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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After School Cub worker drove DD home and left her there!

245 replies

Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 17:21

I have an arrangement with one afterschool club worker that she takes my 10 year old daughter home for me once a week. Yesterday she was called away on a family emergency. Howerever, I wsn't contacted and told. If I had been, I would have left work early and collected DD myself. A different member of staff, one who I don't like much, and certainly wouldn't ever invite into my home, closed up the after school club 20 minutes early (DD was the only child left) forced DD to get into the car, drove her home, came in and looked around, then left her there alone. DD was very upset, as she hadn't wanted to get into the car. She has been told never to get into a car with anyone, even someone we know, unless she has permission from myself, her school teacher or one or two specific family friends. She did not have permission to get into this persons car, and I would not have agreed to this person driving my child anywhere, or to coming into my home. I tried to complain, but the after school club do not seem to think anything untoward has happened, and say the staff member was doing me a favour!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/11/2011 23:53

See now I'm sorry but...

I do not believe she was shaking so much she couldn't dial a number

Your number should be on speedial anyway to save her having to enter the whole thing...but 'shaking so much she was unable to dial'?

Nah, sorry.

merielandmatt · 25/11/2011 23:53

Definitely not okay. I'm sure your daughter can cope but who wouldn't be upset having been shouted at to do something that they're not supposed to do, by someone who is supposed to be looking after them till you get there and then being in the unfamiliar situation of letting themselves in and having the person follow them in. I'd be furious. I'm also shocked that they're not taking the complaint seriously, as others have said, carers should know that they shouldn't put themselves in 1 on 1 situations for exactly this reason so she surely broke protocol, all for the sake of 20 mins?

cat64 · 25/11/2011 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 25/11/2011 23:59

She dislikes her ( as do I ) for publically joking about her birthmarks in front of other children, DD has birthmarks on her neck, and this worker in the past has told her her neck looks like it is rotting. I spoke to her abpout it and she tried to say it was other children who said it, and she would stop them saying it again. I knew it was her who had said it not other children, although other children had laughed about it. Even so, I left it at that.

She isn;t specificcally scred of the workmen, just scared that strangers might enter the house when she ws alone, or even already be there.

Yes, to answer another posrter, this ASC is private, and we pay, but I would feel the same if we didn't pay.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crabapple99 · 26/11/2011 00:00

We don't have speed dial, and the call log shows repeated attempt s to dial the start of my number

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squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 00:03

Well if this woman had been mocking your daughter, I would have spoken to her superiors and expected her to be removed from her job. A child is going to suffer enough teasing for having an obvious birthmark (I had a strawberry one on my neck that looked like a lovebite as it faded.. just as I was in my teens) and it was often commented on.

Perhaps it is time for your daughter to have her own mobile phone so that in future she can ring you herself from the ASC and let you know there is a problem.

WorraLiberty · 26/11/2011 00:05

I assumed she had her own phone if you have this sort of after school care arrangement.

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 26/11/2011 00:07

Phones are banned from the school, anyone found to have one in their bag will have it confiscated, and not returned to them. Parentas have to make an appointment to go in a nd collect it

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squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 00:08

If it was only 20 minutes earlier than normal, does that mean that your daughter was only actually on her own for 20 minutes before you got home? Are there no neighbours who she could have gone to?

edam · 26/11/2011 00:11

That's clearly wrong and if you reported it, they'd be in trouble. A registered childcare provider can't just suddenly decide to close 20 minutes early, without bothering to tell the parents, put a child they are caring for in a car and dump them in an empty house, FFS!

I can't remember who deals with complaints about childcare providers - social services, probably - but you should make a formal complaint. Only danger is nice after school person may then back out of your arrangement. However, I don't think I could trust an after school club that thought it was in any way OK to close early and dump children without contacting parents and emergency contacts. And I think the other parents who use that setting should know about this as well.

You could try calling the NSPCC - they are very hot and bothered about when it's OK to leave a child on their own (to ridiculous extremes of trying to suggest it's wrong to leave a teenager babysitting their own younger siblings) so they should pull their fingers out and deal with this far more serious and straightforward issue.

edam · 26/11/2011 00:13

Is it an after school club on the premises of your dd's school, linked to the school? Then I'm sure Ofsted would be interested. And the governors.

merielandmatt · 26/11/2011 00:13

It's not right whether you pay or not - was just thinking that with a private club it's more unacceptable for them to just shut 20 mins early. Have you got any sort of contract/agreement with them? If so I'd check it over, you really don't want this to happen again.

WorraLiberty · 26/11/2011 00:14

But if you don't have basic speedial and you do leave her alone sometimes, you really should have a mobile in the house she can use.

Or just get a £4.99 house phone from Argos with speedial on it.

IloveJudgeJudy · 26/11/2011 00:14

Agree with squeaky that you should have made a big fuss about this woman's comments to your DD about her birthmark. DS has a very small birthmark on his face, but has been very conscious of it in the past. When some adult in the school (can't remember who exactly it was) made a remark about it, I did go into school to complain and got a letter of apology. It's no small thing and I'm surprised as you're so angry now, that you didn't sort this out earlier.

Also, if your DD's 10, she could keep a phone in her bag without anyone knowing. I know my DC did. they were meant to be handed in at reception in the morning (at primary), but it took too long to get them back in the afternoon so that just hid them right at the bottom of their bag.

I'm just not so sure that I believe all your story. There's more to it than you're saying, I think.

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 26/11/2011 00:14

No, because the journey home from ASC is 45 mins walk, although only 5 mins by car, so it was over an hour. She would normally be OK about being home an hour on her own, but it was dark, and unexpected, abd she knew I didn't know where she was.....I would have gone directly home if I'd known she was there, which would have been much faster, but I went to the ASC first, thinking she would be there another 15 minutes.
Yes there are neighbours, there are any number of things Icould have arranged if I had only known there was a problem.
Anyway, chatting about this has calmed me down quite a lot. Maybe I'll just send her back next week for the time being, but look around for somewhere else.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 00:17

but I went to the ASC first, thinking she would be there another 15 minutes

Why? you thought the other woman was dropping her off at home didnt you?

IloveJudgeJudy · 26/11/2011 00:17

I think you need to talk to your DD about being grown up about stuff now she's 10. She really shouldn't be too fazed about being at home on her own for a bit. She knew you always come home at a certain time so shouldn't have been worried before that. She would have had time to calm down and phone you.

I don't blame you changing the ASC if the person made those remarks, but you really should have kicked up a stink at the time. Certain things are beyond the pale and those remarks are one of them.

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 26/11/2011 00:18

sorry, I keep answering one question, then finding other posts between the question and the answer.. the no was to "was she only in the house 20 minutes"

"Ilovejudgejudy" what more do you think there is that I haven't said?

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WorraLiberty · 26/11/2011 00:18

Why did you go there at all if the woman who normally drops her off hadn't told you she couldn't do it? Confused

Backtobedlam · 26/11/2011 00:21

YANBU-from the posts above I dont think I'd be sending my dd back at all. Tonights incident aside, a member of staff making fun of her birthmarks would be enough to make me rethink after school arrangements. What happened tonight sounds unproffessional. Fair enough if its friends helping you out, but this is a service you are paying for

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 26/11/2011 00:21

Squeaky toy no! the arrangement is that the other woman takes her home IF I AM NOT THERE BY CLOSING TIME, (she gets paid even if I don't use her) I normally text to say if I'll be there or not, as I did on this occasion, the text wasn't answered, but I would not nesseserily expect it to be. I was in plently of time, but the place was shut up and locked when I gor there.

yes, there are phones in the house, it's just that she was really scared and upset, and kept diallung wrong

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squeakytoy · 26/11/2011 00:24

well you didnt say anything of the kind in your op about not being there at closing time.. Confused

why did your daughter not speak up and ask someone to let you know? again at her age she is old enough to do that. If she did, and was ignored, then that is wrong by the ASC.

IloveJudgeJudy · 26/11/2011 00:25

I think there's more to the not liking the ASC worker. As I said, it's been a wake-up call for you to talk to DD about what she should do in these worst-case scenario-type occurrences. As I said, she really shouldn't have been so upset. If you don't want her to be in the house on her own, don't give her a key! Before I gave my DC a key, I talked about all sorts of things, and about going to a neighbour if they didn't feel right, but we're quite lucky, there are a few school neighbours here and also some pensioner-age people that we know. DC could go to any one of them. Perhaps you could make sure that your DD knows who to go to.

WorraLiberty · 26/11/2011 00:28

I'm still confused though I admit it's late....

Why did the woman take her home, knowing that you normally pick your DD up...and that the arrangement you have with the other ASC worker is that she only takes your DD home if you can't make it by closing time?

I mean the woman who normally takes her and your DD would have told her to hang on and see if you could make it surely?

Original poster
Crabapple99 · 26/11/2011 00:33

I di say she'd closed up 20 minutes early.
I work late on that dau, then set off, and depending on buses and traffic, either head straight for the ASC, or if I cna see I'm not going to get there in time, text the worker I employ for childcare, and she takes DD home for me, and I meet her there. Sometimes I wilget home before her, it's a shorter journry then to the ASC.
I think your right abouyt needing to talk about which neaighbours to go to and that sort of thing. I don't think she would have been worried if it hed been prearranged that she wpould be home alone though.

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