your children more than all the 18 ratings in the world. Throw in a gas mask & they're gibbering.

This is Dr Who. No rating but it's shown early enough for my 12 & 13yr olds to be up.

youngermother1 · 27/11/2011 03:06

also remember that PG stands for parental guidance - so based on the OP start point, they should ask about those as well, only U are 'safe' for under 12.
really the guidelines are arbitary, why 12, 15 and 18? why not 11, 16 and 17? or any other age group?
In reality, a parent who has other children round watching a film either sticks to U or makes an judgement call - 8 yr olds watching 18 films, wrong. 16 yr olds watching 18 films, not so much

NatashaBee · 27/11/2011 03:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 27/11/2011 07:13

I think they should have mentioned it,but had you then declined the invitation it makes it very difficult for your DS with his friends. Have you actually seen Transformers?

minimisschief · 27/11/2011 07:29

lord give me strength lol

seeker · 27/11/2011 07:42

Of course they should have checked!

But I think you are wrong to say you would automatically decline the invitation.

I do find this fascinating. I was roundly lambasted on here for letting a visiting 10 year old have a teaspoon of wine. But the OP is precious for not wanting her 8 year old seeing a 12 film? Odd.

Mmmdoughnuts · 27/11/2011 07:48

When ds was 6, he and his friend of same age watched Home Alone which has a PG rating whilst on a sleepover.

I didn't think anything about it prior, as ds had watched it many times. The boy had a nightmare that night, and still was worrying a week later Blush.

Now always err on side of caution, or check with parents first.

ChristmasBreak · 27/11/2011 08:24

My brother and I used to watch horrendous horror movies as kids. I was about 11 and he was probably 9 and we would scare ourselves silly.

Never did us any harm Grin

Saying that I'm far more precious about my children than my parents were about me so no guarantees I won't be having this same argument in a few years.

I'd probably say 12 ratings were ok at 8. Anything adult shown is more suggested than graphic and he probably wouldn't pick up on it anyway.

I think it depends on the film tbh. 18 rated horror movies would probably be a no from me as would most 15's unless it was something like this (Transformers or similar) because I don't think pretend car violence is too emotionally damaging. Although obviously, unless you have seen the film yourself you have no way of knowing its contents so possibly best to err on the side of caution.

mummytime · 27/11/2011 09:04

She is not being precious, I would be extremely cross if any parents showed any of my children a non-age appropriate film. When my daughter was 11 parents asked before letting her watch a 12a.
And I let my 8 year old watch some 12 rated programs and films.
But it is very different to watch something with your own family (and be able to leave the room if it gets too much; than to watch it with a group of your peers, and feel the peer pressure to watch. Nevermind the cheek of parents flouting my parental rules without even asking/warning.

exoticfruits · 27/11/2011 09:27

Of course they should ask but OP then has to balance does she automatically decline or does she consider that, in that particular case, the social aspect is more important?

GypsyMoth · 27/11/2011 09:34

Transformers 3 isn't out yet....I would be more worried if it was an illegal copy!!

Its out tomorrow

StopRainingPlease · 27/11/2011 09:38

exoticfruits - simple answer here is that the parents hosting the party should have chosen to do something else.

Bunbaker · 27/11/2011 09:40

"Where does everyone stand on Harry Potter then? Aren't they a 12?"

DD is 11 and has watched all the Harry Potter films. She is Harry Potter mad. She knew the plot beforehand having had all the books read to her.

AnaisB · 27/11/2011 09:43

If I was hosting the party I would have checked with prents, but I think you're being a bit precious too.

Bonsoir · 27/11/2011 09:44

Bunbaker - can I ask why your DD had had the Harry Potter books read to her rather than reading them to herself?

exoticfruits · 27/11/2011 09:45

Of course they should Stopraining and there is no way that I would show it to underage DCs BUT they didn't choose to do something else. I'm afraid that it is going to be a constant problem from now on. You can't assume that other parents are the same.

flopsytherabbit · 27/11/2011 09:53

OP you are not being precious. My DD (10) is having a Harry Potter themed sleepover party and on the invites I have asked if the parents mind a 12A (12) film being shown. It isn't for me to decide what is, and is not, acceptable for their child.
Having also been annoyed at my DD being shown a 12 by another parent when she was 7, I know exactly where you are coming from!

Swipe left for the next trending thread