to think there is no excuse for wearing red shoes at a funeral...

[BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability]

it wasnt a "theme" (ie "when I'm dead I want everyone to wear bright colours to my funeral), she wasnt immediate family but was there for the whole thing.

even if you are going from or to work, a reason why you might not be wearing "appropriate" clothing, that still isnt a reason for wearing red stilettos!! if she was really that bothered about her shoes matching her outfit, she could have worn, umm well BLACK, as she had a black dress on with red flowers!

I think its massively disrespectful and was speechlessly open mouthed like a goldfish when I saw. Obviously I'm being very judgy, I know that, but AIBU?

my sis wore cherry red birkenstocks & i wore little lepoard print kitten heel sling backs (which were really old and I don't ever wear now) to my grans funeral because she loved them and they made her laugh!

I hope they were still making her laugh

I went to the funeral of a colleague and during the service his teenage son (who was amazing in the face of losing his dad so suddenly and so young) said "Dad would have been so pleased at the number of women here, especially those in heels."

Did she keep clicking her heels and whispering "There's no place like home" throughout the service?

at tethersend

What an utterly mad thing to be worried about.

Just totally nuts.

Good Lord.

personally I like to dress up for funerals and put a lot of thought and effort into what I wear. That is because I need my 'protection' to get though them.

For My DD's I even had a spray tan, highlights and mani pedicure. I was groomed within and inch of my life.

I think some people were a bit that I had put so much into looking nice. Well actually I KNOW they were. But they can fuck off.

I was never going to be the Mother of the Bride. So I had to do her proud.

Maybe that person's red shoes were her 'protection' her special funeral armour (sp)?

Maybe she just though they looked nice and looking nice showed her respect to the man that died?

has no-one linked Stanley Holloway yet? Brahn Boots

(if it is read well it makes me cry )

I actually agree with the fact she cares more about matching her shoes than dressing appropriately marks she has a lack of class.

I wore red shoes and a bright red flower in my hair to my gran's funeral and got a few judgy looks off her estranged sisters who'd turned up for the tea and cake.

Shame they hadn't bothered to talk to gran for years and didn't know that she loathed black with a passion and had asked people who loved her to wear red.

MrsDevere, you absolutely did her proud.
And your post completely sums up why this is such a weird thing to even notice, let alone mind about.

MrsDeVere

I've taken a bright red handbag to funerals recently. At my bil's a woman was wearing the silliest high heel platform red SPARKLY shoes I've ever seen. I loved them. What matters is the heart people bring to the ceremony. Grief, love and respect for the deceased and the family. Nothing to do with shoes.

I've been to seven funerals and only worn black once, even then we were asked to wear a bright splash of colour with it.

Totally depends on your relationship to the person whose funeral it is.

I have worn all sorts of things to funerals, and have actually always felt quite guilty about how much effort I have wanted to put into looking nice at funerals, but Mrs DeVere's post sadly explains it it perfectly.

Sorry MrsDeVere, I didnt mean to be so insensitive to people who have lost someone very close and do it for them :(

He was my DHs uncle. DH also noticed and mentioned it before I did (also commented on her thinking she was Dorothy!) DH didnt know her either so she wasnt close or even extended family.

As I said though, I'll accept that I'm being U, I've just honestly never seen it before. If I even notice next time, I'll remind myself that I'm just old fashioned.

Thank you Elderberry I have been looking for something new to entertain my very elderly grandparents with on christmas evening (tradition to learn a ditty and receit it for a tree present)

I will now learn Brahn Boots as they will know it love it, luckily I can do a convincing cockney slang after too many ports

Hmm. Who was closer to the deceased, OP, you or her? If she knew the deceased better than you then get the fuck over yourself and learn to keep your beak out.
The only excuse you could offer for your farty, Daily-Mailish attitude would be that you are very close to the deceased and the bereaved and know that they were all very keen on traditional behaviour. Unless you are getting on a bit yourself and have been brought up in the sort of rural backwater where they don't often see women in red unless they are No Better Than They Should Be.

Though I suppose, to be fair, if the deceased was someone you loved very much, then maybe your outrage is a kind of displacement thing, because you're really angry at the whole world over your loss, in which case vent all you like (just not at Ms Red Shoes who probably does have feelings as valid as yours).

By the way, to maybe go part of the way towards explaining why I noticed, when me and DH arrived at the church, it was raining so everyone had brollies up. Trying to see who was there already, all we could see were the bottoms of legs, lots of black and a bright red pair of stilettos.

YABVVVVVVVVU

I wore red shoes and redder lipstick to my mother's funeral.

She liked shoes and she liked lipstick, so it was a tribute to the better side of her.

Of the worse side, better not to say, especially at her funeral...

People should be individual at funerals and celebrate the individuality of the person they loved who died.

You horrible killjoy you.

When dh's grandmother died, one of his cousin's kids turned up wearing a t-shirt with the slogan 'If you think I'm a bitch you should meet my mother'. I don't remember what her shoes were like, though

Red could be seen as an inappropriate colour to wear at a funeral.

In film language, red = bad. You can spot the baddy, she'll be the one in the red coat. You can spot the whore, she'll be the one in the red shoes. It's a sign of loose morals, of not observing the rules of convention, of a lack of respect.

That sort of thing.

And that, my friends, is fact.

I wore bright purple heels to my Uncle's funeral last year. I also gave the eulogy. Now I'm wondering if everyone was concentrating on my shoes, instead of what I was saying?? :)

I think YABU, as it's more about people being there, and paying their respects, rather than how you look. One of the biggest funeral turnouts I've ever been to was of a member of our rugby club, and every single person, down to the vicar, wore their rugby tops. It felt fitting for the individual.

Im jumping the whole thread ..... because I dont care what any of you think .... I agree with the OP - it is tremendously disrespectful not to wear black (I can go with grey or a mauve) - but bright colours just show how far peoples manners and courtesy have declined over the past 20-30 years.

What on earth difference does it make? I turned up to my own grandmother's funeral with a plunging neckline cos it was the only thing I could find on the day and I'd been too grief-stricken to go out and buy anything. I'm sure a few oldsters thought I was disrespectful, but I couldn't have had more respect for my gran - she brought me up and I loved her so much. And if anyone did think I was being disrespectful, I couldn't give a fuck, honestly. My gran wouldn't have cared.

Troisgarcons, are you taking the mickey or are you massively ignorant of any culture/social context but your own? Different countries/faiths/cultures have different colour codes for grief, for one thing: also there are plenty of people who regard a funeral as a celebration of a life and want it to be full of bright colours and champagne and balloons, what's 'immoral' about that?

As a general rule, the more people whine about 'disrespect' the less worthy of respect they actually are, and the more they merit pointing and laughing until they get over themselves. People who bleat that they are being 'disrespected' always sound like 15 year olds trying to insist that they have gone through puberty and everyone should notice the fact.