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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ignore my DH's wish for a freezer list?

138 replies

wisebird · 21/11/2011 07:57

My DH, unusually, had an hour or two off from his 24/7 job yesterday and spent it alphabetising the spice cupboard and listing all the items in our freezer - by shelf, quantity and number. He wants me to add/subtract to the freezer list every time I put something in or take something out. I am already in trouble this morning for taking out 3 bread rolls and 2 chicken breasts without updating the list. He claims the freezer list will make life easier for me. Now, I have a pretty good idea what is in the freezer as I do all the shopping and cooking (I am a SAHM), and tbh don't want to mess around with a list when I can remember what is in the freezer or, worst case scenario, open the door and look. I told DH this and he then said it would make it easier for him when he wants to cook if he can see at a glance what we have. As background info, due to his extreme job, he cooks a meal (well, a course) maximum about once every 2 or 3 months.

So AIBU to not want to have an extra chore that does not help me in order that 4 or 5 times a year DH is saved the trouble of OPENING the door of the freezer and fridge and looking inside it?

I am worried about mission creep and lists being applied to the fridge and the veg trays next Shock. So AIBU or should I humour him for a week or two on the basis that he pays for everything?

OP posts:
AngryGnome · 21/11/2011 08:33

I heart your DH.
I would label everything in my house like this if I didn't think DH would call the men in white coats

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 21/11/2011 08:33

He needs to meet my diceman, they'd get on great. Wink

Original poster
wisebird · 21/11/2011 08:36

Fred Fred George - surely a list would simply confirm that you had not onions/ tomatoes before rather than after you checked the cupboard, but how would it actually help you make the pizza sauce?

ehatdoiknowanyway Yes, you are spot on, I suspect. He works stupidly hard and is currently under a lot of pressure. Not sure he would have time to see a counsellor, but he probably should.

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 21/11/2011 08:36

Actually thinking about it, YANBU, he should've built a scanner out of an iPhone that can live next to the freezer so you can scan the items out as they come (and a barcode printer so you can print your own barcodes for the things you cook to freeze) and scan them in when you're stocking. No need for the pen then...

FredFredGeorge · 21/11/2011 08:38

wisebird Ah, but I wouldn't've needed to go hunting through the cupboards, thinking surely DP couldn't've bought everything for the pizza but the tomatoes, that would be bonkers, they must be hidden behind something... And maybe DP wouldn't've suggested the meal if there was a list!

Tee2072 · 21/11/2011 08:41

Bonkers.

Although I could probably recite the list of things input freezer by heart!

Trills · 21/11/2011 08:49

YANBU to not have a freezer list.

YABU to ignore it though - maybe it's a cry for help of some kind...?

Our "list of things that are getting low/run out" occasionally ends up with items like "flux capacitor" on it.

fedupofnamechanging · 21/11/2011 08:50

This would actually make me feel very uncomfortable and 'controlled', so I would not indulge it for a second.

Unless you go into his place of work and tell him how to do his job in minute detail, then he needs to back the fuck off and recognise that this is your workplace. You are the one who does all the cooking, so as long as you know what's there, that's good enough.

And, just because he is paying for everything, it doesn't mean that his say is greater than yours. He would be unable to do his job if you weren't at home taking care of everything else. I reckon his career would be adversely affected if he had to be home on time every day to do his share of child care and housework. Don't put up with this shit, just because he is the wage earner. You are both equal in the relationship and your contribution is equally valid, not less because it doesn't bring in a wage.

SarahStratton · 21/11/2011 08:56

Good grief, I love a good list, but that would be a step too far even for me. That's teetering on the brink of timecharts and white coats that is.

And I do not alphabetise my spice drawer, ho no sirree. Blush

Bramshott · 21/11/2011 08:58

We have a various points experimented with a freezer list in an attempt to work out WTF is lurking in there. It's usually quite useful for a week or so, then gets forgotten . . .

dreamingbohemian · 21/11/2011 08:58

Totally agree with karma

Paying for everything doesn't give him the right to be controlling.

What is this 'extreme job'? Is there any chance of dialing it back?

It's pretty awful if he had a spare hour off and spent it rearranging the spices instead of spending time with his family.

AKMD · 21/11/2011 09:03

DH does this sometimes and it drives me bananas but I let him get on with it and it's forgotten in a day or two anyway. I do agree that your DH needs some help though.

AKMD · 21/11/2011 09:03

And so what if he pays for everything? Presumably you being at home was a joint decision.

Bonsoir · 21/11/2011 09:04

"Control freak" is an understatement for the OP's DH. I think he displays worrying levels of interference in mundane tasks.

MoreBeta · 21/11/2011 09:16

wisebird - rather than resisting this, I think you should take full advantage BUT with a slight modification which works well in our house.

Suggest to DH than rather than make a list he should do a proper stock take once a week and identify anything that is approaching an eat by date or has run out. Then having done the stock take he does the ordering of food with online shopping. You get to add to the list and choose the day of delivery as you are doing the cooking but he does everything else. He will be happy and you will have less to do.

clam · 21/11/2011 09:18

Is your DH's name Monica?

What is it with men (sorry, but I don't know any women who do this) and alphabeticising things? When I threaten suggest having a major clear up of junk (meaning the floors, so I can hoover), Dh invariably starts on his CD drawers, tutting loudly if he discovers I've mis-filed one. I call him a sad old git.

LizzieMo · 21/11/2011 09:19

I think you should quietly ignore the list, and rearranging the spices to put Nutmeg next to Saffron, see if he even notices!!

Mind you if it were books on a bookshelf in order of size then I would be right behind him, because that is soo not bonkers!!!Blush

CaroleService · 21/11/2011 09:35

Your husband is my husband.

I am dreading his retirement ...

OhdearNigel · 21/11/2011 09:38

Surely there is a perfectly simple solution that would keep you both happy - he writes the alphabeticised list ?

porcamiseria · 21/11/2011 09:40

So AIBU or should I humour him for a week or two on the basis that he pays for everything?

HA HA HA, i work FT and trust me DP does not allow me my own way cos I pay for everything!!!!

OhdearNigel · 21/11/2011 09:40

sorry, just reread the post and realised that won't help.

I'm with the others - your husband is being barking. If it happened in our household I would just be saying "no, end of topic".

Andrewofgg · 21/11/2011 09:43

What is it with men (sorry, but I don't know any women who do this)

No apology is called for, clam, this is indeed a male habit. And it has its place such as in a very large collection of books. But not in a bloody freezer!

LittleMissFlustered · 21/11/2011 09:45

clam

I have alphabetised DVDs Blush

In my defence though, the kitchen cupboards are a complete jungle:o

ViviPru · 21/11/2011 09:49

At least he doesn't order storage by tessellation. My DP shows scant regard for purpose/genre/category, for him, the shelves are stocked according to what shapes fit together the neatest. The garage is a joke, bags of birdseed in cycle helmets etc etc.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 21/11/2011 09:50

I think this is beyond unreasonably and really wouldn't let it go given that he hardly cooks himself.