to think this woman shouldn't be volunteering with this level of prejudice?

[QueenOfFlamingEverything]

I am doing a preparation course to become a HomeStart volunteer (for anyone who doesn't know, that will entail visiting families with young children in their own homes to befriend them and offer support).

The course is all women over 50 (except for me), many of whom (but not all) are quite old-fashioned in their attitudes but generally open to discussion and not prejudiced.

On the first week, one of the women, when we were discussing reasons why families break up, said she thought it was 'very selfish of women to take children away from their father' and that she thought that relationship counselling should be compulsory, even if the relatonship was violent/abusive.

A few sessions later she said, during a discussion on abortion, that the feelings of the father should be taken into account and that he should be able to prevent the woman having an abortion and raise the child himself if he wanted to, as it was selfish of women to deprive men of the chance of fatherhood.

Then, this week, she said that gay couples shouldn't be allowed to adopt because (and this is verbatim, I am not exaggerating here) 'there was a risk the child could be interefered with'

I (politely) disagreed with all the above statements btw. I cannot quite believe the course supervisors are going to let her loose on vulnerable families though... Would you say anything?

I assume the course organisers heard the remarks to?

Then you may well find that she does not pass the training, and is never let loose on families.

YABU to assume is it anything to do with age - as many of us older MNetters (I hope) illustrate.

I think I would find it very difficult not to say something.

Probably more diplomatic to have a quiet word with the course leaders rather than confronting the woman directly.

Oh no, I know prejudice does not come hand-in-hand with age, I did say that originally, that they were not prejudiced (apart from her) - I was just describing the demographic of the course. Its kind of relevant as they all think I am incredibly right-on and raaaaaaah about things .

I'd have had to say something.
She sounds a right charmer

A few sessions later she said, during a discussion on abortion, that the feelings of the father should be taken into account

god forbid!!!

yes, i would say something.
hopefully the people running the course have already got her marked down as unsuitable, but i still think you should say something to them,

Yes I would. I'd also be asking the supervisors if they thought it was a good idea to let someone loose on people who holds views like this. And I'd be asking her why on earth she's volunteering if she feels like this, considering she'll be 'helping' people who may very well be the very people she appears to so despise. and how can she support them and how can anyone be sure she won't get them in a corner and let loose these views on them and has she any idea how that would make them feel...

But I am what's known in the trade as a gobby cow

She won't pass the course.

When I trained as a counsellor there was one woman who turned up who said that 'people who had counselling were obviously very depressed and were really fucked up in other ways, poor lambs'.

She was then told that 100 hours counselling was an essential part of the training and her face did

she didn't come back.

People sometimes have the wrong end of the stick and can be really judgemental.

i think she has a point with one and two.

1 - relationship breakdowns can be hard for children so compulsery relationship counselling could work for allot of people, but violent people should not get that option.

2 - terminations should also be the choice of both parents. Not sure about having to go through a whole pregnancy to give the child to the father.

3 - she sounds like a loone.

i am surprised that no-one said anything at the time actually

I'm surprised they don't weed people like her out. She should not be let loose on the public.

on the abortion point I agree with her.

It's only the point about gay adoption that I think is really prejudice tbh because while the issue of relationship counsellin is contentious I think she has a valid point in some instances.

You think she won't pass? Hmm. They keep telling us there is no 'pass', all you have to do is complete the course - its just information, there's no assessment that I am aware of.

so mrspoc do elaborate please

a termination should be the choice of both parents.... but the woman shouldn't have to go through with the pregnancy if she doesn't want to? how would that work then?
of course the mans feelings should be taken into account, no-one is saying otherwise. but ultimately the decision lies with the mother, the one who would have to carry the child and give birth to it.

I am wondering whether it might be worth you paying extra attention to the session on confidentiality given that everything discussed in the group training is meant to remain so - irrespective of the womans views (and they will have been noted) I am sure the organiser would be thrilled to know your immediate response was to jump on the internet and 'tell all'

tiy - I did challenge her (as politely as I can) on all three ocassions, but the supervisors just sort of shrugged and let me say my bit. I didn't get the impression they were outaged to the degree I was.

If she had said guy people shouldnt have kids because it goes against nature or that its against her religion would you still think the same or was it the point that she thinks they will fiddle the kid?

Simple way to solve this problem, give all gay couples female children.

When I trained to do something very similar for Barnardos, there was a trainee volunteer who works for the immigration service who kept making really racist remarks, particularly about Muslims. As she would probably be working in High Wycombe (about 50% Asian), I did shudder to think how she would get on, but have never seen her at any of the meetups so suspect she was somehow "let go".

I'm afraid I disagree that terminations should be the choice of both 'parents'.

It is nice if the man has a say. I think in any healthy couple, it's good both people discuss it - for the health of the relationship. But I don't think the man should have a 'choice' here. Sorry. He does not have to carry the child; it's not his body. So no choice. He had a choice re. contraception and that's as far as it goes.

Btw, I say that having had an abortion at age 18, when I did strongly believe it should be a mutual choice. And that was what everyone advised me it should be. Frankly, it really fucked me up and I am still livid no-one thought to say 'erm, actually though, it is your body not his'.

Sorry, digression from the issue. OP - can you ask to talk to the course leader? I think you deserve an answer whether or not this is appropriate.

MrSpoc wtf planet are you on?

can female children not be fiddled with?
are all gay people male?

she won't not pass, as you say there is no "pass" but they can decline to use her services! or tell her she is unsuitable

thisisyesterday - yet if the man does not want the child but woman does he still has to provide for the unwanted child. Can you see why this is so one sided.

I do think men should have more of a say but not sure how it would work.

thisisyesterday i was taking the piss. Could you not tell the sarcasim??

If she DOES pass the training you need to inform the media. After you have registerd your unhappines with Homestart of course. She sounds awful.

mrspoc yes...because if he doesn't want children he should keep it in his pants shouldn't he. Or wear 2 condoms.