....to wonder how the hell SAhM's coped 30/40/50 years ago.....?

[mustbeanonymous]

...Just wondering really....have spent the day with my dear grandmother who was telling me how things were for her 50/60 years ago bringing up two children. Dear grandfather at work 60/70 hours a week, semi caring role for her own mother who was ill, no playgroups/other structured acticities and a second child who cried and screamed continuously for 3 years, then has severe separation anxiety for 3 years after this. She said she would read in the papers about mothers who had killed their children and think 'I understand why' and that some days she was theoreticalyy not too far away from that herself..........

Biut really, I 'escape' to my part time job and stilll really struggle with the unrelenting demands of my two age 1 and 5, I love them so so much but its the most difficult job I have ever had........

How the hell did people cope back then, pre all of this structure and acticitiy and monitoring and antidepressants????

Well some people cope without anti d's and toddler groups now - as single parents so I guess people just get on with it.

i wonder in 50 years time the same question will be asked lol

there was parenting books ect out there and also women together pulled together

Out of curiosity, what happened to the child who cried for 3 years then suffered anxiety separation?

My grandmother had postnatal depression after her first child, and then postnatal psychosis after her second, but as there wasn't good treatment, she never got over it. She tried to kill herself (and induce an abortion) a number of times, and spent a lot of time in and out of hospital. Her second child was brought up by relatives, and her first just tried to cope. My dad describes his childhood as hell.

I think in general only from what I have read etc that the 'nuclear family' was much more common but that still assumes thast the family would have been supportive/experienced in childcare etc which can't always hae been the case.

Just contemplating really, I have relied an awful lot on finding friends and 'structure' in NCT, baby sensory and after that , pre school, nursery and playdates etc etc, none of which my garnny had any access to.

It must just have been very very hard......I have so much respect for her these days!!

My great grandmother had 13 (11 survived) and she worked part time painting people's houses - even to the point where she'd be finishing a job whilst she was starting her labour. Her babies spent their first few weeks in a drawer because there was no cot. I certainly take my hat off to her

It's the name now - but I bet in those days you spent more time with your mother/neighbours - so some mutual moral support. And the "mothers little helper" term was about so I guess valium and gin played much the role that chardonnay does now,

daily weekly I wonder how on earth I'd cope without cbeebies.

It was very difficult, they didn't have washing machines, so you did your nappies a few times a week, and the children wore the same uniform for a long time sponged down. Coupled with no ready meals, perhaps gardening, lots of cleaning, they had playpens, put the children in there and coped the best they could.

More than all of that, though, 50 years ago they didn't have antibiotics and vaccines, if your child got polio they were removed from you for months or even years and returned disabled, if they lived.

So, most of our lives don't have those threats in them, but you are right, those early days are hard and tiring, emotionally as well as physically and perhaps that hasn't changed.

My gran says she doesn't know how anyone works and has children, so to her, the modern ways of dashing about throwing things in the washer seem too hectic, there was no toddler groups but people often let children out to play together with neighbour's children. But people did get depressed, why do you think Valium was known as 'Mother's Little Helper'?

Mitzi, good quation....! He has never 'excelled' but has always worked hard in blue collar jobs, and had a child of his own (separated from the mother for last 8 years- again not a proactive parent still rleied on my granny for help with parenting!!)) . Remained a very unassertive and slightly depdendant personality unlike his sibling (my Mum!!). Why do you ask??

Portofino crossed posts. I was also going to say I think quite a few mothers drank, so not much changed there, then!

I was contemplating this recently because decent double buggies didn't seem to exist back then but people also didn't generally have cars. I've always justified having a double buggy because I rarely drive anywhere, but they survived without either. How did they get everywhere?

Valium?

I suppose they just did because they had to. The same way people cope in other stressful jobs, it was a more respected role back then as well.

I read Ella Last's Peace (part of the Mass Observation project during and after WW2) There was a LOT of mutual support, but she recounts how a young mother with PND was actually sent to a Psychiatric Hospital for several months!!!!! whilst the family (and friends and neighbours) helped care for the baby!

CMO

so so very sad .... I care for some elderly people who had severe post natal psychosis and ended up doing 'terrible' things some of them.It does make me very very sad and also feeling lu ky that even if we do develop PNP nowadaya the odds are heaily stacked that someone will notce and help us..... again...

It was very difficult, they didn't have washing machines, so you did your nappies a few times a week, and the children wore the same uniform for a long time sponged down. Coupled with no ready meals, perhaps gardening, lots of cleaning, they had playpens, put the children in there and coped the best they could.

More than all of that, though, 50 years ago they didn't have antibiotics and vaccines, if your child got polio they were removed from you for months or even years and returned disabled, if they lived

For gods sakes, the 1960's were hardly the dark ages! Of course people had washing machines... and children were vaccinated!

I grew up in the 1970's and my mother was a housewife... it was hardly hard labour!

When my grandmother found she was pregnant with her third child, she killed her second who was a toddler and then killed herself. My Dad was 6.

I know things aren't perfect now, but I do think there is significantly better awareness of and treatment for PND/pyschosis.

At the same time, the average mother possibly had a better local support network of family and neighbours?

Pelvic - when I was little we had a little seat that clamped on top of the pram....

I had my DD 30 years ago ,there were playgroups and washing machines

we didn't have to take our clothes and wash them in the stream

valium.

Kids could play in the streets. What I wouldn't give to be able to chuck mine out, even as a kid in the 80's we were playing out from a young age.

they were left to cry in prams while so the mums could tidy the house.

prams were left outside shops so the parents could shop in peace. Imagine having a few mins to wander round and read a list without listening to a baby / toddler! I'd never forget anything.

Er squeaky - I was born in 68. We had no washing machine - and NO BATHROOM when I was small. And the toilet was outside.

Mustbeanonymous we are all different. You "escaped " to your part time job. I had to work 22 hours a week to make ends meet and my escape was the time with my child! Work has always been so much harder than being a mum for me. What kind of job do you have?

• you're carrying on like the 50's onwards was the middle ages ffs! Are you confusing things and you really mean the post-war years?

We had a tin bath that was kept on the kitchen wall. Bath night was once a week.

Pelvicfloor- you stuffed as many children as possible into your pram. My mum tells me you could get three children and a weeks shopping in a Silver Cross