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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is never a good idea to tell a perfect stranger that they must have had an easy life

41 replies

mosp · 23/11/2011 17:01

This happened to me some weeks ago. Shop assistant thought I looked 14 years younger than I am.

Then today, I overheard a similar exchange in Superdrug between the assistant and another customer at the till.

Maybe I'm too sensitive to glib comments, but it can trigger a person who is having anything but an easy life.

OP posts:
Kayano · 23/11/2011 17:04

I would see it as a
Compliment even though I can see what you mean.

mockingjay · 23/11/2011 17:05

Well I think it was intended as a compliment! I'd just laugh and say 'I'm glad you think so!' or similar.

TroublesomeEx · 23/11/2011 17:06

It's a throw away comment, a compliment, nothing more.

People really need to stop being so oversensitive!

daveywarbeck · 23/11/2011 17:07

It's a stock in trade phrase isn't it? Like referring to have a portrait in the attic. You are being oversensitive.

TroublesomeEx · 23/11/2011 17:08

Besides OP, very few people actually have an easy life and most people know that. It's just a way of acknowledging that life is a bit shitty sometimes but that you/someone looks like they've escaped the brunt of it.

It's nothing to take offence at, unless you (like my mum) aren't happy unless people know just how bad life is for you!

ObiWanWithBellsOn · 23/11/2011 17:08

'Triggers' seem to be the new thing on MN.

That sort of comment is just a space filler, I doubt that strangers give a second thought to the sort of life you've had.

Original poster
mosp · 23/11/2011 17:08

I detest throwaway comments. I see what you mean, but it triggers me and I just wish people would think about what they're saying.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 17:10

What folkgirl said. This is day to day chit chat nothing more, nothing less. The stock reply would be 'Wouldn't that be nice if it were true!' and smile and say good bye.

hiddenhome · 23/11/2011 17:12

Oh, you can't go through life worrying about 'triggers'. That's just oversensitive. We all have 'triggers' but you honestly can't expect people to watch what they say all the time, they're not psychologists Hmm I've had a shite life as well, but that's not other peoples problem. I just take any observations for what they are, just people trying to be friendly and communicative.

Get some CBT if you're that affected by stuff.

Original poster
mosp · 23/11/2011 17:12

As most people have not had an easy life, it makes it an even stupider thing to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
mosp · 23/11/2011 17:14

yeah, you're right. and I was stupid to start this...sorry

OP posts:
MenopausalHaze · 23/11/2011 17:14

Are you one of those people who should really walk around with earplugs in OP? Just in case, you know, people chat and say something that sends you right into one?

Original poster
mosp · 23/11/2011 17:15

I probably should wear earplugs, yes. Or avoid going out at all.

OP posts:
ObiWanWithBellsOn · 23/11/2011 17:15

Almost everyone at work says 'Good Morning' to me.

I am deeply offended, they should care enough to know by now that I am not a morning person!

TroublesomeEx · 23/11/2011 17:17

No mosp, it makes it a normal thing to say.

This is your issue for you to deal with. Unfortunately. People can't go through their lives having no contact with strangers for fear that they say the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time.

What would you suggest people do? Never speak to another person before carrying out a full psychological assessment?

People say all sorts of nonsense and generally mean nothing by it. It's just a way of connecting with other members of our species!

Original poster
mosp · 23/11/2011 17:17

btw, I am not offended. Just sensitive. And I think it is a silly remark to make when you have no idea about someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
mosp · 23/11/2011 17:18

true, the problem is mine and my social phobia

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 23/11/2011 17:18

They were complementing you on your youthful looks OP can you not see that?

cat64 · 23/11/2011 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MenopausalHaze · 23/11/2011 17:19

Ummm yeah - well - you see that's life isn't it? We cannot know anything at all about the strangers all around us every day in everything we do can we? And given that - they cannot know anything about us. So - errr - whatever they say simply cannot be aimed at making you feel bad or insulted or aggrieved in any way.

Can they?

TroublesomeEx · 23/11/2011 17:19

Just be reassured mosp that we all think they were complimenting you! It was a nice thing! Big smile now! Grin

Flipping wish someone thought I was 14 years younger than I am! unfortunately I wear all the shit of my life without any grace Sad

101North · 23/11/2011 17:19

oh no. I always get the "ohh you don't look your age" type comments.

I always reply, "Its cuz i've had such an easy life don't you know!" ......

I'm being ironic.

Kayano · 23/11/2011 17:20

This is similar to the mil thread the other day where they hated ring told about themselves.

Ie/ Its Sunday, bet you are dreading tomorrow

But this is you're 50? Bet you've had an easy life

Its just not something people
Often think of or notice

hiddenhome · 23/11/2011 17:20

CBT can help with social phobia. It's easily treatable you know. SSRI antidepressants also help with this problem. You don't need to totally avoid others because you have this problem. Stuff in the newspapers used to upset me and I stopped watching/listening to the news because of it, but, like I said, it's worth getting treatment.

MenopausalHaze · 23/11/2011 17:20

Better than someone saying "Fuck me - you must have had a bastard of a hard life - you look 300 years old"

Grin