to think there is no excuse for wearing red shoes at a funeral...

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

it wasnt a "theme" (ie "when I'm dead I want everyone to wear bright colours to my funeral), she wasnt immediate family but was there for the whole thing.

even if you are going from or to work, a reason why you might not be wearing "appropriate" clothing, that still isnt a reason for wearing red stilettos!! if she was really that bothered about her shoes matching her outfit, she could have worn, umm well BLACK, as she had a black dress on with red flowers!

I think its massively disrespectful and was speechlessly open mouthed like a goldfish when I saw. Obviously I'm being very judgy, I know that, but AIBU?

At my mum's funeral I wanted to wear a really natty, lovely, bright green wrap around dress I had bought which was a bit figure hugging and just above the knee. I knew she would have loved it but because of folk like you I went of a plain black, unremarkable dress just in case.

On "funeral days" - for lack of a better term - I struggle to find two shoes that match for myself, never mind raise an eyebrow at someone elses. You say you didn't know the other person, so that could have been really toned down for them.
And black has only very recently become the "colour" of funerals, so to those of you making it sound like the 11th commandment.

I wore blue to my dad's funeral, having discussed it with my mum beforehand - she said that she wasn't having a dress code and thought people should wear whatever they saw fit. I chose blue because my dad was an old-fashioned Tory and he and I had often discussed politics, and it seemed right to me - we would occasionally have family jokes about, for instance, him wearing a red shirt or jumper.

Thing is, the convention of black, or even dark, sombre clothes for funerals has pretty much collapsed in recent years. People just don't take it as read they have to wear black. I very much doubt she intended to be disrespectful or was even thoughtless. That tradition is just disappearing.

I used to joke with my DH that when his mother died i would wear red shiny shoes a la dorothy from the wizard of oz, and we would play ding dong the witch is dead.....of COURSE it didnt happen at her funeral but it was my way of coping with her nastiness toward to me...he knew that, and when she did die he offered to take me shoe shopping, bless him.

Blimey, what would you lot make of DH's cousin who lit a joint at the reception after their Grandad's funeral - DH's side said "it's helping him cope", my side would have physically removed him. DH's grandad would have been very upset had he known.

I wouldn't wear red shoes to a funeral YANBU. It would have BU to say something.

I have been to more than my fair share over funerals over the last year ( am hoping next year won't be so grim) hardly anyone wears black these days.

of not over

Thee is no need to wear black these days, many people prefer it to be as upbeat as possible, a celebration of the person, not encouraging the doom and gloom. I kept asking everyone at my mums funeral if they had enjoyed themselves and thought if it was funny (there had been many funny stories about her life at the service), probably a nervous reaction to the attention but wanted people to remember her with a smile as she was a crazy lady.

I got tutted at when I turned up at my Granny's funeral in a bright blue maxi dress. Meh. It was my Granny's favourite, she never liked black. I knew her well. Her friends obviously put tradition before the person, which I thought was a shame.

YANBU. It's not the done thing to do anything attention-seeking at a funeral and that includes wearing garish colours (unless this is requested).

I hope someone wears red shoes at my funeral.

frankly if it was my funeral, people can come in the nude if they want to, I wont care, will just be nice for them to take the effort to turn up

if it was my mum or dads funeral, I would be too upset to notice

anyone else, its nothing to do with me

A family member wore pink boots at MIL's funeral yesterday.

She looked bloody lovely. And MIL would have loved them and chuckled most appreciatively.

That trumps etiquette and tradition and whatever else the joyless types want to call it.

Why did I notice? Probably mainly because I own perfectly good red shoes, purple shoes, silver shoes, even white frigging boots, but went out and bought black shoes specially.

maybe the people who mattered were too upset to go out shoe shopping

I wore a bright orange coat and a white fur hat to my grandpa's funeral.
He was a minister though, so it was not seen as a sad occasion.

It does depend on whether the deceased and the close relatives are bothered. Personally I don't see it matters a hoot what you wear.

"but then, many of us have an ordinary pair of black court shoes which live in the bottom of the wardrobe and are just there for such occasions. I've never gone shopping 'for' a funeral, but I've never not owned a tidy pair of black shoes or boots."
And that was exactly why I thought it. As I said, if she were that concerned about her outfit, she still could have worn black shoes and they still would have "matched" her dress. By the way, ("maybe the people who mattered were too upset to go out shoe shopping") I either went out specifically to buy shoes or wore trainers, as my feet are swollen cause of pregnancy. I'm not claiming to be chief mourner, but it bothers me that if my DH noticed too, maybe his widow and children (all in black) did. Sorry for being concerned about other people.
And this is about the clothing choice of ONE woman. Quite a few times I've said she was the only person in red, there were about 100 people in the church and every single one of them was in black. So if DH uncle preferred people to wear red, you'd think he would have mentioned it to one other person besides her.

err are we in 1920s Ireland or Sicily here?

I kind of agree with you, it's attention seeking at a time when the attention is not on you.

It's different if you are going to a close friend or relative's funeral, you know they would have loved the colours, and you all agree to go wearing different things. Then anything goes.

But if you are not close friends/family, I think it is polite to show up at a funeral wearing discreet black clothes and not draw attention to yourself. Clearly the other 100 people thought the same. Some people can't help it though.

As I said, I'd understand if it was a "theme", my nan did insist she wanted bright colours at hers but noone could bring themselves to do it at the time

I might be a lone voice here, but I found this comment really sad - not doing something that was specifically requested by the person themselves :(