to think there is no excuse for wearing red shoes at a funeral...

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

it wasnt a "theme" (ie "when I'm dead I want everyone to wear bright colours to my funeral), she wasnt immediate family but was there for the whole thing.

even if you are going from or to work, a reason why you might not be wearing "appropriate" clothing, that still isnt a reason for wearing red stilettos!! if she was really that bothered about her shoes matching her outfit, she could have worn, umm well BLACK, as she had a black dress on with red flowers!

I think its massively disrespectful and was speechlessly open mouthed like a goldfish when I saw. Obviously I'm being very judgy, I know that, but AIBU?

Nothing I could do about that one Fliss , I was four at the time and left home with a babysitter

Fliss, I was surprised no-one else had picked up on that. That's real disrespect.

I imagine your unce-in-law had complimented this woman on her shoes one day so she wore them particularly for him. Or what I'm really hoping is that she was his mistress, and his passionate escape from the rest of his family who are more concerned with how things look than how things feel. Every time they met she would wear his favourite red stilletos.

When I was 18 I went to a friend's funeral and among the sea of black was his sister, beautiful in a pink trouser suit. She hadn't considered tradition, or what other people would think. She'd thought of her brother and what would make him smile. That's the attitude I've taken to funerals ever since.

bloody hell gubbins how completely uncalled for.

It was a "normal" funeral. Dark colours are the convention, which is why people who don't want them go to the trouble of saying so.

OP I'm sorry many people have commented that you are barking mad. That seems very harsh.

I agree with you that it seems a bit weird to wear red stilettos. Red shoes would probably be OK, but stilettos are a bit much. I went to a cousin's funeral recently and loads of women were dressed more appropriately for either a wedding or a night on the town. It wasn't the colours that was the problem, but the short skirts, loads of make-up, and general tartiness that seemed so inappropriate. They looked like they'd stepped off the set of TOWIE.

Another cousin wore purple Crocs to my Dad's funeral which I thought was a bit much. I've been to 4 funerals in recent years and have honestly been surprised at what people thought was OK. Maybe I'm old fashioned as well.

I think the most important thing is that people make the time to attend. I hope OP understands that given many people dont see this as a big deal, there was no intention to disrespect the bereaved family

YABU. Nowadays, there isn't a strict dress code at funerals- and rightly so. I am a bit [shocked] that people would notice and pass judgement on such things, as it's the last thing one should be thinking of at a funeral.

I wore green shoes to go with a black and green dress to a funeral once. I'm now a bit worried I may have offended someone.

Sorry,

I'm split - I don't think wearing black is needed but clothing should be appropriate. One of my brothers wore Converse and a scruffy casual leather jacket to my granny's funeral - everyone else was formally dressed (not in black) and my parents were deeply unimpressed with him. Granny was conservative so far as funerals went - his attitdue was that 'this is how I dress so get over it'. That is disrepectful, especially when he knew perfectly well how my parents would feel. So on top of my poor Mum being upset over the death of Granny - her son shows up looking like he's off to protest up a tree. (he was 34 btw)

So - I don't think YABU to wonder, and definitely YANBU to notice.

It's about mourning as well as respect isn't it? If the deceased or their family has specified bright clothing and a 'celebration of life' then that is a very different matter. But if not, the 'norm' in this country is to show you are in mourning, and traditionally that is by wearing dark and sombre clothing.

My sister-in-law is Greek (I know this is entirely irrelevant) and they take mourning very seriously. They didn't celebrate Christmas last year or go out to enjoy themselves for 3 months because her granny had died. Now that is mourning on a totally different level. The Greeks wouldn't approve of red stilettos.

KATIPOES, at Converse and protesting up trees. That made me smile (inappropriately)

Unless you have lost someone very close, you don't know what the fuck you are talking about. I find the "it's a tradition" ists very offensive - much more offensive than anyone who comes to a funeral in parrot earrings, or bright blue.

At my husband's funeral there was every kind of dress and footwear, in every colour, from bright purple dock martins to green kitten heels. They all loved him and we were celebrating his life.

Also, absolutely agree with what SGB said.

Get over yourselves, and try to get a life before you die.

myfriendflicka I am so sorry for your loss. I agree that as you were celebrating your husband's life then bright colours were a wonderful way of doing it.

But if the funeral is to be a sombre and traditional (apologies for that word) occasion then surely people would know it was appropriate to wear something smart and dark?

And...in my own will I've specified I want everyone wearing rainbow colours and that they should play 'Rainbow Connection' as sung by Kermit the Frog. So maybe I'm not such a traditionalist after all.

"My sister-in-law is Greek..." Ahh, I've just had a thought that might explain a little. My family are Italian...

If she was his mistress, fair play to him. He was in his eighties and I'd put her mid to late thirties. But even if you are right and she was, would that be an appropriate thing to do in front of his widow and children at his funeral.

And once more for luck - everyone else was in black

Sorry, meant to say elderly widow.
Who also lost her daughter a few weeks earlier.

OP, it's definitely the Italian connection. I'm glad you've worked out why you feel the way you do! Does that mean all the other posters are right and you are BU and are also barking mad? Honestly!

YA SO NOT BU

As a Greek person myself, I can vouch for how seriously they take funerals...

I wore a red dress at the last funeral I went to. I was the daughter of the deceased and felt that I could wear what the hell I liked.

I'm not sure why you keep saying everyone was in black - so what? I really don't see any issue with this whatsoever - as many have said, attending a funeral is about mourning the person whose died - not about what clothes you wear

why would a mistress go to the funeral ? and wear red? serious Ho'bag

Gubbins sounds like you've been reading too much mills & boon lol.

Red at a funeral is just an attempt to draw attention to yourself, no class.

When my dad died and they laid him out they asked what they should put on him.

A couple of years previous I bought him silk blue boxers with red dots on which he thanked me for profusely and stuffed them in his drawer, obviously never to be donned.

Well, they were eventually! hehehe.