to not have a casual Friday night meetup cost £100

[beatenbyayellowteacup]

Every. Single. Time I meet this friend, it costs £100, thanks to having to have dinner in a nice restaurant, and meeting up for a predinner drink (last night it was 2 hours before dinner). We went hiking for a weekend once. You'd think hiking is a cheap activity. The whole weekend cost me £250. £60 on accommodation, £20 on a train ticket and the rest on food/drink.

Apart from the fact that a simple meetup blows my budget out of the water (which means that I have to cut back on other areas of my life and frankly, a night with her isn't worth that much to me), even if I could afford to spend £100 once a week on dinner, I'd be just as happy with a pint of beer and a burger on a Friday night, or a roll and a packet of ham bought from a supermarket on the weekend. I actually like the simple things in life.

How do I tell her that a night out in her company just isn't worth £100 to me? I don't even really enjoy her company that much to be honest. I know the simple answer is just not to go out with her but how do I tell her? I've tried to pull back before, but she texts and texts and if I don't respond within two hours she asks me if I'm ok etc, because I haven't jumped. She doesn't let go.

I'm just so pissed off.

Phew that feels better for having said all that.

awww I love the name. Great memories

Just went for a lovely chineese buffet lunch with 3 of my school friends and it cost the princely sum of £9 each, including drinks and buffett. To be fair as they were driving and me pg we did not consume alcohol.

Now that sounds like my kind of lunch! I love dim sum...

Will keep that idea to suggest one day, thanks

It was gorgeous all the food you can eat, I was stuffed. Because we are all on a budget we pick stuff like this, pub lunches or buffets be it Indian, Chineese. The lunchtime is always cheaper though.

Did she text you again OP?

Hi pink - yes we had a chat this evening and talked through the need to spend less money but have more fun...cheaper restaurants, more activities etc (especially to meet men ) and she agreed. I explained that I really enjoy a night out when I haven't blown the budget and am in control of my spending, but have had fun regardless. We agreed to drink less, and do more social activities.

So that conversation was a bigger, more honest step than we've ever made in our friendship I think.

Well done Beaten!

well done you

That's great, beaten. She must've seen the light that your friendship is more important than the AbFabesque days out.

The other thing that's occurred to me is that you'll probably feel much more relaxed in her company knowing that you're not going to be hit with a £100 bill at the end of it.

Have fun

Oh god, yes, soo much more relaxed knowing it's not going to cost me a fortnight's budget

I think it was almost the elephant in the room and once I put my foot down she agreed she didn't want to drink so much either (and thus spend a lot of money...we'll get there )

It was good to put my foot down.

I dont understand did she come and drag you out your house and hold your purse to ransom ?? If you dont like her find her draining to you and your purse dont go , , I have some really lovely single friends who have alot of money to spend on nights out and weekends away , i meet with them sometimes but i dont go on their weekends as they just cost too much . I think you need to cut this friend out and stop being so daft as spending your money on her , (still confused )

Mrs Jay I don't think in such black and white ways as that, I'm afraid. No she didn't come to my house, drag me out and hold my purse to ransom .

It's more a case of when we're out, spending gets out of hand and she'll suggest expensive places/versions of wine/etc etc and if I'd suggest something cheaper, I'd expect her to dismiss it as horribly cheap. And because this situation had evolved from a dynamic where it hadn't been so bad, it had gotten to the point where something needed to be explicitly done about it.

I'm not one to just chop people out of my life willy nilly because again, I don't really think so black and white. I'd prefer to find a solution and find a way that the friendship (in small doses) can continue.

As you point out, not all friends are involved in our life to the same extent. I like having her there, in small doses, and I think she likes to be in my life too. It was a case of working out something manageable.

why are you friends?

you dont seem to like her - but if you do want to see her then

just say you are skint and cant afford xyz but how about 2 meals for £6 from spoons

blondes have you read the thread? It's kind of resolved now

Are you worried what she thinks of you maybe your worried shed like you less if you didnt spend money like water , perhaps im to long in the tooth to worry about spending money i dont have , or what other people think of i t. I think your going to have to tell her you simply cant afford this , would it embarass you to say thins to her , It really is black and white we shouldnt worry about what others think of us , perhaps im a bit thick skinned , you can either keep spending 100s of pounds on a friend or you can reel your own spending in and find alternatives , maybe you could book the place for dinner ,

mrsjay further up the thread the situation has pretty much been resolved - we've had a mature chat about it.

i did read the thread - but think i havnt taken it in - im still hungover from sat xmas meet night out lol

oh yes at 10 on sat

'makes mental note not to reply to threads when hungover'

blondes

Will you tell us how your next night out goes OP? I wonder when it comes to it, whether she can rein herself in? [or maybe she's a secret mumsnetter and has read the thread!].

ach seriously hope she's not a secret MNer!

I do fear she might not be able to reign herself in, but now that we've had the conversation I feel quite at ease to put my foot down and hold her to what we've agreed or what I want

She also really liked the link that was on the thread for social activities, so we are going to try one of those maybe within the next week or two