....to wonder how the hell SAhM's coped 30/40/50 years ago.....?

[mustbeanonymous]

...Just wondering really....have spent the day with my dear grandmother who was telling me how things were for her 50/60 years ago bringing up two children. Dear grandfather at work 60/70 hours a week, semi caring role for her own mother who was ill, no playgroups/other structured acticities and a second child who cried and screamed continuously for 3 years, then has severe separation anxiety for 3 years after this. She said she would read in the papers about mothers who had killed their children and think 'I understand why' and that some days she was theoreticalyy not too far away from that herself..........

Biut really, I 'escape' to my part time job and stilll really struggle with the unrelenting demands of my two age 1 and 5, I love them so so much but its the most difficult job I have ever had........

How the hell did people cope back then, pre all of this structure and acticitiy and monitoring and antidepressants????

It was especially tough, especially when you consider that many of them would not have had running water or a toilet for their own family, and would also have had to lug firewood or coal indoors.

But - they had a lot less stuff, and far fewer clothes, standards were often lower, and children were cared for communally, which would have taken some pressure off. Older children would have been expected to do a great deal of the housework and childcare. Also, while some, like the OP's Granny had caring responsibilities for older relatives - that was rare back then, it is increasingly the norm now as life expectancy keeps increasing.

I think the above is forgotten when we are told how lucky we are. And we really are. But not nearly so lucky as the middle classes back then who had help to do the drudge work.

More people had local support networks. My Mum grew up living next door to her Grandad, with various aunties, uncles and close family friends in the surrounding streets. She walked to school with her big brother from the day she started, because it was at the end of the street and everyone knew everyone and kept an eye out. Twice a week she had her dinner (lunch) at her aunt's house so that my grandma could get the bus into the big town to go to the shops and the market. That was in the 50's.

Fast forward to my childhood and we lived hours away from family because of my Dad's job, and my Mum was a SAHM and employed a cleaner to help her with the domestic stuff. Despite having a lovely lifestyle, I think she really struggled - she didn't really have a circle of 'mum friends' until we were at school because there was none of the post-natal groups/baby classes etc that there are now. No-one's shoulder to cry on when it was a bad day. She would definitely have benefitted from some ADs at one point or another, but it wasn't the done thing.

My great grandmother supposedly "went mad with milk fever" after the birth of her 5th child and was locked away in a mental institute until she died over 20 years later. My grandfather was 3 at the time and even at the age of 80 odd, I would see him cry about not having his mum there for him and about what happened to her.

I'd be interested to know if anyone knows what "milk fever" actually was (this was in the 1920s), I always assumed it was a mix of post natal depression and/or maybe mastitis.

And I suppose there's probably more of a sense of satisfaction about doing housework etc when it was more of a big job, today we have dishwashers, microwaves and washing machines and everything seems so much of an effort. They would have had fewer things so not so much tidying to do either. And discipline tended to be stricter and less child centred so children were probably more obedient. And there wasn't as much worrying about "doing it right" or as much traffic.

But I expect it was a lot more isolating for those who did struggle. It must have been awful for women trapped in DV relationships as well, it was a lot more accepted back then.

Squeaky

My gran didnt have a 'proper' washing machine until 1996!!! She ad survived all that time without and when they did eventually get one it was a mega luxury they were not on the breadline at all btw)

And vaccination wasnt as widely taken op back then (1970's even) either, I clearly remember my next door neighbours little boy having whooping cough and being hospitalised a nuber of times and not eing allowed to see him for months, making the MUm a virtual recliuse .....I think things ahve changed a lot more than u realise!!!

pressed post to early!

Anyway, I'm sure whatever it was it wouldn't even be an issue these days.

RE double buggies, my mum had a pram with a little seat on top. It looks enormous in photos.
And yes certainly there was a lot of valium when I was growing up 30 years ago.

CMOT - I recall being one of three children stuffed into a big coach pram with the weekly shop, and I'm only 34.

Could be puerperal psychosis, Magneto?

irregularregular how awful. Your poor poor dad, my DS is six and I can't imagine how that would be for a boy that age. So sorry

mustbeanonymous, I asked because it reminded me of DS, and there are sometimes threads on MN about similar children. We reassure each other these children will be FINE, they are still only little, etc. It's interesting to see what the long term out come is for such a child.

PelvicF1oorOfSteel , in the 60's my mum had 3 DC in 3 years. She had a Silver Cross pram (2nd hand) which you could sit a baby in each end , and I think the new born went in the middle, some how. My eldest sister came out of nappies at 15 months because they were needed for the newborn.

Pelvic - several children sat in one pram. You could also get seats for a toddler that screwed onto the pram.

Re the support thing, it was much more common to send children away to stay with relatives for a few months if the parents were struggling. (My dad was sent to an aunt's for a few months at the age of 5 when his brother was born - set them up for a lifetime of sibling conflict, that did.)

I think the general flexibility about children must have helped. My grandfather died when my youngest uncle was 3 so Grandma had to get a job. The primary school therefore agreed to let my uncle start school at 3. He used to get the bus to school on his own - the driver would make sure he got off at the right place!

PP usually starts when the milk comes in, so it would make sense.

My mum wheeled me in pram to my nan's house every day. Can't imagine why she was living in shithole.

squeakytoy

Measles vaccination was introduced in the UK in 1968, Polio was introduced in 1955, antibiotics only really started to take off in the 1940ies and 1950ies.

Well I was born in 69, and the only person who I knew who still had an outside toilet was my mothers aunt, who refused to have anything modern. Everyone had washing machines (even if most were twin tubs), and I certainly didnt come from a posh area. This was mill town Lancashire.

Most of the churches ran playgroups, children were not neglected, and mothers were mostly housewives who shopped most days, cooked from scratch, and it really was not like living in the days of rationing.

Wasn't there a scare about the whooping cough vaccine? My aunt refused to let her children have it (early 80s) and they both ended up in hospital with whooping cough.

My grandparents and mother all have scars from vaccines which would have been given much earlier than 1960 so I'm pretty sure vaccines were widely available then.

squeaky - my grandmother had a mangle to squeeze her washing until I was about 6, so '82/3.

[faint] at 3 year old getting a bus!!

Essential

I have a mentally and emotionally challenging job caring for people who are mentally ill!! Trained for it and enjoy it but still v hard. Still 'easier' than being what I consider to be a 'good' MUm though......

Measles vaccination was introduced in the UK in 1968, Polio was introduced in 1955, antibiotics only really started to take off in the 1940ies and 1950ies

Right.. so quite a bit more than 30 or 40 years ago then!

I was born 35 years ago.

My mother had a washing machine and I went to a playgroup.

When my grandmother had my mother and uncle 55-50 years ago she had no washing machine but went to the laundrette,she had a cooker and a iron and everything.

She also had a part time job.

People back then just got on with it and didn't moan so fucking much.

Magneto - I had whooping cough as a child because my parents wouldn't vaccinate (despite being Drs). There was a suggested link with lukemia I think.

That's interesting Bertie thanks, would it be unusual for it to emerge after a 5th child? Although I've heard stories that she maybe wasn't quite well mentally long before then so I suppose it could well have been PP.

Puerperal psychosis is still a thing. They mentioned it at our NCT classes, bizarrely. It's rare but it can be extremely dangerous, sufferers quite often have delusions about their babies and try to harm them thinking it is the right thing to do :( It's much better understood now though and can be treated.