....to wonder how the hell SAhM's coped 30/40/50 years ago.....?

[mustbeanonymous]

...Just wondering really....have spent the day with my dear grandmother who was telling me how things were for her 50/60 years ago bringing up two children. Dear grandfather at work 60/70 hours a week, semi caring role for her own mother who was ill, no playgroups/other structured acticities and a second child who cried and screamed continuously for 3 years, then has severe separation anxiety for 3 years after this. She said she would read in the papers about mothers who had killed their children and think 'I understand why' and that some days she was theoreticalyy not too far away from that herself..........

Biut really, I 'escape' to my part time job and stilll really struggle with the unrelenting demands of my two age 1 and 5, I love them so so much but its the most difficult job I have ever had........

How the hell did people cope back then, pre all of this structure and acticitiy and monitoring and antidepressants????

Er, I hope people realise I don't think peodophiles actually are imaginary, like father Xmas or something? Actually I know quite a bit about it and IMO there are actually far more offenders about than anyone but the most paranoid of people imagine, but the chances of getting snatched by one in the local rec are still miniscule.

Having lived in developing countries has helped me appreciate the advantages of ameneties and modern medicine but I have also learnt a lot about the simplicity of children. Just one example was a lady I knew who was bringing up her grandaughter and when I asked what they did at the weekend she said 'Well, Saturday I took her on a bus out of town then we got the bus back' (bus ride being very exciting for said 4 year old) and 'Sunday we went to church and went home and did some baking'.

Now I'm not saying that this is anywhere near to how I want to live my life but that child was as happy a little thing as I've seen anywhere else and I realised small children really don't want all these extra things, they are really there just for us to 'cope' and 'keep our sanity'.

It's a bit of a shame that we have lost the ability to appreciate a simple life but on the other hand we all want progress, it seems it is up to us to create the balance we want in our lives?

I daydream of spending a 'simple' day with my toddler but always end up stumbling in to a coffee shop with a play area just to be able to have a cup of coffee and stare in to space for a bit!

Um. I think thats probably the extent of our Sunday justone, except without the church!

Agree with rocks and hardplaces r.e peados. I had a conversation with a policewoman recently, and she said that if child-fanciers showed up on an ultra violet light, there would be a ring of light around schools, playgrounds, leisure centres etc.
When I think of some of my near misses as a kid, and my siblings near misses too, it makes me wobble.
Although, I guess we were pretty streetwise, hence them being near misses, so it is, actually, a rock and a hard place: if you let your kids run wild they may get streetwise, and be able to suss a dodgy bloke. But it's hard to take that risk sometimes.

I grew up in the 70s and we had no tv, car, washing machine or phone, and my mother worked part time. But you walked home from work or school and bought meat and veg. You had a vegetable garden and all pitched in. Tv, once I was 5,only went on when we were in bed or on Sunday. I had a lovely childhood, mostly.

northenwreck
I was referring more to the aimless bus journey on a 'highway' and aimless bus trip back.

I grew up in the 1970s. We had a coal fire until granddad died and his will granted us central heating in the late 70s. We used to have a big metal drum with a wringer for washing, again in the late 70s we got a twin tub. Parents could never afford a car. I often walked just under 3 miles to school, no pocket money so I saved my bus fare up instead (still very careful with money, that was a good unintentional lesson). Phone in late 1980s. Black and white rented TV until early1980s when parents bought their first ever colour TV. Automatic washing machine in late 1980s.

I think my mother might have been the exception, when I was little, she ran a playgroup which still runs today in the local church hall - still no state 3 years provision (affluent area of Gateshead) so still private playgroup is the only local option. Then when I was 7, she returned to nursing, she went full time at age 10, I got my own key. I was NEVER NEVER taken to school or collected, at age 4 I went the 200m with sister, by age 7 I went alone. I didn't have the best parents, I was left to run the whole house by age 10, cooking, cleaning, decorating, yes that was a crap thing to do to expect a 10 year old to cook and clean for parents, but I see this as a very positive thing, I learned to be completely self sufficient at a very young age.

I don't think life is better for the materialism which exists now. I'm sure many MNetters would classify my upbringing as below poverty line, as there was a struggle to pay bills, we got very very little materially. I think people really fail to appreciate how, so long as you have food in your bellies and a roof, all that matters is love. Having a dishwasher, a washing machine, a TV, a PC, none of this makes you happy.

DS1 was born 30 years ago in 1981 and DS2 followed in 1982. I can't really offer any tales of deprivation or tin baths on hooks in the scullery I'm afraid since we lived in a very pleasant Victorian terraced house with pretty much the same conveniences that are routinely enjoyed nowadays. I had a washing machine, tumble drier, access to toddler groups, playgroups, toy libraries, nursery schools and organic vegetables!

However, there were some differences. Obviously the internet was yet to be invented and although I was a comparatively early user/owner of a home computer (1984) there were no internet forums. Ex-h and I couldn't be bothered with having a colour television (the licence fee was huge in comparison to black and white) so it wasn't until ds2 was 18 months old that we capitulated and bought one - which now seems very odd and old-fashioned! We also didn't use disposable nappies other than on rare occasions when we were away. Mainly because they were awful! So I had 3 dozen Harrington Gold Seal terry nappies, with liners, that would be soaked and then washed on a boil wash. Even with 2 children in nappies the system worked well though.

I went on maternity leave with ds1 and although I would have liked to go back to work part-time, I had a demanding job as a press officer and even as late as 1981 and in local government (much more flexible employers in the normal course of events), job share arrangements were virtually non-existent and if it was deemed that your job couldn't be shared, you couldn't appeal that decision So I stayed home (as well as studying) until ds2 was two.

Having got a 10 month old dgd, there's really not a world of difference between the sort of ante-natal care that my ddil and I had, nor the facilities locally. Hospitals are not as well-staffed today though and ds2 and ddil (who had dgd in the same hospital that ds2 was born in) were left to manage her labour alone for a lot of the time. 30 years ago this didn't happen and I have to say that my labour was rather more reassuring. Certainly, the NHS is being stretched to the limit and it shows.

I don't think things have changed that much in the last 40 years. My parents didn't have a washing machine (and my dad was a teacher and HOD so it wasn't because they were particularly poor) but apart from that, there is almost no difference between my early childhood experience and that of my children.

My Mum loved being a SAHM and there were playgroups, Mums' groups that met at each others houses etc.

My kids do play out and I'm amazed that so many posters don't let their kids out.

Oh, and so far as vaccination was concerned, the MMR vaccine came in too late for ds1 to be offered it but too late for ds2 to need it since he'd already had the measles vacc and managed to catch rubella and mumps! The whooping cough vaccine caused concern when ds1 was a baby but we decided that the risks from actually having whooping cough were almost certainly greater than the possibility of him being harmed by the vaccine. A worrying decision to make though.

I was born in the early 70s. Whilst others have said it was not the dark ages in terms of having some mod cons, it was in other areas - my mum had what was PND but it wasn't recognised as such & she was put in a mental health hospital, separated from me & given electroschock therapy. She's had mental health issues ever since & never had more kids.

We used to wander miles from home as we lived in a semi-rural location. I was abused by a local paedophile, as opposed to an "errant paedophile", who used to walk his dog outside the school perimeter fence at playtimes. & there have always been cases of intruders breaking into homes to get to children so I don't think there is anything safer about kids today not being able to roam or back in the day when they could, it's just different risks for a different era.

Squeakytoy my mum had 4 of us born from 1963 - 1971 and didn't get a washing machine until after the last one was born. I remember her doing our washing by hand in the bath. All of it.

Fascinating thread.

I was born in 1967, the youngest of four. Until the year I was born my parents and their first three lived in a one bedoom flat.

I grew up on the 'posh' estate, though looking at it niw its tired and jaded. Apparently it was the bees knees though.

I new we were poor, byt we were nit desperately poor.

Can't wait to ask my mum how it was for her, and her mum.

People were much less fussy about washing and having the right clothes for every available activity. They didn't spend their time running their children around either. Probably chatted more to neighbours, people in shops etc.

My first two DCs were born in the 1970s. We had a twin tub washing machine and they were in towelling nappies. The smell of the nappy bucket filled with Napisan filled everyone's bathroom in those days. I used to wash the nappies every day as both DCs were in nappies and I hadn't enough nappies to last if I didn't. We got a tumble dryer when DC2 came along, probably bought by MIL. Disposable nappies of the type you get now had been invented but they were not very good and very expensive so you wouldn't use them all the time. I think they might have been called Snugglers.
Babygros had been invented too and my DCs both had them as babies. They had funny square feet so the baby's toes didn't get squashed and older women used to tuttut about them.
Maternity benefits were not as generous then, although you got a £25 lump sum and initially we got Family Allowance for DC1 with a smaller amount for DC2.We had a Marmet pram too which cost £44.
We had four sets of clothes each for the DC once they were past the toddler stage so I did an awful lot of washing. I was very fussy about keeping them clean.
We had no television until 1980 and when we did it was black and white.
I had PND after DC2 was born but didn't dare go to the GP as he would have just told me to "pull myself together". I walked round in a grey fog for years.
Both DCs had measles, mumps and rubella, and chicken pox. It was quite normal for parents to get together to expose their children to childhood illnessesto "get it over with". They also had whooping cough.
There were toddler groups where we lived, though not as many and usually run by churches. DC1 also went five afternoons a week to a nursery attached to a local school. However when we moved to another county there were no nurseries, and playgroups were a bit hit and miss. He got one morning at the local playgroup and two mornings at one in the next village.
There were far more SAHM then and a lot of children went home for lunch. I went back to teaching part time when DC2 was 8, anf FT the following year.
I used to walk to the local shops every day and did spend a lot of time chatting to people I met.

WOW!! Thank you all so so much for all of the amazing replies, there have been so many that I haven't managed to read through them all yet but I will be printing this thread off and keeping it.

I started this thread as I have for a while been learning more and more about my Granny's life, she is sharing things that she hasn't before. It has rrally touched me and made me have a deep respect for her.

I think what a number of people who have posted here have said is very very true, ie that for some women throughout the ages things have been relatively easy, they hae blessed either emotionally family wise or materialitically (or a combination). For others life has been more challenging. always.

So when I said how did SAHM's cope I think I should have said how did WOMEN cope in general!!

If you were dealt a good hand then it was fine but if not then I think I think there was a lot less in terms of options/protection for women.

I think after reading all these posts, I feel very lucky to be a mum with central heating on tap, dishwasher, steriliser, colour tv and computer to keep me and dc amused and look for advice etc, telephones in the house, nappies and nice easy to wash baby clothes, easy buggy etc, car to take dc to doctors appointments etc.

My dd is actually I'll this weekend with tonsillitis and I realise how much my modern conveniences mean to me- I normally take them for granted!

I notice that in 2011, in my dd's Belgian school, if you don't fill in the form that says you are working(stamped by your employer), that you have to collect them for lunch! As i am working I pay for lunchtime supervision, plus afterschool club.....but picking up dcs midday? Did anyone ever do this in the UK?

Babies were left out in prams for 'fresh air' for most of the day. Left outside shops so women could shop and chat in peace. School age children walked to and from school in groups - parents didn't drop off. You wore the same clothes all week. Children played outside until dusk. Parents were never expected to entertain their children. Children entertained themselves. Children did errands. I remember lugging a packet of cornflakes almost as big as me, plus milk, flour and sugar back from the shop three streets away, and having to take long rests on the kerb as it was too heavy to manage. I was about five at the time.
I'm not saying it was easier. Just different demands. We take ours for granted just as they took theirs for granted. We'd never leave a baby crying itself to sleep in a pram at the bottom of the garden, so he was out of earshot, but that was encouraged then. It was very tough physically, but my mum has often said the psychological exhaustion of never being able to leave your children alone for five minutes in today's society is something she'd have found tough as she liked her own company.

Thinking about what I do with myself all day, an awful lot of my time is spent on stuff that is a result of having lots of stuff: laundry because they can't go to school with the merest speck on their clothes, tidying up and confiscating mountains of toys. Then there is all the homework and music practice and making things for preschool shows and whatnot - and kids are given homework these days at an age when it does take a lot of parental input to get them to do it.
So there is plenty of hassle and busyness and organisation. But NEVER anything that is physically hard work. No scrubbing, no mangling, no carting buckets of coal up from the cellar, no heaving huge piles of sodden laundry around, no carrying heavy shopping....
How privileged would this life have seemed 100 years ago.
Oh, and my house practically stays clean by itself compared to what it would be like if there were coal fires. It was one of the points Ruth Goodman said she took away from the Edwardian Farm experience - that burning coal makes everything dirty in a way that burning wood doesn't.

What did seem strange to me, and even stranger now looking back, is that when DC1 was born all first time Mums had to give birth in hospital and stay in for 10 days! They also induced a lot of babies so half the population of (large town not too far from London) must have been born on a Monday or Thursday.
For second and subsequent babies you could go home after 48 hours.
Slightly off topic,sorry.